If you're on the fringes of the labor force and are looking for a job, Texas Workforce Solutions may be able to help. The state agency coordinates with a wide network of potential employers and, if necessary, can connect job seekers with adult education classes and vocational training programs. Unsure of how to write a resume or prepare for an interview? TWS can probably help.

Stop by. Give them a call. Just make sure that, however you decide to get in touch, do not -- we repeat, DO NOT -- include a picture of your penis.

TWS is not the proper launching point for your porn career; its bureaucrats aren't paid nearly enough to stare at your junk. And if the caseworker is anything like the 25-year-old worker at TWS' Alpha Road office who found a client's dick pic waiting in her email this morning alongside his job application, she will promptly call police, who will know from the personal email address who sent it and thus gets a ticket for "obscene display or distribution." That's a class C misdemeanor.

http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/2014/03/police_man_sends_dick_pic_with.php

(Philadelphia, PA) – Only two things in life are certain: Craft Beer and Zombies. Kind of. As avid enthusiasts of both, Dock Street Brewery combined an obsessive passion for brewing with our admiration for the finest zombie drama to date. Behold our liquid tribute, Dock Street Walker, an American Pale Stout brewed with wheat, oats, flaked barley, organic cranberry, and Smoked Goat Brains!

Dock Street Walker is the brainchild (pun intended) of Head Brewer Justin Low and Brewery Representative Sasha Certo-Ware, both loyal fans of AMC’s The Walking Dead. More often than not, monotonous Monday cleaning rituals (labors of love for brewers everywhere) were spent recapping the previous night’s twists, turns, narrow escapes, or untimely goodbyes. Dock Street wanted to brew a special tribute to the show. “Screw it, let’s use brains!”

Dock Street Walker (7.2% ABV) is an American Pale Stout, brewed with substantial amounts of malted wheat, oats, and flaked barley for a smooth, creamy mouthfeel. Fuggle hops provide delicate, earthy notes, while the cranberries create a sinister, bloody hue, and a slight tartness. The pre-sparge-brain-addition provides this beer with intriguing, subtle smoke notes. In true walker fashion, don’t be surprised if its head doesn’t hang around forever.

http://beerpulse.com/2014/03/dock-street-to-release-walking-dead-inspired-beer-made-with-brains-walker-on-330-2710/

DANIELSVILLE, Ga. (AP) — Authorities say a Georgia teen is under arrest and accused of spending about $25,000 that a bank accidentally deposited into his account.

The Madison County Sheriff's Department says 18-year-old Steven Fields of Hull in northeastern, Ga., turned himself in Friday.

He faces a charge of theft by taking. A home phone number for Fields could not be located, and it was not immediately clear whether he had an attorney.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/28/steven-fields_n_5052056.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

FARMINGTON -- Christopher Reeves' Superman shirt did not make him faster than Davis County sheriff's deputies.

A deputy spotted a blue 2011 Chevy HHR traveling at high speed and swerving across lanes on Interstate 15 going north in Kaysville at 3 a.m. Tuesday, said Sgt. Susan Poulsen.

The deputy clocked the vehicle traveling at 80 mph, or 15 mph over the speed limit, she said.

When the vehicle pulled over the driver, Christopher Jaye Reeves, 33, of Layton, appeared to be under the influence so the officer did a field sobriety test and Reeves failed.

http://www.standard.net/stories/2014/03/25/davis-cops-say-superman-busted-speeding-was-high-and-carrying-meth-stash

NORRIDGEWOCK — Michael Smith went outside shirtless after being awakened Tuesday morning, yelling at a tree removal company to get off his property.

The workers thought they saw a gun in his waistband and called police.

Smith, who’d gone back to bed, was awakened again minutes later — this time by Maine State Police at his front door, backed up by a group of troopers with assault rifles in his driveway. They were asking him via a megaphone to come out of his house.

Smith did have a gun. It was tattooed on his stomach.

No charges will be filed against Smith, but police said they always take reports of a gun or threat seriously. Several police standoffs with armed men have occurred in central Maine in recent years, some of them deadly.

http://www.onlinesentinel.com/news/Norridgewock_man_with_gun_tattoo_wakes_up_to_armed_police_.html

A manhunt for the Wal-Mart toe-sucker ended Wednesday night when police in North Carolina arrested a man who allegedly posed as a shoe salesman and then sucked on the toes of the surprised woman customer.

When the horrified woman protested, he told her he was a podiatry student.

Police have had several complaints of incidents like that in both Kmart and Wal-Mart, according to local news reports.

Lincolnton Detective Dennis Harris told a local TV station that the man apparently tried the same thing Monday at another Walmart 15 miles away, where he told a woman he was conducting a survey on the feet of different races and nationalities.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/03/20/fake-shoe-salesman-charged-in-walmart-toe-sucking/?tid=hp_mm

THE BRONX - Four people have been arrested following a raid at a Morris Park tax preparation office that was allegedly used as a place to deal marijuana.

Tax and drug enforcement agents raided 420 Multi Services Inc., located at 1035 Morris Park Ave., on Thursday night. The company has been there nearly 10 years.

The Bronx District Attorney's Office says that Christina Clarke, Mark Parsons, Christopher Mullahey and Michael Thomas are all facing several charges, including criminal sale of a controlled substance and criminal possession of marijuana in the fifth degree.

http://bronx.news12.com/news/420-multi-services-inc-raided-for-allegedly-dealing-marijuana-in-morris-park-1.7464398

South Daytona, FL – March Madness apparently came early for a 33-year-old man after police say he drank $80 worth of alcohol, set a trash can on fire and punched 2 men in the face at a South Daytona bar on US 1.

Jason A. Buchanan (picture courtesy Volusia County Jail) of Port Orange was arrested at 12:42pm Friday at Mark’s Sports Pub in the 2000 block of South Ridgewood Avenue, according to the South Daytona Police Department.

SDPD Lieutenant Dan Dietrich says Buchanan ordered 10 shots of Jagermeister at the bar and drank them all on his own, one right after another.

“[He then] walks into the men’s bathroom [and] sets a trash can [on] fire,” Dietrich stated. “Another patron walking [into the bathroom witnessed him] doing it.”

That’s when, per SDPD, Buchanan walked out of the bathroom and towards the front door, but a regular patron at the bar then tried to stop him from leaving.

http://newsdaytonabeach.com/south-daytona-pd-man-set-fire-at-sports-pub-to-back-out-of-bar-tab/

MONTREAL — A man who believed for months that he was going to be the father of quintuplets instead found out in hospital his girlfriend was never pregnant.

Delivery day came and went on Wednesday and only then did Paul Servat, 35, realize Barbara Bienvenue, 37, wasn't with children.

A disappointed and tearful father recounted his dashed dreams to QMI Agency at his home south of Montreal, in the baby room filled with five colourfully adorned cribs that lie empty.

"She let me choose the names," Servat, 35, said between sobs, surrounded by donated gifts for the five fictitious babies.

"I lost everything, it was my whole life."

http://www.torontosun.com/2014/03/20/dad-to-be-shocked-girlfriend-wasnt-even-expecting

Speaking on his nationally syndicated radio program on Wednesday, conservative icon Rush Limbaugh attempted to be funny by making a joke about how women just want to shop and are also a bunch of prostitutes, too.

The impetus for Limbaugh’s remarks was his annoyance with House Republicans for their plan to vote on the construction of a National Women’s History Museum, an undertaking Limbaugh considered totally unnecessary.

“There isn’t going to be a National Men’s [Museum],” Limbaugh complained. “[A]ll those war museums and memorials, those are museums to men. We’ve left the women out, that’s right.”

The lack of an accompanying National Men’s Museum wasn’t Limbaugh’s only beef with the plan, though. He also said it was redundant. “We already have, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know how many museums for women all over the country,” Limbaugh argued. “They are called malls.”

http://www.salon.com/2014/03/20/rush_limbaugh_we_already_have_museums_for_women_%E2%80%94_%E2%80%9Cthey_are_called_malls%E2%80%9D/