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Economy
In reply to the discussion: STOCK MARKET WATCH -- Thursday, 19 January 2012 [View all]Demeter
(85,373 posts)14. Your Onion Horrorscope
http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-17-2012,27075/
Aries
Jupiter rising in your sign is usually an indicator of prosperous ambitions, but when it just keeps coming right at you, it becomes downright terrifying.
Taurus
You have yet to find a love worthy of your unique affections and depth of spirit. You should strongly consider getting a goldfish.
Gemini
You're saving yourself for something, all right, but as the events of the next six weeks will definitively prove, it sure as hell isn't marriage.
Cancer
You'll discover a drug that allows people in committed relationships to open up to each other and have honest, meaningful conversations. The resulting bankruptcy will nearly kill you.
Leo
Due to an unusual coincidence, your fortune this week is the same as for Nov. 19, 2005. The bartender will even use the same ax.
Virgo
Your unfounded and irrational fear of being alone for the rest of your life is still completely inconsistent with your justifiable and sensible fear of other people.
Libra
There's little you can do to stop the inexorable unfolding of inevitable fate, but moving the charcoal lighter fluid away from the furnace wouldn't be a bad start.
Scorpio
You'll finally get around to catching up on your reading just as the men in lab coats resume their midnight visits and mess it all up again.
Sagittarius
Certainly it's disturbing that you have all those nurses chained up in your basement, but it's even more disturbing how much they all paid to be there.
Capricorn
Everyone's happy that you're finally off the drugs and high on life, but no one has the heart to tell you that you're putting out some of the shittiest music of your career.
Aquarius
This is a great time for romance in the workplace, but then again, when isn't it for the world's most deranged taco truck driver?
Pisces
No notable changes.
Aries
Jupiter rising in your sign is usually an indicator of prosperous ambitions, but when it just keeps coming right at you, it becomes downright terrifying.
Taurus
You have yet to find a love worthy of your unique affections and depth of spirit. You should strongly consider getting a goldfish.
Gemini
You're saving yourself for something, all right, but as the events of the next six weeks will definitively prove, it sure as hell isn't marriage.
Cancer
You'll discover a drug that allows people in committed relationships to open up to each other and have honest, meaningful conversations. The resulting bankruptcy will nearly kill you.
Leo
Due to an unusual coincidence, your fortune this week is the same as for Nov. 19, 2005. The bartender will even use the same ax.
Virgo
Your unfounded and irrational fear of being alone for the rest of your life is still completely inconsistent with your justifiable and sensible fear of other people.
Libra
There's little you can do to stop the inexorable unfolding of inevitable fate, but moving the charcoal lighter fluid away from the furnace wouldn't be a bad start.
Scorpio
You'll finally get around to catching up on your reading just as the men in lab coats resume their midnight visits and mess it all up again.
Sagittarius
Certainly it's disturbing that you have all those nurses chained up in your basement, but it's even more disturbing how much they all paid to be there.
Capricorn
Everyone's happy that you're finally off the drugs and high on life, but no one has the heart to tell you that you're putting out some of the shittiest music of your career.
Aquarius
This is a great time for romance in the workplace, but then again, when isn't it for the world's most deranged taco truck driver?
Pisces
No notable changes.
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Demeter
Jan 2012
#7
Speaking of the skunk, I just meandered over to Automatic Earth and found this.
Fuddnik
Jan 2012
#18
Yeah. What would be the corresponding statistics for the States? The Skunk, you see,
Ghost Dog
Jan 2012
#19
Well, ZH has a tendency to go way over the top, on occasion. The 'soundbite' is based on
Ghost Dog
Jan 2012
#20
I don't really "understand" any of it, Tansy - but I don't think it matters
bread_and_roses
Jan 2012
#62
Not as far back as our reptile brains. Just a hundred and fifty years of Western social progress,
Ghost Dog
Jan 2012
#65
The A-List: Jeffrey Sachs - Self-interest, without morals, leads to capitalism’s self-destruction
Demeter
Jan 2012
#37
Obama's "tax-policy", the new puppet-in-waiting and the collapsed UBS business model.
Ghost Dog
Jan 2012
#87