General Discussion

snooper2

(30,151 posts) Fri May 24, 2013, 12:41 PM May 2013

Is it okay for a 18 year old to have sex with a 14 year old [View all]

we'll keep it simple-

50 votes, 3 passes \| Time left: Unlimited
	Yes, it's okay
	12 (24%)
	No, it's not okay
	38 (76%)
	3 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
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267 replies

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Highlight:

Is it okay for a 18 year old to have sex with a 14 year old [View all] snooper2 May 2013 OP

I voted no, its not OK. HooptieWagon May 2013 #1

I'm torn on how to answer this one Revanchist May 2013 #2

I just found a picture of my 14 year old aunt with her 30 something yr old husband - sammytko May 2013 #13

what state or country did they get married in? yurbud May 2013 #54

Texas sammytko May 2013 #93

in 1930 or so sammytko May 2013 #105

I wonder if they have changed the law yet... yurbud May 2013 #220

so we should drop those"sex with a minor" charges for Warren Jeffs - he did marry that 12 year-old DrDan May 2013 #110

That we live in a slightly less patriarchal time where girls are allowed to Ed Suspicious May 2013 #46

Warren Jeffs married a 12-year old . . . I guess that is ok as long as they officially marry? DrDan May 2013 #102

No it isn't Revanchist May 2013 #223

Warren Jeffs is in prison. Boomerproud May 2013 #262

exacrly where he belongs DrDan May 2013 #263

13 was like 20 a hundred years ago. MADem May 2013 #118

Marriage is also different from sex while dating, even today. merrily May 2013 #198

All I can say is that was then, this is now. Hekate May 2013 #147

Okay? No. A felony? No. tblue May 2013 #3

Best answer, I think. sibelian May 2013 #34

+1 Lil Missy May 2013 #47

The whole point of statutory rape is that the consent of children is invalid. merrily May 2013 #55

So should a 14 year old be able to obtain bc without parental consent? an abortion? cali May 2013 #71

Before you ask me questions, how about answering the one I already asked? merrily May 2013 #106

I answered you, honey. I don't think that teenagers having consensual sex should cali May 2013 #116

So, in your opinion, a 13 year old is mature enough to make decisions about sex and preganancy? merrily May 2013 #122

In which post had you answered me on the age cutoff? merrily May 2013 #135

Hmmm. merrily May 2013 #181

Adulthood comes in stages. The law used to recognize that before we went to "one size fits all" Hekate May 2013 #159

+1 BainsBane May 2013 #171

If the kids are in the same peer group Ms. Toad May 2013 #107

Would being in the same social circle, going to the same parties, etc. be the same peer group? merrily May 2013 #127

That isn't really that hard. Ms. Toad May 2013 #190

Sociologically, "peer group" is a more elastic term than middle school or high school. merrily May 2013 #192

It is an age range Ms. Toad May 2013 #216

What if its a 19 year old that was held back a year. Or an 18 year old who dropped out of HS onenote May 2013 #129

I would still follow the same rule. Ms. Toad May 2013 #175

Just for the record, the case this is referring to is not a statutory rape charge, it's 2 felony ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #156

Most things we call statutory rape aren't literally statutory rape Ms. Toad May 2013 #179

Great answer. Making the mistakes that teens make Ilsa May 2013 #154

This is me, right here. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #155

Agree. Illegal, but not felony level Spike89 May 2013 #184

Agree Incitatus May 2013 #260

It depends. A flat-out zero-tolerance approach denies the humanity of those involved. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #4

+1 n/t FreeState May 2013 #45

if it's consensual, it doesn't bother me cali May 2013 #5

Yep. laundry_queen May 2013 #174

Only if the age of consent is 14. And even then, closeupready May 2013 #6

Depends treestar May 2013 #7

Yes LittleBlue May 2013 #8

If they are mature Warty Oreos deaniac21 May 2013 #9

I'm a little shocked by the 20% of DUers who think that a child can truly give "consent" Nye Bevan May 2013 #10

Agreed... cynatnite May 2013 #11

How is 14 a child? Drale May 2013 #12

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #16

More difference between 18 and 25 HockeyMom May 2013 #18

TERRIBLE argument there. 39 and 30 is OK, so 20 and 11 should also be OK! (nt) Nye Bevan May 2013 #20

Speaking of MATURITY HockeyMom May 2013 #28

And a 14 yr old is typically WAY less mature than a 18 yr old. uppityperson May 2013 #38

Not always HockeyMom May 2013 #144

Which is why I wrote "typically". uppityperson May 2013 #152

The challenge is that this law Ms. Toad May 2013 #182

Should not be a felony. If there are extenuating circumstances, then moreso. uppityperson May 2013 #183

Correct. Ms. Toad May 2013 #79

Seriously? markpkessinger May 2013 #98

In Florida, 16 and 24 is okay... ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #161

I think thats too big a gap. HooptieWagon May 2013 #204

And it was actually 3.5 years and both girls were in high school. nt pnwmom May 2013 #134

I dated a 21 year old at 39, this year Ter May 2013 #189

Big diff. tween maturity and brain development & judgment skills of 21 vs 14 yr old. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #241

14 year olds cannot contract for magazines, let alone make decisions about sex and pregnancy. merrily May 2013 #58

they can and are tried criminally every fucking day in this country. cali May 2013 #91

Two very different issues, but I don't agree to trying them as adults, either. merrily May 2013 #99

As the Governor said MattBaggins May 2013 #150

do you think a 14 year old should need parental consent to have an abortion? cali May 2013 #15

I'm creeped out by DUers arguing that middle-schoolers can give actual "consent" Nye Bevan May 2013 #17

oh fucking please cali May 2013 #26

Some kids get their period at 9. At what age would you draw the line? merrily May 2013 #62

I would not criminalize voluntary sexual activity. Ms. Toad May 2013 #94

That is not true in every state. Some states criminalize only the adult's activity. And that is merrily May 2013 #115

I was speaking of two different things Ms. Toad May 2013 #186

The problem with age of consent laws . . . markpkessinger May 2013 #69

The 14 year old being discussed is in high school - Ms. Toad May 2013 #82

At 14, I was a freshman and sophomore (for a few months) ecstatic May 2013 #259

Should 14 year olds have surgery without their parents knowledge? Using your little trick KittyWampus May 2013 #117

it depends, doesn't it? cali May 2013 #217

At what age do you HappyMe May 2013 #21

And that's what really irritates these control freaks. n/t Egalitarian Thug May 2013 #124

But let them commit a crime. Then they magically become adults. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #22

I am totally against that. "Try them as an adult" is generally bullshit (nt) Nye Bevan May 2013 #23

I consented to having sex repeatedly as a teenager. I think one or two others might have, too. Comrade Grumpy May 2013 #24

Me too. And when my sister was 15 she was screwing away with her 19 yo boyfriend cali May 2013 #27

I was sure looking for it, but the right situation never came up, then RKP5637 May 2013 #61

So at what age should birth control HappyMe May 2013 #39

I'm never shocked by how bothered Americans/Brits are about sex LittleBlue May 2013 #49

My problem is not having sex but the potential for coercion or abuse due to power differential uppityperson May 2013 #157

I raised a daughter who, had she decided to have sex at 14 Schema Thing May 2013 #187

How many 14 year olds do you know? Do you know how many are sexually active? morningfog May 2013 #244

I dont think any DUer has made that kind of a blanket statement. nt stevenleser May 2013 #265

Difficult question. OldEurope May 2013 #14

We consider them mature enough at 14 to have access to contraceptives LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #19

Holy sh*t....10 Duers picked "Yes" at this point. That's scary! cbdo2007 May 2013 #25

why is it scary? How do you reconcile, making bc and abortion accessible to a 14 yo cali May 2013 #29

Again, it is not just having sex but the power differential, like between a teacher and a student uppityperson May 2013 #40

bullshit. there is no comparison between a teacher and a student and two students cali May 2013 #65

It is nearly equally onerous. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #75

No bullshit. There can be and often is a large difference between 14 and 18 and the potential for uppityperson May 2013 #112

Nothing to reconcile. They should not be having sex with anyone. merrily May 2013 #66

I think teenagers having sex with one another should not be criminalized cali May 2013 #88

My only problem with the consensual notion... onpatrol98 May 2013 #196

Access to contraception should not be viewed of tacit approval of underage sex. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #68

approval? Maybe not, but the reality is that teenagers have sex cali May 2013 #97

Exactly. HappyMe May 2013 #103

The subject of the OP IS approval ('Is it ok?) - NOT "recognizing the reality" redqueen May 2013 #119

I don't have to reconcile it, it was just asking if we think it is OK. cbdo2007 May 2013 #151

generally speaking, I would say sure quinnox May 2013 #30

Child marriage is a scourge. redqueen May 2013 #41

Agree. It's one more way of exploiting female children for sex. merrily May 2013 #67

Line drawing is hard onenote May 2013 #31

a 14 year old's consent is tenuous? loyalsister May 2013 #168

No except in ery rare cases. Problem is not just 4 yrs but the power differential uppityperson May 2013 #32

No NewJeffCT May 2013 #33

I thought the younger girl was a FRESHMAN in HS HockeyMom May 2013 #35

I had to pass on this one. LuvNewcastle May 2013 #36

No. redqueen May 2013 #37

remember the case at hand is a same sex case olddots May 2013 #42

The OP does not resemble the case in the news FreeState May 2013 #48

Why would an 18 year old even think about having sex w/a 14 yr old? War Horse May 2013 #43

THIS redqueen May 2013 #53

Because the 14 yr old looks up to the older kid. Wow, a senior digs me! uppityperson May 2013 #162

Think High School senior and freshman. jeff47 May 2013 #247

Wasn't Kaitlyn 17 when the relationship started? HockeyMom May 2013 #44

+1 n/t FreeState May 2013 #50

I believe you are right. HappyMe May 2013 #51

Lesbian relationship HockeyMom May 2013 #63

Her parents are wackos... video FreeState May 2013 #77

WOW RockaFowler May 2013 #96

Holy crap! HappyMe May 2013 #109

It is not clear whether she was 17 when the relationship started. Ms. Toad May 2013 #76

She was 17 FreeState May 2013 #87

That says they knew each other - essentially (friends, acquaintances). Ms. Toad May 2013 #100

No it clearly says her GIRLFRIEND was 2 months shy of 15 FreeState May 2013 #128

The reference is just placing their ages when school started. Ms. Toad May 2013 #237

Her mother says 18. I've been going with the mother, because (although they're both involved in the ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #236

No, she was already 18. Birthday was in August, before school started. HooptieWagon May 2013 #133

Can we change this around a bit?? RockaFowler May 2013 #52

Then where do you draw the line? Is 16 and 13 okay? 15 and 12? randome May 2013 #56

But this case shouldn't have even gone this far RockaFowler May 2013 #60

Seniors can still prey upon Freshmen. There can be 4 years difference in ages. randome May 2013 #70

OK, but the relationship started when she was 17 RockaFowler May 2013 #101

Court documents say she was 18 when relationship began. HooptieWagon May 2013 #145

The relationship started last year RockaFowler May 2013 #191

stories all say she is a freshman. HooptieWagon May 2013 #193

Not now RockaFowler May 2013 #197

No such statement at your link. HooptieWagon May 2013 #200

Thank you, glad to see someone else sees this also. Agree with your points here uppityperson May 2013 #164

The way you make it flexible - Ms. Toad May 2013 #219

It's difficult enough to make those evaluations with adults. randome May 2013 #231

Who said anything about letting high schools making decisions Ms. Toad May 2013 #235

I like this post LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #246

Thank you. Ms. Toad May 2013 #253

It's amazed me too LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #254

At 20, people are theoretically more mature than they are at 14. merrily May 2013 #57

HS makes the difference HockeyMom May 2013 #73

Even biologically, the brain of a 14 year old is not fully developed. And then, there is experience merrily May 2013 #78

and neither is the brain of a 20 year old. there are huge variances between people cali May 2013 #104

And your point is that we should have different statutory rape ages for every individual? merrily May 2013 #111

Should be a parental issue... not a law issue. nt Pragdem May 2013 #59

Disagree. Some parents would sell their kids out for a dime bag merrily May 2013 #72

The question in my mind Ms. Toad May 2013 #64

I voted "no" but it's a bit more complicated gollygee May 2013 #74

No, but what happens if the 14 year old has had 20 sex partners already... Ter May 2013 #80

A 14-year-old who has had 20 sex partners gollygee May 2013 #114

Not disagreeing Ter May 2013 #188

a 18 year old is still just a teenager. def not felony worthy. we dont think they are smart enough La Lioness Priyanka May 2013 #81

This is insane.. fitman May 2013 #83

Back when a woman's place was in the kitchen. Ed Suspicious May 2013 #89

There should be a two tiered high school system where 9th and tenth can socialize Ed Suspicious May 2013 #84

I'm always mixed on how to best answer things like this, because to me RKP5637 May 2013 #85

Absolutely not, but whether it should be a serious criminal matter is a harder question. Donald Ian Rankin May 2013 #86

Why are you asking when you know it is not okay? Rex May 2013 #90

When my grandparents started dating, she was 14 and he was 18. They just celebrated their 69th Electric Monk May 2013 #92

Too much of an age difference there. That's huge when you're a kid. brewens May 2013 #95

In Florida, where the relationship took place... DreamGypsy May 2013 #108

Age/2 + 7 is the formula... tridim May 2013 #113

Interesting, did you make that up or is that formula from a source? Rex May 2013 #123

I think it came from Ann Landers, years ago. HooptieWagon May 2013 #142

I like it, think I will use it or advice people that ask about Rex May 2013 #148

I first heard of it 30-35 years ago. HooptieWagon May 2013 #153

So true. Rex May 2013 #173

and if (your age) + (number of children you have) = 40 LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #242

This is one of those messy ones where individuals have to be considered Warpy May 2013 #120

The day before Kaitlyn turned eighteen the two girls were: 17 and 15 Tx4obama May 2013 #121

Not true. Kaitlyn turned 18 in August, according to court documents. HooptieWagon May 2013 #149

Sordid tale of an 18, 17, and 14 year old HockeyMom May 2013 #125

NO its not!! wtf?? darkangel218 May 2013 #126

well, looks like close to 20 quinnox May 2013 #130

Whoever replied to me, youre on my iggy, i cant see your post. darkangel218 May 2013 #131

good to know, lol quinnox May 2013 #140

So, do you think my grandma should press charges? Electric Monk May 2013 #132

I dont know about your grandma, but i think a 14 year old is not mature enough to consent darkangel218 May 2013 #141

Many things were different 69 yrs ago. uppityperson May 2013 #170

There's more to it than age. hunter May 2013 #136

Trash thread. Iggo May 2013 #137

lol quinnox May 2013 #139

Not OK, but shouldn't be illegal. KamaAina May 2013 #138

Why? Are you planning on it? We used to call those girls jail bait for a reason Hekate May 2013 #143

14 is also high-school freshman. jeff47 May 2013 #248

And? Hekate May 2013 #255

I was 15 and had sex with a 19 year old woman. Apophis May 2013 #146

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #158

Not in Florida. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #167

good lord cyberswede May 2013 #169

Maybe, maybe not. Why is this the hot topic on DU? Quantess May 2013 #160

An 18-year-old high school student is currently being charged ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #163

Oh, okay, thanks. (no text) Quantess May 2013 #166

I gotta agree. DU is full up to the eye balls of pseudo-liberals. RC May 2013 #228

Ok. Did the world just implode without me noticing? Ms. Toad May 2013 #239

Formula says yes ThoughtCriminal May 2013 #165

You've got your sign the wrong way round, so your answer should be 'no, it's not OK' muriel_volestrangler May 2013 #266

How about "we" post the case this is in reference to? ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #172

I'm one of the 13 who voted that I choose not to answer. MineralMan May 2013 #176

I honestly don't know. ZombieHorde May 2013 #177

Purely word for word... no way. defacto7 May 2013 #178

It depends H2O Man May 2013 #180

I don't pretend to know one way or the other... LanternWaste May 2013 #185

The question isn't if you are mature enough to handle sex, its if you are able to care for a baby. dkf May 2013 #194

Thats a nice heterocentric view. n/t FreeState May 2013 #202

Sweet! Gays can have sex at 10! jeff47 May 2013 #249

And you can't prosecute them. dkf May 2013 #250

Actually, you can. Because statutory rape laws aren't about pregnancy. jeff47 May 2013 #252

The original taboo is due to pregnancy. The societal heebie jeebies came later. dkf May 2013 #257

By your 'sensible' rules, men with a vasectomy would get a pass, as would anal and oral sex muriel_volestrangler May 2013 #267

that which may be ill advised should not necessarily be criminal Douglas Carpenter May 2013 #195

what does that mean - "discouraged" DrDan May 2013 #209

It ain't the same as a 45-year-old banging a 5-year-old. backscatter712 May 2013 #199

are you suggesting that there should be no minimum age? DrDan May 2013 #203

So do you think she should be charged with a felony and sent to prison? backscatter712 May 2013 #205

I think there should be guidelines relative to ages DrDan May 2013 #207

I didn't read it as that at all. I think the poster was applying common sense. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #206

don't the guidelines need to be specific? does a 14 year old having sex with someone who DrDan May 2013 #208

3 years, 6 months in the case this alludes to. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #210

so an 18 year old and a 12 year old are ok . . . . DrDan May 2013 #214

12 year olds are in high school? n/t FreeState May 2013 #221

no DrDan May 2013 #222

Where did the age 12 come from then? n/t FreeState May 2013 #225

"6 most in the case this alludes to." DrDan May 2013 #227

Thanks, Im lost too LOL ;) n/t FreeState May 2013 #229

Phone mistake. 3 years, 6 months. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #233

I was on my phone. That should read months. ScreamingMeemie May 2013 #232

What I think... davidn3600 May 2013 #211

concern over where students "can go" and students having sex are two DrDan May 2013 #212

Not going to participate in this poll but I do have an opinion justiceischeap May 2013 #201

That would make them emotionally pretty close to the same age. Live and Learn May 2013 #213

hmmmm - I would agree that is true for the 14 year old . . . not so much for an 18 year old DrDan May 2013 #215

A factor thats being ignored in the discussion... HooptieWagon May 2013 #218

Both girls in this story were virgins before they had sex FreeState May 2013 #224

But in a general sense (since thats what the thread posits) HooptieWagon May 2013 #230

+1 DrDan May 2013 #226

It really depends BlueStreak May 2013 #234

I answered no, but the truth Yo_Mama May 2013 #238

Is it ok? burnodo May 2013 #240

If consensual, yes. morningfog May 2013 #243

Has no one seen Europe's age of consent? Half of Europe is age 14 and 15. davidn3600 May 2013 #245

i'm 71. back in my day in high school many DesertFlower May 2013 #251

14 year old boys... kentuck May 2013 #261

No, Not OK Vogon_Glory May 2013 #256

I don't think it's OK but I wouldn't prosecute any moobu2 May 2013 #258

Not OK. But I need to know more before I prosecute the 18 year old. stevenleser May 2013 #264