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Tommy_Carcetti

(43,079 posts)
Tue Dec 2, 2014, 11:09 AM Dec 2014

Have you ever felt unfairly judged by another person? [View all]

Last edited Tue Dec 2, 2014, 05:03 PM - Edit history (1)

I have, at least once in my life.

It was years ago, at a summer job at a swimming pool. My boss there I still consider one of the worst human beings I've ever had to deal with in my entire life (and I usually like people and believe most people are good at heart). She was constantly attempting to make herself look like the "cool", "edgy" boss in front of her employees. You know, the whole, "I'm not your boss, I'm your buddy" schtick. But she had a seriously passive aggressive mean streak, and she had her favorite employees, and her not-so-favorite employees.

For whatever reason (I still to this day don't know why), I was one of her not-so-favorites. She would constantly criticize and nit pick everything I did. She would demand I enforce the most nonsensical rules at the pool. She once told me that my relationship with my then-girlfriend (now wife) was doomed to fail. Another time she told me that I was not smart enough to get a scholarship into graduate school (which I ultimately did). She accused me of omitting information on my job application (even though I had kept a hard copy of the application and was able to show her that I did not omit anything.) She scheduled me for long shifts on days that I had specifically asked off far in advance.

This grew worse and worse over the summer, until one morning when I arrived before my shift began. Except Boss Lady decided I wasn't sufficiently early enough, and she chewed me out and threatened to fire me if I wasn't sufficiently early for my shift again. It was the last straw, and I was sick of it. I was so upset and frustrated, but I didn't want to show it to her face to make me look bad, to let her know that she had gotten to me. So I went into the bathroom behind her office, went into a stall, and let out a scream. Just to get that frustration of having been abused emotionally and verbally off my chest.

I came back out feeling a little better. Except Boss Lady then came up to me and said she had heard me yell. And that she wondered if I was on drugs, because "that's how people on drugs act." And that was it. I had enough of her shit. I put in my notice of resignation that day.

So why am I posting this and dredging up old bad memories?

I'm posting this because I'm a white male, and what happened to me summers ago with that horrible boss at that pool was the exception, not the rule. But seeing how things went down in Ferguson last week, and how they've gone down for the decades before that, that this is how life is like for many African Americans in this country. They are constantly being put down, constantly being told they are less than, constantly being told they are failures. And when the last straw breaks and they dare get just a little out of line, those who have provoked and prejudged them can then jump up and say, "See! I told you so! They are violent!" And it's just such a frustrating, vicious cycle.

I had that feeling one day in my life. I can't even imagine having to wake up and feel that way day after day after day.

78 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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every day, i'm married. unblock Dec 2014 #1
^^^This One^^^ Tom_Foolery Dec 2014 #12
you want I should kick your henpecked ass, unblock? Skittles Dec 2014 #66
no fair piling on! unblock Dec 2014 #67
Powerfully put. ScreamingMeemie Dec 2014 #2
We do ourselves also..human nature KinMd Dec 2014 #3
when I was younger BubbaFett Dec 2014 #4
I do not think that was his point. His point, IMO, is that being put down constantly, in a way that djean111 Dec 2014 #5
Exactly. nt Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #6
I have a bad habit of scanning text BubbaFett Dec 2014 #9
Do you care what .. 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #19
You assume way too much BubbaFett Dec 2014 #21
I wasn't trying to be a spokesperson for African Americans. Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #22
Interesting ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #35
Let's see ... before I tell you to enjoy your ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #33
Not at all. I found this post to express extraordinary empathy. Dream Girl Feb 2017 #76
Well said. Rhiannon12866 Dec 2014 #39
you really need look no further than president obama. unblock Dec 2014 #7
Creating more alcohol out of our precious water resources? How irresponsible! Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #8
LOL ... Good one! n/t 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #36
Hey, it was a party! Brigid Dec 2014 #40
They did the same thing with Clinton oberliner Dec 2014 #26
with clinton it was different unblock Dec 2014 #32
Respectfully disagree oberliner Dec 2014 #34
fair points, but i see clinton as the start of a trend with obama getting it many times worse. unblock Dec 2014 #42
You make some good points as well oberliner Dec 2014 #44
agreed. we've gone from 3 tv channels to 300 channels or more, and they're more balkanized. unblock Dec 2014 #45
Agree. The Repubs obstruct and tear down all Dems anyway Alice11111 Feb 2017 #78
Turning water into wine? Without consulting Congress? tclambert Dec 2014 #27
Maybe workers need to wear always-on cameras rock Dec 2014 #10
I know their burden is much, much heavier than mine, so I have to believe Baitball Blogger Dec 2014 #11
google Jane Elliott, and "a Class Divided" yodermon Dec 2014 #13
I remember my 2nd grade teacher doing that experiment with us. Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #14
Happens to me all the time on the DU Omaha Steve Dec 2014 #15
Exactly, Steve cpamomfromtexas Dec 2014 #16
I get judged all the time or pre judged olddots Dec 2014 #17
Yes... yuiyoshida Dec 2014 #18
Sigh ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #38
:) yuiyoshida Dec 2014 #41
Oy. You have the patience of a saint. hifiguy Dec 2014 #54
Oh dear, that sounds like something out of a sitcom!!! Odin2005 Dec 2014 #64
Really? In SF? I doubt that would happen in Madison. Elmer S. E. Dump Mar 2015 #74
This story is hilarious, though MrPurple Feb 2017 #75
Bingo. I've worked in the corporate world for 27+ years, and have bullwinkle428 Dec 2014 #20
K & R and no, I can't even imagine having to deal with that on a regular basis either. mountain grammy Dec 2014 #23
Many times bigwillq Dec 2014 #24
Sorry, but this OP seems extremely condescending to me. Flatulo Dec 2014 #25
Go to any open internet message board and read the comments on any story regarding race. Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #30
Do you let nasty comments by anonymous assholes on the Internet define who you are? Flatulo Dec 2014 #31
It's more than just a couple of internet trolls, though. Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #48
I agree with this post 100%, which I think much more accurately portrays the way the racist mentality Flatulo Dec 2014 #55
Not a problem. Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2014 #56
Because TC listened when Black Folks have told him ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #43
I don't imagine they are any less grinding... Flatulo Dec 2014 #46
Quite correct ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #47
Thank you. Yes, we definitely need more empathy in this cruel world. Flatulo Dec 2014 #57
i've had people yell the "n" word from passing cars noiretextatique Dec 2014 #58
It sucks that such nasty people are so abundant in our society. Many of them are too chickenshit Flatulo Dec 2014 #69
When I was 19 Aerows Dec 2014 #28
Happens a lot on forums. jambo101 Dec 2014 #29
Many times. Manifestor_of_Light Dec 2014 #37
Yes. WinkyDink Dec 2014 #49
It comes with the territory - I am Asperger's. hifiguy Dec 2014 #50
Yes, write a book ... 1StrongBlackMan Dec 2014 #51
Will do. Just finishing up a piece for the audio website hifiguy Dec 2014 #52
HifiGuy, this sounds like me. Manifestor_of_Light Dec 2014 #60
I get along with musicians effortlessly hifiguy Dec 2014 #71
I've been told I'm a moron many times for going into Psych because "autistics have no empathy". Odin2005 Dec 2014 #62
Indeed I was. She and I were in the same section - hifiguy Dec 2014 #70
You really need to jump on the "autistics who write memoirs" bandwagon! Odin2005 Dec 2014 #73
Been there, live it. Aerows Dec 2014 #72
!!!!! Quayblue Dec 2014 #53
A lot, actually. Inkfreak Dec 2014 #59
Years and years ago by this dickhead supervisor at work Populist_Prole Dec 2014 #61
I have Asperger's Syndrome. I am been wrongly accused of... Odin2005 Dec 2014 #63
For being gay and Jewish. Behind the Aegis Dec 2014 #65
Not since I retired. B Calm Dec 2014 #68
Yup, most of my life. 2naSalit Feb 2017 #77
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