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RiverNoord

(1,150 posts)
172. I've got a friend who literally has no ambition of any kind. (warning - became kind of a novel)
Fri May 13, 2016, 01:35 PM
May 2016

He's in his forties, like me, is rather intelligent (so maybe not like me, who's to say... , a bit of a sci-fi/fantasy nerd (a bit like me), and is perpetually on the edge of being dead broke.

He seems to be a typical straight guy in terms of the usual basic reaction to attractive women, but seem so have no interest at all in any sort of relationship.

He's a thin guy, not much for grooming, and smokes, so he carries that funk around with him most of the time.

He accepts people 'spotting him' for a meal when out with the guys and is grateful, but any hint of 'that means you pay me back' gets a little awkward, so those of us who do spot him know that we're picking up the tab and leave it at that.

I'm in a board gaming group of a bunch of 40-ish guys who get together every few weeks for plenty of BS around a table that will feature a few of the latest games to be found among the 'board game hobbyist culture' (try www.boardgamegeek.com for a glimpse of what I'm talking about.) And if the particular friend I refer to ever wins a game, we all try to pretend it's not a major event... He learns rules, can plan ahead, but just doesn't seem interested in winning.

He's not emotionally stunted, so far as anyone can discern. His closest friend, (they go back all the way to grade school) a guy who has made plenty of money in IT through his life, is very politically liberal (except that he's a gun nut and is totally up-front about the irony), has a healthy, well balanced family that he's utterly devoted to, in all the right ways, and recently chucked the IT life to become a H.S. physics teacher (which took a lot of ambition), is convinced that he just plain lacks the basic machinery for initiative.

He's a pleasant person with a healthy sense of humor. And, although we talk a little bit about the jobs he tends to hold down for about 6 months before he 'loses' them and goes through a few months of rapidly depleting reserves before he has absolutely no choice but to track down another job, I know there's no point suggesting strategies for a more stable income-type life. It could be the best advice ever given on the subject and it'd be lost on him.

And as for 'ego,' he does seem to display signs of faux-indignation when someone ribs him, but I've never seen him take actual umbrage to anything said about him. Of course, he doesn't get treated in a way that would elicit that by his friends, but, of course, guys sometimes take things just a bit past the edge, and he's practically immune. It would be like... I don't know, repeatedly kicking a puppy (I don't kick puppies!, just looking for a comparison) that yips happily as you start breaking bones and cause internal injuries. And so you realize that, not only is there no reason in the world to kick the puppy, the psychological harm you would cause to yourself doing such a thing would cause you to stop way faster than any response from the puppy.

And for all that, I'd gladly include him in any sort of 'guy's night' activity. If he gets into real money trouble, I'm among the guys who would (have a couple of times) contribute to the bailout.

And so one thing I've learned about people over the years is that not everyone possesses the essential attributes necessary to 'better themselves' (financially speaking), make or execute long-term goals, or, really, just plain accomplish stuff. Some people are just along for the ride, wherever it takes them.

When I see some asshole bitching about how 'welfare queens' are milking the system, I know one thing - 'miking the system' in the way that they're talking about takes a lot of work for minimal return. And when the target is a homeless panhandler, who apparently only needs people to stop 'enabling' her/him so that there'll be no choice but to get a job, I think (for the very few who aren't crippled by serious psychological or psychiatric problems) that, for the people who really just aren't driven to even modest ambition, the cost among those of us who do have such drives to enable them to have at least a rudimentary level of basic needs met is so minimal that there's no point in talking about disincentives to work, etc.

The other thing I've learned is that ambition and ego often go together, but not always. I know I'd sacrifice my life for any member of my family if it was necessary to save them from serious harm or death. And I've comforted myself a little bit by thinking through that sort of thing hypothetically, the comfort coming from the recognition that hesitation based on concern for my own safety wouldn't be a factor at all. Of course, the probability of doing something like that is minimal in the extreme, but if it happened, my ego wouldn't be involved. It would be an act driven solely by my valuation of someone else's well-being at a higher level than my own. If I, and certainly many parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc., would act almost instinctively based on that comparison of value, how many other things that we do, which don't require such a sacrifice, are also driven by valuation of the well-being of others sometimes at a higher level of ourselves. It happens in war, it must also happen in peacetime and in all sorts of ways.

If you read all of this... I'm really sorry Time to get back to work - shouldn't abuse the fact that I'm the IT director of my employer's company...

If democracy means anything Merryland May 2016 #1
We won't have a any democracy if Trump gets elected lewebley3 May 2016 #102
:-( RiverNoord May 2016 #111
Post removed Post removed May 2016 #116
I won't vote for Clinton, but I'd beg you to reconsider your alternative. RiverNoord May 2016 #129
Boo! SammyWinstonJack May 2016 #133
Sanders is an egomaniac that can't stand that he lost Renew Deal May 2016 #2
Post removed Post removed May 2016 #9
^^^ what you said! JonLeibowitz May 2016 #18
I see the alert police are out in full force Mbrow May 2016 #23
I see now I was slightly ambiguous about who I was referring to.... JonLeibowitz May 2016 #25
sorry Jon Mbrow May 2016 #68
I'm not wondering at all. jhart3333 May 2016 #70
I'm at 100% chance and haven't served since Mar. 17. Maybe what's happened is a free speech ancianita May 2016 #143
I got alerted for posting someone's profile stats Ned_Devine May 2016 #123
That is one of the most ridiculous hides I have ever seen ybbor May 2016 #81
absolutely ~ all in for hill, apparently!! n/t EvieM May 2016 #91
I agree. Orrex May 2016 #92
Nonsense -- when it is confirmed that Brock is paying for online trolls, one cannot be too careful. JonLeibowitz May 2016 #120
Wow. RiverNoord May 2016 #125
In 2008 angrychair May 2016 #43
She should have dropped out too Renew Deal May 2016 #50
If something bad happens and Bernie is not the next one up AgingAmerican May 2016 #52
Might I add that if "something bad" doesn't happen Plucketeer May 2016 #98
Bernie is the next one up if something bad happens. morningfog May 2016 #56
What?? angrychair May 2016 #58
The Party will never let Sanders hold the power. RhettScarlett May 2016 #171
How do you figure Bernie is not the next one up? donnasgirl May 2016 #69
Super Delegates will decide Renew Deal May 2016 #75
If that was to happen donnasgirl May 2016 #89
Their votes counted Renew Deal May 2016 #94
Then i suggest do it donnasgirl May 2016 #109
Hahaha. KPN May 2016 #138
So if Bernie drops out can his supporters nominate someone else in his place? A Simple Game May 2016 #166
They will come up with some reason why RhettScarlett May 2016 #173
If something made Clinton an unnaceptable choice for the RiverNoord May 2016 #95
First angrychair May 2016 #113
^^THIS^^ zentrum May 2016 #87
You keep telling yourself that - whatever it takes to calm your nerves. bjo59 May 2016 #66
You Think We're Stupid Enough To Swallow That Crap? billhicks76 May 2016 #67
Making another donation to Bernie in your honor. Congratulations. jhart3333 May 2016 #71
David Plouffe called it a fraud Renew Deal May 2016 #76
And another. Keep it up. jhart3333 May 2016 #78
It won't make it any less of a fraud Renew Deal May 2016 #84
David Plouffe is a fraud. jhart3333 May 2016 #97
How big do you think the FEC fine will be? Renew Deal May 2016 #99
Not as big as when the FEC weighs in on that campaign-funded Roman holiday. SunSeeker May 2016 #135
And he is correct. Campaign money for a trip to Rome??????????????? leftofcool May 2016 #137
Outrageous! He could have put that money to good use... Human101948 May 2016 #160
WAY TO GO JHART3333!!! kadaholo May 2016 #96
Thank you. Just trying to do my part. jhart3333 May 2016 #104
Sanders hasn't lost. nt freedom fighter jh May 2016 #73
You haven't got the vaguest idea what you're talking about. RiverNoord May 2016 #80
Bernie's ego has been the latest talking point. eom zalinda May 2016 #88
And it's absurd nonsense, which is why I call it out. RiverNoord May 2016 #103
Go Bernie liberal from boston May 2016 #117
educational, informative post NJCher May 2016 #141
I've got a friend who literally has no ambition of any kind. (warning - became kind of a novel) RiverNoord May 2016 #172
Thank you, well said and so true! All in it together May 2016 #165
Someone is projecting Android3.14 May 2016 #93
Hillary didn't leave the race until June in 2008 yeoman6987 May 2016 #101
Based on what? Wibly May 2016 #162
Sanders is the High Sparrow RhettScarlett May 2016 #170
Hill needs to drop out before the shoes start dropping (octopus shoes, mind you) yourpaljoey May 2016 #3
+1000 MissDeeds May 2016 #32
+1000000 SammyWinstonJack May 2016 #105
Considering Bernie has much better poll numbers against Trump..... Fuddnik May 2016 #4
Bernie needs to dial it back. RealAmericanDem May 2016 #5
And dialing it back made America forget what she had said earlier in the campaign? Things that were merrily May 2016 #11
As campaigns fall short they become increasingly desperate and shrill apnu May 2016 #65
She did not 'dial it back' she doubled down. Here is Hillary from May 2008.... Bluenorthwest May 2016 #33
Chilling. A deeply sinister woman... NewImproved Deal May 2016 #55
Hey surrogate coco77 May 2016 #72
Mr. Brock! snort May 2016 #168
Maybe They Should Pressure Hillary To Exit Instead Yallow May 2016 #6
Yup. Shadowflash May 2016 #29
Why is Andrea Mitchell, whose job should be simply to inform us, serving as an agent of the DNC? merrily May 2016 #7
Why are you surprised by this? hueymahl May 2016 #39
My post expressed no surprise. merrily May 2016 #46
"inform"? reddread May 2016 #41
Her bankster husband? jwirr May 2016 #108
You think her job is to inform us? pengu May 2016 #147
President Sanders should ignore it and continue. They are irrelevant. n/t jtuck004 May 2016 #8
Democratic party leaders can STFU. I'm sick of their moaning too she's not a china Autumn May 2016 #10
I'm sticking with Bernie!! Playinghardball May 2016 #149
This message was self-deleted by its author NRaleighLiberal May 2016 #12
Guess what? They got behind the wrong candidiate. TheCowsCameHome May 2016 #13
Don'tcha do it Bernie.. 4bucksagallon May 2016 #14
He said from the beginning he was in it to the end. yellerpup May 2016 #15
Bernie sees this from the point of view of his supporters. We jwirr May 2016 #110
And this indicates that he would listen to the voters yellerpup May 2016 #153
Absolutely. jwirr May 2016 #158
I don't see that Trump is more formidable than McCain hollowdweller May 2016 #16
Hillary should step aside me b zola May 2016 #17
Bernie is gonna end up the nominee, you can just see it with trump rising in the polls and Bernie coffeeAM May 2016 #19
Delusional Much! carburyme May 2016 #156
The Democratic Party sulphurdunn May 2016 #20
Note that McCain clinched months before Obama in 2008 karynnj May 2016 #21
Bernie cannot "move" me to support a Third Way hawk who will say anything at all in order to djean111 May 2016 #28
I hope that you rethink this if you are in anything but a very blue or very red state karynnj May 2016 #51
Neither Trump nor Hillary would do ANYTHING about corruption. djean111 May 2016 #62
Hillary Clinton was never my choice, but it is near certain that by June she will be the karynnj May 2016 #90
Then maybe you should wait until Hillary has been declared the nominee to start talking about djean111 May 2016 #106
I voted for Bernie here in Vermont. The reason I wrote this is because of the importance of Obama's karynnj May 2016 #114
Boiled down, you are asking that Bernie step down now, and that his supporters djean111 May 2016 #122
I don't think Bernie should step down until HRC gets 50% plus of the pledged delegates karynnj May 2016 #124
And that will be decided at the convention. By Bernie. djean111 May 2016 #128
+1000000 SammyWinstonJack May 2016 #136
Oh boy. They're out in force this morning. NV Whino May 2016 #22
If Bernie Sanders is the Democrat he says he is liberal N proud May 2016 #24
"some Democrats"--yeah Third Way, corporatist Democrats. BillZBubb May 2016 #26
Hillary has potentially been handed the least qualified.. afertal May 2016 #27
Least qualified, how so? SammyWinstonJack May 2016 #115
If HRC was a strong candidate, Bernie would have lefte the race a long time ago Larkspur May 2016 #30
Funny,,, Cryptoad May 2016 #35
Yet Bernie is still in the primary race and he has still won contests Larkspur May 2016 #40
Yet he continues to drag down the Progressive movement by feeding his Ego! Cryptoad May 2016 #54
The Clintons have the biggest egos Larkspur May 2016 #79
Mean While,,,,,,,, Cryptoad May 2016 #86
I want her numbers to be a reflection of a clean primary. It's not shaping up that way, and ancianita May 2016 #152
Bern Lost to HIllary looks mighty clean,,,,,,,,,, Cryptoad May 2016 #155
This whole Bernie ego meme is lame and offensive. Redwoods Red May 2016 #150
almost as low as,,, Cryptoad May 2016 #151
Read the OP. TheCowsCameHome May 2016 #49
Yeah, she beats him in every one! LiberalLovinLug May 2016 #142
u do realize Cryptoad May 2016 #144
So its all the messenger's fault LiberalLovinLug May 2016 #164
With how much help from the Party, before any other candidate announced? That Guy 888 May 2016 #163
The polls show that. ALL polls in general election matchups have Bernie winning by larger margins Roland99 May 2016 #63
that is mainly bc most people dont know Cryptoad May 2016 #146
yeah...that's the reason Roland99 May 2016 #157
Looks like She doing a good job without yall's help Cryptoad May 2016 #31
I'm a Democrat and I support Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders. Your words are offensive Bluenorthwest May 2016 #42
I am a Publicly elected member of the Democratic Party Exe Committee Cryptoad May 2016 #148
Bernie, tell the Hillbots to go pound sand. Red Oak May 2016 #34
The McCaskill crowd all need to be replaced by real Democrats. floriduck May 2016 #36
Bernie has earned the right to stay in this race. Clinton has not earned the win. CoffeeCat May 2016 #37
Is it because they fear Trump or is he a problem to Hillary? N/T TxGrandpa May 2016 #38
Never! Harriety May 2016 #44
If they really fear Trump, anyone with any sense would pressure Clinton to drop out. Gene Debs May 2016 #45
It's hard to fight for votes that Progressive dog May 2016 #47
Establishment fear. Gregorian May 2016 #48
BS can leave the race whenever he wants.. dubyadiprecession May 2016 #53
If it's over and he has no chance, what's stopping their turn toward the GE? bigbrother05 May 2016 #57
If they really want to beat Trump, Hillary is the one that needs to exit. hobbit709 May 2016 #59
They should be putting the pressure on HRC-WJC, Inc. to quit. GoneOffShore May 2016 #60
Hillary Should Exit billhicks76 May 2016 #61
Same old, same old. bjo59 May 2016 #64
If Bernie loses, Thespian2 May 2016 #74
We owe it to ourselves to SmittynMo May 2016 #77
Fearing Trump? SmittynMo May 2016 #82
We're in it to win it. That's our right, and I hope we take it all the way. This Democratic Party highprincipleswork May 2016 #83
Her flagging against zentrum May 2016 #85
Sanders is staying in the race because he cares about Americans. PatrickforO May 2016 #100
I do not see the connection. All that would be accomplished jwirr May 2016 #107
Even if Bernie steps down now, shireen May 2016 #112
Funny..I fear Trump winning. Bonhomme Richard May 2016 #118
Another month won't matter; the strength of his endorsement will BeyondGeography May 2016 #119
Fear Trump?? If you are afraid of Trump you rateyes May 2016 #121
We still get to decide the best candidate. AllyCat May 2016 #126
If they fear Trump, they need to nominate Bernie. Skwmom May 2016 #127
+1000 - As the polls show he is the better candidate by a mile vs. Trump nt phazed0 May 2016 #131
Common sense and not living in the corrupt bubble of DC tells me he is the better candidate. Skwmom May 2016 #132
I see the logic, but I disagree with it. Amimnoch May 2016 #130
"Democratic Party Leaders" need to be replaced. Too many have sold out. Spitfire of ATJ May 2016 #134
Fearmongering again by the rightwing DINOs. KPN May 2016 #139
Yes exactly as Hillary left the race in 2008 as soon as it was obvious she SheilaT May 2016 #140
If they really feared Trump, they would be encouraging clinton to drop out. onecaliberal May 2016 #145
All I can say is we better get our shit together............. Old Vet May 2016 #154
The establishment Dems wants Bernie out. notadmblnd May 2016 #159
Idiotic argument Wibly May 2016 #161
If Hill can't beat Trump, that's on her. I think she's the one who should drop out! CharlotteVale May 2016 #167
they want the stronger candidate against Trump to drop out so they can MisterP May 2016 #169
I am sorry, LOCKING etherealtruth May 2016 #174
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