kozar
kozar's JournalIn response to yesterday ( possible trigger)
I decided to make this a new post. I hope you all see,right decisions are hard.
But they need to be made.
I’m Still dealing with my medical emergency also, but , seeing her today, dressed in her clothes, moving herself around with her hands in a big back wheel wheelchair ( which I never saw her do before), made for a great day.
When I first saw her at the center, I was overwhelmed with questions. The Medical Director, Nursing Director, Therapy Director, I honestly couldn’t answer all the questions as fast as they were being asked.
Now, as we ( yes, we here at DU) process this journey. I see a Supreme Hand that guided me. Examples;
If I hadn’t made the decision to put her in care, I wouldn’t have been in a position to have help when I bled out. And she would have sat here , with a dead Koz, for how many days?
I wouldn’t have the direct line to DCFW Director of Investigation in Florida who told me, “ we will advocate for you and her, just call me if you have a problem.”
I wouldn’t know that none of my immediate family wouldnt call me, as I lay in ICU, after coding, because, they had a family wedding going on.
I guess what I’m saying is, Love Works!! Florida is not all about the Governor. Florida is still purple. Florida has people who still Love.
Florida, and people, in general, just need to learn love, from people like LilBit.
And I’m still learning from a young woman, who teaches me daily. Even though she isn’t here with me.
Love always wins, we here, know this.
I’ll be ok, I have great teachers about love.
Thank you DU Family,
Koz
This is wordy long, but I feel it fits here.
A long story, written by a simple man..
I asked myself often thru my 61 years, “ who am I?”
My employer would tell me one thing, my family would tell me one thing, my wife would tell me one thing, my daughter would tell me one thing. And then my friends would tell me one thing, online would tell me one thing. Preacher tells me another thing. They all wanted me to be who they were comfortable with.
Suddenly, I had a bunch of different answers for my one simple question. And almost none of those, answered my question. I realize, the answers only made them feel good. They did not even hear me. But they felt good telling me who I should be to make them comfortable.
When I realized this fact, I changed my attitude,
I took a direct approach, I started giving short, very pointed answers when I spoke to these people. Guess what??? Then the same people, wanted to know why I changed?
I am changed by them, it is the new humanity.
It is “ my answer to a question I never listened to, is the right answer.” time of the world.
The world is condensed to a short, strongly worded answer to a question never heard. Gotta say something that gets hits, hopefully goes viral.
Brings me to MSM and news. Companies deserve to make profit, MSM evolved from Walter Cronkite, Huntley and Brinkley, to CNN,FOX,MSNBC, etc etc. MSM evolved to the answers people, who ignored the question,and told the MSM an answer that made the answer more important than the question.
I have made a couple of those calls also, I was never perfect. Companies now know they have no responsibility to us. Because, no one has to hears the question anymore. The answer is all that matters.
So, I find, I have to answer my own question.
I am just a guy, my wife died. That happens to people everyday.
The best answer to my question, came from a 34 y/o woman who can’t talk, type or walk.
I am just her Dad.
We created our world. If you don’t know the question,, might be best to not give an answer.
Seems there will be a new Pre,z when im seen agai..
Checked my self in to a rehab center hor a month or 2. No onyk the uptick in frinking again, but anxieties and numerous panic at is. Think I need a few meds adjusted that was being missed. So we took the dive. Mrsk and LilBit have good neighbors to help out...ill be busy,but checking every once in a wuhile...
Will miss ya guys
Koz
Sometimes, you just gotta touch a toe
It's been tough week in this world. Dealing with some family issues. Kinda fell off the wagon, Not kinda. Prolly with a loud thud off the wagon. Not MrsK and LlBit family, for clarification. But my original family, who I have not spoken with for quite some time.
Long story short, My Mom and 1 brother started some emails to me about 3 months ago. Typical, Love you ,accept who you are,blah blah. will talk to you anytime. They know my diagnoses of major depression and my life of alcohol. I believed the emails and called my mother yesterday, took her less than 3 mins to hang up on me. So I know that the emails were false,, I was angry,hurt,and all. More so at myself that I believed the email BS and called her. And I had some drinks,
Mrs K and LilBit were listening and taking the brunt of my anger and pain. At one point I looked at MrsK and said "what do I gotta do?" She simply said, "touch my toe"
I said "huh??" And then she explained that when we first met many years ago, I had told her this, which I had forgotten,
"You told me that you will not always say the words I love you, but when you bring me a cup of coffee, you just said it. But , the one thing you said , you wanted to be asleep beside me and just touch my toe, every night with yours while we slept."
And just now Mrs K went to get her hair done, and stopped looked at me and said,, "We are here, we got you, you will touch my toe tonight."
God I love that woman.
Koz
so, why won't MSM talk like this?
Where are we at with Covid deaths? 211 THOUSAND.. SO Mrs K and I talk,her whole family died within 18 months,prior COVID,, but I think like this, 211000 is a great big number,. But lets bring Mrs K into this and why wont MSM put out this "conservative" number?
Like Mrs K, Each family member died, like I told her. Each person who died, had a family, a circle, relations.
So, conservatively, each Covid person who died ,,had a "circle" of 10 family members. This Asshole Pres is missing this. MSM is missing this. Lets do some simple math 21000 times 10 is 2.1 million. families affected..
and that is only assuming that each who died,had a small family circle as Mrs K did.
So was does MSM keep talking a bout a
"hard figure" of who died? How About they give a composite number of "WHOLOST?" Would not their broadcasts have more impact? would not a "MILLLIONS " number sounds good?
Im sorry,,I watched Mrs K small family die,, 5 of them. no cousins, no nieces, etc. It brings me to this thought...
Why wont MSM look at it this way? it is not only who died,, there is a simple math and thought of Americans AFFECTED.
Koz ,,pissed, and done
But more importantly ,Evil won again
I made a post about his timing for leaving. When it dawned on me his timing. I sit here right now and feel played. Posts on DU are gonna blow up now,AFTER THE FACT. The Fact is simple,this Evil Fuck played us again.
Will it work? I think not,, but at some point, I gotta look at this Evil F**** ,and say to Myself, I could never think like that, and dammit, that last half hour of controlling national press, was fairly good. and if I was AN EVIL FUCK, I would be impressed.
Fellow DUr's ,,not a time to make posts of what we "knew" and posted about after it happened. Time for us to step back and see how we got played but something, not, SOMEONE, but someTHING we have never experienced in our lifetime. Im 60 years old, feel free to flame. Old guy gonna tell you all now,,PAY ATTENTION,,some big shit going on.
and I'll add same as last post.
Do not underestimate this EVIL FUCK,,, Vote Vote Vote.
Koz
630PM was NOT random
Idiot just controlled all network NEWS!!
Go Vote,,Do not take this evil fuck lightly!
Koz
some great crisis, avoided
Ive been quiet,, its been ,not so easy. I have been chomping at the bit to have a drink. reading this thread has saved me.
Oh this isn't political, but, maybe it is too. I watch/read all your strength. Well, as you may know, Mrs K, LilBit and I moved a couple months ago. Whelp..we changed banking info when we made final,, low and behold, the banks F'd up.. none of our monthly retirement checks hit our new account last month. WE went through Sept on 900 bucks. God, these last 2 weeks sucked. I wanted some rum each night, I listened to LilBit (my daughter) whining, I knew she had enough to eat.I made my choice,LilBit got any cookie, tater chip or anything that cost same as rum that I could afford.
And then, if you read my posts, we found a kitty in our car. Another thing, we bought litter, and cat food. Not 1 thought that Isse wasn't in her home .
FINALLY Oct 1, our $ hit our new bank. WE were told our new bank had to lay off because economy. So reason is we didn't get our checks last month. Data center "couldn't keep up"
Mrs K and I were talking, did we lose faith? Nope. Did Koz find a way each morn he had to and make some kind of spaghetti dish to LAST 10 DAYS? YEP. Did Koz find a local farm that sells great ground beef and chickens at 1 third price of in store? Well,yeah, he did.
Ok gang,,I got a couple things going on with this post
,1. we can do this politically if we believe. These can be stressful times. we made some simple dry mashed taters and ate,,LilBit was Happy. That just explains yesterday.
2.Today,our stress ended, our checks were in new bank.. OMG I wanted to go buy some booze after stress of last couple weeks.
Welp , I woke today and felt different, nope ,I didn't need the rum/booze. I was taught by, whatever/whoever,,God, or what you believe.
My dollars were there, I could have bought booze, 2 weeks ago and today, but I didn't.
I'm far from perfect, but I learned, finally, the drink/shot isn't important. Your life is.My life is LilBit and Mrs K, even when we argue. Reach, Find, Know, your simple focus! Chances are, it is not your hook on the wall, with your fave sweatshirt, it is what is in your honest heart , will save You. Slow your brain down, Think ,Breathe, Believe.
Not all of you will have a point blank LilBit to save you, as I did ,, Just look for inside you you for a hidden LilBit. It is There.
FIND IT!
You guys saved, without my posts. This is my Thanks.
Koz
so this is happening,,
As you may know, we are in a campground, changing our lifestyle to full time camper. I've made posts of what I am finding within campground. Seems "we " are at 36 "members" on the Joe train. they are asking me now, let's meet we have a clubhouse, lets talk. I did not want to be the leader, did it too much in real life, but, I think I'm gonna do it. Central Fla. this many folks want. maybe me old and truly not afraid of what I believe, I'm just gonna do it. Talked to Mgr of Campground today, we in. We get
Clubhouse, for meetings. which is community property, Trumpers here do not realize that. They will fight. Mgr, not owner, is on our side.
She said to me, you pay same rent. uhhmm,, Blue Wave is rocking,, even in Central Fla.
Koz
edited to say sorry for double post,got a 403. deleted dupe post
Koz
Lets smile for LilBit,,and us
So last Saturday, neighbor knocks and says" do you have cat? There's 1 in your car. Well we met a lost kitty,, brought her in, fed,etc etc. Monday we called animal control and checked on lost kittens,none.. So we named kitty..Mrs K wanted to name her Seminole as we just moved to Fla.I didn't like it,a bit of Google and name is Isse,, we pronounce " issie" Seminole spelling for the word " whiskers" . She is a 4 paw polydactal, and judging from pic from last evening,,LilBit doing fairly well with her also..
It was raining so hard last weekend,Mrs K said, it rained cats and dogs, one drop ended up staying with us!
Koz
https://imgur.com/gallery/K46sOgy
Profile Information
Name: DougGender: Male
Hometown: Florida
Home country: USA
Current location: Fla
Member since: Fri May 18, 2018, 04:38 PM
Number of posts: 2,109
