August 17, 2018

Inside a Fox News research room, approximately 10:00 am EST yesterday:

Producer: Uh oh, looks like Aretha Franklin just died. Quick, Jimmy, get me a photo to run with the story.

Jimmy: Sure thing, boss. Here you go:



Producer: No, you idiot. That's Patti Labelle. I wanted Aretha Franklin.

Jimmy: Sorry, boss. I just googled "Soulful black female singer" and that's the first picture that came up. I'll try again.

Producer: Yeah, you better.

Jimmy: Got it now:



Producer: Goddammit, Jimmy, that's the Pointer Sisters and there are three of them!

Jimmy: Sorry, let me try that again:



Producer: No, no, no, no! That's American Idol Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks, a.k.a. the leader of the "Soul Patrol"!

Jimmy: Oh.

Producer: Jimmy, are you just googling the word "soul" now?

Jimmy: Um......yeah.

Producer: I need a picture of Aretha Franklin. Google that. Aretha.....Franklin.

Jimmy: Right on it. Yup, I got it now:



Producer: Aretha, I need Aretha Franklin! That's Benjamin Franklin, you fucking idiot. Please look up Aretha Franklin!

Jimmy: I'm pretty sure I've got it right now:



Producer: Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yes, boss?

Producer: Why did you just give me a picture of a Christmas wreath?

Jimmy: Well, um, I.....

Producer: Fuck it, let's just run with the picture of Patti Labelle. Not like our racist ass viewers would know the difference anyways.....or, you know, care. Now, where's Ainsley Earnhardt? Apparently, she wants to tell me something very important about Communist Japan......