April 28, 2017

Conservatives Are Not Victims Of Free Speech, PERIOD.

There's a disturbing trend right now among the right that they think they're victims of "biased, liberal free speech" when they're really not. They can absolutely 100% say what they want to say under their 1st amendment constitutional right. But now with groups like "The Proud Boys" emerging looking to beat the shit out of Antifa and any other protestors who don't kiss Trump's ass 100%, things are getting very scary out there. But I find this whole "conservatives playing like they're the victims of free speech" thing very disturbing. We don't do that on our side. And with this thing in Wisconsin, they're literally playing with fire. Going after education and restricting a person's right to say what they want to say is playing with fire.

They're playing the free speech card like it gives them a free pass to be racist, sexist, belligerent assholes. Which is fine - it's their right to do so under our US Constitution. It's also OK for the other side to not like what the right has to say. But you know what? It's no longer the 1950s. You can be that kind of person, it doesn't mean the other 90% or so of the country has to agree with you or support your ideas. That's how free speech works. If they want to restrict free speech because they feel they don't get an equal say, they should realize that they own the fucking media!!!!!! Fox News is played in more places than CNN. Every book on every book shelf in every airport and every store has a conservative bent to it. Religious rock music is being played in more public places than easy listening music. Even the internet is being ruined - for any one article that could be useful in a report is buried under thousands of advertisements and videos. Conservatives have won the information war. Their message is *THE* message. We liberals don't have a say in anything anymore thanks to 40 years of AM hate radio. Yet the snowflakes act like they don't get a say in the media and that there's a "culture war" going on. There's no liberal media anymore. Even on our own talk shows, conservative guests dominate. Shit, let us have universities, maybe we can at least educate a few people. And if you think you're a conservative victim of free speech, there's plenty of ultra-conservative, right wing religious universities out there like Bob Jones and Oral Roberts that support your ideas.

And if they want to restrict free speech, they should realize that restricting free speech will hurt them as much as it will hurt us. They claim they're victims of free speech, but really they have a right to say what they want to say. I'd be mortified if Ann Coulter or SE Cupp or Rush Limbaugh were the commencement speaker at my graduation, I just wouldn't go. I wouldn't protest or anything, I just wouldn't pay attention. I find this whole "conservatives playing the victim when it comes to free speech" thing very scary. They're playing with fire. But when you show up to rallies drunk and belligerent with ski masks and crowbars, are you really supporting free speech? Really, the only thing you're supporting is your right to be an asshole.

April 27, 2017

STOP. LETTING. THEM. DISTRACT. US.

The presidential election was stolen from us - fact. We got steamrolled in the Congressional and gubernatorial races - fact. But rather than spend the next two years drowning in our beers and tears trying to figure out where it went wrong - which is what is happening now, we should start going after these rat bastards hard. We are letting them frame the narrative as to why we lost, and that keeps us distracted, which keeps us fighting with each other, which ensures they will keep winning elections. It's the shit cycle that we've gone through since Reagan.

Want to stop that from happening again? What we need to do is get fucking organized with a clear narrative, a clear direction, and a clear mission statement. And that mission statement should be - we don't want another Trump. We don't want to have to waste time figuring out that our election was hacked by a foreign entity, and they're about to do it again. What we have to do is stop this shit from happening.

So the answer is simple: DON'T. LET. THEM. FRAME. THE. NARRATIVE. We need to get our people out there and running at literally every level of government. And I mean every - even if it's something like a city comptroller's office or a school board election. We need to start flipping every office we can't get now, then we can start flipping districts, then we can start flipping states. Did you see that movie "Moneyball"? In that movie, Billy Beane wants to win, and he wants to win at every level. It doesn't matter if their shortstop isn't a household name - what matters is that he plays where it counts. That's how they did it in that movie - little gains first, then big ones. But we can't let them get to us by making us fight over Bernie or Hillary, pro choice or anti choice, and so on and so forth. That's how they win.

These little fights like this are nothing more than gigantic distractions. That's what the GOP does best - they keep us distracted by making us fight over bullshit (which is called "framing the narrative&quot , and then they go and win elections everywhere. Regardless of whether we win or lose these elections. Any pick ups are pick ups. Any fights put up are fights put up. They need to be held accountable for what they've done to this country, and they need to be held accountable now. We can't afford another distraction for another two years and let Putin steal the 2018 elections. Do we want to stop Fox News or not? Do we want to stop the GOP bullies from steamrolling us or not? Do we want mouthpieces like SE Cupp and Ann Coulter trashing us on even our own talk shows and radio programs? Hell no! I want to kick Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan to the curb. I want to see the Koch Brothers and Trump hauled off in handcuffs. I want to see the dismantling of the Heritage Foundation and the NRA. I want to see Sam Brownback and Scott Walker do the jail time they so richly deserve. We need to stop the infighting and go after the big boss. That should be our mission from here on out.

April 27, 2017

Trump's Newly Minted Immigration Hotline Bombarded With Calls About Space Aliens

I like it! Where's Mulder and Scully when you need them?

April 26, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Skull Island Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Skull Island Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! For more information please see our ad in Redbook Magazine! So you know one of my favorite subjects besides politics is music. But I do have to show this recent fail from a Chainsmokers show in Pittsburgh. And I mean really this falls under the “you have one job” column. Seriously, how do you fuck this up? Well, let’s show it.



Yeah…



Yet another good idea for those “Wanna Get Away” commercials. Call me, Southwest! And Coachella recently ended and man there was a lot of good stuff as far as music goes. You have everything from Illuminati mind controller Lady Gaga, a guy who says “DAMN” better than Will Smith – Kendrick Lamar, to the weird and eccentric Australian band King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, to alt rock staples like Bastille, Lorde, Empire Of The Sun, Capital Cities, The XX, and Radiohead, to hip-hop heavyweights Future, Thundercat, Mac Miller, and Schoolboy Q. And one of my all time favorites – legendary Jamaican reggae mainstay Toots & The Maytals. However, with most of Coachella there’s lots of crazy shit happening. And then there’s the douchebag who stole 100s of cellphones using the Google and Apple “find my phone feature”. Yeah fuck that guy. But of course the annual Gathering Of The Hipsters brings lots of crazy food, like the Fresno Burger – which like most things that come from Fresno, is unusually large and full of crap. I kid. Oh come on, it’s Fresno. It’s California’s Florida! I kid, I kid! Or how about the pulled pork flaming mac and Cheetos tater tots? I mean really, is the goal of modern American street food just to take French fries and dump tons of unnecessary crap on them? Or my personal favorite – the gold flaked donut? I mean come on, Coachella has evolved from an innocent music festival into a full blown “fuck you” to poor people in the last few years anyways, maybe all the rich people who party there should put their money where their mouth is! And literally in this case! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to this week. But first – John Oliver is back and he explores the impact Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump have on the Trump White House:



Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!! Oh the kids love the Wheel Of Corruption don’t they? Well the number one slot this week is none other than Fox News. Well not so much Fox News as it is Bill O’Reilly who is finally seeing the end of… The Factor. Does this mean no more War On Christmas? But they’ve got to have an armchair general in a fake war that nobody asked for and doesn't want! Taking the 2nd slot is Jason Chaffetz (2) who is making a very mysterious and interestingly timed exit from Congress. Taking the number 3 and 4 slot is of course president Donald J. Trump. In the third slot this week is of course President Donald Trump (3). Who is quickly approaching his first 100 days, and guess what he’s doing? If you guessed “bragging about ratings”, you are correct! In the 4th slot is also President Trump (4) and some very special guests who he had over for dinner last week. And if you guessed it was all about giving the middle finger to liberals, you are once again correct. In the number 5 slot is Donald Trump once again – with his recent AP interview, there’s some pretty shocking stuff. Mainly that nobody could understand what he was talking about. So we’re going to apply this to history. Taking the 6th slot, we have a new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. And this week – it’s Iowa representative Steve King (6), and if you were to look up “American racist” in Urban Dictionary, you’d see his picture. In the number 7 slot, Alex Jones is back in the news. And in case you were wondering if Alex Jones was smoking some seriously strong shit, the answer to that question is an overwhelming yes! In the number 8 slot, is Ann Coulter (8) and her on again, off again speaking engagement at UC Berkeley. If you think that what happened last week is over, oh no it isn’t. not by a long shot! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, we’ve got another installment of “I Need A Drink”, but this time we’re actually going to ask “Millenials – what you sipping???” . Yeah that’s right – the 9th installment is going to talk about Starbucks (9) and their latest offering. Finally this week – we’ve got yet another installment of our ongoing Stupidest State Contest, but this time we’re getting down to the end. It’s the last matchup of round 2, and this time we have an old fashioned shoot out as Montana’s white supremacists are going to take on Missouri’s heavily armed police force. Plus we have some live music for you, this time from “Dreamcar”. A new band that combines Davey Havok from AFI with No Doubt’s backup band, and their music is so new, their album isn’t even out yet! They’re also playing Coachella both weekends. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


[font size="8"]Bill O’Reilly[/font]


Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!



The wheel is back everybody! And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. Yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. And by the way this week – to celebrate the end of the O’Reilly Factor, the Clips Without Context will either be featuring something crazy someone said about Bill O'Reilly, or will feature Bill O'Reilly himself saying something crazy - and that's pretty easy to find! So this week the items on the wheel will be:

- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Voter Fraud
- Nazis
- Booze
- Chance
- “Going Rogue”
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Seinfeld
- Bathrooms
- Double Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Guns
- Stupidest State Contest
- VR Headset
- Twitter
- Whammy
- I Need A Drink
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- North Korea
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Talk Shows
- Golf
- Twitter
- Fox News
- 15,000
- Polls
- Hate Crimes
- A Random Tweet
- Conspiracy Theories
- Russia
- Something random in the news
- VR Headset
- ??? (Mystery)
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Talk shows!



Spin it again! And it lands on…. Fox News. You know I don’t have to tell you unless you’re living under a rock now about the fact that Bill O’Reilly has left the building. You know Bill O’Reilly – the author of such gripping literature as Killing Kennedy, Killing Lincoln, Killing Jesus, Killing Patton, and his latest – Killing The Rising Sun. Bill O’Reilly loves him some sweet, sweet death doesn’t he? Well, he should title his latest book “Killing My Career”. Hey o!!! Thank you I’m here all week! Before we go down the wormhole though, Michael Regan explains the Fox News Gentlemen’s Club in a nutshell:





And he is definitely not helping. Suing women for looking too pretty? I mean seriously what kind of backwards ass place do we live in where that could happen? I mean do we live in a country where Donald Trump is still president? We do? Shit!!! Well, in all seriousness here’s what happened:





I like that one. And how much does poop come out of Bill O’Reilly’s mouth? Well, we don’t have to tell you about this one particular incident. I mean seriously, Fox News and the modern republican party are blurring the line between human and animal at an alarming rate. I mean really? Grunting and treating women like shit is what passes for being a man in this day and age? They might as well fling feces at each other because that’s what gorillas do.





Yeah you can’t have it both ways! I mean even the Murdochs have had enough of O’Reilly’s sexually harassing ways. I love Saturday Night Live last week when the Weekend Update guys said “You must be so good at sexual harassment that every time it happens, you have to pay out $3.5 million.”.





And then there’s so much more and we’re only beginning to scratch the surface of the Fox News Gentlemen’s Club. So Roger Ailes? Gone. O’Reilly? Gone. And now King Deplorable Sean Hannity might be going away as well:




Of course they’re going to deny it! That’s the conservative protocol – you get caught grabbing pussy, and you immediately deny it. I mean why not? Our president did it! Only makes sense that every single male employee of the closest thing the US has to state run television does it, right? Just once I want to see a conservative go “Yeah I grabbed the pussy!”. But you know right before this happened O’Reilly renewed his contract:





But there’s far more to this story that you might think. Turns out that with that contract renewal, comes a very, very nice pay day for O’Reilly. Where do you get that job where they can pay you millions to not work? Did they sell their souls to Satan?






[font size="8"]Jason Chaffetz[/font]


Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!



Spin it again. And it lands on… “going rogue”. So Jason Chaffetz went rogue this week like a bad spy movie. The idea of “going rogue” is currently the biggest cliché in movies. You have “Spectre”, where James Bond went rogue. “Jason Bourne”, where Jason Bourne went rogue. “The Fate Of The Furious”, where Dominick Torretto went rogue. You have “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.”, where Napoleon Solo goes rogue. “Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation”, where Ethan Hunt went rogue. You had “Batman Vs Superman”, “The Lego Batman Movie”, and “The Dark Knight Rises”, where Batman goes rogue. You had “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back”, where Jack Reacher went rogue. And of course, “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” where the Rebel Alliance goes rogue to steal the plans to the Death Star. I could literally do this all day! And I’ve got that kind of time. So what happens when a sitting Congressman goes rogue? Well… this aint like any of those movies.





Wait – he thinks public service should have term limits? Why doesn’t he tell that to some of his fellow Congressmen? But there’s got to be more to this story hasn’t there? Why is he retiring so suddenly and abruptly?




Well that doesn’t really explain much. Why did Jason Chaffetz go rogue? Could it be that he said some stupid shit about Hillary’s e-mails a couple of months ago? You know the phrase “beating a dead horse” I don’t think is in the GOP’s vocabulary. Because they love to beat them some dead horses.





Or could it have something to do with this?






[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Let’s spin it to win it! Ooh, that was a nice strong spin right there. And it lands on… clip without context!



When did Bryan Fischer attend the Roast Of Bill O’Reilly? Although that’s one thing I think I actually agree with him on! Just planting seeds! If they bear fruit, I don’t know. Spin it again! And it lands on…. Donald Trump. Oh and before we get into all things Trump, going back to music, you know the new Gorillaz album drops this week. Yay! Well, Damon Albarn said there wont be any references to Trump on the new album, despite that there’s a bonus track called “The Apprentice”



Oh and if you want to hear the song, here you go:




Now back to the original entry. So stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A pussy grabber who thinks he’s the president goes to meet with another pussy grabber who actually is the Prime Minister of Italy and they walk into a bar… well let’s roll the tape.



But that wasn’t the only epic fail in this never ending nightmare that is the Donald J. Trump administration – what else was he up to this week? Well first off we got to mention that one of Trumepnfuror’s favorite lies about us is that democratic protestors are paid. Well….





But paid protestors weren’t the only thing that has plagued Trump this week. His administration fails on so many levels. And this is just the first 100 days. Remember when he said we would be winning so much that America would be sick of winning?





I like that one! To be fair, I would give him an F--. Maybe an F- when the margin of error is adjusted. But still, it’s a colossal fail with very few, if any, wins.



https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/855373184861962240

&t=10s

Oh and you can’t discount Donald Trump’s 100 Days without him doing the most Donald Trump thing possible. And by that I mean of course – bragging about what else? The ratings!






[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Let’s spin that shit! Ooh, that was a nice strong spin right there! And it lands on… wait for it… Seinfeld!



Well, we have to talk about his dinner guests and I really don’t want to because it’s making me too fucking angry. And you know who he had over for dinner last week right? Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Kid Rock. Or as Bill Maher called them “the Axis Of Redneck”. And Ted Nugent? A guy who has spent the last 8 years threatening to murder anyone he doesn’t agree with including Pres. Obama being allowed in the fucking White House? Where is the outrage there?





You know… Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! You know one can only hope that Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Kid Rock were treated to the standards of dining excellence that the Trump brand is known for. I mean come on, at least he has good cake, right? “The best cake, nobody makes better cake than the restaurant at Trump Tower, OK?” Well, what else happened at the dinner?



So let’s throw that picture up there:



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dude, Ted Nugent spent the last 8 years threatening to murder any government official he’s disagreeing with. You know threatening to murder the previous president and dining with the current one at the White House, is like getting in a car accident with the governor’s daughter, and then getting elected governor. It just doesn’t work that way, am I right? Maybe Ted Nugent listens to too much NOFX?



NOFX is not to be taken seriously. Just kidding, we love NOFX here. We’re trying to get them on the show at some point. But as you can expect the usual backlash happens. I mean what can you expect from a guy who does this to grills?







Ooh, that’s a good one. But let’s think about Trump’s guests here for a minute – the biggest airhead in the history of American politics (and I’m not including SE Cupp or Ann Coulter), you have a pants shitting draft dodger who adopted a 17 year old for sex, and you have a guy who will someday be a member of the “hold my beer and watch this crowd”. But now here’s the demand for an apology:



You know, I think Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and Ted Cruz should team up and open their own gun themed restaurant. Ted Nugent can kill the food with machine guns, Kid Rock can operate the grill with machine guns, and Ted Cruz can cook the food with machine guns. It’s a Triple Gun!




[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Let’s spin the wheel! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, wheel goes round! Where does it stop, nobody knows! And it lands on… North Korea!



Yes that’s our current president praising the guy he currently wants to bomb the living shit out of! Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. I originally wanted to talk about Trump supporters suing for claiming that Trump encouraged them to incite violence but didn’t like the entry. This is much better, so you know that Trump gave an interview to the “FAKE NEWS!!!!” AP and well, the biggest reveal of the whole thing – is how “unintelligible” he is. So let’s go through this thing.





Yes. This is our president here, folks. This is the man who is currently in charge of the free world – and nobody can understand what the fuck he is talking about! Remember last year when this happened?


Yes – that’s an unaltered screen cap of the republican presidential debates with “unintelligible yelling”, but that was a debate and nobody could understand Trump then. Now Trump is our president, he’s giving a one on one interview – and nobody can understand him!



And then further down in the interview:



How would you like to be the guy taking dictation on this speech and have to write “(unintelligible)” without dying laughing? This guy is our president! This fucking guy! What would happen in famous speeches if you tried that? Wouldn’t be the same would it? I mean JFK’s speech!



Or how about William Wallace from Braveheart?



Or what about the Joker from the Dark Knight?





I could literally do this all day! And I do mean literally! I’ll just do one more for good measure – Fight Club:



Huffpost, by the way breaks down all the crazy shit that Trump said and contradicted himself on in that interview, such as:






[font size="8"]Steve King[/font]


Let’s spin the wheel, shall we? And it lands on…. Wait for it… clip without context!



Closet Nazis? So tell me discount Tony Stark - weren’t the Nazis already outed on the Producers? Sorry, Theodore, but I think Mel Brooks already beat you to it.




Spin it again! And it lands on… People Who Somehow Got Elected! Hit it! Politicians at national, state and local levels who are so terrible , you wonder how they got elected in the first place. Or in this case reelected. It’s now time for another installment of:



This week: Iowa representative Steve King. There’s racism, then there’s southern racism, and then Steve King takes it to a whole new level of batshit crazy. And in case you think we’re kidding, he says some horribly racist, backwards shit nearly every single day. He’s not just a part of the problem that we have Trump as our president. No, he’s a massive part of the cause of the reason why we have Trump as our president. Yes, you heard me. This week, he said this:



https://twitter.com/SteveKingIA/status/854465237977710593

Yes, booo!!! You know, fine ales, wines, and liquors are meant to be drank in celebration when something good happens. Not to celebrate something terrible happening. Steve King just answered the question Bill Maher asked – “What would a dick do?”. This is exactly what a dick would do. But this isn’t the only time Steve King got caught saying something racist. There’s this:





So if Steve King is on the right side of Donald Trump, then who’s on the wrong side? That is the one million dollar question on the table. In fact in the last month, he has also said that we can’t rebuild civilization with somebody else’s babies. Damn, so there goes my plan.





But if you think these are isolated incidents, you are wrong. You’re as wrong as Trump saying “wrong” while sniffing… something. Here’s a few other choice quotes from Steve King. Like this:





And then there’s this. You know – compulsive liars and compulsive racists often go hand in hand, and these people just can’t help themselves. Every time you think Steve King is going to stop being a racist, you might think Trump might stop being a liar. In fact Steve King lies so much he thinks Iowa’s universities should be “purged of leftists”:





Yeah… racists. In fact Steve King’s unfiltered, uncensored brand of racism is so horrible that it’s attracted the attention of the House Ethics Committee – who himself said he would repeal the “Ethics Commission completely”



Yes, he really hates ethics. That’s Iowa rep Steve King – yet another someone who was inexplicably one of the:




[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]


Entering the spin zone! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP!!! And it lands on… clip without context!



Shh! Just let him ramble. Let's bask in this one for all its' batshit crazy glory. Spin it again! And it lands on… Infowars! Shit, we really have to talk about Infowars this week? Can I get a bonus spin? No? OK fine. Well last week we covered Alex Jones and his insane divorce trial. And you know about his “Joker” defense. Well, did you know that he smokes rather potent strains of weed once a year to test their potency? Yes, Alex Jones admits he smokes rather potent strains of weed. Just contemplate that for a minute.





As if it couldn’t get any weirder, Alex Jones is one weird dude. Well, coming out of his divorce trial, there were some stunning insane revelations. This is one of the weirder ones. And it’s one of those that makes both sides of your brain shut down and go “LET’S FIGURE IT OUT!!!!”:





I like that one! But really – conservatives and women. How can any sane women out there support this guy? Really, I want to know! I mean… 150 women by the time he was 16? I couldn’t get one! What is he smoking? OK, I answered my own question. By the way, I love Stephen Colbert’s new character “Tuck Buckford” who is mocking Alex Jones relentlessly:

&t=9s


Though Colbert doesn’t get as angry as Jones does. I don’t think even the best actors on the planet could get as angry as Jones does. In fact it took a team of psychiatrists to examine why Alex Jones is literally ripping his shirt off in Infowars videos:



But this is my favorite part of this whole story. Well let’s roll tape first.



And this prompted an almost instant from Chobani Yogurt:






[font size="8"]Ann Coulter[/font]


Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round. And it lands on… Something random in the news!





Fried Chicken And Beer – hey that’s the name of my new country music album! Featuring such classics as “Hold My Beer”, “Clogged Arteries”, and “Wine ‘Em And Dine ‘Em”. Spin it again… and it lands on… Fox News! So here we go with the free speech brigade again. Note – we here the top 10 support free speech 100% and don’t think anyone’s rights should be trampled on. That disclaimer aside, last week we mentioned that Ann Coulter got bumped from UC Berkeley over violence concerns:





Ooh, I like that one. So Ann got booted from UC Berkeley, who quickly redacted the redaction of the original invite. Yeah you read that right. So what happened when Berkeley tried to invite Ann back to speak at the university?





So let me get this straight – the GOP – the party that hates trial lawyers, is hiring trial lawyers to sue UC Berkeley to allow Ann Coulter, a woman who hates liberalism and liberal education from universities like UC Berkeley to speak.






[font size="8"]Starbucks[/font]


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… another clip without context!



Spin it again! And it lands on… “I Need A Drink”!



And this time we’re actually going to talk about a real drink. Sigh… millennials, what the fuck are you doing? I mean really, what the fuck are you doing? Is this what our planet has come to? We really need this as a fucking drink? In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, unless you live under a rock, you know that this week, Starbucks debuted this as a drink.





This is a real fucking product! This exists! And it’s so controversial that it’s causing a shit storm on both sides. The people who love this drink really love it. And the people who hate this drink really hate it.





Come on, if you make Katy Perry gag, you know your product is shit! But how shitty is it? Well…



By the way – l love Jimmy Kimmel’s latest offering – the “Fuck-It-Ccino”:





[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest Round 12: Montana Vs. Missouri[/font]


Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week… and it lands on… Stupidest State Contest, hit it!



16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week, Kansas out spent Michigan in the area of batshit crazy to become the greediest state! They will go on to face Texas in the Layover League Championship next week! Whew!!! And the odds are going to be about even in the Kansas – Texas shootout. This week – the Flyover League darlings in Tennessee are awaiting their opponent. Who will outduel to be called the reigning champion of the Gun Nut Conference? Yes – the Gun Nut Conference, where shooting first and asking questions later isn’t just a way of life, it’s mandatory! Who will be the last state to enter the Final Four? Will it be Montana’s white supremacists or will it be Missouri’s heavily armed police? Let’s get out our brackets, shall we?



[font size="6"]Round 12: Gun Nut Conference Championship: #2 Montana Vs #3 Missouri[/font]

[font size="4"]Montana [/font]





So next on our Stupidest State Contest, we go back to none other than the Treasure State, Montana. You know folks, Montana is the home to some world class ski resorts including Whitefish, Kalliope, The Montana Snowbowl, the Bridge Bowl, and Red Lodge. It’s also home to such universities as the University Of Montana, UM Missoula, and Flathead Valley. It’s also the home of Yellowstone National Park – the basis for one of the most popular cartoon characters of all time – Yogi Bear. I hope Ranger Rick isn’t around because Yogi looks like he’s going to steal some picnic baskets. And it’s also the home of Old Faithful. But you know what else Montana is the home of? It’s the home of racism. And lots and lots of it! You know we reported on this incident a lot the last time we visited Montana. But it’s not going away any time soon. The alt right (or alt reich), is getting crazier and crazier, and when death threats are involved, that can’t be a good thing, can it?





And why do we get the uneasy feeling that when the Nazis are happy, that can’t be a good thing at all, can it? And in case you’re wondering if Montana’s gun nuts couldn’t be any more blatantly racist, their governor is among many who flat out rejects the idea of Sharia Law. So if you’re keeping score at home, Sharia Law – not OK, Deuteronomy Law – why that’s just fine and dandy!





So what does this have to do with Montana and guns? Well guns and excessive racism tend to go hand in hand, as evidenced with the emergence of the Black Lives Matter movement, and the combination of extremely loose guns with a culture deeply engrossed in hardcore racism, and you get Montana. In fact this was a bill that actually made it to the governor’s office this very week:





Gee………. Ya think guns in restaurants is a bad idea? I mean we live in a country where this exists:



Yup – guns and alcohol! What a magnificent combination! So you think guns in restaurants is a bad idea do you? Well this is even coming from a governor who got endorsements from not one, not two, but 3, yes, 3 different “gun rights” organizations and the NRA. Why do gun rights organizations exist? Guns have more rights than people in this country!





And by the way if you’re wondering if Montana’s gun nuts are as crazy as their state legislatures, I give you this:





And Montana is also the home of the Doomsday Preppers craze. I’m almost kind of obsessed with doomsday preppers – because they’re a special breed of crazy. If you don’t believe me, just watch last year’s doomsday flick “10 Cloverfield Lane” and witness the insanity of John Goodman’s character. If Montana wins, in the next round we’re going to do a deep dive on doomsday preppers. So here’s how crazy doomsday preppers are in Montana:





[font size="4"]Missouri [/font]


Finally, the last state we have to cover in the Hateful 8 is none other than the Show Me State – and of course you know them as Missouri. Missouri is the home of such universities as the University Of Missouri (aka Mizzou), Missouri State, Linderwood, and University Of Missouri – St. Louis. Missouri is also the home of Branson – yes, picture all the bland entertainment of the Las Vegas Strip – except even blander and no Las Vegas Strip. Branson is the home of the comedy stylings of Yakov Smirnof (in Soviet Russia, war fights you!), and country music and doo wop tribute bands. And you’d think after the massive, worldwide fallout from the horrifying shooting of Michael Brown, you would think that Missouri would know better when it comes to guns!





So Missouri is one of the states in the country with the highest concentration of gun deaths. Surpassing even NRA favorite South Carolina. And in case you’re wondering if the candidates in Missouri would put a stop to this, well…





And Missouri is also the home of Rush Limabugh. Sure, he may live in a gaudy palace in Miami now, and by the way we really need to teach conservatives some lessons in interior decorating, am I right? I mean here’s Limbaugh’s house:



Compare that with Trump’s:



Can’t tell the difference, can you? Am I right? Getting off track here. But Limbaugh has said things on guns like this:





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Blaming liberalism for gun shootings is like blaming your weight gain on the protein supplement you bought after you clicked the “You May Like” button with the headline “MEN TURNING INTO BEASTS WITH POWERFUL NEW MARKET TESTED WEIGHT GAIN SUPPLEMENT!” Dude, you clicked on a link in the “You May Like” section and ordered without reading a word. You deserve whatever side effects you get. Thank you! You both know the dog didn’t do it, And in case you’re also wondering , Missouri leads the whole United States in the terms of the most stolen guns in the country!





And then there’s even more than that! You know if you’re wondering if Missouri’s lawmakers have learned their lessons in their reckless disregard for the 2nd amendment, you’re not alone:





[font size="4"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Oh my god, Montana has outdueled Missouri and they will be headed to face Tennessee for the Flyover League championship. This was a beat down. Montana has all the country’s gun manufacturers and they have all the guns. They took no shit from the police in Missouri! Final score – 101 – 78! Wow, holy crap that was epic! They will go on to face Tennessee in next week’s Flyover League Championship. Just that and the Layover Championship remain until we crown our stupidest state! Stay tuned for next week’s Layover League championship – Kansas. Texas. This will be epic!

[font size="8"]And now this:[/font]
[font size="8"]Dreamcar[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a brand new band to present to you. So new their album isn’t even out yet – and that’s a first for the Top 10! Playing their song “Kill For Candy” off their new album “Dreamcar”, available everywhere on 5/12/17, please welcome Dreamcar!





Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

April 26, 2017

Tuck Buckford Goes Elbow Deep in A Bowl Of Chobani

I love that he's literally wearing a tin foil hat!

April 25, 2017

Gorillaz' Damon Albarn Edited Out All References To Trump On Latest Release

I like it!

April 19, 2017

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-20: You Dropped A Bomb On Me Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-20: You Dropped A Bomb On Me Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This is going to be unusually long this week because we missed a lot being off last week, so bare with us! You know what? I’m back from spring break, I am in a good mood, let’s talk movies. I saw The Fate Of The Furious this week and that was great – might be the best one in the series so far. And I mean really after the disaster that was Tokyo Drift, things can only get better right? And by the way, how great was that trailer for Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi? Whew, man am I looking forward to that! Plus the trailer for Thor: Ragnarock



Right? Oh man that looks so good. “I know this guy! He’s a friend from work!”. That line is a definite win, and it sucks that we have to wait until November to see how this all pans out. Marvel is batting 1.000 right now. They have Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 which looks awesome (and only a mere 15 days away!). Spiderman: Homecoming looks to be just as good, and then you have Thor: Ragnarok. And I mean who wouldn’t want to see Thor fighting the Hulk? I mean it’s a perfect metaphor for modern society – the establishment (Thor) taking on the ginormous beast known as the Hulk. And that’s not even including Trump’s enormously fat ass. Hey o!!! I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress! All right, that’s enough of the intro. But first, John Oliver is back and he goes overseas to talk the French elections and their possible impact on the world:



Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the top 3 slots this week is President Trump! Bravo, well done, take a bow! So in the number one slot of course, you know that by now, Trump (1) dropped the “Mother Of All Bombs” on Afghanistan this week. And he fucked up in telling the press which country he was bombing in the first place! I mean seriously! In the second slot, you know the cake from the first slot? Well we're going to appear on the show "Cake Boss" and see how much Donald Trump's (2) claim about Mar-A-Lago having "the best cake" really rings true or not. In the number 3 slot, if you thought Trump (3) celebrates Cinco De Mayo and Thanksgiving as an elitist, wait until you see how he celebrates Easter! So what was Trump doing? If you guessed golf, you are correct sir / madam! Plus we’re going to come up with some other uses for that golf cart rental money he’s been using. In the number 4 slot, we’re going to recap yet another incident at UC Berkeley, only this time, the group attacking now has a name and they’ll be easy to identify at future events – Antifa (4) ! In the number 5 slot is United Airlines (5). Because another incident if you’ve been living under a rock is that you know about the horrific story about the guy dragged out of his seat and beaten senseless by police. But they just keep shooting themselves in the foot over this incident, and several others have popped up in recent weeks. In the number 6 slot is Alex Jones. So Alex Jones (6) and his lawyer claim that his Infowars persona is actually a character like The Joker. So we’re going to channel the Joker and have him explain a few things to Mr. Jones. In the number 7 slot is none other than Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly (7). He is on what we like to call a “sinking ship” thanks to sexual harassment lawsuits and it looks like Fox News might be pulling the plug on the Factor. So no more War On Christmas this year? Taking the 8th slot is Pizzagate founder, and the court jester of the deplorables, Mike Cernovich (8) who might be engaged in some light blackmail if Steve Bannon gets fired from the Trump administration. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, we’ve got another installment of “I Need A Drink” because really, I just got back from Spring Break, but I don’t need a drink, I need something much stronger – a joint! And we’re going to talk about all the fun events happening on 4/20 and your source for legal-ish pot. Finally this week, we’ve got the next round of our ongoing Stupidest State Contest, where we’re going to a Fiscal Irresponsibility Showdown. This time, Michigan takes on Kansas, and the winner will face Texas in the battle for which state is greedier. We’re just 3 rounds away from the league championship, and 4 rounds away from the deciding who is going to be our Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! Things are getting exciting! Plus we have some live music for you, this time from Iration. We’re going to get some reggae up in this joint – and I do emphasize the word joint. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


We need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that please?




Yeah! We’re getting old school up in this joint! And I need some old school music, because this entry is going to make me, and you very fucking angry! If it hasn’t already. Because Donald Trump and the republicans are quite literally playing with fire when it comes to North Korea. So let’s go through what happened shall we?





Now if you’re not already angry enough, while we don’t mind that 36 terrorists were killed in the explosion, there’s some other strange musings regarding this story. We’re teetering on the brink of nuclear war. And this shit isn't helping:



Where have I seen this before, I wonder?




And we all know how that ends! You know nuclear war - it’s a step up from regular war in a way that Premium Economy is a step up from Basic Economy - it's still the shitty part of the plane, and it's much more fucking expensive, despite that you get very little back in return for your investment. What do you get in return? A headrest! Ooh, a headrest! That means my neck will be slightly less crooked when I wake up from 13 minutes of sleep on my 6 hour flight from LA to New York! And let's face it, it’s what the military industrial complex really wants.





George Carlin was right – war is just a big prick waving dick fight and that’s exactly what Mr. Tiny Hands Donald J. Trump is doing. And if you don’t believe he has tiny hands, just look at his gigantic fat ass waddling up a hill on his precious Trump branded golf course:



Where’s Stewie with a Tuba when you need him?



And this guy has the power to declare war, people! I mean it cant get much scarier than that, can it? I mean can it? Well maybe, in a very Bush-era move, if you add in the fact that Trump couldn’t remember what country he just bombed. You know what? Let’s roll tape first.







Wanna Get Away? That would make a great ad campaign! I mean nothing says “wanna get away” like a world leader having dessert and then forgetting what country he just bombed! Call me, Southwest! But let’s talk about the cake for a minute. “It was the best cake, OK? Tremendous, tremendous cake! I mean the best cake comes from Trump Tower. I love chocolate!”.






[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for Cake Boss!!!!



This week on Cake Boss, we’re going to the king of cakes. The sultan of sugar (Sultan Of Sugar, by the way, saw them at the Troub last week, great show!). I’m of course talking about the best cake in the land – the chocolate cake with a very drab scoop of ice cream that’s served at Mar-A-Lago. Why it’s good enough to feed visiting dignitaries and Trump’s fat ass! And we don’t even have to make this one!





Because what’s an internet show without some cat memes? I mean come on seriously people! But how good was the cake at Mar-A-Lago? Why it’s good enough to make world leaders forget which country they sent cruise missiles to! Ha ha ha! But how good is a piece of cake really worth? And what does it look like? Well here’s a real, unaltered image!



Doesn’t that look tasty? I mean it just screams class! I’ve made better looking cakes than that, and I’m not exactly what one would call a “professional chef”. And come on, use a bigger scoop of ice cream, damn it! You get that giant piece of chocolate cake with a radioactive red filling in the center, we're presuming it's strawberry, but we could be wrong, and you get just a thimble full of vanilla ice cream? Come on! The place I go to get pie serves you with a giant scoop of ice cream! But really folks, there’s got to be an underlying motive here, doesn’t there? I mean doesn’t there?





Oh and it gets so much worse from there ladies and gentlemen! Smoked salmon is great, but smoked salmon without proper parasite destruction? WTF are they serving? Mold in the ice machine?





And in fact there were over 13 violations in the kitchen alone! So if you’re going to Mar-A-Lago, don’t hesitate to bring your own food! Although, I’m sure President Trump would hate that. Because after all, he serves the best food at Mar-A-Lago and Trump properties all over the world! But at least you can have cake, which is what Marie Antionette would have wanted.






[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]


So we won’t get to cover the Georgia special election this week, but Trump’s latest Tweet storm is something you got to see to believe. Particularly this one:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/853964023846588420

Learn to spell “Congressional” correctly and we might take you seriously for once. So in case you’re wondering how much Trump flip flops , he flip flops more than the sandals I wore in Hawaii last time I visited. And when you’re in Hawaii, you got to wear sandals and shorts, there really isn’t any other way to go there, am I right? But getting back to Trump and flip flopping, here’s something that you should know – the guy lies so much that his lies are lies, and his truth are lies. In fact he’s a real life Tony Montana. I mean think about it – he lives in a giant mansion in Miami, made his money through questionable means, never questions the other guy’s greed, and he might have gotten high on his own supply. We just don’t know. Plus we know he’s said crazy shit like this:



And with that in mind here’s how much Trump lies:



By the way in the case of the Import – Export Bank (IEB), this is what happened this week – it turns out Trump was going to eliminate the branch until someone explained to him how it worked! Hey, someone might want to explain to him how the environment and energy work, too, huh?





But we got to switch subjects and talk about how Trump spent Easter. But for transparency here’s how Obama spent Easter last year:



And here’s how Trump spent Easter this year:





And by the way what else happened at the White House Easter Egg roll? Well there was this.



Why do I get the feeling that sounds like something that happens in a bad Adam Sandler or Kevin James comedy movie? Stay classy, Trump. As if that’s not deplorable enough, Melania Trump didn’t make things better. Just like everything else Trump does, his first WH Easter Egg roll was a total disaster:



RIP Satire, beginning of civilization – April 15th, 2017. You will be missed. And in case you couldn’t help but wonder about Trump’s arrogance and elitism, we’ve spent the last 3 weeks talking about how much time he’s wasting golfing at Mar-A-Lago. Well, this week, some numbers were released that were pretty staggering, and if this doesn’t make your blood boil, you’re most likely a Trump supporter and watch Fox News as much as he does.:



http://images.memes.com/meme/330488

So what can $35,000 buy you? Time for a little transparency and let’s put things in perspective. Wait a minute, I know! Why don’t we cue up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network? *cue music* Welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network. Today we’re going to show you things that you can buy for $35,000 because that’s what President Trump has spent so far on golf cart rentals. So here’s things that $35,000 can buy you. To start with we have this lovely Volvo S60! For the low low price of $35,000 it comes with a sun roof and GPS navigation service!



Or perhaps cars aren’t your thing. Maybe you’re looking for a place to live. This tiny house, featured on “Tiny Houses” runs approximately $35,000:



Or maybe you’re an Elvis fan. This replica of the ring that the King wore, also cost $35,000!



And you know how much a new golf cart costs? Well this is why facts don’t matter to President Trump. Because this lovely red golf cart from Ez Go costs, get ready - $12,695!






[font size="8"]Antifa[/font]




Antifa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That name sounds like it would fit perfectly at the end of that song. In fact play that song again and then scream “Antifa” instead of “Tequila”. Well we need some upbeat music for this next entry because it’s another one that will make you fucking angry. And you know, no matter which side you’re on – whether you’re a Trump supporter or a liberal like we are, we can all agree that people showing up at your rallies wearing ski masks and carrying crowbars aren’t there to join hands, am I right about that? Well let’s discuss



And yes there is video of this. By the way – can we say that Trump supporters are not in any way shape or form supporting free speech? Especially when they support his illegal deportation plan and the building of the wall? (BTW there is a content warning on this video)



But this isn’t the first time Antifa showed up and things turned violent. Remember the last Berkeley protest over professional tool Milo Yiannopolous? Yup, that was them. In fact there’s more to this story and it was a category 5 shit storm, as was expected.





And you know when smoke grenades are brought into the picture, they go from alleged terrorist group into full blown terrorist group. And here’s what happened then! I mean this shit gets crazier and crazier!





And boy did shit just get real. In fact it might be a preview for what a modern liberal vs conservative Civil War might look like. And that’s a scary fucking thought. And in that war, we liberals do not want Antifa on our side. In fact, we want to stay very far away from the Antifas and Daily Stormers of the world. And if the Nazis are happy, this can’t be a good thing, can it?





And we really did get a preview of Civil War II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder With A Vengeance at Berkeley on Saturday. Shit is getting really ugly out there, folks. And I mean really ugly.



By the way let’s take a look at some of these winners for a minute. I mean both Antifa and Daily Stormer were looking for a beat down on both sides. It wasn’t just a peaceful demonstration. Nope, this was a full on category 5 shit storm. But the Daily Stormers were going full on Insane Clown Deplorable:



In fact, in Civil War II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder With A Vengeance, I’d rather not have Antifa on our side. And by the way, why do Trump supporters think they support free speech more than we do? I think we need to have that discussion at some point? These guys fail at explaining what free speech means.





And in case you think we’re not done in Berkeley – get ready! Look who’s coming over for dinner! Are they going for the idiot trifecta over at Berkeley? I’ve got some good odds saying they are! You might want to stock up on plenty of butter for round 3!



Oh come on Berkeley, you should realize that having Ann Coulter "bridge the gap" between liberals and conservatives is like having Goldman Sachs executives teach a class on wealth management, or having Alex Jones teach an anger management class, or having Rush Limbaugh teach hot yoga. You might as well literally shoot yourselves in the foot! But still...





[font size="8"]United Airlines[/font]


Well if you’re United Airlines the last week has been rough. “Ooh boy, it was rough I tell ya, a plane made an emergency landing, and no one got hurt. And that was the best thing that happened to me last week!”. Thank you Mr. Dangerfield. And yes that actually did happen!





And that’s probably the best thing that happened to United Airlines this week! Hey o!! Because unless you’re living under a rock, by now you know the extremely horrifying tale of Dr. David Dao, who was traveling from Chicago to Atlanta, and you know the video, we wont show it, but did you know that United may have tried to PR smear the wrong guy?





And that’s not all. The United flub will be forever remembered as a lesson in how *NOT* to do public relations. And I think the only way things could be worse is if you hire Sean Spicer as your PR guy. And then this happened and it’s not something you want to be the receiving end of, much like you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a flaming bag of dog shit:





And you know remember the movie Airplane? I mean how appropriate is this scene now?



You know I must be boring – shit never happens on my flights. I flew American last week – nothing of anything interesting happened. I did get to watch the Zach Galafinakis flick “Masterminds” which was pretty funny. And I also watched the Ryan Gosling / Russell Crowe flick “The Nice Guys” which was great, loved it. But that’s about it. And then this just happened, once again United Airlines shoot themselves in the foot:





But then my favorite part of this whole cluster fuck is that the United CEO said they wont drag people off planes anymore:






[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]


So by now you know Alex Jones is under fire for threatening California Congressman Adam Schiff. And here’s what happened. I love that the GOP says that they’re “pro free speech” when they’re really not, and by attacking the media and threatening people they disagree with, they hurt free speech more than anybody! It’s how republicans are able to get away with legalizing silencers and calling it “hearing protection”. Well here’s what Alex Jones did.





But here’s why the Joker, er, Alex Jones is in the news this week. I love this defense so much. So did you know that Alex Jones is involved in a bitter divorce and custody battle? Wait, wait – back up! Somebody married this guy? And he has children? Someone swiped right on the only guy in the US who has bigger rage issues than Trump does? The guy who said that Hillary Clinton was involved in a child sex ring and that the murder of 20 school children was all an act? That fucking guy reproduced?




So his lawyers are claiming that his Infowars persona is all an act. Much like Jack Nicholsoh’s Joker. And why did they choose Jack Nicholson’s Joker? Why not the much better Heath Ledger? Or the much worse Ben Affleck?









What would a dialogue between the Joker and Alex Jones sound like? You know we obtained an actual transcript of a conversation between Jones and the Joker.



End scene! Thank you! Oh and here’s one of my favorite parts of this whole thing – Alex Jones goes full on cartoon crazy in his rebuttal to this madness! I mean you can’t make this shit up!






[font size="8"]Bill O’Reilly[/font]


We were originally going to talk about the show Survivor in this entry but I didn’t like the entry, so we’re going to change it up and talk about Bill O’Reilly instead. Whew, I mean holy fucking shit. Talk about what’s called a “sinking ship”. This is what we call a category 6 shit storm. It’s way worse than a category 5 in that the shit is literally hitting the fan, and is getting caught up in what we call a shit cyclone, meaning that the shit is getting recirculated. And that’s not a good thing, especially at the Gentlemen’s Leisure Club known as Fox News, where Jabba The Hutt – Roger Ailes – has already been booted, and now it looks like they’re going after their main man next. So let’s go through what happened.





That did indeed go south. But you know – I think the question needs to be asked – if we’re so concerned with sexual harassment in this country, why the fuck did Donald Trump get elected president? I mean… thank you! But even the pussy grabber in chief thinks that Bill O’Reilly didn’t do anything wrong. I mean… gee… you know what they say about “birds of a feather flock together”, am I not right about that?





So even Trump himself is playing the “nothing to see here” card in regards to Bill O’Reilly, which is extremely telling about Trump’s past aggressions with women. So how much hot water is Bill O’Reilly in in regards to his sexual harassment discrepancies? Well… this might take the cake, and not the cake served at Trump Tower.





So the line between human and animal has officially been blurred. Remember when men actually acted like men and not animals like Bill O’Reilly and Alex Jones? This is what passes for being a man in 2017 – treating women like shit and acting like unsophisticated animals? If so then I want no part of it, and I am a white male. This is what passes for being a “bad ass”? I mean this is Kid Rock’s definition of “bad ass”!



And the republicans want this guy to run for senate! You know – the party who says that “oh celebrities should stay out of politics”! Shut the fuck up! Well, back to Bill O’Reilly for a minute… you know what? His Factor show on 4/12, may have been his last:








[font size="8"]Mike Cernovich[/font]


Before we get into this entry, you know folks - context matters. And this is real. This happened.



Excuse me a minute...

So we got to go back to the Berkeley outing for a minute. So chief Trump troll (try saying that one five times fast!) and Pizzagate co-conspirator Mike Cernovich was back in the news this week. Not just for leading the [strikethrough]Idiot Patrol[/strikethrough], er, “Free Speech Brigade” through UC Berkeley, that happened. First off, someone is feeding this troll inside information. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my various years on the internet, it’s that you do not feed the troll. Oh, no, good sir / madam, never, ever feed the troll!



?noindex=1

And as if the trolls didn’t need more feeding at Berkeley, Mike Cernovich is falsely claiming he was assaulted by those Antifa morons we talked about earlier in the show.



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! And yes there sadly is tape of this.

https://twitter.com/MikeLewisATX/status/853314469837115392

I mean really could these asshats be any more deplorable? And you know what? Could the guy who punched Cernovich in the face and the guy who punched Richard Spencer in the face come to my show please? I’d like you to stay for an interview and a couple of beers! But here’s the main reason why chief Trump troll Cernovich is in the news this week.



Who needs butter?



Well he already planted one fake news story on Susan Rice a couple of weeks ago. So what does he have on them?





[font size="8"]420 Events[/font]


It’s now time for another installment of:



You know what? Fuck it, I need a joint. And can we get some appropriate music?




Especially before Jeff Sessions unleashes The War On Drugs II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder. Ah yeah that’s some good shit right there! And it has to be some good shit because you don’t want to smoke the wrong ganja. Am I right about that? Because… yeah… we don’t want you here at the Top 10 to think it’s all about negativity. No, we want you to leave here with a positive vibe. Especially since it’s legal now!





And there’s other 420 Events that you could choose to go to if you’re into smoking the reefer. You can go watch 2 Chainz in downtown Denver celebrating 4/20. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Denver since weed was made legal in Colorado, but on 4/20 downtown Denver is so smoky that it gets a contact high!





God, I love that movie! Or maybe go to Miami where there’s going to be some bumping 4/20 parties, and don’t tell Jeff Sessions!



But whatever you do, don’t be like this douchebag and start selling tickets to free events. That shit isn’t cool, and it definitely doesn’t fly here at the Top 10!







[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest Round 11: Michigan Vs. Kansas[/font]




16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week – Tennessee showed Alabama who’s boss when it came to which state hurt their LGBT citizens the most, and they utterly destroyed them in the competition to advance to the next round. So two states have advanced to the Final Four – Tennessee, and Texas. So who will their challengers be? We have two more conference finals – the Fiscal Irresponsibility Championships and the Gun Nut Championships. This week, Texas is awaiting their opponent – and we’re headed back to the land of greed and irresponsible spending. The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference – you know, where your governor will roll your rights as a worker back to the stone age, while he walks away with a giant sack of that sweet, sweet green. And by green of course, I mean money. Not marijuana, you stoners! Let’s get out our brackets shall we?



[font size="6"]Round 11: Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championship: #5 Michigan Vs. #7 Kansas[/font]

[font size="4"]Kansas [/font]


So the Kansas Jayhawks nearly won the actual Final Four. Except they didn’t. But will they win this Final Four? Only time can tell. In the last round it was a tossup as to whether or not Kansas would beat Chris Christie’s New Jersey. But there’s no denying that Sam Brownback is one of the single most evil people in all of America. So in case you’re wondering why Kansas makes the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference every tournament, well, there’s their Tea Party darling of a governor, Sam Brownback. And Sam Brownback embodies everything that is soulless and wrong with the Tea Party. And the Tea Party mantra is cut spending, cut spending, cut spending. Well, here’s how spending was cut. Behind door #1:



But there’s got to be more to make Sam Brownback the reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility. If there’s one thing the GOP hates, it’s the perception of people getting free handouts. I mean first off, aren’t all handouts free? And second, these people suck. Just a big, steaming bag of suck.





In case you’re wondering how much shit Kansas is in economically and how it will translate to the rest of the country, here’s how fucked up it is.





Wow, that’s another good one! But we have barely scratched the surface on the Kansas Tea Party’s insane greed and corruption. Although some good news for Sam Brownback. You know we don’t want you to think the Top 10 is all about negativity. No, we want you to have the Top 10 as a positive feeling. And there’s some good news – Sam Brownback is no longer America’s least popular governor. And we don’t need to hold an America’s Next Least Popular Governor Contest to find out who it is!





Why yes! The new least popular governor in the country was none other than the governor of the state that was Kansas’ competition for this tournament! And that is Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie! I mean ya gotta wonder how these assholes keep getting elected! But there’s far more. Sam Brownback, like the good republican he is, often passes the blame onto others in the event he loses. And it looks like the GOP might actually lose a seat in Kansas. And you know who he would blame?





I mean even fucking Wall St is thinking that Sam Brownback is a complete and utter disaster. When you’re on the bad side of Wall Street, that is not a side you want to be on!





But some good news, Sam Brownback may soon no longer even be the governor. Apparently he was tapped by Trump to be the head of a lucrative United Nations post. Yes, he has gone from bankrupting Kansas, to possibly bankrupting the world!





[font size="4"]Michigan [/font]


Next up in our Stupidest State contest is the return of the other reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility – the Great Lakes State - Michigan. Michigan is unique for its’ Upper Peninsula – a hotbed for hunters and white supremacists alike. By the way, if you want a feel for what it's like to live in the Upper Peninsula - Jeff Daniels is from Central Michigan. Yes, the same Jeff Daniels who was in Dumb & Dumber, The Martian, and The Newsroom. He directed a movie about elk hunting called "Escanaba In Da Moonlight". It's very low budget but you definitely will know what's it's like to live in the UP after watching this flick. Plus lots and lots of drinking! Michigan is the home of such universities as my mother’s alma matter – Michigan State University (go Spartans!), the University of Michigan, my brother’s alma matter Wayne State, and several other noted universities. Michigan is also the home of world class sports teams including the Detroit Tigers, the Detroit Pistons, and of course Hockey Town USA, the Detroit Red Wings! Where fans are known to do this:



And we do have to mention one hilarious and quite stinky story before we get started on all things Michigan that happened this week after Joe Louis Arena finally closed:





I like that one! So what else has Michigan been up to since we last visited them? You know the toxic water crisis in Flint is only getting worse by the day. In fact you know who one of the biggest problems with Flint actually was? If you guessed it’s a giant, evil corporation then you’re 100% correct! And of course it’s Nestle Waters.





But there is some good news on the Flint front – the Michigan House recently voted to send $100 million to Flint, but hopefully the Flint City Council will use it for its’ intended purpose and not funnel the money back to themselves!





And yes that is indeed excellent. But the Flint water crisis isn’t the only problem plaguing Michigan – besides insane Tea Party representatives and leaders like Rick Snyder, who might be one of the worst governors in the country (thank you Koch Brothers! ), did you know that the former home of the Detroit Lions, the Pontiac Silverdome, is still standing? And that it has a major parking lot problem?





That’s a strange story indeed. but when it comes to Michigan and spending… Michigan’s state senators and representatives are just as batshit crazy as they are in the rest of America.





And in case you’re wondering if Michigan’s wealthiest residents are as greedy and corrupt as their representatives are, did you know that there’s a massive grift going on between multiple Michigan area doctors? There’s this:



And this:





[font size="4"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Oh my god this was an incredibly solid matchup. Both teams gave each other a game. Which is what this competition really is about. But sadly only one state can move on to face Texas. Kansas is incredibly tough, and don’t discount them as favorites to win the whole thing. Michigan on the other hand puts up a good fight and they’re not going down easily. They came back and tied it with just 3.2 seconds left… OH MY GOD!!! Kansas sinks a 3 pointer!!! They will beat Michigan and advance to play Texas in the Layover League Championship! Final score – 74 – 71! I tell you anything can happen in this tournament, folks and we have just 4 rounds left before we crown our Stupidest State. Next week – the final piece of the puzzle remains. Missouri and Montana will be bringing their big guns out. The winner gets to face Tennessee for the Flyover League championship. The loser goes home.

[font size="8"]And now this:[/font]
[font size="8"]Iration[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you have some joints ready – playing their song “Midnight” from their album “Hotting Up”, please welcome Iration!




Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

April 11, 2017

Secret A.T.F. Account Paid for $21,000 Nascar Suite and Las Vegas Trip

Grifters gonna grift.

April 10, 2017

John Oliver Tackles Gerrymandering

April 10, 2017

Neil Gorsuch takes first of 2 oaths, prepares to join court

Source: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — Surrounded by family and his soon-to-be Supreme Court colleagues, Neil Gorsuch took the first of two oaths on Monday as he prepared to take his seat on the court and restore its conservative majority.

The 49-year-old appeals court judge from Colorado is being sworn in after a bruising fight that saw Republicans change the rules for approving high court picks — over the fierce objection of Democrats.

The first ceremony took place privately in the Justices' Conference Room, with Chief Justice John Roberts administering the oath required by the Constitution. Gorsuch placed his hand on the family Bible held by his wife, Louise. His two daughters watched, along with all eight of the current justices and most of their spouses.

Also in attendance was Maureen Scalia, widow of the late Justice Antonin Scalia, and her eldest son Eugene, said court spokeswoman Kathy Arberg.

Later, Gorsuch will appear at a public White House ceremony, where Justice Anthony Kennedy is to administer a second oath in which Gorsuch will pledge to administer justice impartially and "do equal right to the poor and to the rich." Gorsuch, who once clerked for Kennedy, will be the first member of the court to serve alongside his former boss.

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/neil-gorsuch-takes-first-of-2-oaths-prepares-to-join-court/ar-BBzDptZ?li=BBnb7Kz

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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The fucking assholes did it. They got their god damned seat. May it be forever cursed.