General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: This message was self-deleted by its author [View all]Ms. Toad
(34,092 posts)because it was in the LGBT group is what triggered the current "complaints." I don't want people treated as sex objects even there, AND that group reacted at least as strongly, for very similar reason to those currently being given in GD, when I (one of the members of the group) agreed with another member by suggesting we should talk about whether we wanted beefcake threads in our space.
That reaction (and the unacceptable response by the hosts to the attack on me) is the reason I no longer participate there. So when I see commentary in GD that it's OK, because we like that in our space, I am going to respond. It seems to me the very same dynamic that is keeping me out of a space in which I had been a participant: Images of people being paraded about as sex objects are objected to, and the person who objects is villified for suggesting that we should talk about whether that is really what we want in our space and (in my case) leaves the group. That doesn't make it OK because it is in LGBT space. It means that those of us who believe it is not appropriate have gotten the message that our voices aren't welcome.
I have never accused you of anything in connection with your behavior during that 12 day period, or suggested that you should have been doing anything other than tending to your father. But the fact that your father was in the final stages of his life does not excuse the behavior of others - or change the dynamics in the group.
As for not responding to your announcement that the hosts had finally acted - as I said in my previous response, the tone of your post did not feel like an invitation to further conversation.
But - FWIW - Here is one request, in real time, two days after the attack, for action from the hosts.
Here is another comment, 11 days later, before the hosts acted, about the failure of the hosts to act in any manner, and the delay:
Yes, you did bar the person from posting after my post publicly complaining - in real time - about an 11 day period of non-response by the hosts. But re-read your announcement, putting yourself in my shoes. Does it really read to you like you were sorry for how I was treated, for the hosts failure to do their job, and an invitation to further conversation? It read to me at the time, and still does, like a grumbling acknowledgement of your awareness that the hosts, in your absence, had been caught with their pants down and that you felt you had no alternative you could take with integrity other than banning Queerart.
I saw no reason to respond directly. Put yourself back in the host's room at that time. You must know, as I do, how close to the surface the anger was in some hosts toward me for (1) asking the question and (2) complaining about the lack of response to the attack on me (anger which still bubbles up from some hosts to this day in interactions which have nothing to do with the subject in this thread). Had I responded, no matter how politely, it would have gotten very ugly, very quickly. So I chose to leave. Not because I would not like to be part of the group - but because the price for being part of the group was higher than I was willing to pay.
Had you been present when the exchange initially occurred, I suspect you would have responded immediately in some manner. Failing to respond to Queerart's comments would not have been consistent with any of my interactions with you prior to that incident - so I accept your statement that you would have banned him immediately.
But you are not the only host and your absence should not have paralyzed the group from taking the steps they would have taken had any other person posted a homophobic attack in the group on a member of the group. And - failure to respond to the attack aside - the response in that group to asking the question about whether the beefcake threads are appropriate sounds a lot like the response in GD to the obections being raised here. Which was the point of my initial comment here. Being in LGBT space does not inherently make it acceptable to everyone who is (or wants to be) in that space.