i lost my mom five years ago and, despite the efforts from my happy adult daughter, it has been a struggle for me with all the holidays and birthdays as well. such a struggle. i feel as if the joy has been taken from my life. it was always my mom and my kid who were my incentives for making things fun & surprising & wonderful. and my daughter has moved on (and moved out) and i am left with the memories of how wonderful my life was and the reality of how drastically it changed.
my heart isn't in "it" anymore. i'm actually kinda surprised i even started this xmas movie thread. i probably won't be watching any of these movies i mentioned in the near future. my mom was my movie buddy--and her empty chair is a bittersweet reminder of what i had and what i lost.
when i lost my dad (on a new year's eve!) my daughter was a baby. my mom helped me through the loss and because of my little girl, and after some time, holidays and birthdays were filled with magic--i made sure of that. but like i said, my incentives are gone now.
i miss that joy in my life. i still cry about it--only because i loved it so much. i haven't toughened up enough yet not to care.
it sounds like your dad really made life wonderful too. 
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