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MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
14. For me, personal comments of any kind require some sort
Wed Dec 6, 2017, 04:11 PM
Dec 2017

of personal relationship. A business relationship doesn't permit personal comments, I think, on its own. Generally, the closer the relationship is, the more leeway in all sorts of comments.

I don't think it's all that difficult to manage, really. I know lots of people, but not that many in a way that would allow me to make any more than general comments. I might tell my wife's 22 year old niece, with whom I'm friendly that she looks nice if she's all dressed up for some occasion, but that's it. We often talk about how her life is going, but only in general terms. We're not close enough friends for any personal comments.

I'm friendly with people, but never flirty. That's not appropriate. That's not to say I can't be flirty, but only when flirting was initiated by the other person who I know very well, and only on a surface level.

I remember a flirting relationship I once had with a woman who was a member of a woodwind quintet I was in. Our friendly relationship gradually became flirty, and there's no question that we found each other attractive. At one point, we talked about it, and then scaled it back. It was fun, but not really appropriate to the situation. We remained good friends for years, and nothing untoward ever occurred between us. But we finally had to talk about it and deal with it. That's the only time I remember when a friendship started moving in that direction and then ended up returning to just a friendship.

I know I learned something from that. Flirting is dangerous stuff, or can be.

Like I said... Iggo Dec 2017 #1
Yep. n/t TygrBright Dec 2017 #2
Thank you Achilleaze Dec 2017 #3
Thank you, TygrBright. Glorfindel Dec 2017 #4
Seems like basic politeness rules. Or how to interact with REAL people (assumes women real people) bobbieinok Dec 2017 #5
Yep. Nutshell version: "Would you compliment a guy that way?" TygrBright Dec 2017 #8
That's a great rule! Basic LA Dec 2017 #12
It seems basic but apparently it isn't... Phentex Dec 2017 #13
This message was self-deleted by its author steve2470 Dec 2017 #6
Complete baloney: RandomAccess Dec 2017 #23
No need to be rude steve2470 Dec 2017 #28
Allowing people to volunteer RandomAccess Dec 2017 #34
Good advice. MineralMan Dec 2017 #7
Yep, good capsule summary. TygrBright Dec 2017 #10
For me, personal comments of any kind require some sort MineralMan Dec 2017 #14
I'm a woman, and I might comment to a woman colleague about something appearance-generic lapislzi Dec 2017 #18
Yes. Being aware and thoughtful is always a good idea. MineralMan Dec 2017 #20
It is inappropriate to tell a women that you know as a friend that you like her hair or some other doc03 Dec 2017 #30
Just So You Know ProfessorGAC Dec 2017 #9
Excellent Pacifist Patriot Dec 2017 #11
I am deeply honored. Thanks for telling me. n/t TygrBright Dec 2017 #15
May I add another tip for men (or women) not about appearance crazycatlady Dec 2017 #16
That doesn't really work as a universal rule, though. MineralMan Dec 2017 #17
I hung a "free hugs" sign on my office door lapislzi Dec 2017 #19
Yup. Some people are avid huggers. MineralMan Dec 2017 #21
Wow! Duppers Dec 2017 #35
Personal space is very important to me crazycatlady Dec 2017 #37
Thank You for the outstanding post..and the time you took to write it.. Stuart G Dec 2017 #22
Extraordinary intro material -- RandomAccess Dec 2017 #24
A wonderful list. And one more addition: pnwmom Dec 2017 #25
CLIFF notes edition - Don't.... To many crazies to take a chance. bagelsforbreakfast Dec 2017 #26
Here is another tip I have seen: spooky3 Dec 2017 #27
So I was at the gym a while back and a lady I barely knew said doc03 Dec 2017 #29
The first one was just about clothing treestar Dec 2017 #39
From the op I read if you would comment on how a women's clothing looks doc03 Dec 2017 #41
I don't get why some folks here set themselves wasupaloopa Dec 2017 #31
Gee how do you ever get to #6 if you obey all the first #5 to the letter? doc03 Dec 2017 #32
By talking about other things treestar Dec 2017 #38
I think unknowingly you have pointed out why this has never and probably will never change. Egnever Dec 2017 #33
Best advice for men: Don't even think about it. MindPilot Dec 2017 #36
The best advice is treat women how you'd want men to treat your mom, sister, wife and daughter(s). Fla Dem Dec 2017 #40
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