around things like:
wives:
"When my husband helps clean up after me, I know that he loves me."
husbands:
"I feel loved when my wife does my laundry."
"Keeping the house clean is an important act of service."
! They make me gag. It's like AA telling people to just ignore all the god-bothering.
Nothing that starts out from such a fundamentally false premise as the idea that men and women have different roles in a man-woman relationship, and that it's to be expected that each will judge their partner's love according to how well they play those roles, is gonna do it for me, I fear.
Keeping the house clean, when one partner is responsible for it by definition because she is female -- it being the premise of the questions that the wife does the laundry and cleaning and the husband has no responsibility for it, is an act of servitude.
I look at a household as a joint enterprise. It involves certain necessary tasks: breadwinning, cooking, cleaning, administrative duties. Neither partner performs the activities involved in those things for the other partner; they do them for the household.
I don't mind this, though:
I ask nothing from him/her and she/he asks nothing from me accept for the light of love.
It addresses what I was saying about subjects and objects. We "use" other people to get love from them, and we give love in return. That's not a bad bargain. 
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