The DU Lounge
In reply to the discussion: Do you smoke cigarettes? [View all]NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)It was the addiction. I told myself that "cigarettes relax me" but that was a lie. In truth I was only "anxious" because I needed more nicotine. The cigarettes didn't help to "relax" me because some external mental stress or stressful situation... instead, the "stress" I was feeling was withdrawal and a desire for MORE NICOTINE!!
So as soon as I got a hit of nicotine, the cigarette did "relax" me... but I didn't need them TO relax. I needed them only to quell the stressful craving. A vicious cycle.
Even with the crutches and aids that I used (patches, gum, lozenges) it was difficult and challenging. The nicotine grabs you and won't let go.
Yes, I enjoyed smoking (or so I thought at the time). But what I was really "enjoying" was the hit that ended the craving at that moment.
Now, my truck smells nicer, my hair and clothes don't stink, my breath and teeth are fresh, I have more energy and stamina, and I have MORE MONEY!! (And a few more pounds since quitting... but my doctor says that the smoking was worse for me than the extra weight.)
It's horrifying to realize how much money I've spent over the years... just burned it up. I'm also embarrassed to realize how awful I must have smelled to others.