Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-9: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless MAGA Mind Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #16-9: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless MAGA Mind Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! What’s up, New Orleans? We made it! We are here! It’s always great to be back in NOLA! I’m sure that you all saw the ruckus happening with our 2024 Stupidest State contest? Yeah for the first time ever, a #1 seed has been caught cheating, they got called out on it, and got suspended from the tournament for it! That has never happened before! How crazy is that? Well, as the old saying goes, cheaters never prosper, and such has happened to the Sunshine State! We’re shocked and also disappointed. But anyway moving on, this season is going by quickly isn’t it? And we’ve got big plans for our season 17 college tour coming up starting in August, so stay tuned for that! I mean come on, TPUSA can’t be the only group touring college campuses, can they? Of course not! So do we have time for the thing? Of course we do, it’s my show, damn it! So my fair audience, let me ask you this. Does anyone still watch broadcast television in 2024 that’s not sports or live events? Anyone? OK a few of you. Any good shows out there? Yeah Ghosts, I’ve heard of that one. OK. Well last week, Billy Joel broadcast the final show of his long-running residency at Madison Square Garden in New York City. This is one of those things where the people in charge – first off, there’s going to be some heavy sacking involved, and second, the guy who actually did this might want to take a page from Southwest Airlines and get away. So near the end of the broadcast, Billy Joel’s signature song Piano Man was cut! Yeah that’s the song you don’t want to cut! Which, as you can imagine, caused an absolute shit show among Billy Joel fans. Yeah interrupting Piano Man to broadcast the news? What is this? A 90s Special Report? Yeah one person gets that reference! Well it was cut because of the Masters, and really, that’s something I couldn’t care less about. Come on, what’s a more passive activity than watching golf on TV? You can’t name one, can you? Ha ha ha! Well CBS is going to make up for it, but the guy that caused it might want to go away and be hitting the ol’ dusty trial for a while! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to! But first, John Oliver is back and he talks about the evils surrounding food delivery apps (hint: they’re all run by heartless corporations):

So where do we begin this week? I mean holy shit is there a lot to unpack! In the first slot this week – you thought Alabama’s abortion ruling was insane? Well along comes Arizona, where the Supreme Court (1) has said “Hold my beer and watch this!” as they resurrect a nearly 2 century old law regarding abortions! Yeah… another chapter of why we can’t have nice things in this country! Taking the second slot this week is the MAGA Qongress (2). Yes, the worst House in American history – run by and for Fox News viewers and internet conspiracy theorists – has their collective underwear in a wad over funding war-torn Ukraine’s efforts to stop big Vlad from taking over Europe, and I can’t even with these fucking morons! Taking the third slot this week is also the MAGA Qongress (3), but specifically two members who continue to fight, and that’s Trump’s personal howler monkey Marjorie Taylor Greene and MAGA Mike Johnson, and you know what? Let these clowns fight. Time to put the adults back in charge! In the number 4 slot this week, we have a new edition of that hot new game that’s sweeping the nation – IS IT RACIST? (4), because we always say around here, if you have to ask, it’s probably racist! And this week, that guy we inexplicably call president got accused of some blatant racism after people accused his stunt at an Atlanta Chik-Fil-A was staged, and yeah it probably was. Why people like this guy again? In the number 5 slot this week is a new edition of our award winning investigative journalism segment “Top 10 Investigates” (5) and this week, in the light of recent problems facing Boeing aircraft, it’s right for travelers to be anxious about flying on their newer planes. But is it really necessary to go out of your way to book flights on airlines that don’t fly Boeing? Yeah that’s a thing! In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 In Holy Shit (6) and this week, if you think the recent abortion rulings in Alabama and Arizona are truly beyond the pale, it’s the 10th anniversary of the SCOTUS case Burwell V. Hobby Lobby, that allowed for religious exemptions for abortion cases, and we’re here to remind you – not all hope is lost! In the number 7 slot this week is a new Beating A Dead Horse (7). In the light of the recent death of famous football star and infamous double murderer OJ Simpson, his legendary on screen feud with the late, great SNL Weekend Update anchor Norm MacDonald resurfaced, and it's still legendary even though both men are no longer with us! In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8), and seriously come on, people! Keep the conspiracy theory crap confined to America, please! It turns out our neighbors to the north in Canada have an election this year, and Pierre Poilieverie is running to unseat Justin Trudeau as Canada’s prime minister and he just picked up the endorsement of Alex Jones, which really tells you everything you need to know! And in the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new “I Need A Drink”! And this week, there’s bizarre law in Japan that could find the entire country having the same last surname in 500 years! Seriously, imagine that happening! Finally this week it’s time for Stupidest State 2024 (10)! This week it’s Round 2 Week 1 which means it’s the Gun Nut Conference Finals! Texas. Missouri. One of these two teams will punch a ticket to the Final Four, the other goes home! Plus to cap things off, we have live music from the legendary Michael Franti! Buy his new album Big Big Love or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Arizona Supreme Court
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Well in today’s chapter of “Why can’t we have nice things in this country?”, just as the dust settled from Alabama’s criminally insane and probably grossly unconstitutional ruling on in vitro fertilization (IVF), along comes Arizona, who says “Hold my beer and watch this!”. As they are literally setting abortion rights back 100 years. Yes, you read that correctly. 100 years. Since the tragic 2020 death of one of the longest serving and best SCOTUS justices this country has ever seen, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, it seems like it just gets worse by the day. And red states are seeming in a battle to see who can out crazy the next guy. But Arizona’s latest stunt just may have absolutely topped them all. It’s shit like this that makes me just want to not only turn off the news, but actually throw a brick through my monitor. But it just seems like the anti-abortion insanity is getting worse by the day. And what we really fear is that they may just be getting started. After all, the cruelty is the point with this crowd. And not only is this grossly unconstitutional and insatiably cruel ruling unjustified, it may just be the tip of the iceberg. It’s the worst nightmare for pro-abortion activists and it’s now a reality.

On Tuesday, the Arizona Supreme Court ruled that its total abortion ban, a seemingly dead law dating back to 1864, is once again enforceable, despite more recent legislation that seemed to supercede it. The zombie ban makes virtually all abortions a felony, imposing a prison sentence of two to five years for any provider. There is no exception for rape or incest. The law was enacted before women could vote, and was long presumed to be permanently unenforceable. But the Arizona Supreme Court’s conservative majority, by a 4–2 margin, has now revived it. Republican governors appointed all seven justices on the bench, and the GOP recently expanded the court to entrench this far-right majority—which had no trouble finding that a ban enacted in an era in which women were chattel remains good law in 2024. As a result of this ruling, in 14 days almost every abortion in Arizona will be a crime, and nearly every clinic will close its doors. For all intents and purposes, it’s 1864 again for pregnant people in Arizona.

The decision should serve as a warning for the rest of the country, in light of ongoing efforts to revive the Comstock Act: In the hands of a far-right court, a dead, openly misogynistic, wildly unpopular abortion ban can spring back to life with a vengeance.

This zombie law was passed in 1864, long before Arizona was a state, and was codified in 1901, at which point it included a narrow exception to save the patient’s life. Much more recently, Arizona has passed less restrictive abortion laws, including a 15-week ban that appeared to wipe out more severe bans that preceded it. In late 2022, after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, the Arizona Court of Appeals ruled that the two conflicting abortion laws in the state had to be reconciled, or “harmonized.” It maintained that abortion would remain legal through 15 weeks when provided by licensed physicians in compliance with the state’s other laws.
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2024/04/arizona-abortion-ban-trump-wins-2024-comstock-lan.html

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Holy shit. You heard that correctly – 1864! 1864!!! If you do the math, that’s… 160 years. The Arizona GOP has literally taken us back to the days of the wild fucking west. How insane is that? But just think about what could happen if Trump manages to worm his way back to the Oval Office in 2025? It will be like this all over the country. Ruth Bader Ginsburg must be rolling around in her grave. And yes, Trump absolutely had something to do with this, we’re not letting him get away with it! This is the American anti-abortion movement in a nutshell and it’s going to get that much worse!

Sen. Mark Kelly (D-Ariz.) said on Sunday that last week’s Arizona Supreme Court ruling banning nearly all abortions in the state is a result of actions former President Trump took while in office.

“Let me start by saying this has been a disaster for women in Arizona. They’ve lost a fundamental right to abortion, and it’s all because of Donald Trump,” Kelly said in an interview on CBS News’s “Face the Nation” on Sunday.

“Donald Trump owns this. He said just yesterday that he broke Roe v. Wade, and because he did that, this enabled our court to bring back this draconian 1864 law to take away this right, send doctors to jail,” Kelly added.

On Friday, Trump said there was no need for a federal law limiting abortion because, he said, “we broke Roe v. Wade” and that states were working “brilliantly” as many were restricting access to abortion. His comments come as he has faced backlash all week since saying on Monday that abortion should be left up to the states to determine policy, while appearing to say he would not sign a federal ban.

Read more: https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/4593471-sen-kelly-says-arizona-abortion-ruling-is-all-because-of-donald-trump/

Damn right he sucks! Oh I haven’t even got to the worst part of this yet. With every insane ruling or law being passed, there’s always a batshit crazy group of far right cultists at the head of it. And with last week’s Arizona abortion ruling, there was no exception for it. In fact, this can be directly tied to Trump, because the guy who lead the charge to get this ruling overturned was in fact a member of Stop The Steal and part of the mob that went into the Capitol on January 6th. Then they went and lead a prayer session on the AZ senate floor where they prayed in tongues. Yes, they prayed in tongues. Get out of our government NOW!!! Holy shit, even Trump thinks this shit has gone too far!

Donald Trump said Wednesday that an Arizona law that criminalizes nearly all abortions goes too far and called on Arizona lawmakers to change it, while also defending the overturning of Roe v. Wade that cleared states to ban the procedure.

“It’ll be straightened out and as you know, it’s all about states’ rights,” the former president told supporters and journalists after landing in Atlanta for a fundraiser. “It’ll be straightened out, and I’m sure that the governor and everybody else are going to bring it back into reason and that’ll be taken care of, I think, very quickly.”

Though Trump has waffled on whether he supports abortion rights, he appointed three of the Supreme Court justices who overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a federally guaranteed right to abortion. Now facing growing political backlash as Democrats notch victories around the nation by campaigning on abortion rights, Trump increasingly has been put on the defensive and urged Republicans to avoid supporting bans that are unpopular with many Americans.

Trump issued a video statement this week declining to endorse a national abortion ban and saying he believes limits should be left to the states. His statement angered some religious conservatives and energized allies of President Joe Biden who see abortion rights as one of Trump’s weaknesses.

Read more: https://apnews.com/article/trump-abortion-arizona-law-florida-ban-7cdd6d2e3c320a89ec7a7c037824e7cd

Yeah when *HE* thinks you’ve gone too far, you’ve gone too fucking far! Now you might be asking yourself – could this batshit insane, completely illegal, grossly unconstitutional, insatiably cruel, and totally beyond the pale ruling be overturned? Well, in the theme of this week’s edition which is “Why can’t we have nice things in this country?”, the Arizona GOP has basically told us to go fuck ourselves and they’re not only not backing down on their insane ruling, they’re doubling down. These are some truly sick fucks we’re dealing with, and this is why we need to vote all of these clowns out at every single level! It’s time to get the adults back in charge!

For the second time in two weeks, Arizona Republican lawmakers rejected an attempt to repeal a near-total ban on abortion from 1864 that was upheld by the battleground state’s Supreme Court.

The move to again block the Democratic-led effort came amid mounting pressure on state Republicans to repeal the ban, including from former President Donald Trump and Arizona GOP Senate candidate Kari Lake. Still, Democratic lawmakers have faced an uphill climb in repealing the ban, as Arizona Republicans hold a narrow two-seat majority in both legislative chambers. On Wednesday, only one Republican joined state House Democrats in their effort to repeal the abortion ban.

Moments into the highly anticipated state House legislative session on Wednesday, Democrats introduced a bill to repeal the Civil War-era ban and filed a motion to Republican House leaders requesting an immediate vote.

Under Arizona House rules, a majority of the chamber must vote to suspend the rules to hold an immediate vote and that majority must include the House Speaker. Republican House Speaker Ben Toma has repeatedly expressed his opposition to repealing the ban. The vote failed, prompting Democrats to move again to force a vote, which also fell short.

Read more: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/arizona-lawmakers-repeal-abortion-ban-rcna148224

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[font size="8"]MAGA House
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Sigh… it’s going to be a battle between those of us who live in reality and those of us who live in batshit crazy internet conspiracy theory land for the foreseeable future. Look, people, I don’t know how many times I need to say this, but I feel that I must every single time. Honestly I really want to reenact that scene from Don’t Look Up where Leonardo DiCaprio is screaming at the camera about how all life on earth is about to be extinguished, and it really does feel like that, but I feel like I must. Anyway, here it goes. THERE IS A FUCKING MAD MAN IN THE KREMLIN WHO IS OUT FOR WORLD DOMINATION AND YOU ALL ARE JUST LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!!! WE SHOULD BE BOMBING HIS SORRY ASS BACK TO THE STONE AGES!!!! BUT NO, YOU IDIOTS ARE SO BLINDED BY FOX NEWS AND CONSPIRACY THEORY PROPAGANDA TO SEE THE OBVIOUS!!! Phew, OK, now that I got that off my chest, we need to talk about what’s going on with the House and Ukraine. And again, people, listen to me very carefully when I say this – Vladimir Putin WILL NOT STOP AT UKRAINE. He is out to take over the world. But nope, the fucking idiots that are currently in command of the House are just letting Putin get away with it. But we must not question the MAGA ties to Russia, and you’d be a fool and a communist to question their motives otherwise. But hopefully the cooler heads in the House will ultimately prevail in this fight.

The U.S. House of Representatives will have its long-awaited vote on aid for Ukraine, Israel and the Indo-Pacific as soon as Saturday, Republican Speaker Mike Johnson said on Wednesday, paving the way for its possible passage despite fierce objections from the right wing of his conference.

The House Appropriations Committee unveiled legislation providing more than $95 billion in security assistance, including $60.84 billion to address the conflict in Ukraine and assist regional partners as they handle Russia's invasion, of which $23.2 billion would be used to replenish U.S. weapons, stocks and facilities.

The effort to pass security aid gained new urgency following Iran's unprecedented attacks on Israel over the weekend in retaliation for a suspected Israeli airstrike on Iran's embassy compound in Damascus on April 1.

The Israel bill totals $26.38 billion, some of which will cover the cost of U.S. military operations in response to recent attacks. And $9.1 billion of the total is designated for humanitarian needs, something Democrats had demanded for them to support the bill.
https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-house-ukraine-israel-aid-bills-be-filed-wednesday-speaker-says-2024-04-17/

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Yeah why don’t we just start booing these clowns at every single opportunity? This is getting overly embarrassing. The answer as to whether or not we should fund Ukraine? The answer is YES!!! It’s called “diplomacy”. When countries like each other, they help each other out. You know what? Nobody tell the MAGAs that the Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France and that France helped us win the Revolutionary War. OK? But when even actual generals are saying “Hey! You guys really fucked up!”, you’d better listen!

After months of inaction, House Speaker Mike Johnson unveiled on Monday evening an outline of his plan to address the conflicts in Ukraine and the Middle East, defying Republicans who threatened to oust him from the speakership if he moved forward with funding for Ukraine.

But Johnson (R-La.) risks appeasing no one with a convoluted plan to placate his critics on the right while also giving national security hawks a chance to advance billions of dollars in aid to Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan.

Johnson plans to put four different bills on the floor, essentially decoupling aid for Israel — which faced a barrage of missiles and drones from Iran over the weekend in retaliation for a deadly airstrike on its consulate in Syria — from help for Ukraine, which is more controversial inside his conference. The speaker will then advance separate votes for aid to Taiwan and a measure to satisfy Republican foreign policy demands, including the seizure of Russian assets.

It’s a major gamble by the embattled Johnson, who was elevated to lead the fractious GOP conference after the unprecedented ouster of Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.). The former low-profile lawmaker has had trouble rallying a majority of his conference on almost anything and has had to rely on Democrats on substantive issues, including keeping the government open.

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/04/15/mike-johnson-israel-ukraine-aid-house-republicans/

Here’s the thing, MAGA Mike – you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. At this point, I should reveal that we at the Top 10 Home Office in Santa Ana, California have been placing wagers on how long it’s going to be before the MAGAs take orders from Sean Hannity and fire MAGA Mike because of the Ukraine bill. As insane as this House is, you know they’re planning something really terrible. Seriously, right now MAGA Mike is the “ALL IS WELL!!!” guy from Animal House, he’s trying to stop the chaos unfolding right in front of him, and it’s not going particularly well.

Growing uncertainty around the fate of House Speaker Mike Johnson's (R-La.) foreign aid plan is creating new threats from Republican Ukraine hawks to try to bypass him.

Why it matters: Johnson had aimed to hold a vote by the end of the week, but conservatives angered by the package have pressured him back to the table.

Johnson spent Tuesday afternoon in closed-door meetings with various GOP factions to try to cobble together a consensus.
As of Tuesday evening, text of the bills still hadn't been released. "I think people would like to see [the text], people would like to get it done this week," said Rep. Mike Simpson (R-Idaho).

State of play: There are two discharge petitions – mechanisms that can force a House vote if 218 members sign on – currently in play.
https://www.axios.com/2024/04/16/house-republican-discharge-petition-ukraine-israel

So while the rest of America and those of us who aren’t glued to the Murdoch cult 24 hours a day are yelling at Congress to get off their asses and actually do something to stop the Mad Man in Moscow from becoming emperor of the world, the rest of us are just shaking their heads in embarrassment. The GOP definitely seems to have short term memories about what’s really going on in the world, so why don’t we call this “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless MAGA Mind”? Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Yeah Marjorie’s head is mostly empty for the most part! So since this is an ongoing story, we’re definitely going to keep an eye on it. But depending on what way that this is going, MAGA is definitely going to have some explaining to do. Again, this is why you don’t listen to dumbass conspiracy theorists on the internet. Because you get insane politicians like the Clown Caucus that’s currently running the show. It’s going to get worse before it gets better.

Speaker Mike Johnson announced Monday evening the House will take up separate bills this week to provide aid for Israel and Ukraine, heeding demands from the far right to keep the issues separate as the threat of a vote to oust him from the speakership looms.

The long-awaited decision by Johnson marks a pivotal moment for the Louisiana Republican as he has faced intense pressure from his conference over how he would handle foreign aid to the key US allies.

Johnson predicted the House will vote Friday evening on the separate bills.

“There are precipitating events around the globe that we’re all watching very carefully,” Johnson told reporters after a GOP conference meeting Monday evening. “And we know that the world is watching us to see how we react.”
https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/15/politics/house-republicans-israel-ukraine-iran/index.html

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[font size="8"]Marjorie Greene Vs Mike Johnson

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So in today’s chapter of “Why Can’t We Have Nice Things In This Country?”, it seems like the worst House in American history is at it again. Make no mistake that this House was destined to fail by design to further sow division and hatred of government. It’s the House that’s run by and for Fox News viewers and internet conspiracy theorists. Which is why since their inception in 2022, they’ve wasted so much time on investigating social media companies, threatening to impeach Joe Biden, and even shared dick pics of Hunter Biden, because apparently they have a fetish for that sort of thing. And last year, since they voted to fire Speaker Kevin McCarthy and replaced him with MAGA megachurch preacher Mike Johnson, there’s been a rift in the Worst House Ever. Especially over the war in Ukraine, which continues to be a hot button issue among the MAGA faithful. So much that some of the more vocal idiots of the Worst House Ever, like Marjorie Shit For Brains (Q – Batshit) is threatening to simply fire Mike Johnson rather than do the right thing and vote to fund Ukraine’s war efforts against Vladimir Putin, which really says more about them than it does about us.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has filed a motion to oust Speaker Mike Johnson, three sources with knowledge of the move told NBC News, doing so just as the House voted to avoid a government shutdown.

Johnson, R-La., has served as speaker for five months, having taken over for Kevin McCarthy who was ousted from the top job under a similar process.

It was not immediately clear how the House would act on her motion, which requires just a majority vote to remove the speaker. Greene, R-Ga., did not file the motion as privileged — which would force a vote within two legislative days — but instead as a regular motion, which could be referred to a committee where it would likely languish.

The House is set to leave for a two-week recess on Friday and won't consider the motion until after it returns, an official familiar with the process told NBC News.

Read more: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-files-motion-oust-mike-johnson-house-speake-rcna134385

Oh come on!!! You know if we could just vacate Marjorie Greene from Congress and the government entirely, nothing of value would be lost! And I always love when MAGAs call themselves the “silent majority” when they’re the biggest loudmouth jackasses in the room, and any room at that! Yeah thank you New Orleans! But yeah we’re all sick and tired of MAGA / Fox / Q bullshit infecting nearly every facet of every day life, whether it’s book bans, store boycotts, Congress, the Senate, the list goes on and on. One day, my friends, it will all be over! And trust us, that day is coming! And we hope that day is soon!

Republican lawmakers' reactions to Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene's (R-Ga.) latest screed against House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) on Tuesday ranged from exasperation to outright hostility.

Why it matters: The antagonistic responses offers a glimpse at the internal headwinds pushing back against Greene as she threatens to force a vote to remove Johnson as speaker.

"I think that most people are exhausted," one House Republican told Axios of Greene's threats.

"Don't bother us. Airing your grievances is unnecessary."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/people-are-exhausted-marjorie-taylor-greene-stirs-gop-turmoil-with-mike-johnson-threats/ar-BB1lnm7R

Yeah so the MAGAs set an extremely terrible precedent when they decided to fire Kevin McCarthy last year. Watching the just every day drama unfolding in the Worst House Ever has been absolutely exhausting, frustrating, and downright maddening. It’s literally a three ring circus at this point. I would describe it as a group of high school girls arguing over who’s prettiest. Or maybe monkeys flinging their poop against the walls. Either way it’s embarrassing and it’s part of why 1, we can’t have nice things in this country, and 2, Congress has a lower approval rating than naval lint.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene on Tuesday renewed her threat to oust Speaker Mike Johnson, writing a blistering letter that condemned his leadership as she tries to gain support among her Republican colleagues for his potential removal.

The five-page letter does not indicate if or when she plans to force a floor vote on Johnson's removal, according to a copy shared with CBS News. But it comes as lawmakers return from a two-week recess and Johnson faces increasing pressure to move on Ukraine aid, which Greene adamantly opposes.

"Mike Johnson is publicly saying funding Ukraine is now his top priority when less than 7 months ago he was against it," the Georgia Republican wrote. "The American people disagree — they believe our border is the only border worth fighting a war over, and I agree with them."

Greene laid the groundwork last month for Johnson's potential ouster after he worked with Democrats to push through a $1.2 trillion spending bill to avert a partial government shutdown and end a monthslong spending fight. Greene said at the time that the resolution calling for the Louisiana Republican's removal was "more of a warning" and that she did not plan to immediately force a floor vote that would throw the Republican-led House into further chaos. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/marjorie-taylor-green-letter-mike-johnson-ouster/

Again – why we can’t have nice things in this country is because of the Republican party, which has been completely insane since Rush Limbaugh and growing increasingly more insane by the day since the advent of Trump and Fox News. The MAGAs have turned the House Speaker position into a revolving door and nothing is going to get accomplished until we take back the House and give these sniveling morons the heave ho they so desperately deserve. Unfortunately though, it does look like things are going to get worse and that’s because there’s support for ousting MAGA Mike that is sadly growing, damn it to hell.

Conservative Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) is joining Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) in her efforts to oust Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) after the Louisiana Republican announced plans to bring multiple foreign aid bills to the floor.

Why it matters: Johnson's speakership is in the most precarious place its been since taking over the gavel, coming under fire from conservatives over his handling of an array of policy issues.

Massie told the room he feels Johnson should resign and asserted he would co-sponser the motion to vacate.
Greene for weeks has threatened to force a vote on his ouster over Ukraine aid, doubling down despite former President Trump asserting he stands with Johnson.
https://www.axios.com/2024/04/16/thomas-massie-mike-johnson-motion-to-vacate

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[font size="8"]Is It Racist: Trump’s Chik Fil A Stop

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Hey everyone, it’s time to play that hot new game that’s sweeping the country!



Because we always say around here, if you have to ask, it’s probably racist! So is racist this week, you might ask? Well it’s that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, Caligula Turdburglar, and he has quite the busy schedule. In between fellating right wing talk show hosts, golfing, holding rallies in the middle of nowhere to his deranged cultist fanbase, golfing, appearing at his various trials for his various crimes, more golfing, and rigging his own golf tournaments, what does one do to take a load off? Well, you gotta go have a drink. Since Trump is a guy who doesn’t drink and doesn’t go to bars other than the one at Mar-A-Shithole and his various properties, you hit the nearest Chik-Fil-A. And apparently he bought a round of Chik-Fil-A milkshakes for everyone in the place. Which isn’t a bad move, but when you consider who he is, you know there’s something shady going on behind the scenes, and that there’s definitely something that doesn’t pass the smell test. And well, after the right wing talk shows praised this move, we were definitely right to confirm suspicion!

Former president, presumptive 2024 GOP nominee and fast food lover Donald Trump stopped by an Atlanta Chick-fil-A on Wednesday, where he reportedly ordered 30 milkshakes and gave them out to patrons in an apparent attempt to woo local voters.

The 77-year-old right-winger made his lunchtime visit en route to a fundraiser, according to local station 11Alive.

“Hello everybody,” Trump said while approaching the counter and paying compliments to the staff. He then asked a cashier what the day’s specialty was before claiming to be very familiar with Chick-fil-A’s offerings.

“I know this menu better than you do,” he told workers. “I probably know it better than anybody in here.”

The 45th president’s relationship with fast food is well-documented. While in the White House, he served McDonald’s and Chick-fil-A to college championship sports teams that came to visit. He’s also been known to eat KFC from a bucket on his private plane.
https://www.nydailynews.com/2024/04/10/donald-trump-chick-fil-a-atlanta/

Oh of course he does. He knows everything better than anybody. I suddenly just felt really dirty saying that, and the dirt’s not coming off. So how does he keep getting away with this stuff? Well of course the phoo op was absolutely staged. Which, again, knowing Turdburglar, is not exactly surprising. But finding out who’s behind it definitely is. Apparently the goal of the exercise was to get people to notice that Turdburglar has black voters behind him. Again, if you have to point out how *NOT* racist you are, then you’re probably racist.

The scenes of Donald Trump being warmly greeted last week by a Black audience at a Vine City Chick-fil-A restaurant electrified conservative political media at a moment when Republicans hope to make inroads with Democrats’ most committed voting bloc.

Those widely shared moments were days in the making, an alliance between the Trump campaign, local activists, and students at some of the nation’s most iconic historically Black colleges.

Trump and his allies have argued he can win greater Black support due to his messages on the economy and immigration, a notion President Joe Biden’s campaign rejects. Some of his outreach to African Americans has played on racial stereotypes — promoting $399 branded sneakers or suggesting that Black people would empathize with his dozens of felony charges — and has offended longtime critics and some potential allies.
https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/donald-trumps-atlanta-chick-fil-a-visit-black-conservative-activists

Like we always say around here, if you have to ask, it’s probably racist. And if you have to go out of your way to say you’re *NOT* racist, then you’re a racist. And of course it’s at UGA, where Trump recently made an ass of himself staging a political event for the death of murdered UGA student Laken Riley, who’s become a cause celebrity for the MAGA crowd. But again, he wasn’t at UGA specifically, but instead, was at the Fulton County courthouse waiting for his trial, where he’s under four separate indictments by Fulton County DA Fani Willis.

“I don’t care what the media tells you, Mr. Trump. We support you,” said Michaelah Montgomery, who hugged Trump during the recent stop in Atlanta.

After former President Donald Trump greeted some young Black students during a Chick-fil-A visit in Atlanta, Democratic strategists are throwing cold water on any suggestions that the viral moment signals broader support for him among young Black voters.

“I don’t think that changes the established norm that Donald Trump has an agenda that’s pretty hostile to Black folks overall,” Joel Payne, a Democratic strategist, told theGrio. “It doesn’t mean that every African-American voter will feel that way. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t outlier opinions that exist.”

On Wednesday, Trump dropped in at a Chick-fil-A restaurant near Atlanta’s prominent HBCUs: Spelman College, Morehouse College, Clark Atlanta University, and Morris Brown College. The Republican presidential candidate, who faces four criminal indictments – including one in Atlanta prosecuted by Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis – greeted the mostly young, Black customers and workers.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/scene-black-students-trump-chick-155547106.html

Yeah so Former President Turdburglar got caught with his pants down. And yeah that’s not exactly what one would call an “attractive image”. In fact if the diaper rumors are true, that’s probably one really disgusting image. Of course you know this was all just a smoke screen for the right wing media to distract them from Trump’s problems, right? And come on, how are so many black people falling for this bullshit? They do know that Trump is the world’s biggest bullshitter, right? And that he doesn’t give a flying fuck about any of his supporters, right? So is it racist that he did this and it was a setup? Probably.

The scenes of Donald Trump being warmly greeted on Wednesday by a Black audience at a Chick-fil-A restaurant in Atlanta electrified conservative political media at a moment when Republicans hope to make inroads with Democrats’ most committed voting bloc.

Those widely shared moments were days in the making, an alliance between the Trump campaign, local activists, and students at some of the nation’s most iconic historically Black colleges.

Trump and his allies have argued he can win greater Black support due to his messages on the economy and immigration, a notion President Joe Biden’s campaign rejects. Some of his outreach to African Americans has played on racial stereotypes — promoting $399 branded sneakers or suggesting that Black people would empathize with his dozens of felony charges — and has offended longtime critics and some potential allies.

https://apnews.com/article/trump-chick-fil-a-black-voters-d981e8edac067fa8912cc56c92d8b9ab

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Boeing Travel Anxiety
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It's time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Boeing has absolutely dominated the news lately, and none of it is good. In fact it’s almost entirely catastrophic, and you’re hearing stories about all kinds of things happening when planes are taking off or landing.. Boeing is yet another example of a corporation that’s put profits and shareholder over safety. Now it’s backfiring on them big time – both literally and figuratively. In fact some passengers are actively going out of their way to ensure that they’re not flying on Boeing’s newest aircraft – the 737 Max 8 and 737 Max 9, both of which are in the news for less than flattering reasons. But should you go out of your way to not fly on a Max 8? Well that entirely depends on how comfortable you are with the planes. But people are growing overtly anxious about flying currently and we don’t blame them, but some people are taking it to extremes.

It’s been a rocky year for major airline manufacturers like Boeing, whose planes were found to have mechanical issues.

People may be more hesitant to hop on a Boeing Max 9 after a door came off during an Alaska Airlines flight. The Federal Aviation Administration grounded those planes for weeks until Boeing could prove it was fixed.

However, flying still remains the safest form of travel, according to a 2023 report.

Chief Instructor at Savannah Aviation, Christian Rushing, says this shouldn’t cause widespread concern for passengers.

“Remember when those two accidents happened? Everybody didn't want to get on the Max. We can get on a max all day, there's no problem with the Max. There was a problem with two airplanes," Rushing said.
https://www.wjcl.com/article/aviation-anxiety-after-boeing-plane-malfunctions-why-flying-might-be-safer-than-you-think/60271643

Yes that’s about what it is like for the company right now. So how does one book air travel when they are feeling anxious? Well, when you book travel, airlines show you what planes they’ll be flying before you book. Boeing’s main competitor is Airbus, and their signature products are the A-220 and the A-320, both of which compete directly with the 737 Max 8 and Max 9. And there’s tons of articles out there that explain how you can travel around your anxiety. But choosing which plane you fly on isn’t exactly going to send a message to Boeing or the airlines. Instead, it’s Boeing’s stockholders and shareholders that need to take the hint.

Boeing 737 MAX 9 jets hit the skies again late last week, a few weeks after a fuselage door plug of an Alaska Airlines flight blew out of the plane at 16,000 feet above ground.

No passengers were seriously injured in the January 5 emergency and the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has since approved an inspection and maintenance process that airlines can follow to resume flying the MAX 9s.

But the alarming situation on Alaska Airlines flight 1282 was the latest in a series of incidents involving 737 MAX planes—including fatal crashes in 2018 and 2019 and potential electrical issues of certain jets in 2021—causing some travelers to rethink their travel plans on these aircraft. In fact, the travel search engine Kayak saw a 15-fold spike in the use of its aircraft filter tool after the Alaska Airlines incident, according to The Guardian.

Travelers, you have a choice when it comes to which aircraft you fly on, whether you have concerns about safety or you simply find some types of jets more comfortable than others.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jonisweet/2024/01/29/feeling-anxious-about-boeing-737-max-planes-heres-how-to-avoid-them/?sh=382c65275de2

Yes, travelers, you have a choice on what plane you fly on. While some are resorting to extremes like praying and taking anti-anxiety medication before takeoff. But how long can you avoid flying on Boeing aircraft? Or do you just stop flying altogether? Those aren’t options in the post-COVID world where everyone is trying to reconnect after over a year and a half apart. And of course, the blame game is definitely happening, but there isn’t one person or group that you can specifically target other than the shareholder class. But we’re the ones who are suffering as a result.

One nervous traveler touches the outside of the airplane while boarding and prays before takeoff. Another brings anti-anxiety medication. A third has been watching YouTube videos narrated by pilots to understand what happens during flights.

Such rituals have helped anxious passengers overcome their fear of flying. But in recent months, several travelers said, news of issues on Boeing planes has made these strategies insufficient and has threatened their ability to walk down the jetway. So they have come up with a plan: avoid flying on Boeing aircraft, even if it means re-booking flights.

“I just can’t step on that plane,” said Leila Amineddoleh, an art lawyer who lives in Hoboken, New Jersey. “Even if the chance of getting hurt on a Boeing flight, even with all these incidents, is slim.”

The chance is indeed slim: Aviation is the safest form of transportation by far, with significantly fewer fatalities than motor vehicles and trains, and aviation-related deaths and injuries are at nearly all-time lows.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/travelers-changing-flights-avoid-boeing-airplanes-rcna144158

Thankfully it hasn’t come to that yet, but it certainly could! You don’t know! But of course, the media fearmongering certainly isn’t helping things. In fact it’s only making things that much worse, which was the problem to begin with. But when Boeing’s own engineers are the ones who say that they won’t fly their own aircraft, then that’s a huge problem. And again, it’s why elections matter. Because if you get the wrong president who won’t fix the problem, they’ll just make the existing problem that much worse, and it’s time to stop the cycle. They say corruption starts at the top, and in the case of Boeing, it most certainly does.

A former Boeing manager says he would “absolutely not” fly on one of its 737 Max planes as the aircraft maker faces heightened scrutiny after a cabin panel blowout.

The company has been fighting to reassure regulators, airlines and passengers since a brand-new 737 Max 9 jet was forced into an emergency landing last month.

The dramatic incident during an Alaska Airlines flight – which prompted 171 Max 9 jets to be grounded for several weeks – has sparked the biggest safety crisis for Boeing since the crashes of two of its Max 8 jets, in 2018 and 2019, in which 346 people were killed.

“I would absolutely not fly a Max airplane,” Ed Pierson, a former senior manager on Boeing’s 737 program, told the LA Times. “I’ve worked in the factory where they were built, and I saw the pressure employees were under to rush the planes out the door. I tried to get them to shut down before the first crash.”

Pierson, who left Boeing in 2018 and is now executive director at the Foundation for Aviation Safety, expressed concern about the way in which regulators permitted the Max 9 to return to service last week.
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/feb/01/boeing-manager-737-max

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! If you’ve been following the news lately, and you’ve seen the absolute batshit, grossly illegal, completely inhumane, and highly unconstitutional abortion rulings coming of Alabama and Arizona lately, you might feel like all hope is lost and that it’s only going to get that much worse. Which, we can say that you’re probably right. But we’re also here to tell you that not all hope is lost! We wouldn’t want you to think that this program is entirely about negativity, now would you? Because what kind of hosts would that make us? Not very good ones! For the people who enacted these rulings are not followers of JAYSUS, they are followers of the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so profane, so disgusting that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! Look, we know this insanity is entirely his doing! And we know that there’s a far right religious component to it, and it’s certainly EVIL!

A far-right Arizona state senator led a prayer circle speaking in tongues on the chamber floor Monday, a day before the state Supreme Court upheld a Civil War-era law banning nearly all abortions.

In a video now making the rounds on social media, state Sen. Anthony Kern, a Republican from Glendale, guided the kneeling prayer group in English while several unidentified worshippers babbled. “Let it be so, Father God,” he said. “Let it be so, let it be so.”

The provocative act caught the attention of Jeanne Casteen, the executive director of Secular Arizona, a group that advocates for the separation of church and state.

Casteen tweeted the footage originally shared on TikTok by public affairs strategist Tony Cani, who said he received the clip from a person who wanted to remain anonymous. Cani said Kern and his “prayer team of anti-abortion extremists” were praying for the 1864 abortion ban to become law again. Kern later confirmed to HuffPost that was indeed the case.

The court ruled Tuesday that the 1864 law could go in effect, overriding a previous 15-week abortion ban and dealing a significant blow to reproductive rights.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/arizona-state-senator-leads-prayer-111314503.html

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Let it all out, my fair congregation, we must show these psychopaths that their religion is not welcome in our government! But here’s what we are here to remind you this week – not all hope is lost! Since the tragic death of legendary SCOTUS justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, it just seems like Dark One worshipping conservatives have taken a wrecking ball to our reproductive rights. What we want to remind you though, is that this week marks the 10th anniversary of the SCOTUS case Burwell V. Hobby Lobby, the case that allowed religious exemptions for abortion cases. My fair congregation, this could be the religious right’s undoing!

The U.S. Supreme Court 2014 decision in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby allowed religious, anti-abortion employers to refuse to cover contraception in their employee health insurance. But an extraordinary April 4 appellate court decision in Indiana turned the conservative Supreme Court’s landmark Hobby Lobby decision into a winning argument for abortion rights.

The unanimous ruling from the three-judge panel, which found that the state’s abortion ban burdens the religious beliefs of those whose faiths permit abortions, signals the possibility of a long overdue shift in the conservative bias of religious freedom jurisprudence. It also signals the emergence of a partial, albeit untested, argument for people needing an abortion in states that have banned it.

The Indiana case was brought in 2022 by five anonymous plaintiffs of faith and the group Jewish Hoosiers for Choice. They’re seeking a religious exemption from the abortion ban Indiana enacted following the U.S. Supreme Court’s reversal of Roe v. Wade that year. They said the ban violates their rights under the state’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), which, like the federal law the owners of Hobby Lobby successfully relied on to avoid providing contraception coverage, protects religious objectors from laws that “substantially burden” their “sincerely held” religious beliefs.
https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/indiana-abortion-ruling-hobby-lobby-rcna146844

Yeah now things could be even worse should the unholy Dark One and his evil minions worm their way back to the White House in 2025. It’s no secret that America’s conservatives are actively working to take this country backwards. To roll back 100 years of progress. But this, again is why we have to emphasize that elections matter! Yes, we’re skirting around the IRS 503(c) religious exemption rules for this one, but we have to say it! Because if you don’t vote, someone else may decide to do it for you, and they will put in charge people who you don’t like, and people who will make things that you’re used to that much more difficult!

The Indiana Court of Appeals gave an incremental win Thursday to a group of residents suing the state over its near-total abortion ban, arguing that it violates a state law protecting religious freedom.

The three-judge panel's ruling agreed with a lower court that plaintiffs with a religious objection to the ban should be exempt from it. But the written decision had no immediate effect and may be challenged in the state Supreme Court within the next 45 days.

Indiana’s near total abortion ban went into effect in August after the Indiana Supreme Court upheld it, ending a separate legal challenge.

The religious challenge against the ban was brought by four residents and the group Hoosier Jews for Choice in September 2022, saying it violates a state religious-freedom law Republican lawmakers approved in 2015. A county judge sided with the residents — who are represented by the American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana — last December. Indiana later appealed the decision.
https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/lawsuit-challenging-indiana-abortion-ban-survives-state-challenge-108863924

Yes, my fair congregation, Indiana, of all states, a state that gave us a justice who’s a member of the insane anti-abortion cabal, might be the key to fighting back against the MAGA Taliban! Yes, it’s insane that conservatives want all the babies, but they don’t want anything to do with said babies once they are here. Can’t get decent education, can’t get living wages. Parents can’t get support. But they can – wait for it – make more babies! Sigh… it’s why we can’t have nice things in this country! So even if we can’t beat the anti-abortionists, we can fight back! And any victory in this fight, no matter how large or small, should be celebrated with revels!

The Indiana Court of Appeals sided with American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana on Thursday, upholding a previous court's decision that a small group of Hoosiers should be granted the right to abortion care under the state's religious freedom law. It's a small win for abortion rights supporters, though it doesn't immediately expand abortion access to Hoosiers who aren't involved with the case.

The ACLU of Indiana is fighting a legal battle for the state to allow abortion care for people who hold the religious belief that life does not begin at conception. This challenge is one of several the state's ACLU has launched since the state's near-total abortion ban was signed into law in 2022.

There are narrow exceptions in the cases of rape or incest up to 10 weeks post-fertilization, to protect the life of the mother and in the case of fatal fetal abnormalities
https://www.indystar.com/story/news/politics/2024/04/04/court-of-appeals-sides-with-aclu-on-abortion-case/73207538007/

So while it may seem like all hope is lost in light of the recent news, it really isn’t. The anti-abortionist scum can be beaten! It may take time, but it can be done! The unholy Dark One and his wretched supporters be damned! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing: Boston Market
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There’s a time when comedy goes from ordinary to legendary. Look at George Carlin for instance, and his rant about dumb Americans from his 2005 stand up special “Life Is Worth Losing”. He warned us about what was coming, and that makes that bit remembered long after his death. Norm MacDonald is the latest comedian to join legendary status. Back in 1996 – two years after the OJ Simpson verdict heard around the world, there was a sketch on Saturday Night Live that was basically a truly epic takedown of what had conspired. Where other comedians at the time, including Jay Leno and David Letterman, were afraid to tread, Norm went there. And not only did he do that with a style that’s still unmatched to this day, even as both men are gone from this world, their feud remains. And so will Norm’s epic Saturday Night Live sketch. Because going where few comedians dare to tread is what turns a sketch from ordinary to legendary. Owning someone on national TV in prime time is one thing, owning someone on national TV after death is something else entirely!

There was nothing inherently funny about the late O.J. Simpson‘s nearly yearlong trial on two murder charges. His ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ron Goldman had been brutally stabbed to death, and the prosecution was arguing that Simpson’s history of domestic abuse in his marriage had culminated in this act of deadly violence.

But Simpson’s celebrity as a football and movie star, his high-powered “Dream Team” of lawyers, the bizarre Ford Bronco chase before his arrest, and the sense that Los Angeles could once more explode as it did during the Rodney King riots all combined to make the case the most topical subject in the country — if not the only one. And, by design, a sketch comedy show like Saturday Night Live has no real choice but to address such an event in its “Weekend Update” news segment. How on earth could they make light of this tragedy?

It so happened that weeks before the “Trial of the Century” got underway, SNL had welcomed a replacement anchor for “Weekend Update” who would prove extraordinarily well-equipped for the task: Norm Macdonald. The comedian took the chair for Season 20 and, in no time at all, became one of the most crucial Simpson commentators of the day precisely because the rules of journalism did not confine him. He didn’t have to say “allegedly,” and he didn’t have to wait for a verdict, instead operating as if Simpson’s guilt was axiomatic, bluntly stating it as a settled fact while he stared into the camera, daring you to disagree.
https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/norm-macdonald-oj-simpson-death-1235002811/

Yeah so history time, gather around kids! Let me tell you for those of you who aren’t 80s / 90s kids how much that trial absolutely dominated television. And every single thing that happened during that trial was the butt of the jokes of late night television. But none of the late night comedians ever would dare touch whether they thought OJ was guilty or not. The general consensus was that he probably was, but we’ll save that for another time. Only Norm MacDonald was the one who went there – in front of the man himself, no less! And this is the sketch that NBC doesn’t want you to see, because Norm got fired for it almost immediately after it aired!

Following the announcement of the death of OJ Simpson, Saturday Night Live fans are sharing compilations of Norm Macdonald roasting the infamous NFL star.

Simpson died on Wednesday aged 76 after a battle with cancer, his family announced.

Macdonald, who died in 2021 aged 61, was known for his regular jokes about Simpson following the latter’s 1995 acquittal for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman the previous year.

The comedian took aim at Simpson during the Weekend Update segment of the show, and later claimed he was fired over the repeated jibes.

“In his book, OJ Simpsons says he would’ve taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I’m going to tell you, that is some bad luck when the one guy who would’ve died for you kills you,” Macdonald said in one episode before the verdict.
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/oj-simpson-snl-norm-macdonald-b2528502.html

Damn right it is! But apparently as we’ve learned, the two’s on screen grudge was mainly just for show and that was about it. No, you can’t humanize OJ Simpson no matter how hard you try. I mean the man is a double murderer. Allegedly! The clip of Norm and OJ also surfaced again when Norm was a guest on David Spade’s Comedy Central talk show. Such an epic takedown will live on forever, and even in the age of the internet, there’s no such thing as a take back. But despite that the executives at NBC didn’t appreciate Norm’s style of humor, those in the comedy world certainly did!

In 2011, when Macdonald was hosting a sports show on Comedy Central, he tried to persuade Simpson to sit for an interview with him. There was one stipulation that perhaps could only have come from the mind of a comedian as darkly ironic as Macdonald: The lone subject off-limits would be … the murders.

For reasons still unclear, Hoekstra said, the interview never happened.

And then, in 2019, Macdonald made an appearance on David Spade’s short-lived Comedy Central talk show. There, he listened as another former Weekend Update host, Dennis Miller, praised his fearlessness in mocking Simpson in the face of executive annoyance.

With a straight face, Macdonald delivered what may have been his final O.J. joke.

He said he had changed his mind about Simpson.

“He was found not guilty by a jury of his peers,” Macdonald said. He noted that Simpson was “the greatest rusher in the history of the NFL,” then paused.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/2024/04/12/norm-macdonald-fired-oj-jokes/

So if there’s two things you just don’t joke about – murder and death. And you really shouldn’t. And whether or not someone’s death is actually funny is a gray area. Let’s just hope that the deceased has a good sense of humor about it! Yes, both OJ and Norm might be gone, but Norm is still taking down OJ even in the afterlife. And that’s when a good sketch becomes legendary. When it lasts longer than the comedians do and it’s still relevant to this day. You’ll be hearing about the OJ trial even 40 – 50 years from now, and when that starts trending, you can bet that these sketches will follow!

Following the announcement of the death of OJ Simpson, Saturday Night Live fans are sharing compilations of Norm Macdonald roasting the infamous NFL star.

Simpson died on Wednesday aged 76 after a battle with cancer, his family announced.

Macdonald, who died in 2021 aged 61, was known for his regular jokes about Simpson following the latter’s 1995 acquittal for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman the previous year.

The comedian took aim at Simpson during the Weekend Update segment of the show, and later claimed he was fired over the repeated jibes.

“In his book, OJ Simpsons says he would’ve taken a bullet or stood in front of a train for Nicole. Man, I’m going to tell you, that is some bad luck when the one guy who would’ve died for you kills you,” Macdonald said in one episode before the verdict.
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/oj-simpson-snl-norm-macdonald-b2528502.html

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So if you haven’t been paying attention, just as the United States is in an election year, so our neighbors to the north, Canada. Well, sadly, Canada may be the next nation in the world to succumb to the ever-growing Fascist-verse. Worst extended universe, ever, by the way. Look at the parallels between Canada and Argentina. Both were run by liberals. Both are facing unprecedented economic hardships. And both countries had leaders that were very unpopular going into the general election. Well the leader of the Canadian conservative movement is Pierre Poilievere, and with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Pierre Poilievre has earned a new admirer — conspiracy theorist Alex Jones.

Jones, who regularly promotes conspiracy theories and hateful rhetoric through his website InfoWars, took time during a recent broadcast to heap praise on Canada’s newly elected Conservative leader.

During an interview with John Birch Society Program Director Robert Owens, Jones identified Poilievre as one of the leaders of a “rising” global far-right movement that is challenging the “New World Order.”

According to Jones, those far-right leaders include Canada’s new Conservative leader as well as Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro and Italian President Georgia Meloni.

“As negative as things are, we got Bolsonaro, we got Georgia Meloni in Italy, we got the new Canadian leader who’s set to beat Trudeau — who is totally anti-New World Order,” Jones said on his September 30 broadcast.
https://pressprogress.ca/far-right-conspiracy-theorist-alex-jones-praises-conservative-leader-pierre-poilievre/

Yeah so I know that most of our viewers are United States based. But here’s the thing – Poilievre is totally mimicking the Steve Bannon / Heritage Foundation fascist playbook, and it’s winning him voters just like countries like India, the Philippines, Argentina, and Italy. He’s spreading everything from violence-fueled conspiracies targeting Islamophobia to gender ideology. Last year, Canada sounded the alarm about American extremism and now it’s succumbing to it, as sad as that is. It’s like we keep saying on this program – conservative idiocy isn’t just a uniquely American problem. It’s a global problem and they’re the same no matter what country you go to!

Evening prayers had just ended at the Quebec mosque when Alexandre Bissonnette, 27, primed his semi-automatic rifle and opened fire at two Muslim men. The gun quickly jammed, so Bissonnette pulled out a pistol – killing four more men and critically injuring five others in under two minutes.

Over 600 miles away in Ontario, a Muslim family were on an evening stroll when Nathaniel Veltman, 20, floored the gas pedal of his pickup truck and rammed into them at full speed. A grandmother, two parents, and a teenager were killed – the only survivor was a nine-year-old boy.

These two separate attacks occurred in 2017 and 2021, while Veltman was given five life sentences this month. While both have been condemned as terror incidents, they have another fact in common – both Bissonnette and Veltman were supporters of Canada’s far-right movement..
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/terror-and-security/canada-far-right-movement-fuels-violent-islamaphobia/

Yeah so even in Canada, their far right is mimicking our far right. Even Tucker Carlson flew out to Ontario to meet with the leaders of Canada’s far right party. These people are bad, OK? They fuck up every single country they’re in charge of. Then they blame the other side when nobody likes their ideas or their policies. It’s scary to think that one of the most liberal countries in the entire world could see their far right emulating ours. No, people! Stop it! Keep conservative MAGA extremism confined to the United States, please! Come on, Canada, it’s not too late! Save yourselves!

In the mid-20th century, Canadian political leaders worked to create a national identity that was independent of Britain and the United States. Canadian conservativism had long defined itself in opposition to the United States and its imperialism, while the Liberal Party had traditionally encouraged economic integration and cooperation between the two countries.

That changed when nationalist movements in English Canada in the 1960s broke from this tradition, and Liberal leaders also worked to craft an identity in opposition to their southern neighbor. They criticized the imperialism and racism in the United States that they claimed did not exist in Canada and encouraged economic distancing between the two.

Just as Canadians were forging a new sense of national identity, Americans became more interested in Canada’s internal politics. Liberal Pierre Trudeau was elected as Canada’s Prime Minister in April 1968 and became the country’s first leader to reach a “celebrity” status outside the country.
https://time.com/6696097/canadian-far-right/

Come on, Canada! It’s not too late! Save yourselves! You too can stop the rising tide of hatred and white supremacy that seems to be engulfing the planet. Stand up to the Steve Bannon fascist-verse. If we can beat them here in the US, you can beat them too. Ignore the press on what Justin Trudeau’s popularity rating is. We’re going through the same thing here in the US – the polls are being manipulated by dark forces. But of course all of this points to the guy at the top, and the guy at the top is none other than the head fascist himself – Vladimir Putin. And his minion Steve Bannon is certainly doing his dirty work.

“Old wine, new labels.” When it comes to the alt-right, that’s the phrase that comes to mind for Dr. Barbara Perry. A hate crime researcher for almost 20 years, she’s found little difference in the views held by right-wing extremists active in Canada now and those of years past.

With white nationalist rallies and hate-motivated violence appearing to run rampant in the U.S., the existence of hate groups in Canada may come as news to some.

National hate crime data from both countries are on par. A 2015 Statistics Canada hate crime report reveals an overall rise by five percent from the previous year. The 2016 FBI report on hate crimes finds that reports also rose by five percent. Almost 60 percent of these crimes were racially motivated.

It’s Perry’s opinion that the explicit dismissal of hate-based violence in Canada is a case of national denial. “It's embedded in our psyche, I think, that we are the best example of the success of multiculturalism. There's still failure or unwillingness to acknowledge our flaws, the chinks in our armour,” Perry says.
https://www.cbc.ca/cbcdocspov/features/white-nationalism-and-right-wing-extremism-arent-new-to-canada

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



So of course, you know by now that the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks, and while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention or not, but there’s some really dark shit in the news right now, and we always feel that sometimes the best escape is to belly up to the bar and crack open a cold one or two, and escape reality for a bit. And don’t worry, my sober brothers and sisters, we got you covered too! Just grab a glass of your favorite coffee, tea or energy drink and come get wired with us! So this week, our viewers tipped us off to a bizarre story unfolding in the Land Of The Rising Sun, Japan. And apparently, everyone in Japan is going to have the same surname by the year 2500 if their insane marriage law holds up! Yeah imagine that! So tell me bartender, what goes well with that story? Ha ha ha… no thanks. How about some Japanese rye whiskey? Got to change it up a bit! So this is an absolutely bizarre story. Apparently if Japan’s controversial law regarding surnames and marriage holds up, everyone could have the same surname in 500 years. It’s too insane to even begin to remotely comprehend!

Japan has earned its reputation as the global epicenter of tech innovation over the years. The island nation has produced eye-catching technology with the help of precision engineering and cutting-edge electronics. While the country has made its name for technology, its civilization may be hit by one of the worst crises in the distant future and it is largely related to surnames. In a recent simulation conducted by Tohoku University economics professor Hiroshi Yoshida, it has been found that by the year 2531, almost all Japanese citizens will share one common surname—Sato, reports The Japan Times.

Japan is the only country in the world that requires spouses to use the same last name, following an archaic civil code from 1898. As of 2023, the most common last name in Japan was Sato, accounting for about 1.5% of the total population. While this might seem insignificant, the study conducted by Yoshida has forecasted that if this continues, every Japanese person will be known as Sato by 2531.

The study was organized by the Think Name Project and Asuniwa as they want to legalize the opportunity to select surnames in the country. This study led to a hypothesis suggesting that if no changes are made to the surname policies, then 50 percent of family names in Japan will be Sato by 2446. The annual growth rate of the surname Sato is thought to be increasing by 1.0083 percent, according to data between 2022 and 2023.
https://www.good.is/in-500-years-every-citizen-in-japan-could-strangely-have-the-same-surname

Yeah we need all the shots! So yeah according to a computer simulation, literally everyone in the Land Of The Rising Sun, by the year 2500, will all be named Sato. How fucking insane is that? Of course, these are the things that you learn with my show, which is why we have that coveted 2:00 PM time slot at the chuckle hut! So what needs to change in order for Japan to avoid that fate? Well they’re definitely going to have to make some changes and fast! Because they only have… 500 years. Which means that’s a lot of boning going on and they’re going to have to change a centuries old law! Come on, man!

Japanese citizens will all have the same family name in 500 years’ time unless married couples are permitted to use separate surnames, a new study has suggested as part of a campaign to update a civil code dating back to the late 1800s.

The study, led by Hiroshi Yoshida, a professor of economy at Tohoku University, projected that if Japan continues to insist that couples select a single surname, every single Japanese person will be known as “Sato-san” by 2531.

Yoshida conceded that his projections were based on several assumptions, but said the idea was to use numbers to explain the present system’s potential effects on Japanese society to draw attention to the issue.

“If everyone becomes Sato, we may have to be addressed by our first names or by numbers,” he said, according to the Mainichi. “I don’t think that would be a good world to live in.”
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/apr/02/japan-sato-only-name-by-2531-marriage-law

Yes, because… otherwise, how else do you survive the last 8 years? Come on, no politics at the bar, who am I kidding? There are rules, people! Yeah exactly, like Oprah! You get the name Sato! And you get the name Sato! And you get the name Sato! Everybody gets the name Sato! Seriously, how fucked up would that be for the insurance claims adjusters of the future? Grandpa Soto dies and leaves his inheritence… to the next Sato? Think about it! And how would the nametag situation work at weddings and conventions? But wouldn’t that be insane if everyone in the country had the same last name? It could very well happen!

He explained to Mainichi Japan: “If everyone becomes Sato, we may have to be addressed by our first names or by numbers. I don't think we can call that a good world to live in.”

Currently, Sato is the most popular surname in Japan, with 1.529 per cent of the population bearing that family name.

Yoshida used calculations, including the proportion of the population with the surname Sato and the estimated growth rate, to project how the single surname system may affect the diversity of names.

He concluded that over half of the population will have the surname Sato by 2446. By 2531, everyone will have that surname.
https://www.indy100.com/news/japan-same-surname-sato-2531

I don’t think that glass is big enough! There is good news, though. As weird as this scenario could possibly be, people are fighting back! Yes, because overturning a centuries old law would take years and cost millions of dollars. But people have had enough and it’s insane to think that everyone in the country could have the same surname. But we’ve got 500 years to change such an unjust law! 500 years is a long-ass time! So you’d better act now because otherwise in 500 years, you too could be joining the world’s largest family!

Six couples sued the Japanese government over a law that requires married spouses to have the same surname, the latest legal challenge against a century-old custom that many argue perpetuates inequality, as well as personal and practical harm.

Ten plaintiffs — including legal and common law couples — filed suit on Friday in a Tokyo district court and one couple in Sapporo, coinciding with International Women’s Day to draw attention to the fact that the practice disproportionately affects women. If the Supreme Court rules that the law is unconstitutional it will go on to be reviewed in parliament.

Previous legal challenges, including one in 2021, were dismissed by the top court, but calls for change have grown louder as awareness grows about the professional setbacks that women suffer. That’s giving the lawyers and plaintiffs behind the current lawsuit a confidence boost.
https://time.com/6898675/japan-surname-couples-lawsuit-womens-rights-business/

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[font size="8"] Stupidest State 2024
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



Folks, the Elite 8 is set! After last week’s challenge that shocked the tournament, Florida has been eliminated from competition! Yes, the NFFSA in an a completely unprecedented move, voted 5 – 2 to find Florida guilty of cheating. As a result, coach DeSantis has been fired and the players who were caught cheating were suspended, removed, and banned from future participation. So with that news out of the way, the Elite 8 is set! In the Batshit Conference, it’s #2 Arizona against #3 Louisiana! In the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, it’s #1 Ohio against #4 South Dakota! In the Gun Nut Conference, it’s #1 Texas against #3 Missouri! And in the Family Values Conference, it’s #1 Alabama against #3 Oklahoma! This week it’s Round 2 Week 1 and it’s the Gun Nut Conference Championships! Texas. Missouri. One of these two will punch a ticket to the Final Four! We’re live at the home of the Denver Nuggets, the Ball 1 Arena in Denver, Colorado for all the exciting action! Let’s go to the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Gun Nut Conference Finals: Texas Vs Missouri [/font]

[font size="4"]Texas[/font]

In Stupidest State history, Texas time and time again has won the Gun Nut Conference for several reasons, and the first is that they love them some guns. Oh man do they love them some guns in the Lone Star State. But since about 2001, Texas has been consistently led by violent psychopaths, particularly the unholy trinity of Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, and Dan Patrick. All of which are products of the Fox News Ministry Of Propaganda. So what do you do when people post a lot of unflattering articles about you? Well rather than changing the error of your ways, you go and sue the people who are spilling the beans on you. That’s right, you sue Media Matters. Because… why not???

A JUDGE ON Friday moved to halt an investigation by Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) into the liberal watchdog journalism organization Media Matters, issuing a preliminary injunction in the case.

Calling Media Matters a “radical left-wing” and “anti-free speech organization,” Paxton claimed to be investigating “potential fraudulent activity” by the group under Texas’ Deceptive Trade Practices Act, in response to its reporting about X — the social media platform formerly known as Twitter.

Snip

D.C. District Court Judge Amit Mehta granted Media Matters’ request for a preliminary injunction in its case against Texas on Friday. “Plaintiffs’ reporting on matters of public concern are core First Amendment activities,” the judge wrote, asserting that Paxton was pursuing Media Matters with “retaliatory intent” over acts “with no apparent connection to Texas.”

Mehta issued an order blocking Paxton from enforcing his office’s original investigative demands and from issuing any additional demands relating to the investigation he announced in November.
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/ken-paxton-media-matters-texas-judge-halts-probe-1235004013/

Thank you Nelson! But that being said, while the unholy trinity of Texas might be trying to silence their critics, this is about guns! And this might be one of the sketchiest things we’ve seen yet. So apparently a program to buy back guns in Texas turned into something that a private company got involved in. And yeah doesn’t that already sound sketchy? Well this company bought all the guns, stripped and sold them for parts. Yeah what could possibly go wrong there? If there’s one thing we’ve learned on this program, it's never trust arms dealers!

An investigation by the CBS News Texas I-Team found in the past five years, 15 North Texas law enforcement agencies have contracted with the Louisiana-based company to dispose of their unwanted guns. Since 2019, these North Texas police and sheriff departments have sent Gulf Coast GunBusters more than 2,600 guns.

Law enforcement agencies often accumulate a stockpile of firearms that need proper disposal. These firearms can come from seizures during criminal investigations as well as gun buyback programs.

Gulf Coast GunBusters provides free firearm destruction services for law enforcement. However, before destroying the guns, the company strips the firearm for parts and destroys only the gun receiver. Subsequently, the remaining parts are sold through an online gun broker, where they are marketed as gun repair kits. These kits can be sold without a background check.

Read more: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/i-team-guns-sent-off-by-texas-police-departments-to-be-destroyed-were-stripped-of-parts-and-sold-online/

https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit 96/1*Y5um9t3fueZzMBz4ZPqClQ.gif

Yes, good question! While the rest of the country – those who do not live in Rupert Murdoch’s criminally insane cult – want things like background checks for guns and safety training, Texas seems to be going in a completely opposite direction. This is why you don’t listen to crazy people on the internet! Texas is a state that’s run by and for Fox News viewers. They’ve banned things like DEI and anything having to do with gender, because it’s what the MAGA cult wants. But then the “SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!!!” crowd on the other hand, is insane.

Texas’ gun laws make the state an attractive destination for arms traffickers, gun control advocates say. Powerful, military-style assault rifles are legal and plentiful in Texas but banned in California.

“These are weapons of war that are used on the battlefield,” said David Pucino, legal director and deputy chief counsel at the Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence.

Authorities in the U.S. and Mexico say U.S.-bought guns are fueling violence in Mexico and on the border. Mexico has some of the most restrictive gun laws in the world and only one gun store, but the country had more than 180,000 gun-related homicides between 2007 and 2019. Mexican officials say that surge coincided with the “sharp increase” in U.S. gun sales.

Pucino said U.S. gun companies know their assault rifles don’t just appeal to firearms collectors and enthusiasts.
https://www.dallasnews.com/news/crime/2024/03/19/texas-gun-laws-and-firearms-trafficking-explained/

v

[font size="4"]Missouri [/font]

The Show Me State is back for another go round! Yes, Missouri loves them some guns. In fact they’re the home of infamous 2020 protest interrupters the McCloskeys, who are world famous for flashing their pieces on camera! And again, the rest of the country – the people who don’t live in the Murdoch / Jones right wing propaganda bubble, want things like background checks and safety training. But nope, can’t have that. Because the 2A absolutionists will immediately scream “SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!!!” at the mere thought of something to do with our insane gun laws actually having to change. Come on, there was literally a shooting at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl victory parade! And this is the kind of shit that gets passed!

The deadly mass shooting that unfolded Wednesday following a Super Bowl celebration rally in Kansas City – a city that recorded its deadliest-ever year in 2023 – occurred in a state known to have some of the weakest gun laws in the country.

The gunfire killed a 43-year-old woman and injured at least 23 others during a Kansas City Chiefs parade where around 1 million people gathered to celebrate, and prompted calls from the Biden administration for Congress to pass “reasonable gun safety laws.”

“What are we waiting for? What else do we need to see? How many more families need to be torn apart?” President Joe Biden said in a statement Wednesday.

The lax gun laws in Missouri, where at least 155 mass shootings have happened since 2013, have created challenges for law enforcement and officials in preventing and investigating gun violence in the state. Here’s why.
https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/us/missouri-gun-laws-kansas-city/index.html

Yeah so think about this for a minute. This year is the 25th anniversary of the Columbine shooting. 25 years! And so far nothing has changed. In fact gun nuts are actively taking this country backwards instead of forwards. Not only that, anything sensible that could potentially have a positive effect has been quickly outweighed by the nuttiest gun nuts. And yes, there was a group called “Sensible Missouri” that wanted to pass some, well, sensible gun laws. But that idea proved to be very unpopular in the Show Me State.

An organization that emerged last year with the goal of putting a constitutional amendment on the ballot in 2024 to ask voters if local municipalities should be able to pass their own gun laws has conceded that the effort will not move forward this year.

Sensible Missouri submitted three versions of potential ballot language last June that differed on which counties could enact their own gun laws.

In the wake of the Super Bowl victory parade shooting in Kansas City that killed one and injured 22, on Feb. 14, Missouri House Democrats submitted House Joint Resolutions mirroring the Sensible Missouri language that would also lead to a statewide vote. The resolutions are unlikely to pass in the General Assembly with Republicans holding supermajorities in both chambers, but lawmakers also hoped the move might put some wind in the sails for Sensible Missouri’s work.

A Sensible Missouri spokesperson confirmed late last week that it never put petitions into the field and that its focus has shifted to 2026.
https://spectrumlocalnews.com/mo/st-louis/news/2024/02/26/2024-statewide-question-missouri-guns

So in case you’re wondering – why yes, this is the 25th anniversary of the Columbine Shooting, like we previously said. And if you want to see a progression of how increasingly insane our country’s gun laws have become, look no further than the Show Me State. But one thing you should never, ever do is allow 2A extremists and absolutionists to write gun laws. Seriously, it’s like giving the alcoholic the keys to the liquor cabinet *AND* the keys to your car so they can make a beer run. Our gun laws, or complete lack of gun laws, are getting more ridiculous by the day. And the last thing we need is to have the craziest among us write them.

For years Missouri’s Republican Legislature has overseen a rightward turn on guns, taking the state from some of the country’s most restrictive laws to the most permissive. But several initiatives submitted for inclusion on the ballot in 2024 are seeking to change that.

The initiatives would restrict the carrying of firearms in public, require a permit and safety training to carry guns concealed, mandate that customers at gun shows pass a background check before buying a firearm, and make it a felony to sell a gun to anyone under the age of 18. They would also give local municipalities the authority to restrict firearms, effectively reversing a state law that gives Missouri legislators sole authority over gun regulations.

This makes Missouri one of at least four states where voters could be asked to weigh in on gun regulations come November.

But before getting on the ballot, the initiatives will face an uphill battle.
https://www.thetrace.org/2024/01/missouri-gun-laws-jay-ashcroft-election/

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Texas has the ball… right now they’re up by 7. For three… YES! Texas up by 10. Now a foul has been called on Missouri. First shot… a miss. Second… that’s a hit. No timeouts remain. And that’s game. We have a winner! For the third straight year in a row, Texas has punched their ticket to the Final Four! The final score: 95 – 86! Cut that net, guys! You earned it!



[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Next week it’s Round 2 Week 2! It’s the Family Values Conference Championships! Oklahoma. North Carolina. We’re live at the home of the Denver Nuggets, the Ball 1 Arena in Denver, Colorado, for all the exciting action! One of these two advances, the other goes home! Who will it be? Only one way to find out!



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Michael Franti & Spearhead[/font]

Folks, my next guest has a great new album called Big Big Love. You can see him on tour this summer, check out michaelfranti.com for tour dates. Playing his song called Vibe Check, give it up for Michael Franti & Spearhead!

Thank you New Orleans! It’s always great to be back in NOLA! We’ll see you again soon! We’re off to San Francisco next week for SF Podcastfest! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Michael Franti & Spearhead Appear Courtesy Of: Thirty Tigers Music
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Café Istanbul, New Orleans, LA
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