The important thing right now is that we not offend the nation's gun apologists

[Orrex]

During this perpetual national crisis, it is imperative that you avoid mistakes in describing the guns used in these daily massacres, because such mistakes might offend the brave souls who hold guns sacrosanct. At the very least, make certain that you know the precise barrel length, muzzle velocity, clip size, caliber, weight and place of manufacture of any gun you discuss, because one small error along these lines is sufficient to invalidate your entire position.

For instance, many otherwise solid arguments for sensible gun control have been wholly derailed by carelessly referring to a clip as a magazine, or vice versa. Similarly, a mistake in describing a firearm's rifling pitch is a clear indication that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation about our national epidemic of gun violence.

Ultimately, your best bet is simply to stand aside and let the passionate gun aficionados set the terms and parameters of the entire discussion. Thank them for their wisdom when they dismiss any proposed regulations as "meaningless feel-good legislation." Recognize that when they call you a "gun grabber," they mean it as a term of respect. Understand that their desire to launch 20 lethal metal projectiles per second supersedes your petty concerns about personal safety and the ongoing destruction of the national consciousness.

These are indeed sad and troubling times, but let us not forget that guns and their advocates are the real victims here.