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In reply to the discussion: How to know that you hate women [View all]BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)It's a mental game, having no feelings one way or the other. I don't think anyone means harm, they just have no idea what it's like to live in terror. It's like talking about life on another planet.
Running "the first time you see it" is something that could save a lot of lives I think, but is contrary to all the messages women are given culturally from the time they are small. They are bombarded with messages of "true love" and perfect families, and so when faced with an abusive man, it is very hard to recognize that and get out of there. It would seem that the longer she stays and the more embroiled their lives become, such as children, the more dangerous it is for her to leave. Plus, the longer she stays, the more he destroys her self-confidence,--it's all part of the game.
I have seen that pattern a few times. First girlfriend doesn't fall for his shit and gets away pretty fast; he calls her names but does not escalate. Second girlfriend becomes wife and mother within four years, no one knows about the abuse until she tries to leave, and he beats her very badly. It's almost as if these guys get their hooks into you deeper and deeper as time goes on. Or the crazy movie that's playing in their head gets written and rewritten so many times, it becomes reality. So your message should become a part of our conversation when raising both boys and girls, perhaps a new approach to relationships, though I doubt it because the current message sells so much. Even young women in high school are putting up with abuse, most likely stemming from experience abuse at home. It's just awful.