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moriah

(8,311 posts)
49. To be honest, all of this is far too triggering for me.
Wed Feb 6, 2019, 04:53 PM
Feb 2019

It was when it was Brett Kavanaugh, and it is when it's the Virginia Lt. Governor.

Unless a victim goes straight from the encounter to the police -- something that is easier recommended and said than done in the exact moment -- and they can find enough evidence to deem it non-consensual, or the victim is able to handle and police support them in getting the perpetrator of an assault to admit to it (and the perp does actually say something damning)....

Sexual assault is so difficult to prove -- or disprove. I didn't immediately try to seek an exam that could demonstrate non-consent, because to be frank I was passed out drunk, woke up to penetration, and couldn't think of anything beyond making him stop. Once I wasn't being raped anymore, I was conscious but with a sky-high BAC, and my one thought about how I could get away -- my car -- was I couldn't drive myself to the ER because I would be a danger to myself and others.

After I was sober.... the evidence that would have demonstrated the lack of consent, the fact I was blitzed, was gone. Nothing else could have demonstrated lack of consent aside from getting him to admit it, and I knew he'd never admit it over the phone. Even though I knew it was legal because it was done in a friend's case, they refused to let me meet him wearing a recording device in a public location. (I certainly didn't want to be alone with him, but I figured I could at least establish what he admitted immediately after, that he carried me from the couch I'd passed out on to his bed without me speaking a word or moving beyond trying to balance myself). I still tried with the phone thing, but it didn't work.

Fortunately no one who has assaulted me has run for public office. Even more fortunately, no newspapers decided to run things I posted on FB without my consent, should my privacy settings have failed.

The accusation is terrible. Yet unless there was evidence that conclusively proved assault -- and not everyone bruises spectacularly... she might have felt there wasn't enough evidence and didn't want to go through what I did by reporting. I still don't know if I'd report again given how unlikely it is they'd actually get a conviction -- or even pursue the case. I did it because I hoped that even if they didn't feel they could act on it, should he do it again they'd know it wasn't the first time and take a potentially better case more seriously. But because I wasn't thinking clearly to have ran and started knocking on doors, etc, and gotten someone to get me straight to the ER... well, it meant I didn't report in time either.

I couldn't help but talk to people, because I was a wreck -- I couldn't sleep, I kept waking up convinced someone was in my house, because that adrenaline surge when I first regained consciousness to realize something terrible was happening to me had been enough to terminate the assault. I still take medication. There was an email chain, and texts from him after I stopped speaking to him, where he didn't deny the basics. It still wasn't enough to even put it in front of a jury in the minds of prosecutors. It doesn't mean it didn't happen. And just because someone didn't seek help like I had to doesn't mean it didn't happen, either, or that they aren't suffering.

I don't know this Lt. Governor. I'm not from Virginia, I've kinda been focusing on getting the red out of Arkansas. I also had known the man who assaulted me for three years prior and felt safe enough to drink far beyond what was healthy for me in his apartment. If I couldn't trust someone I'd known that long, how on earth do I know what a stranger could be capable of?

-------

But all of this -- my experiences both with sexual assault and with the way police handled my case -- would totally exclude me from any jury in a sexual assault case.

At the same time... how many people, men and women both, have experienced sexual assault in some form? Should all victims be excluded? I know I should be, because frankly, it'd be too much for me to deal with a jury trial, etc, it'd hurt my own mental health. It's also why I know I can't be objective in these cases.

If not from the jury, from the court of public opinion? Well, the court of public opinion is certainly an unfair one, and one even more triggering perhaps than a court of law. I certainly don't *want* to believe he did such a thing, nor do I want to believe that anyone would deliberately lie about a sexual assault. In regular reality, I'm more inclined to believe the victim -- at least insofar as getting them to get the help they need (and if they're a minor, reporting it, as I'm a mandated reporter).

In a world as twisted as our current political sphere is.... well, I probably need to just stop here, put "Fairfax" as a trash keyword, and take care of myself. I had a hard enough time with pundit commentary during the Kavanaugh hearings. I wasn't there that night, I don't know either of them, and when trying to make points people sometimes say things that they don't mean to be hurtful, but just aren't that good for my own health to hear.

We have promoted a "no benefit of the doubt" hysteria here. Such things come back to bite us. LongtimeAZDem Feb 2019 #1
There are things I would not believe of Barack Obama, & nonconsensual sex is one of them... Hekate Feb 2019 #2
How well did you know Obama in 2007? EffieBlack Feb 2019 #3
Well you got here in 2007, but you never seem to know who I am, so I'll explain again... Hekate Feb 2019 #16
Oh. I apologize for not committing your history, views and impressions of Obama to memory EffieBlack Feb 2019 #20
smdh Hekate Feb 2019 #21
I read every word of it EffieBlack Feb 2019 #24
But that's because we KNOW him now. Pretend this was back in 2004 and we didn't know him. What then? pnwmom Feb 2019 #33
I addressed the questions put to me by EB, and told her more about me than I probably should... Hekate Feb 2019 #38
Check your mail Hekate Feb 2019 #41
They would have impeached, indicted, imprisoned and popped the champagne by now. Initech Feb 2019 #4
Or what if he barged into the Miss Teen USA locker room? Blue Owl Feb 2019 #5
He wasn't... brooklynite Feb 2019 #6
Yes. It says that he was never accused of rape EffieBlack Feb 2019 #8
Perhaps he wasn't accused of rape because there was nothing approaching evidence? brooklynite Feb 2019 #9
You think evidence is the prerequisite for someone to be accused of rape? EffieBlack Feb 2019 #22
What evidence has been produced against Fairfax? Did I miss something? pnwmom Feb 2019 #43
Have you read her very detailed statement? n/t theboss Feb 2019 #45
No, I'll go look for it now. Thanks. nt pnwmom Feb 2019 #46
Republicans are turning #metoo into guilty by accusation vs believe the accuser and investigate uponit7771 Feb 2019 #7
Since the Franken hatchet-job went so well, the GOP believes they oasis Feb 2019 #12
So now ANY accusation against a Democratic Office-Holder should be discounted? brooklynite Feb 2019 #13
If there's anything Dems are good at, it's the unnecessary over-correction theboss Feb 2019 #15
Dukakis in the tank. nt oasis Feb 2019 #29
case by case. But then, you knew that. oasis Feb 2019 #18
Okay - case by case. There's no evidence that this incident is a "hatchet job"... brooklynite Feb 2019 #37
Come on with the obvious strawman fallacy ... uponit7771 Feb 2019 #32
A good article about this wildflower Feb 2019 #39
No, not discounted. But there should be some EVIDENCE beyond a Facebook post. nt pnwmom Feb 2019 #44
It looks like they may be right. EffieBlack Feb 2019 #26
Democrats will prevail. The GOP always overplays its hand. nt oasis Feb 2019 #28
Then he probably wouldn't have been president theboss Feb 2019 #10
Yes. I's good that he didn't rape anyone. And it's also good that no one accused him of raping them EffieBlack Feb 2019 #23
You mean, it's good no one accused him of rape. Because that's all we have right now. pnwmom Feb 2019 #36
Has Lt. Gov. Fairfax been forced out of anything? brooklynite Feb 2019 #11
O.K., this particular hypothetical is over the top. Why something about OBAMA that UTUSN Feb 2019 #14
This is the danger inherent in identity politics theboss Feb 2019 #17
To be clear for ME, "identity politics" & "trend in the Dem party" & "black woman/black man" UTUSN Feb 2019 #19
But we don't have any more reason to think that Fairfax was capable of this pnwmom Feb 2019 #35
Since the thread kicked up I'll reply here. There's something just flawed about bringing OBAMA in. UTUSN Feb 2019 #40
Yes, I was assuming that Obama would have been FALSELY accused, pnwmom Feb 2019 #42
he was accused of killing his gay lovers who he did drugs with JI7 Feb 2019 #25
He wasn't? jberryhill Feb 2019 #27
Wait wait, ooh pick me! Pick me! I know! jberryhill Feb 2019 #31
I admire Barack Obama more than any other modern day politician PTWB Feb 2019 #30
But that's because we know Obama well now. What if this happened when he was just a state politician pnwmom Feb 2019 #34
Do you think the fact we railroaded Al Franken is coming back to haunt us? Joe941 Feb 2019 #47
Yes. EffieBlack Feb 2019 #48
To be honest, all of this is far too triggering for me. moriah Feb 2019 #49
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