General Discussion

trumad

(41,692 posts) Tue Sep 9, 2014, 10:14 AM Sep 2014

132

Why am I always reminded here on DU that women can be abusive just like men? [View all]

Look---we're all pretty dang smart here. Telling us that women have been known to abuse men is kind of a no duh statement.

There is no one here arguing that it's never happened.

What bugs the shit out of me is how these no duh statements/posts pop up when there is a serious case being discussed like the Ray Rice incident.

Is it an attempt to minimize the issue of male abuse against women?

Again we get it---women can abuse men. But if you think for a minute that it's just as bad for men as for women, well then you probably think it's just as bad for White people than people of color.

206 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Why am I always reminded here on DU that women can be abusive just like men? [View all] trumad Sep 2014 OP

+1 n/t Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #1

Bad is bad, it's all bad. NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #2

Maybe not minimize ... 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #31

Same way "white people get beat up by cops too, you know" changes the randys1 Sep 2014 #36

And, there most be zero tolerance for violence against men; but ... 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #40

Only when there aren't enough minorities to rough up. EEO Sep 2014 #138

No doubt, that's a fair observation. NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #37

Well ... 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #44

I think we agree it has no place but I'm not sure it's designed to derail, even if that's the impact NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #50

i usually ask/tell them to "start your own thread about it" ... and they almost NEVER do. n/t Scout Sep 2014 #63

+1 Veilex Sep 2014 #107

Somebody did today ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #119

Its so rare as to be a non Topic. ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #130

So you dismiss that individual's personal story? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #132

It isnt true abuse in the same way a white man cannot be a victim of racism. ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #133

Are you for real? Veilex Sep 2014 #141

Nope. ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #158

You need to take another look at the link I posted. Veilex Sep 2014 #173

I can tell you right now Shankapotomus Nov 2014 #200

"so even when a women does strike a man, its not actually domestic violence" lululu Sep 2014 #163

its still violence. ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #171

Well, fortunately, you don't get to make those determination. Veilex Sep 2014 #175

Crazy talk. stonecutter357 Sep 2014 #164

Right?!?!? Veilex Sep 2014 #176

i figured they would NOW, that's why i said: "and they almost NEVER do" n/t Scout Sep 2014 #186

That thread was made back on Monday night ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #188

nevertheless, it is still true, that they almost never do start their own thread, independent ... Scout Sep 2014 #197

well said n/t Psephos Sep 2014 #69

+1 n/t LarryNM Sep 2014 #105

+1 Veilex Sep 2014 #106

Should it be taboo AgingAmerican Sep 2014 #3

It's problematic el_bryanto Sep 2014 #4

Right nt AgingAmerican Sep 2014 #5

Well said. nt LisaLynne Sep 2014 #15

"the timing of them is problematic." Veilex Sep 2014 #108

The problem is that you almost never see these comments unless and until Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #8

Right, and I agree that AgingAmerican Sep 2014 #16

because they get joked about, laughed away and dismissed whatthehey Sep 2014 #18

Link to that? I recall seeing the opposite. bettyellen Sep 2014 #19

Here's one, and lookie here....started by the OP ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #120

technically- that is gallows humor- common here. Not laughing at a personal story of abuse. bettyellen Sep 2014 #125

If a man shoved his wife off a cliff, would that be "permissible" gallows humor too? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #126

I'm not a fan of gallows humor- but I know from experience when a DUer shares a personal story of bettyellen Sep 2014 #151

"generally" is not always... Veilex Sep 2014 #178

? the thread he referenced was about a random murder- not abuse- bettyellen Sep 2014 #198

"much weirder and rare* scenario"s are not a justification Veilex Sep 2014 #199

Nope. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #20

Not at all. In fact, the opposite is true kcr Sep 2014 #83

That is an excellent point. smirkymonkey Sep 2014 #67

It seems to offered as a tacit rebuttal. nt geek tragedy Sep 2014 #10

In a discussion of women being abused ... 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #32

"I man being abused has no relevance in a discussion of women being abused" Veilex Sep 2014 #110

K&R me b zola Sep 2014 #6

"Is it an attempt to minimize the issue of male abuse against women?" Iggo Sep 2014 #7

+10000 etherealtruth Sep 2014 #26

Yes classykaren Sep 2014 #35

It's an attempt to minimize and distract. kcr Sep 2014 #9

Two reasons Kelvin Mace Sep 2014 #11

It's the "black people are racist too" defense. sufrommich Sep 2014 #12

Exactly! n/t etherealtruth Sep 2014 #27

I wasn't going to say that ... 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #33

If you read posts about,racism rbrnmw Sep 2014 #13

I noticed that. Enthusiast Sep 2014 #24

Odd beliefs for a Progressive rbrnmw Sep 2014 #30

I haven't found that! eom. 1StrongBlackMan Sep 2014 #34

I don't have mercuryblues Sep 2014 #14

I think it should remain clear that domestic violence is still primarily men vs. women... cascadiance Sep 2014 #43

"domestic violence is still primarily men vs. women..." Absolutely true Veilex Sep 2014 #111

You're right that women also do abuse men and they are victims too... cascadiance Sep 2014 #121

I think you need to take another look at my post. Veilex Sep 2014 #123

Not as much as primarily or not it's that men tend to be physically stronger than women. Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin Sep 2014 #114

I was a child. LiberalArkie Sep 2014 #17

I am sorry this happened to you. pnwmom Sep 2014 #88

Yes, it's an attempt to minimize male abuse of women. valerief Sep 2014 #21

Can you link to some supporting evidence? F4lconF16 Sep 2014 #97

Physical abuse. Physical. nt valerief Sep 2014 #159

Here's a source for you: chervilant Nov 2014 #204

"Women just don't have the hormones for physical fighting" Veilex Sep 2014 #112

Not to be able to fight. To want to fight. nt valerief Sep 2014 #160

Did you look at the link at all? Testosterone does not impact a desire to fight. Veilex Sep 2014 #179

120 subjects? And the study didn't include physical aggression. valerief Sep 2014 #182

"the study didn't include physical aggression" - Again, are you even looking at the link? Veilex Sep 2014 #184

120 subjects is certainly enough for generalized testing of hormone effects.... Veilex Sep 2014 #185

One more thing I forgot to add... Veilex Sep 2014 #181

Men have MORE. nt valerief Sep 2014 #183

They do indeed... and that doesn't matter. Veilex Sep 2014 #193

People paint with broad brushes, sometimes. That can bring out a response. randome Sep 2014 #22

It's an attempt to minimize the issue of male abuse against women. Enthusiast Sep 2014 #23

It's the old "false equivalence" game, a favorite dodge of assholes. Jackpine Radical Sep 2014 #25

^ THIS! ^ RufusTFirefly Sep 2014 #28

And don't forget our favorite: "Both Political Parties are the same...." Moonwalk Sep 2014 #48

A corollary of "They both do it." Jackpine Radical Sep 2014 #52

"They both do it." - Well, this is true. Veilex Sep 2014 #180

From what I've seen elsewhere intaglio Sep 2014 #29

I believe there's a double standard. JohnnyRingo Sep 2014 #38

Thanks for your story, Johnny, sibelian Sep 2014 #46

A lot of information in your post to digest. randome Sep 2014 #49

You are excusing her violence when you say, "These things happened in part because I provoked her." pnwmom Sep 2014 #55

Not excusing violence for any reason. JohnnyRingo Sep 2014 #70

Most criminals who are involved in violent crimes are male. pnwmom Sep 2014 #82

(Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2001) - I think your stats may be a little off... Veilex Sep 2014 #144

Thanks, but some on this thread are looking for MRA support, not facts. nt valerief Sep 2014 #177

He refers to some DUers downthread as the "hear me roar crowd" downthread. kcr Sep 2014 #81

...and just what would you say you're dealing with? JohnnyRingo Sep 2014 #89

You think I'm pigeonholing you as hating women kcr Sep 2014 #91

Sounds as though you've generalized chervilant Nov 2014 #206

Actually, I have known one person here argue it doesn't happen Prophet 451 Sep 2014 #39

Why? Probably because abuse threads tend to label all men as abusers Android3.14 Sep 2014 #41

This. Treant Sep 2014 #45

No, they don't tend to do that. kcr Sep 2014 #59

Partially Right Rilgin Sep 2014 #74

No, discussions of white privilege do not do that. kcr Sep 2014 #76

Same Point Rilgin Sep 2014 #85

And your point is wrong kcr Sep 2014 #87

Better to address what I said, not what I didn't say Rilgin Sep 2014 #156

I didn't say you claim racism doesn't exist. I said your solution is to pretend it doesn't exist. kcr Sep 2014 #192

Closer Rilgin Sep 2014 #194

Wading through your wall of text kcr Sep 2014 #196

Yes, a homeless white man dying of cancer is better off than a black man in the same situation eridani Sep 2014 #95

Here is an example Android3.14 Sep 2014 #75

How is that an example? n/t kcr Sep 2014 #77

The Detroit Free Press? 47of74 Sep 2014 #60

More accurately that all abusers are men. JohnnyRingo Sep 2014 #71

The hear me roar crowd? kcr Sep 2014 #80

No, these threads don't label all men as abusers, they label men who abuse as abusers CreekDog Sep 2014 #139

They are making a straw man argument. wildeyed Sep 2014 #42

Thank you, thank you, thank you! lark Sep 2014 #47

I think the proper response is "That's irrelevant" or "We're not talking about that" tclambert Sep 2014 #51

duh CountAllVotes Sep 2014 #53

I think it's a good idea to 'inoculate' against the inevitable people bring it up. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Sep 2014 #54

It falls in the same pattern as.... Sheepshank Sep 2014 #56

Too many people confuse objectivity and balance RufusTFirefly Sep 2014 #66

While it may very well be Sherman A1 Sep 2014 #57

Ok in my part Old Codger Sep 2014 #58

recommended to a degree AuntPatsy Sep 2014 #61

Although no one likes to think about it, rwers post here, some for years. merrily Sep 2014 #62

it happens, I have seen it. Niceguy1 Sep 2014 #64

Of course it happens... trumad Sep 2014 #65

I chalk it up to CNN viewers.... Spitfire of ATJ Sep 2014 #68

Everyone on the right does that. That is why Olberman used to rail merrily Sep 2014 #78

Thank you, Trumad Warpy Sep 2014 #72

Minimizing abuse against women Not a Fan Sep 2014 #73

Ratio orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #79

"Is it an attempt to minimize the issue of male abuse against women?" beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #84

nobody is condemning them... trumad Sep 2014 #86

Not at all, trumad. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #90

cool trumad Sep 2014 #93

Subtle rationalization of misogyny . orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #92

Are you seriously calling me a misogynist? beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #94

No, I was responding to post#86 orpupilofnature57 Sep 2014 #98

Omg, I'm sorry. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #99

Misogynist trumad Sep 2014 #100

HA! beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #102

Not all women Capt. Obvious Sep 2014 #96

Of course it's an attempt to minimize ismnotwasm Sep 2014 #101

Sometimes, it is an attempt to minimize. Behind the Aegis Sep 2014 #148

Exactly Trumad... You've got it absolutely correct... hlthe2b Sep 2014 #103

I think anyone who's been abused should be able to talk about it here, if they want. Period. villager Sep 2014 #104

Noticed that too. Rex Sep 2014 #109

Probably for the same reason I am reminded every day that men can abuse women. Egnever Sep 2014 #113

Me thinks you don't quite get it. trumad Sep 2014 #115

Some people see the speed trap and slow down while others... beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #116

Well there's a surprise Egnever Sep 2014 #118

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #117

because STRAIGHT WHITE MEN ARE VICTIMS TOO!!!! Kali Sep 2014 #122

AND WE STILL LOVE 'EM ALL!!! freshwest Sep 2014 #140

Because this shit is real IronLionZion Sep 2014 #124

its brought up by trolls to minimise violence against women. ncjustice80 Sep 2014 #127

If you think men who are abused don't have an equal, though different, set of challenges... moriah Sep 2014 #128

uh...no one is saying men don't get abused. trumad Sep 2014 #134

And you completely missed my point. n/t moriah Sep 2014 #135

You are the one who seems to be mistaken about a lot of things kcr Sep 2014 #149

But it's far better to express abuse in gender-neutral terms, because it DOES happen to both. moriah Sep 2014 #195

Donald Glover has a joke that addresses this. Exultant Democracy Sep 2014 #129

"Is it an attempt to minimize the issue of male abuse against women?" ReRe Sep 2014 #131

Apparently the issue is settled ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #136

Wow. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #137

Just when you htink you seen it all... Behind the Aegis Sep 2014 #147

Was it Hobo's? beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #152

Yes. Behind the Aegis Sep 2014 #153

That thread is the one that made me chime in here. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #154

Some people are gullible n/t kcr Sep 2014 #150

Are you saying the poster is a right-wing troll playing extreme LW parody? ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #189

Yes kcr Sep 2014 #190

Does this post by a DUer remind you of something? U4ikLefty Sep 2014 #142

I really didn't think I was saying that Hobo Sep 2014 #143

I didn't think you were either Hobo. lovemydog Sep 2014 #146

Now why would you think I was talking about you? trumad Sep 2014 #157

K&R n/t lupinella Sep 2014 #145

I think the answer is yes. They ARE trying to minimize what Rice did. DesertDiamond Sep 2014 #155

Nice call out Boom Sound 416 Sep 2014 #161

glad to see that you're in the very small minority with this opinion trumad Sep 2014 #165

So often where the truth lays Boom Sound 416 Sep 2014 #167

Oh--- trumad Sep 2014 #168

Well that's two things you've leaned Boom Sound 416 Sep 2014 #172

Deny and deflect! It's the same thing that happens whenever something racist happens. Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2014 #162

Why does it have to be a competition? davidn3600 Sep 2014 #166

No one is saying that..... trumad Sep 2014 #169

"Just as bad"? Yeah. Orsino Sep 2014 #170

I'm sure you don't intend it this way, but... Veilex Sep 2014 #174

Could be.. trumad Sep 2014 #187

My guess is it's 1% sincerity, 99% false equivalency. LanternWaste Sep 2014 #191

The facts are that men abuse women much more often than the reverse still_one Nov 2014 #201

If it's a duh statement for men to make Shankapotomus Nov 2014 #202

I've never seen a woman break a man's jaw, pelvis, back, or neck, Jamastiene Nov 2014 #203

It's a tu quoque shenmue Nov 2014 #205