Dear Kellyanne

[NanceGreggs]

In order to save yourself from the future wrath of your boss, I think you need to make a few things clear to him before he takes office.

We’ve all seen the way Donny-J explodes every time Alec Baldwin portrays him on SNL. Now would be a good time to give him the heads-up that come January 20th, he will be the butt of every monologue delivered by late-night talk show hosts across the country, as well as like shows around the globe. It will be scathing, it will be humiliating – and above all else, it will be relentless.

You might also advise him to avoid stand-up comics in the years to come. He will have his pompous ass bent, folded, stapled and mutilated on stages and on TV every single night, without respite. So if you catch him trying to watch any stand-ups from now on, grab the remote and change the channel. If you don’t, his head might explode – and if you’ve ever watched CSI, you know how hard it is to collect even that small an amount of brain matter from faux-gold-encrusted furniture.

Oh, and the newspapers – cancel any subscriptions now. I doubt that your guy reads them – or even can read them – but better safe than sorry. It’s not that I think many “journalists” still write for newspapers these days, but even the worst of them won’t be able to resist the low-hanging fruit that Donnie offers every day. His “tweets’ alone are good for at least two columns of WTF? per week – and let’s be honest, Kellyanne, even the dumbest “journalist” eventually sees the light at the end of their paycheck and acknowledges that being anti-Trump is waaaay more reader-grabbing (and easier) than trying to translate his word-salad bullshit into coherent English.

Now comes the BIG problem – the internet. I am going to assume that Donnie knows how to use a computer – which means I also have to assume that he owns one of those custom-made keyboards for people with tiny hands/fingers. So taking both as a given, you might want to distract him with a shiny object (hard to do, given his home décor) before he logs-on. He is NOT going to like what he sees – believe me, bigly. Political bloggers will eviscerate him; political message boards will be full of posters nailing his ass to the wall on a never-ending basis. He will be scorned, ridiculed, laughed at. His every word will show him for what he is – an idiot. And his every display of being an idiot will be available for all to see/read 24/7.

And then there are the polls. And brace yourself, Kellyanne, because they will not be kind to Trumpelthinskin. In fact, I can promise you that they will be brutal. When those promised jobs don’t materialize, when the Trumpettes realize they’ve been “had”, when they realize that their Obamacare may no longer be available and/or their elderly parents can’t survive on their now-gutted SS checks, they’re going to be a tad pissed-off. In other words, Donnie-J may be looking at entering the Top 100 charts at #2,475,764 with an anchor.

So just a word to the not-so-wise, Kellyanne. I believe it is in your own best interest to let your boss know what’s coming. He doesn’t strike me as someone mentally stable enough to deal with it, so you might want to cushion the blows by sitting him down and explaining that although he somehow thinks he will be untouchable once sworn into office, the truth is that he will actually become the target of every free-thinking person on the planet, every political cartoonist, every late-night show host, every non-bigot, non-racist, non-xenophobe, non-misogynist on the planet – joined by every disgruntled former Trumpette who finally realizes that they’ve been played.

So now is the time for you to explain to TinyHands that the nation, and the world, will be on his back, sunrise to sunset, every day he is in office. And at the same time, you can explain to him that there is NOTHING he can do to stop it. He can huff, he can puff, he can threaten to blow all of us down – but the fact is he can’t.

Your boss is in for an extremely bumpy ride. For your own sake, you might want to make sure he’s buckled-up before the shitstorm hits – because it’s going to be MASSIVE, it’s going to be everywhere, and it’s going to send up a stench that can't be ignored.