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Blue_true

(31,261 posts)
84. My condolences.
Thu May 24, 2018, 07:37 PM
May 2018

This transition is life is shocking and depressing. Nothing prepares you for it, I have been through what you are experiencing now. Several things that I can share.

You need to get close to trusted family or a SOS, or a really trustworthy friend. The funeral and all of the leaving ceremony will happen, but the real, powerful grief won't hit you until a year or so from now, and it will be serious. You can fall into depression if you don't have someone that you can share your deepest feelings with. You will go through a day of activities ok enough, it will be the times that you are alone that will be the most difficult. I got through it, and other people have gotten through, I know that I needed help to get through it, have that available for yourself.

If your Mom was your last living parent, issues will now arise that you never imagined, especially if you have siblings and there is an estate. Money makes people do strange and horrible things, even blood relatives. I don't know whether you are the executor of your mom's estate, but if you are and you have siblings, make time during the family gathering and discuss how the estate will be handled if there is no explicit will. You may not want to do such a thing right now (I did not and did not do it), believe me, you will regret not doing it later after people start fighting over stuff. One thing the meeting should do is give you an idea of what you will deal with. You may want to keep things like homes, cars, investments, land for the family, but the best course of action may be to liquidate it all and evenly divide it, and get a signed declaration (drawn up by an attorney) from each sibling that they believe they were treated fairly. I hate to add this buzzkill in, but when you are going through the most intense part of the grieving process around a year from now, disputes about money could very well send you over the edge.

Take care

About an hour ago my mom died. [View all] milestogo May 2018 OP
A hug for you, and I wish you peace during this difficult time. IluvPitties May 2018 #1
thank you milestogo May 2018 #197
Deepest sympathy malaise May 2018 #2
thank you milestogo May 2018 #198
I'm so very sorry, milestogo... It has been many years, but feels like yesterday when I was in your hlthe2b May 2018 #3
I hope you have a friend or family member to be with you. Blessings. Don't be alone. Call someone. notdarkyet May 2018 #4
so sorry for you both, milestogo bigtree May 2018 #5
no milestogo May 2018 #138
my recent experience tells me that mopinko May 2018 #152
the hospice chaplain tried milestogo May 2018 #156
that's a shame. mopinko May 2018 #159
aw, heck bigtree May 2018 #173
Very Sorry. My Sympathy To You. TheMastersNemesis May 2018 #6
My sympathy to you and your bdamomma May 2018 #7
My mother passed away 5 years ago in hospice also. triron May 2018 #8
so sorry for your loss milestogo May 2018 #199
Sending you a ((HUG)) Alliepoo May 2018 #9
I've lost both of mine SHRED May 2018 #10
me too milestogo May 2018 #200
I'm so sorry. You have my heartfelt sympathies. Solly Mack May 2018 #11
I am sorry and my heart goes to you. Doreen May 2018 #12
Damn, the loss of your mom is a rough one, panader0 May 2018 #13
It takes some time to get used to this struggle4progress May 2018 #14
I am so sorry, milestogo! pnwmom May 2018 #15
My condolences to you. awesomerwb1 May 2018 #16
I'm very sorry. MontanaMama May 2018 #17
.... handmade34 May 2018 #18
So Sorry bluestarone May 2018 #19
I'm so sorry... sdfernando May 2018 #20
Milestogo, I'm so sorry. Hug any comforting memories Hortensis May 2018 #21
She loved flowers milestogo May 2018 #190
:) Hope you slept last night. Another day. Hortensis May 2018 #223
I am so sorry for your loss miles to go. smirkymonkey May 2018 #22
I am sorry for your loss... pbmus May 2018 #23
Oh wow, hurts like hell, I know...sorry Eliot Rosewater May 2018 #24
Do you have someone to comfort you? janx May 2018 #25
I'm so sorry vercetti2021 May 2018 #26
My sympathies to you. I went through this in December. 5 days before Christmas. blueinredohio May 2018 #27
My condolences for your loss. (eom) StevieM May 2018 #88
I am so sorry to hear that, MTG. TheBlackAdder May 2018 #28
thank you milestogo May 2018 #196
Very sorry for your loss. Stuart G May 2018 #29
So sorry samplegirl May 2018 #30
*huge hug* The world never feels the same without our parents in it. GreenPartyVoter May 2018 #31
I am so so sorry irisblue May 2018 #32
The love you have for your Mom will always warm your heart. cornball 24 May 2018 #33
I am so sorry for your loss. boston bean May 2018 #34
thank you milestogo May 2018 #243
Hugs TEB May 2018 #35
My deepest condolences. Coventina May 2018 #36
You're Not Alone Leith May 2018 #37
I'm so sorry for your loss milestogo. My sympathy to you and all livetohike May 2018 #38
I am so sorry. Snackshack May 2018 #39
I am so sorry for your loss, milestogo. badhair77 May 2018 #40
Awww, so very sorry for your loss. babylonsister May 2018 #41
Sorry for your loss. What city are you in? You shouldn't be alone in your grief. politicaljunkie41910 May 2018 #42
Words are so inadequate at this time. lpbk2713 May 2018 #43
My heart goes out to you. AJT May 2018 #44
Oh dear. I'm so sorry. You came to the right place for comfort. lamp_shade May 2018 #45
Losing a mother is hard. pazzyanne May 2018 #46
Yes indeed milestogo May 2018 #145
Thank you, milestogo. pazzyanne May 2018 #202
My heart goes out to you! TrollBuster9090 May 2018 #47
My condolences. The Velveteen Ocelot May 2018 #48
I'm sorry milestogo Cal Carpenter May 2018 #49
I'm so sorry. demmiblue May 2018 #50
Condolences ... NanceGreggs May 2018 #51
I'm so sorry Raine May 2018 #52
thanks people milestogo May 2018 #53
My condolences. My mother also passed at.a hospice after about a week of care . lunasun May 2018 #54
So sorry for your loss. Paz. RestoreAmerica2020 May 2018 #55
So sorry dcmfox May 2018 #56
Deepest condolences to you, milestogo lanlady May 2018 #57
My deepest sympathy. MyNameIsKhan May 2018 #58
So very sorry, hugs to you jcboon May 2018 #59
Ohhh, milestogo frogmarch May 2018 #60
Hmm. Crutchez_CuiBono May 2018 #61
I'm sorry. Take care of yourself. Buns_of_Fire May 2018 #62
Love to you & so sorry for your sad day 'milestogo' Wwcd May 2018 #63
There are no words, but I'm still very sorry for your loss. theaocp May 2018 #64
All the love of the universe is with you........ a kennedy May 2018 #65
Never easy...no matter when it happens. I'm sorry you'll be doing a "new" Kirk Lover May 2018 #66
Oh milestogo. I'm so sorry for your loss. femmedem May 2018 #67
Aw, milestogo, I'm so sorry to hear that. calimary May 2018 #68
I'm so sorry. onecaliberal May 2018 #69
Condolences to you and your family. Have a virtual hug from me. sinkingfeeling May 2018 #70
I'm so sorry! MelissaB May 2018 #71
I hope the opportunity to spend time with your mother was a blessing. Frustratedlady May 2018 #72
It was a blessing. milestogo May 2018 #96
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a Mum is so bloody hard. Do you arthritisR_US May 2018 #73
So very sorry for your loss mcar May 2018 #74
I am so sorry for your loss LiberalLoner May 2018 #75
I am so very sorry for you. pdxflyboy May 2018 #76
My deepest condolences MrScorpio May 2018 #77
No matter the circumstance, TNNurse May 2018 #78
May your Mom have the most auspicious rebirth possible. vlyons May 2018 #79
yours and mine both DonCoquixote May 2018 #81
I'm so sorry, milestogo. lapucelle May 2018 #80
I am so sorry. Are other family members close by? Hoyt May 2018 #82
... defacto7 May 2018 #83
My condolences. Blue_true May 2018 #84
Big hug cp May 2018 #85
My condolences to you. Stay strong through these sad times. monmouth4 May 2018 #86
I am very sorry. LisaM May 2018 #87
I am so sorry for your loss. (eom) StevieM May 2018 #89
My heartfelt condolences Rorey May 2018 #90
I'm so sorry milestogo. montana_hazeleyes May 2018 #91
Deepest sympathies. InAbLuEsTaTe May 2018 #92
I am so sorry. Laffy Kat May 2018 #93
So sorry milestogo spanone May 2018 #94
So sorry for your loss Marthe48 May 2018 #95
I'm so sorry to read that. MineralMan May 2018 #97
Very sorry for your loss, milestogo! n/t Different Drummer May 2018 #98
Peace Hoosier May 2018 #99
I'm so sorry for your loss kimbutgar May 2018 #100
I'm sorry, milestogo. mia May 2018 #101
Peace to you and your family. It's hard to lose a mom or dad. Lint Head May 2018 #102
I am so sorry. snacker May 2018 #103
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. herding cats May 2018 #104
SO sorry bucolic_frolic May 2018 #105
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 4 decades ago.........and it still hurts! LongTomH May 2018 #106
Deepest sympathy Mountain Mule May 2018 #107
I am so sorry for you. bronxiteforever May 2018 #108
So very sorry for your loss. Zoonart May 2018 #109
Deepest sympathy GeoWilliam750 May 2018 #110
My sincere condolences. CentralMass May 2018 #111
Condolences, milestogo sarge43 May 2018 #112
I will be trying Ohiogal May 2018 #113
thank you milestogo May 2018 #115
Hugs to you Generic Other May 2018 #114
I'm sorry for your loss milestogo Uncle Joe May 2018 #116
Peace, light and a hug to you. BadgerMom May 2018 #117
So sorry to hear of your loss kentuck May 2018 #118
Thinking of you and sending out love backtoblue May 2018 #119
I just went through this with my brother. displacedtexan May 2018 #120
I am so sorry, you have my deepest condolences. dewsgirl May 2018 #121
I'm so sorry Danmel May 2018 #122
I lost my mom a month ago tomorrow nini May 2018 #123
I'm sorry for your loss. milestogo May 2018 #186
deepest condolences rurallib May 2018 #124
So very sorry snowybirdie May 2018 #125
My mother had home hospice care lunatica May 2018 #126
thank you milestogo May 2018 #244
And we are all there with you. tavernier May 2018 #127
you've come to the right place mnmoderatedem May 2018 #128
Condolences.... paleotn May 2018 #129
I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through, mine died last week. CaptainTruth May 2018 #130
So sorry for your loss CaptainTruth milestogo May 2018 #149
I am so sorry to hear about your mother...... chillfactor May 2018 #131
I'm so sorry for your loss. The_jackalope May 2018 #132
I'm so sorry for your loss. mountain grammy May 2018 #133
Are you doing ok? Crutchez_CuiBono May 2018 #134
thank you milestogo May 2018 #172
Of course. Crutchez_CuiBono May 2018 #183
I am very sorry. July May 2018 #135
Condolences. lsewpershad May 2018 #136
Very sorry for your loss JPPaverage May 2018 #137
It's never easy to cope with the death of parents. Afromania May 2018 #139
I have been there and I know your pain. I am so sorry lovemydogs May 2018 #140
My deepest sympathies on your great loss zeusdogmom May 2018 #141
I am so sorry. Loryn May 2018 #142
I'm so sorry for your loss. barbtries May 2018 #143
. JI7 May 2018 #144
Sorry for the loss of your mom workinclasszero May 2018 #146
I am so sorry. yardwork May 2018 #147
I'm so sorry. Ilsa May 2018 #148
Sending sympathy to comfort you. Greybnk48 May 2018 #150
Hugs to you and my sincere condolences. ButSeeYa May 2018 #151
So sorry for your loss. Peace and hugs. Ninga May 2018 #153
You are not alone. We are all there with you. samnsara May 2018 #154
So sorry for your loss...... CatMor May 2018 #155
Can't imgaine what you are going thru. So sorry for your loss. Va Lefty May 2018 #157
I am so sorry cpamomfromtexas May 2018 #158
So sorry friend. BootinUp May 2018 #160
May there be the spirit of Grace to surround and fill your space.. Civic Justice May 2018 #161
Rest in peace shenmue May 2018 #162
... cry baby May 2018 #163
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people around you. nolabear May 2018 #164
So very sorry. madaboutharry May 2018 #165
Please accept my deepest condolences milestogo denbot May 2018 #166
Our hearts feel your pain. Chickensoup May 2018 #167
Deepest sympathy to you and your family. roamer65 May 2018 #168
Very sorry to hear that. Iahotdog May 2018 #169
I am so sorry for your loss tenderfoot May 2018 #170
I'm sorry for your loss. samir.g May 2018 #171
It is a sacred hour. lostnfound May 2018 #174
I'm so sorry, milestogo. gristy May 2018 #175
It's a tough road you have ahead NewsCenter28 May 2018 #176
I am so sorry FM123 May 2018 #177
I am so sorry. cate94 May 2018 #178
I'm sorry for your loss. Lifelong Protester May 2018 #179
I am so sorry Maraya1969 May 2018 #180
so sorry for your loss. Call someone if you can. aikoaiko May 2018 #181
Peace be with you. +++++++++ spooky3 May 2018 #182
So sorry for your loss. jonno99 May 2018 #184
I'm so sorry. n/t area51 May 2018 #185
I am so sorry. Her love will stay with you. raging moderate May 2018 #187
Sending you love. Tavarious Jackson May 2018 #188
Peace to you MaryMagdaline May 2018 #189
Can't imagine anything so horrible. I am sorry milestogo! Laura PourMeADrink May 2018 #191
My Deepest and Sincerest sympathy to your family -- n/t mazzarro May 2018 #192
So sorry to hear about your Mom healthnut7 May 2018 #193
Condolences on your loss benld74 May 2018 #194
I'm so very sorry, jazzcat23 May 2018 #195
Sending some empathy and love Blue_playwright May 2018 #201
so sorry milestogo, deeply sorry to hear Cicada May 2018 #203
I am sorry for your loss Gothmog May 2018 #204
We experienced a heart fracturing major stroke my mom sprinkleeninow May 2018 #205
thank you sprink milestogo May 2018 #245
Forever in your heart and memories, milestogo.., Heartstrings May 2018 #206
Alone is the worst DFW May 2018 #207
... lame54 May 2018 #208
I am so very sorry Rhiannon12866 May 2018 #209
My deepert sympathy for your pain and loss,Milestogo stuffmatters May 2018 #210
" I don't know how I will live without her." orleans May 2018 #211
thank you milestogo May 2018 #220
Sorry for your loss voteearlyvoteoften May 2018 #212
No matter your age, when a parent goes, you're made an "orphan"... VOX May 2018 #213
I am so terribly sorry phylny May 2018 #214
Dear Miles MFM008 May 2018 #215
so sorry to hear ! we are here for you steve2470 May 2018 #216
Take Care, Miles ProfessorGAC May 2018 #217
Condolences... N_E_1 for Tennis May 2018 #218
I'm so sorry... Upthevibe May 2018 #219
So sorry. I miss my Mom everyday. It will take time but one day you will remember her like she was Demsrule86 May 2018 #221
I am so sorry that you are going through this alone, milestogo. mnhtnbb May 2018 #222
Bless your heart... Raster May 2018 #224
My sympathies sellitman May 2018 #225
So sorry DownriverDem May 2018 #226
how are you doing today? samnsara May 2018 #227
I'm so very sorry. catbyte May 2018 #228
Grief can be paralzying. lark May 2018 #229
I'm glad that she had you for a son, and I sure that you'll take care of her memory well and have downeastdaniel May 2018 #230
So sorry for your major loss pandr32 May 2018 #231
My sympathies spinbaby May 2018 #232
Please accept my condolences n/t malthaussen May 2018 #233
Sorry to hear this sad news. May she rest in peace. imanamerican63 May 2018 #234
Please accept my condolences. I'm so sorry. Kind of Blue May 2018 #235
You were there for her. ucrdem May 2018 #236
Milestogo, I hope that the hospice had a grief organization that may be able to help you now. Texin May 2018 #237
The hospice was not in the state where I live milestogo May 2018 #255
I am so sorry Justice May 2018 #238
I was my mom's birthday present 70 years ago. Hulk May 2018 #239
So sorry for your loss. BadGimp May 2018 #240
... lunamagica May 2018 #241
Sorry for your loss dreamland May 2018 #242
I'm so very sorry for your loss Hekate May 2018 #246
Sorry for your loss and i hope peace comes soon for you. lancelyons May 2018 #247
I'm so sorry prudence54 May 2018 #248
(((Hugs))) Quayblue May 2018 #249
Sorry for your loss marlakay May 2018 #250
So sorry iamateacher May 2018 #251
So very sorry for you. My mom passed in the night so I didn't redstateblues May 2018 #252
Hey, I know how you feel. stevil May 2018 #253
Condolences on the loss of your beloved mother. gademocrat7 May 2018 #254
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