Initech

Initech's Journal

October 17, 2016

John Oliver Breaks Down The Platforms Offered By The Alternative Candidates In The Election

October 12, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Remember we like our political commentary the way Tom Brady likes his footballs – slightly over inflated enough that they pass the test, but not so overinflated that it would constitute as cheating. Hey o!!! We are back people! And man has it been a gold mine for Donald Trump news this week. I mean you had the debates where he threatened to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, and this whole thing with Billy Bush from Access Hollywood getting suspended indefinitely over comments he made 10 years ago with Donald Trump coming back to bite him in the ass. And he’s fighting back – which unfortunately that was coming as we were putting together this week’ But my favorite thing recently has been Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump on SNL. I mean seriously Alec Baldwin is awesome, and he has Donald Trump’s mannerisms down to a science. The debut sketch on SNL last week was great, and he does it again this week. Can we show that?

So where do we begin this week? Well this week the top 5 slots are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about Trumpenfuror’s repore with women – and it’s nothing to brag about. In the second slot – we’re going to talk about a celebrity beef between a very vocal liberal celebrity – Robert DeNiro, and a very vocal evangelical celebrity – Jon Voight over some controversial remarks that the latter made about Donald Trump. Who wins? In slot number 3, we’re going to talk about what exactly “locker room talk” is, and in the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP abandoning the sinking ship that is the Donald Trump presidential campaign. Taking the 5th slot we’re going to have a debate recap. This thing was almost as complete of a shit show as the first debate was. At number 6, we’re going to say goodbye to the creepiest reporter in TV news history and that’s Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush (6). At number 7, we’re going to ask – how is this still a thing? And that thing? Constitutional literalism. It seems that the Bundy Bunch aren’t the only batshit crazy constitutional loyalists plotting an overthrow of the government! Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to take a dip in the international conservative idiots file and head to Chechnya, where president Ramzan Kadyrov (8) won in a 97% landslide (+3% margin of error

) and has been getting into MMA and plans to start his own reality show. See Kadyrov is what we’re going to get if we elect Donald Trump, folks! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, last week we discussed batshit crazy libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. This week we’re going to discuss batshit crazy Green Party candidate Jill Stein. Jill Stein got a ringing endorsement (?) from Ron Paul, who surfaced from his troll cave in Kentucky to possible endorse the Green Party candidate over the Libertarian candidate. And finally this week, we’re going to discuss one of my favorite subjects in the news currently – creepy clowns! I know what you’re thinking – “But Initech, we already covered creepy clowns in Idiots #41”. *Donald Trump face* *sniff* WRONG!!!! You're wrong!!! You're stupid, losers! Well you’re right, but they’re back and appearing all over the country. And real clowns are fighting back against the negative images they’re getting in the press. You can’t make this shit up, folks! Also, because you’re nice for listening to my schtick for the next hour or so, I’m going to give you something. How about some live music from Alter Bridge? For the last time, no, they’re not Creed. They have an amazing new album out called “The Last Hero” and they will be stopping by the show to play something from it if you kids play your cards right. That means no shouting or reaching across the dinner table, and don’t make me turn this show around!!! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we begin, we have to talk about Jack White’s Third Man Records. So you know the Donald Trump campaign was under fire for using the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” at Trump rallies without Jack White’s permission, right? So this is how Third Man retaliated:

Third Man is selling the shirt for $25 on its website. On the back of the shirt, the lyrics read:

"White Americans? What? Nothing better to do? Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too. Who's using who? What should we do? Well, you can't be a pimp And a prostitute too."

White released a statement via the White Stripes; Facebook page on the alleged illegal use.
http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2016/10/the_white_stripes_selling_icky.html

Can we show that?

?w=807

So let me explain where the name of this edition comes from – it comes from the 2001 Richard Gere gynecology flick “Dr. T & The Women”. Which is about as real as actually being a gynecologist gets folks!

Now Donald T & The Women – totally different story! In fact take that movie Dr. T & The Women and replace Richard Gere with Donald Trump and you have turned a romantic comedy into a horror movie! Let’s explain:

(CNN)Donald Trump bragged about trying to have sex with a married woman and being able to grope women in previously unaired footage from 2005 that surfaced on Friday.

Trump is heard discussing women in vulgar terms during off-camera banter during the taping of a segment for "Access Hollywood," footage which was obtained by The Washington Post.

Trump dismissed the comments as "locker room banter" in a statement released by his campaign and sought to immediately deflect criticism onto the husband of his opponent Hillary Clinton.

The comments immediately raised the stakes for Sunday's highly anticipated debate between Trump and Clinton. The Democratic nominee has spent months portraying Trump as demeaning toward women and the emergence of the remarks could hand her -- and viewers in the town hall audience -- more evidence to make that point.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-women-vulgar/index.html?adkey=bn

Dude, Donald! When you’re in a hole, stop digging! Shut the fuck up!

Seriously Donald, stop talking! Every single thing you say is worse than the thing that preceded it. In fact for a normal human being – someone with empathy, which Donald Trump severely lacks, the only way to say horrible things at that rate would be to read Limp Bizkit lyrics in the style of Bane from the Dark Knight Rises. You know what? Let’s try a few!

“Give me something to break…. But only one of you has the trigger!!!”
“My generation motherfuckers…. That’s why I’m crashing this plane with no survivors!”

See? See how everything I said was worse? Well it’s not getting better for Trumpenfuror:

Republicans are horrified and shocked by the leaked audio in which Donald Trump brags about sexual assault and says his celebrity lets him do whatever he likes with women.

The many women whom Trump has reduced to their looks and sex appeal over the years — 61, according to our count — probably aren’t surprised. It’s a long, damning list, and it’s only getting longer.
http://www.vox.com/2016/10/8/13211908/61-insults-39-women-trump-history-misogyny

Holy shit!!!! I mean seriously holy shit!!!

Is he going to share a cell with Bill Cosby? What? But we’re still not done here! Oh no!

Civil rights lawyer Gloria Allred said this week that women have begun contacting her with allegations that they were sexually harassed or abused by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

After news broke over the weekend that Trump had bragged about groping women on a leaked 2005 video, Allred confirmed to Gothamist on Monday that she had been “contacted by women who allege inappropriate contact by Mr. Trump.”

“If there is an unwanted or unconsented to touching of a person’s intimate parts such as the genital areas or a woman’s breasts, that could constitute a sexual assault or a sexual battery,” Allred said. “I am disgusted by what Donald Trump said and admitted that he had done on that video. An apology is not enough.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/the-floodgates-open-women-call-gloria-allred-alleging-inappropriate-contact-by-mr-trump/#.V_vvh1nOErU.facebook

So holy fuck, Donald Trump is in some deep shit here. I mean just look at the potential that this has once all has been unearthed!

In that audio, Trump discusses a failed attempt to seduce a woman, whose full name is not given in the video.

“I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it,” Trump is heard saying. It was unclear when the events he was describing took place. The tape was recorded several months after he married his third wife, Melania.

“Whoa,” another voice said.

“I did try and f--- her. She was married,” Trump says.
http://crooksandliars.com/2016/10/trump-2005-recording-unearthed-reveals-him

Holy shit! Seriously Donald, stop talking. I mean shut the fuck up!

But you know who Donald once got a ringing endorsement from? Jerry Falwell Jr! Yes the evangelicals support and love this guy! I mean what would Jesus do, folks?

This is the same Donald Trump who has been thrice married, who has lusted after his own daughter, who boasts of screwing other people over, who chases the almighty dollar over all else. Remember what Jesus did to that crowd at the temple? Remember what he said about rich people, camels, and the eye of a needle? And we all know Jesus was about excluding and demonizing people, right?

This is the same Trump who pathetically tried to speak Evangelical and failed, as Tom DeLay (remember him?) pointed out:

In an attempt to patronize the religious crowd, Trump cited a scripture containing the word "liberty." There was a smattering of laughter when he cited "Two Corinthians 3:17" at the Bible-based school where most pronounce it "Second Corinthians."

This is the same Trump who fails one of the most basic Christian tests—humility and lack of pride. Satan has nothing on Trump when it comes to pride. Catholics consider that one of the seven deadly sins (along with lust and greed … and anger). Evangelicals will point to Is. 14:11-15, James 4:6, and Prov. 16:18. And can anyone pretend that Trump actually goes to church?
http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/1/26/1475347/-Falwell-endorses-Trump-and-ends-the-charade-of-their-morality

Yeah that is a good question – does Donald Trump go to church? In fact he’s exposed the religious right for the hypocrites that they are! Bravo, well done!

(CNN)The second presidential debate was overshadowed this weekend by the release of a 2005 videotape in which Donald Trump bragged about being famous enough to get away with sexual assault. Pressed by moderator Anderson Cooper during the debate, Trump said he was not proud of his words, but dismissed them as "locker room talk" before trying to pivot to a discussion of ISIS.
While many Republican Party insiders have calculated that it's too late to get off the Trump train, a line-up of so-called "Christian conservatives" -- a crucial base of support for Trump in every national poll -- stepped forward this weekend to say they can no longer support candidate Trump. "I cannot commend Trump's moral character," evangelical theologian Wayne Grudem wrote, withdrawing his endorsement of the Republican candidate.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/10/opinions/religious-right-hypocrisy-over-trump-tape-barber/index.html

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So you want to know the really fucked up thing about this? You know who’s not on Donald Trump’s side? If you guessed that a serial groper himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger has withdrawn support of Trumpenfuror, you know you’ve fucked up!

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger joined a chorus of Republicans who announced Saturday they will not support Donald Trump for president.

Schwarzenegger, who took over for Trump this year as host of NBC's "The Apprentice," said it will be the first time since becoming a citizen in 1983 that he will not vote for the GOP nominee. He did not indicate for whom he would vote in November.

The action film star, who did not mention Trump's lewd comments about women, faced criticism over his own alleged sexually aggressive behavior during the 2003 recall election to become California's governor.
http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/trailguide/la-na-trailguide-updates-arnold-schwarzenegger-i-will-not-vote-1475948474-htmlstory.html

Yes that’s former California governor and serial womanizer Arnold Schwarzenegger denouncing serial womanizer Donald Trump.

But on the plus side, one of my favorite actors - Robert DeNiro - has some strong words for Trumpenfuror:

“He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig': Actor Robert DeNiro lets fly at Donald Trump
Nothing has been going right for the Trump presidential campaign.

Following the release of a video showing Donald Trump making comments about sexually assaulting women, the Republican nominee's campaign seems to have come apart. His comments were also criticised by his wife Melanie Trump and top leaders in his party too have withdrawn support.

An advertisement campaign to encourage Americans to vote asked celebrities to talk about what they were passionate about. Robert DeNiro, known for films such as Taxi Driver and Goodfellas could not hide his feeling and went on a minute-long rant about Trump.

I mean he's so blatantly stupid. He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bullshit artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about, doesn't do his homework, doesn't care, thinks he's gaming society, doesn't pay his taxes. He's an idiot. Colin Powell said it best: He's a national disaster. He's an embarrassment to this country. It makes me so angry that this country has gotten to this point that this fool, this bozo, has wound up where he has. He talks how he wants to punch people in the face? Well, I'd like to punch him in the face. This is somebody that we want for president? I don't think so.
http://video.scroll.in/818620/hes-a-punk-hes-a-dog-hes-a-pig-actor-robert-deniro-lets-fly-at-donald-trump

But guess who fired back? You might guess that evangelical actors are fighting back. And I answer you good sir / madam – why yes they are! Jon Voight, who was the star of the recent Values Voters Conference, fired back!

Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight took to social media Saturday to defend Republican candidate Donald Trump's controversial remarks about women and criticize fellow movie star Robert De Niro for making disparaging remarks about the real estate mogul.

"Midnight Cowboy" star Voight, who has supported several Republican politicians over the years, said on Twitter that Trump's remarks to "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush in 2005 "were not as damaging as Robert DeNiro’s [sic] ugly rant. Trump’s words did not hurt anyone."

Voight also said of the recorded comments, which were first disclosed by The Washington Post Friday, "I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years."

De Niro lashed out at Trump in a video released Friday as part of a get-out-the-vote project. In it, the "Raging Bull" star said of Trump, "he's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bulls--- artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about."
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/10/09/jon-voight-defends-trump-remarks-blasts-robert-de-niro-for-ugly-rant.html

And Robert DeNiro probably could take Donald Trump down with one punch! I mean did anyone see Raging Bull?

And of course DeNiro fired back at Voight for being “delusional”! You know remember when Donald Trump said he would say great things about people? Will he say anything great about Jon Voight?

“I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years,” said Voight, going on to call on Trump supporters to express their “outrage and anger” at De Niro and “all of the Republican turncoats”. Voight has long been an outspoken supporter of the Republican party.

De Niro responded to Voight’s comments, saying: “Voight is a nice guy, but he’s delusional,” according to UAE newspaper the Khaleej Times, before continuing to attack Trump.

“The Republican party has rationalised that his guy is sane, that this guy should be president,” he said. “It’s awful, they will self-destruct.”

De Niro urged Americans to vote on 8 November in order to prevent Trump from winning.

“They have to vote, they must vote, it’s imperative that you vote, it’s a very serious situation,” he said.
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/oct/10/robert-de-niro-jon-voight-donald-trump

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we go any further down the wormhole on all the Trump sexual assault comments this week, anyone remember the cute Donald Trump cheerleaders from a few months ago?

Can you guessed he stiffed them on pay? Gee, I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

The founder of viral pro-Trump tween singing group “USA Freedom Kids” now plans to sue the Republican presidential campaign for violating various unwritten agreements. The tween cheerleaders first achieved national fame after performing their song “Freedom’s Call”—with lyrics like “Deal from strength or get crushed!”—at Trump’s January rally in Pensacola, Florida. The group’s founder, Jeff Popick, father to the youngest member, claims it was at that rally that the campaign broke its promise for compensation; only to once again break financial and logistic promises at another rally at which they were scheduled to appear. “This is not a billion-dollar lawsuit,” Popick told the Washington Post. “I’m not looking to do battle with the Trump campaign, but I have to show my girls that this is the right thing.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2016/07/26/dad-of-usa-freedom-kids-plans-to-sue-trump.html?via=desktop&source=copyurl

So if he treated a bunch of innocent kids this way, imagine how he treats adult women! I mean just look at what happened with this CNN reporter!

Yup! And why does it matter how Donald Trump treats women? This is getting scarier and scarier. Donald Trump actually bragged about walking in on Miss Teen USA pageant contestants changing in the locker room, and his excuse? Oh it’s nothing I haven’t seen before! Which makes us wonder how many times he’s walked in on Ivanka?

Donald Trump has been caught out boasting about how he was the only man allowed backstage to 'inspect' naked women at the Miss USA pageant because he owned it.

The Republican nominee bragged about the extra power he had during an interview with Howard Stern in April 2005, the tapes of which have been released by CNN.

'I’ll tell you the funniest is that I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed,' Trump said about the pageant.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3829969/Donald-Trump-bragged-looking-naked-women-backstage-Miss-USA.html

I mean you know how they’re trying to justify this? Oh it’s just locker room talk!

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump dismissed vulgar comments he made about women in 2005 as "locker room talk," but he fired a contestant from "The Celebrity Apprentice" for engaging in "locker room" talk.

"The Daily Show" unearthed a 2010 clip of Trump firing Illinois native Maria Kanellis-Bennett from the NBC competition. Kanellis-Bennett, a professional wrestler, accused fellow contestant Curtis Stone, a celebrity chef, of using her dressing room and leaving behind a foul smell.

Trump called the comment "below the belt" and disgusting, before declaring, "This is my boardroom. It's not a locker room. Maria, you're fired."

The Washington Post on Friday published 2005 audio of Trump boasting about how his celebrity status allowed him to sexually assault women without consequence. He dismissed these comments as "locker room talk" during Sunday's presidential debate.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chicagoinc/ct-donald-trump-apprentice-maria-kanellis-20161011-story.html

Just locker room talk? I mean who does this guy think he is? Sean Connery as James Bond in Goldfinger?

But what is “locker room talk”? Let’s let an expert explain!

Thanks to Donald Trump, the term “locker-room talk” suddenly is widely discussed. It is a pretty broad term; I’ve heard athletes in locker rooms deeply engrossed in conversations on their municipal bond portfolios and what to feed their cats and, of course, traffic.

Trump was recorded talking about forcibly kissing and groping women, and after an uproar, he chalked it up to “locker-room talk.”

The episode raised the question of how common such extreme talk is in locker rooms.

Yet I would say that while I have heard distasteful boasting and crude talk about the attributes of a recent date or a new girlfriend — wives never seem to come up — I’ve never heard anything that could be described as an assault, or any crime. Not even close.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/11/sports/what-exactly-is-locker-room-talk-let-an-expert-explain.html

And what exactly do athletes think about “locker room talk”?

“There are conversations that we have amongst men but it’s never in that tone. It’s never as insensitive as that tone was,” Jones said.

Across the country, athletes and coaches from professional sports leagues had similar reactions.

“There’s players in our locker room with sisters, wives, and daughters. There’s not that type of talk in anyone’s locker room,” Los Angeles Clippers head coach Doc Rivers said.

“I’ll have my son in here, CP. Guys have their kids in here. So this is probably more of a family environment than any locker room,” Clippers’ Blake Griffin said.

“There’s no excuse to talk that way about women, to women, to other people,” Detroit Lions wide receiver Golden Tate said.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pro-athletes-slam-donald-trump-locker-room-talk-leaked-video-2005/

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Yes, abandon ship!!! That’s exactly what the GOP is doing in the wake of the latest Donald Trump led disaster. Can’t wait to see what next week’s will bring!

To start with, I bet you couldn’t guess Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie is sticking with Trump, right?

Washington (CNN)One of Donald Trump's closest advisers was a no-show at his debate Sunday night, and now we have a clearer understanding of why.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed Tuesday morning that he was not happy with the way Trump responded after tape of his 2005 lewd and sexually aggressive comments broke Friday night.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/11/politics/chris-christie-donald-trump-women-support/

But even Christie himself couldn’t defend Trumpenfuror’s comments! The level of hypocrisy is too damn high!

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, one of Donald Trump’s staunchest advocates, denounced the Republican presidential candidate’s lewd comments about women in a leaked 2005 tape, saying he was with Trump when the video surfaced.

“Let’s be really clear. It is completely indefensible,” Christie told Craig Carton on WFAN this morning when asked about the comments. “I won’t defend it and haven’t defended it. That kind of talk and conversation, even in private, is just unacceptable.”

While co-hosting WFAN’s “Boomer and Carton Show” in New York City this morning, Christie weighed in on the hot-mic conversation between Trump and Billy Bush, at the time a host of “Access Hollywood.” In the recording, Trump is heard talking about how he tried to have an affair with a married woman and how he makes moves on women, which some critics have labeled sexual assault.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/nj-gov-chris-christie-slams-donald-trumps-2005/story?id=42723589

How about Paul Ryan? Is he sticking by Trump or jumping ship?

House Speaker Paul Ryan dealt his own party's presidential nominee a withering blow Monday, telling fellow Republicans he will no longer defend Donald Trump and will instead use the next 29 days to focus on preserving his party's hold on Congress.

"The speaker is going to spend the next month focused entirely on protecting our congressional majorities," Ryan's spokeswoman, AshLee Strong, said in a statement.

The move -- highly unusual in US political history -- laid bare the seemingly intractable divisions now seizing the Republican Party with a month left before the presidential vote. Support for Trump among the GOP establishment, already weak amid disagreements over policy and tone, has now eroded to new lows.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/10/politics/paul-ryan-said-he-wont-defend-donald-trump/index.html

Or how about Glenn Beck? Surely the GOP’s most insane conspiracy theorist can forgive Trumpenfuror can’t he?

The outspoken opponent of the GOP's presidential nominee wrote on Facebook over the weekend that every voter had to decide for themselves what constitutes "a bridge too far," after the release of footage last week in which Trump can be heard making lewd and sexually aggressive comments about women.
"It is not acceptable to ask a moral, dignified man to cast his vote to help elect an immoral man who is absent decency or dignity," Beck wrote on Facebook in reference to Trump. "If the consequence of standing against Trump and for principles is indeed the election of Hillary Clinton, so be it. At least it is a moral, ethical choice."
. . . .

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/11/politics/glenn-beck-hillary-clinton-moral-ethical-choice/index.html

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

http://static2.fjcdn.com/comments/5275256+_e89499c9b68717a93d6b759d28052999.jpg

Or how about the GOP head Rince Priebus?

Donald Trump bragged in vulgar terms about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women during a 2005 conversation caught on a hot microphone, saying that “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” according to a video obtained by The Washington Post.

The video captures Trump talking with Billy Bush, then of “Access Hollywood,” on a bus with the show’s name written across the side. They were arriving on the set of “Days of Our Lives” to tape a segment about Trump’s cameo on the soap opera.

Late Friday night, following sharp criticism by Republican leaders, Trump issued a short video statement saying, “I said it, I was wrong, and I apologize.” But he also called the revelation “a distraction from the issues we are facing today.” He said that his “foolish” words are much different than the words and actions of Bill Clinton, whom he accused of abusing women, and Hillary Clinton, whom he accused of having “bullied, attacked, shamed and intimidated his victims.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-recorded-having-extremely-lewd-conversation-about-women-in-2005/2016/10/07/3b9ce776-8cb4-11e6-bf8a-3d26847eeed4_story.html

And by the way, Donald Trump is not taking this abandoning of the ship sitting down, folks! He’s pissed as hell! Maybe he can get Meatloaf and Gary Busey on this!

WASHINGTON — Donald Trump all but declared war on the Republican establishment Tuesday, blasting House Speaker Paul Ryan for his criticism and vowing to campaign as he sees fit.
"it is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to," Trump said during a morning tweet storm that targeted Ryan and other Republicans.
Later, the Republican presidential nominee tweeted: "Disloyal R's are far more difficult than Crooked Hillary. They come at you from all sides. They don’t know how to win — I will teach them!"
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-declares-war-on-establishment-republicans/ar-BBxihyE?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartandhp

But at least it’s known that he has the side of Alex Jones and Infowars, because Alex Jones surfaced from his troll cave to say this:

http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/10/10/13233338/alex-jones-trump-clinton-demon

There are some posts so strange you don’t quite know how to write them. This is one of those posts.

Alex Jones is a crackpot radio host who traffics in bizarre conspiracy theories. He is also very popular, and weirdly close to Donald Trump. Trump has tweeted links to Jones’s site Infowars; he has echoed conspiracy theories that originated on Jones’s site (like the idea that California has no drought, and the problem is being manufactured by environmental regulators trying to save an endangered fish); and he has been a guest on Jones’s show, where he told Jones that “you have an amazing reputation.”

And it’s not just Trump. Trump’s close adviser Roger Stone is a close friend of Jones’s and a frequent guest on his show. It’s plausible that Stone is the conduit through which Jones’s mania typically reaches Trump.

And yes there is tape of this. Watch if you dare:

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

We do need to talk briefly about the debates in this entry. The second debate was a complete shit show. Almost as worst as the first. So here’s a few takeaways from the second debate.

1). The Elephant In the Room Topped the Show

Donald Trump had the worst weekend of his campaign, and perhaps the worst weekend of any presidential campaign ever. A flood of Republican members of Congress broke from the nominee saying that he should drop out or that they wouldn't vote for him after video surfaced from 2005 of Trump making obscene comments about how he treated women.

2). Clinton Tries to Connect All the Dots

Clinton also used the leaked video as further proof that Trump will only divide the country and is not fit to be president.

"It's not only women and it's not only this video that raises questions about his fitness to be president," Clinton said, listing a litany of instances that Trump has denigrated others.
http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/2016-presidential-debates/top-six-moments-second-presidential-debate-n663371

No… no need to abandon ship yet. But what was the lowest point of the whole shindig? Yes, I said shindig. What are you going to do? Fight me about it?

There was Donald Trump calling Hillary Clinton the “devil,” a person filled with “tremendous hatred” whom he would jail if he were president. There was Clinton’s icy nod at Trump upon their greeting—no handshake—and her almost immediately declaring Trump “unfit to serve.” Discussions about policy frequently vacillated into personal attacks. And at the end of the night, when an audience member asked each candidate to say something nice about the other, they hardly hid their reluctance.

So: Was this the nastiest, lowest moment in presidential debate history? And what does it matter to the state of the race? We asked some of the savviest political watchers and operatives to talk us through what we just witnessed—“incomprehensibly demoralizing,” “a grim, tawdry affair,” and “surreal, bizarre and often entertaining” were some of their responses—and game out what it means for this highly unusual election. Here’s what they had to say.
http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/10/presidential-debate-2016-donald-trump-hillary-clinton-2016-214342

But here’s my favorite part of this whole thing. Sure, you can point fingers at Trump or make fun of him humping the chair:

But the real takeaway? Nobody cared! In fact the movie trailers that aired during the commercial breaks got higher ratings! I mean come on, the 2016 election is a category 5 shit storm, folks, and you’re more interested in seeing the trailer for Dr. Strange? Come on!

Movie studios have been spending more on TV ads during the presidential debates than any other industry.

For the first two debates in which Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump faced off, the film industry was the top spender on the top four networks, according to iSpot.tv, which tracks TV advertising in real time.

Of course, the debates themselves are commercial free, but movie studios paid more to run their TV ads during pre- and post-debate coverage on ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox than did car companies, such as top spender Audi.
http://www.thewrap.com/yes-movie-ads-really-did-dominate-during-the-presidential-debates-exclusive/

[font size="8"]Billy Bush[/font]

Billy Bush. He’s that creepy kid in your high school class who spent all his free time masturbating to the porno mags he stole from his dad while bragging about how he could sneak into the girls’ locker room undetected. Um no you can't. So John Oliver said goodbye to Billy Bush in the most John Oliver way possible:

Yes Billy Bush is not only the creepiest guy imaginable, he has had an extremely creepy “bromance” if you will with Trumpenfuror. So here’s what happened in the wake of the “Locker Room Talk” scandal:

Billy Bush, a host on the “Today” show who has received stinging criticism for his role in a video with Donald J. Trump, has been suspended by NBC.

The NBC executive in charge of “Today,” Noah Oppenheim, wrote in a memo to his staff members on Sunday that “we’ve all been deeply troubled by the revelations of the past 48 hours.”

“Let me be clear — there is simply no excuse for Billy’s language and behavior on that tape,” he said. “NBC has decided to suspend Billy, pending further review of this matter.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/business/media/billy-bush-to-be-absent-from-today-on-monday.html

And that’s not all – he apparently bragged about that encounter with Trump for years behind the scenes at the Today show!

Billy Bush brazenly bragged to NBC staff about the vulgar Donald Trump tape while covering the Olympics in Rio, multiple sources tell Page Six.

Proving the infamous Ryan Lochte interview wasn’t Bush’s only Rio recklessness, the shamed “Today” host boasted at a party in August that he had a “tape of Trump being a real dog,” prompting staffers at “Access Hollywood” to track it down.

Bush never told NBC News brass about the tape when he joined “Today,” and they’re not happy about it. “Billy was bragging about the tape to other NBC staff while in Rio. If he knew about the tape, and remembered the full extent of such an explosive conversation with a presidential candidate and didn’t disclose that to NBC News, that is a very, very serious problem,” the insider said, adding it could violate the “morality clause” in his contract.
http://pagesix.com/2016/10/10/billy-bush-bragged-about-vulgar-trump-video-to-nbc-staffers/

But there’s more! Apparently his cohost is in “tears” over his comments. Wait – Billy Bush is a total creepo creep! We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this:

Kit Hoover got emotional during Access Hollywood Live Monday morning.

The co-host talked about her former colleague Billy Bush and started to tear up while talking to Natalie Morales about the leaked tapes that showed him and Donald Trump making lewd comments about women. She began the show by explaining how shocked and "devastated" she was about the news that broke Friday.

"He was always in my corner," Hoover said. "I was just devastated to watch all this unfold because the Billy that I know—and that a lot of people would say—has the biggest heart of anybody, and he is a good person."

Morales echoed Hoover's sentiments, explaining that Bush was there for her as soon as he found out the news that she would be taking his spot.
http://www.eonline.com/news/800876/kit-hoover-tears-up-talking-about-billy-bush-says-she-s-devastated

And of course cue the Today Show’s PR response:

The Today show was missing a face on Monday morning.

Billy Bush, 44, was absent from the NBC morning show after the program suspended him indefinitely pending "further review" of his involvement with Donald Trump in a 2005 videotape in which the GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, egged on by Bush, graphically discussed groping women.

The show briefly addressed their anchor's involvement in one of the biggest news stories of the election during their coverage of Sunday's second presidential debate between Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, though the coverage did not overtly reference Bush at first. The tape itself was a major part of the night's debate topics.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2016/10/10/billy-bush-donald-trump-tape-today-show-suspension-savannah-guthrie/91845784/

[font size="8"]Constitutional Literalists[/font]

Time once again to ask:

Constitutional literalism. How is this still a thing? Remember back when the Bundy Bunch first took over the Malheur Wildlife Sanctuary and started carrying around pocket size versions of the US Constitution because… reasons?

Well it appears that the Bundy Bunch weren’t the only ones plotting insane overthrows of the government to restore constitutional literalism. Check out this Georgia man who was interviewed on NPR recently.

Jimmy Arno and his wife Dani live in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and both say they’re deeply concerned about the direction the United States has been taking in recent years. So Jimmy decided to talk to an NPR reporter and declare that should Hillary Clinton be elected President in November, a second civil war may be necessary:
“Should martial law, civil war — whatever — break out in this country, they will uphold the Constitution and rebuild our loss. The war that’s going to break out if Hillary Clinton’s elected, if that happens. Your patriots are going to overthrow the government.”

Dani said she’s still very upset about a Black Lives Matter protest that was held at the local high school recently. And Jimmy says he cannot for the life of him understand why black people get so upset when they see the Confederate flag being displayed. He also painted a grim picture of what life in the United States is like, in his own twisted opinion:

“If you go to a movie theater, you’re liable to get shot, you go to a mall, you’re liable to get shot. If you go to Atlanta or a major city, you’re liable to be shot or attacked.”

http://www.liberalamerica.org/2016/09/26/georgia-man-tells-npr-if-clinton-wins-patriots-are-going-to-overthrow-the-government-audio/

So to extrapolate, Mr. Arno advocates people carrying guns to protect themselves from getting shot by other people carrying guns. Right. But constitutional literalists are just like religious literalists. They don’t know that of which they speak. Much like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber.

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to the Danbury Baptists, claiming that the Bill of Rights’ First Amendment establishes a “wall of separation” that divides church and state. As the First Amendment put it, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Yet contemporary American politics is infused with religion — in particular, with Christianity. The president is sworn in on a Bible, and it’s almost unthinkable that she or he could be openly atheistic and claim that God is a fiction and morality comes from something other than the supernatural. Even more, Scripture is often used by politicians, pundits and everyday Americans to justify their political beliefs.

For example, Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., famously dismissed climate change in 2009 by citing verses in Genesis and Matthew and saying that “the Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth — this Earth will not be destroyed by a flood.”
http://www.salon.com/2016/10/08/faith-in-ignorance-politicians-who-quote-the-bible-often-dont-know-anything-about-the-bible/

That’s right – a senator was able to dismiss climate change by quoting the book of Genesis. You know the book that gave us this gaudy monstrosity in Kentucky:

So constitutional literalists and biblical literalists do not know of which they speak. You know what the end result of that if you were to get a ven diagram going between the two? People like batshit crazy Christian conspiracy theorist Theodore Shoebat, who are actively blaming Hurricane Matthew on gay marriage. Yes in 2016. How is that still a thing by the way? :

Andrew Bieszad, a contributor to Shoebat.com, a popular anti-gay, Christian extremist website, explains that God is sending the hurricane as “a sign of His anger” against America for tolerating homosexuality. The Bible clearly teaches that in the Old Testament whenever the Hebrews were very disobedient towards God, He would send punishments against them, many times in the forms of natural disasters. Christian history also recognizes the same, where God will use His creation to execute judgment against the wicked. While not all bad weather is necessarily a sign of sin, both sacred scripture and sacred tradition clearly note that it can be so. Now we know that Florida is an area that is infected with sin, especially cities such as Miami and Orlando, which are veritable dens of sodomy.

And while Bieszad and others are blaming the gays for Hurricane Mathew, other Christian extremists blame abortion and Hillary Clinton for the storm.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2016/10/christian-extremists-blame-gays-for-hurricane-matthew/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

Or Pro Donald Trump supporters who want to overthrow the government:

Charles Kesler, a professor of government at Claremont McKenna College and the editor of the Claremont Review of Books, wrote in the spring issue of the journal that America may be facing “the Weimar problem”: “Has the national culture, popular and elite, deteriorated so much that the virtues necessary to sustain republican government are no longer viable? America is not there yet, although when 40% of children are born out of wedlock it is not too early to wonder.” It’s no accident that this question is raised in an essay making case that Donald Trump isn’t as terrible as mainstream conservatives like William Kristol fear he is. If you live in the Weimar Republic, Kesler implicitly argues, a figure like Trump could come as a relief.
https://newrepublic.com/article/137410/pro-trump-intellectuals-want-overthrow-america

And in case you’re wondering where this is leading, what the ultimate end game of the constitutional literalist is, according to real life Jabba The Hutt, Maine governor Paul Le Page – the original person who somehow got elected, we need some fascism in our lives. Because… fuck freedom!

Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R) praised Donald Trump as a leader who would "show some authoritarian power" on Tuesday, even as he slammed President Barack Obama as an "autocrat."

"We need a Donald Trump to show some authoritarian power in our country and bring back the rule of law," LePage said in an interview with Maine radio station WVOM. He went on to compare Trump to Obama, decrying the President as "an autocrat" who ignores Congress and "just does it on his own."

As Maine's Sun Journal newspaper noted, the dictionary defines "autocrat" as a person who behaves in an authoritarian manner. LePage was seemingly unconcerned by Trump’s comments about forcing himself on women in a 2005 video that resurfaced last week, but conceded that Trump is not the "ideal guy I'd want my daughter going after.”

Lauren LePage, the Maine governor’s daughter, was hired in August by the Trump campaign as state coalitions director.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/lepage-trump-authoritarian-obama-autocrat

That’s enough to make you ask – Constitutional Literalism:

[font size="8"]Razman Kadyrov[/font]

Chechnya. That country you think so little about, you had no idea that this isn’t Chechnya.

But in all seriousness, if you want to see what a real life Donald Trump would be like if he ran for president, look no further than Chechnian dictator Razman Kadyrov. This guy is certifiably insane, and he won a recent election in a landslide.

Ramzan Kadyrov leads with 98.12 percent of the votes in Sept. 18 elections of the head of Russia’s Chechnya republic with 78 percent of ballots counted, the Central Election Commission said on Sept. 19.

Idris Usmanov, commissioner for the rights of entrepreneurs in Chechnya and a candidate from the Party of Growth, gained just 0.79 percent. Gairsolt Batayev, a candidate from the Communist Party, who heads the republic’s civic chamber, won 0.57 percent. Sultan Denilkhanov, the leader of A Just Russia party’s regional branch, secured only 0.46 percent of the votes.
http://rbth.com/news/2016/09/19/kadyrov-leading-with-98-in-chechnya-elections_631191

To be fair, there was a 2% margin of error.

I like that one. So how did Kadyrov celebrate his recent victory in the election? By the most third world dictator way possible.

Chechen president and self-described “soldier of Putin” Ramzan Kadyrov held an elaborate party, dressed in knight’s armor, as he stormed to an overwhelming election victory.

Kadyrov, who has governed the troubled region of Chechnya with an iron fist since 2007, ran for reelection in Russia’s nationwide parliamentary and regional election Sunday. The regional leader, famous for his admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin, received 98 percent of the vote in his region, although irregularities with nationwide vote were criticized by international monitors.

Although three other candidates contested Kadyrov’s post, the Chechen leader seemed unconcerned as he spent the end of polling day holding court with a spear in hand and clad head to toe as a medieval warlord.
http://www.newsweek.com/chechnyas-kadyrov-storms-victory-dressed-iron-clad-warlord-500296

I think I might have found Vermin Supreme’s running mate! I mean really what's the difference between a guy who wears medieval chain mail and a guy who wears a boot on his head?

But here’s where Kadyrov gets very Trump-esque. He’s planning to start his own reality show where he picks his assistant dictator!

The Chechen leader, Ramzan Kadyrov, has announced that he will use an Apprentice-style reality television show to choose a new assistant.

Russian media said the show, to be titled Komanda (Team), would judge contestants not only on ideas for improving the republic but also on their ability to “be on time, accurately perform assigned tasks and be ready to work 24 hours a day”.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/30/chechen-ramzan-kadyrov-apprentice-reality-tv-show

And then he has also prominently featured his sons on TV fighting competitions, and these kids look like they could beat the living shit out of anyone!

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov is in hot water after Mixed Martial Arts bouts featuring children aged eight, nine, and 10 were broadcast on Russian TV on Tuesday, with Kadyrov watching his own kids as they took part.

Kadyrov’s sons – Akhmad, Eli and Adam – all won their individual fights before a capacity crowd in Grozny, Chechnya, with the footage quickly going viral on the Russian web.

The event called 'Grand Prix Akhmat 2016' was headlined by adult fights, while kids’ bouts were originally announced as an “exhibition fight.”
https://www.rt.com/sport/361798-kids-mma-fights-chechnya-kadyrov/

[font size="8"]Jill Stein[/font]

So you may have heard by now that Donald Trump got a whopping ZERO endorsements from every leading newspaper in the country. Even popular newspapers like the Arizona Republic – which has never endorsed a democratic candidate in their 150 year history endorsed Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump.

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/editorial/2016/09/27/hillary-clinton-endorsement/91198668/

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

And the Chicago Tribune endorsed former governor and current Washington DC weed dealer and Kiss auditioner Gary Johnson for some unknown reason.

The Chicago Tribune on Friday endorsed Libertarian Gary Johnson for president, joining a handful of other newspapers around the country that have rejected both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees.
“We would rather recommend a principled candidate for president — regardless of his or her prospects for victory — than suggest that voters cast ballots for such disappointing major-party candidates,” the editorial board wrote.
“We reject the cliche that a citizen who chooses a principled third-party candidate is squandering his or her vote,” the endorsement continued. “…We offer this endorsement to encourage voters who want to feel comfortable with their choice. Who want to vote for someone they can admire.
http://www.politico.com/blogs/on-media/2016/09/chicago-tribune-endorses-gary-johnson-228951

But Jill Stein picked up a ringing endorsement from batshit crazy conspiracy theorist Ron Paul! Yes Ron Paul surfaced from his troll cave somewhere in Kentucky to endorse Jill Stein!

Former Texas Congressman Ron Paul told MSNBC on Monday that the Green Party’s presidential nominee, Jill Stein, is the “best on foreign policy.”

Paul, a former Republican who has since declared himself a Libertarian, talked with host Thomas Roberts about the upcoming election and what qualifies a nominee to serve as president.

Before the interview began, Roberts asked the question, “Who is the former Texas congressman supporting this election cycle?”

The answer appears to be Jill Stein.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/ron-paul-jill-stein-best-foreign-policy/

Of course Ron Paul being Ron Paul, and he only gives cryptic answers about how he feels on the issues like you need a Ouija board to solve them may not have actually endorsed Jill Stein!

“What makes her qualified for the highest office in the land?”

“Well, I think there is a little bit of misinformation because I have not endorsed anybody,” Paul flatly stated. “I haven’t told any supporters who are interested whom they should vote, but I have mentioned her name because I have to look for bits and pieces in all the candidates to come up and try to put it together and have a libertarian message.”

“Liberty is all chopped to pieces,” he continued. “Liberals defend some parts of liberty and the conservatives of other parts and progressives are pretty good too on foreign policies.”

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2016/10/03/msnbc-ron-paul-endorsed-jill-stein-ron-paul-uhhh-no-l-didnt-video/#ixzz4Mhu4Pe00

[font size="8"]Dawn Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns[/font]

We need some appropriate music for this entry.

Eh. I know!

But there’s people who aren’t down with the clown. You know we’ve already covered the creepy clown craze in the aforementioned Idiots #41. But they’re no longer limited to the confines of the Greensboro, North Carolina woods. Creepy clowns are popping up everywhere! There’s been sightings in England, upstate New York, Florida, Chicago, Seattle, Denver… and it doesn’t end there. We’re just getting started! In fact the police in Norwich, England already are issuing warnings to creepy clown sighting reportings!

'Frightening experience'

In the Norwich case, the woman was walking alone in Eaton Park at about 20:30 BST on Sunday when the man leapt out, screamed at her and ran after her.

Supt Lynne Cross, of Norfolk Police, said such incidents "may seem harmless, but it is quite frightening to those who experience it".

In County Durham on Friday, four children were followed to school by a man in a clown outfit who was armed with what turned out to be a plastic machete.

In a separate clowning caper in County Durham on Friday, police in Peterlee posted a photo on their Facebook page of items including two masks confiscated from two 12-year-olds who officers said had gone to a primary school to scare children.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-37605841

But Norwich isn’t the only place where creepy clowns have been sighted. What about our favorite state where all the crazy news happens – Florida?

Next to a dirt road in Marion County, lurking behind a patch of tall grass, stood a clown with stringy orange hair and a pale, white face.

“We stopped to record and then he started to move so we took off,” Facebook user Caden Parmelee wrote in a video post that has now gone viral. “Not trying to die today.”
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/gone-viral/sfl-creepy-clowns-lurk-around-florida-as-part-of-dangerous-nationwide-trend-20160927-htmlstory.html

Yeah not dying would be a good thing!

But we’re still not done! There’s creepy clown sightings all over the country! In fact the NPR show “The Two Way” has been dissecting America’s creepy clown problem.

Last month, the Two-Way reported on a spate of creepy-clown sightings across America. It seemed to begin in Greenville, S.C., where there were reports that "suspicious clowns were attempting to lure children into the woods."

That was followed by sightings in Alabama, Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and Kentucky, with arrests made in Alabama and Kentucky. Many sightings were hard to verify, leaving people wondering: Jokes? Hoaxes? Figment of our collective imaginations? Cyclical clown uprising?
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/10/06/496850197/coulrophobics-beware-americas-creepy-clown-problem-continues

Oh sure it starts out innocent enough right? Just some clowns appearing outside of an apartment complex attempting to lure children into the woods? Nothing wrong with that is there? Wait, yes, everything is wrong with that! In fact there’s more:

1. People actually dressed as clowns and acting creepy

There are multiple allegations of individuals in clown masks or makeup behaving alarmingly.

In some cases, the clown has not been found, and it's difficult to verify the sighting: A San Francisco Bay Area mother told police that a man in a clown suit attempted to snatch her 1-year-old child out of her arms at a bus stop in broad daylight. She says she kicked him away.

In Abilene, Texas, a man told police that two clowns held him at gunpoint after he took his dog outside to do its business around 4:30 a.m. A local TV station writes that, according to the police report, the man had a "hair-raising stare-down" with the clowns — one of whom was armed with an "AR-type rifle." The tense situation was resolved when the victim "retreated into his residence to get a bigger dog," and the clowns drove away.
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/10/06/496850197/coulrophobics-beware-americas-creepy-clown-problem-continues

What the fucking hell is going on here? Is there a creepy clown uprising? Is there an underground creepy clown club like in Fight Club that’s enacting a real life Project Mayhem?

2. Empty clown-related threats against schools

High schools. Middle schools. Even elementary schools.

Across the country, dozens of schools have had to cope with threats posted on social media accounts promising violence — with pictures of terrifying clowns attached.

In some jurisdictions, the threats are being investigated. In others, a child or teenager has been arrested and charged with posting the noncredible threat.

Such arrests were reported across the country: Washington County and Prince George's County in Maryland, Fontana and Fresno in California, Methuen and Rehoboth in Massachusetts, and Toms River, N.J.
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/10/06/496850197/coulrophobics-beware-americas-creepy-clown-problem-continues

They’re taking over our schools! I mean if creepy clowns aren’t allowed in school, does that mean that the school has to cancel fun entirely? I mean sure I wouldn’t put it past a school’s PR department to do that. But a lot of these creepy clown sightings and attacks are turning out to be hoaxes!

The reports to the police had one thing in common with the circus act involving an improbable number of clowns emerging from a small car.

They just kept coming, and coming, and coming, across multiple states. Clowns in vans. Clowns in the woods. Clowns lurking in the shadows. Clowns chasing people or doing crimes.

But in recent weeks, steady police work has turned the news around, with 12 people facing charges of making false reports or threats, or chasing people, the authorities said. Other cases seem attributable to children with overactive imaginations, teenagers pulling pranks and others with their own reasons for adding to the hysteria. At least one death has been linked to a clown hoax.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/30/us/creepy-clown-hoaxes-arrests.html

And we’re still not done. This is an epidemic, folks!

By the way – McDonalds, McDonalds, has decided to limit the appearance of Ronald McDonald because of the creepy clown sightings!

McDonald's Corp. says Ronald McDonald is keeping a low profile with reports of “creepy clown” sightings on the rise.

The burger chain said Tuesday that it is being “thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald's participation in community events” as a result of the “current climate around clown sightings in communities.”

The company did not provide any other details about how often its red-haired mascot makes appearances and how or whether that will change.
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-mcdonalds-clowns--20161011-snap-story.html

And actual clowns aren’t taking this sitting down. No, they’re fighting back. See the good natured clowns aren’t, um, clowning around here!

Dozens of clowns in Arizona will hit the streets in Tucson on Saturday night for a planned “Clown Lives Matter” peace walk meant to show the gentle nature of jesters amid a national climate of clown fear.

At least 50 people are expected to stride down a popular strip in the city wearing clown costumes, with some prepared to hand out balloons and flowers and show off their magic tricks, according to the event’s organizer, Nicole Sinn.

“A lot of people are going against clowns,” Sinn said Thursday. “I don’t like that people are thinking that every single person that has clown makeup on is trying to hurt them or their children.”
http://time.com/4522149/clown-lives-matter-peace-walk-tucson/

That’s right! Clown lives matter!

That... that's the image you're going with? I'm no public relations expert, but I'm pretty sure the way to curtail the image of being a creep is to not use an image that looks creepy as shit! That's the image equivalent of Billy Bush hanging out in front of a girl's locker room! But there is one guy who makes a living as a clown who is definitely not helping to advance the argument. I give you Violent J, the leader of the Insane Clown Posse:

Cut to 2016. Everyone once again is seeing so-called “killer clowns” everywhere—popping out of bushes, threatening people on social media and assorted other public pranks. Cops have actually arrested a few people this time around, though, because there’s a lot of copycats out there and mass hysteria has a way of making people do stupid s—.

But as ICP has discovered over the last decade, there’s a whole army of scary, terrifying and dangerous clowns out there in this country trying to suppress the rights of thousands of people to exercise the most basic part of the Declaration of Independence, which evokes the freedom to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The only difference is these clowns don’t wear greasepaint.

These clowns threaten the very fabric on which our nation was supposedly founded upon—and for some f—ing crazy-a– reason, they’re getting away with it. From keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops, America has turned into something far more terrifying than Insane Clown Posse’s Dark Carnival. Even a scrub like me who dropped out of school in ninth grade can see what’s going on. Today’s reality is scarier than anything you’ll ever hear on one of our albums.
http://time.com/4521464/insane-clown-posse-killer-clowns/

Oh come on Violent J. You can’t compare politicians to creepy clowns without mentioning the one creepy clown who has a real chance of becoming our 45th president:

Hey o!!!!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Alter Bridge[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their new song “Show Me A Leader” from their album “The Last Hero”, I give you Alter Bridge!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

October 5, 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #44: Tweets From The Toilet Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #44: Tweets From The Toilet (formerly Hillary Butt Plug) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This edition is made possible by a grant from the Chubb Group. Chubb – proudly telling Americans what to think about important issues since 1893! So another year another baseball season is done. How did your team do? Did they make the playoffs or did they bottom out the way my Angels did and finish 3rd from last? But the reason I bring this up is that we have to say goodbye to arguably the greatest announcer baseball has ever seen. I’m of course talking about the Dodgers’ Vin Scully. Come on let’s give it up for Vin! He’s a guy who’s been there, seen it all and done it all. You know I’m an Angels fan – we hate the Dodgers. But even we have to respect Vin. I mean if you don’t respect Vinny, you have no soul, lets’ face it. But there’s one clip I wanted to play that captures the very essence of the man, the myth, the legend that is the mighty Vin Scully, and that happened at a Dodgers – Padres game this very season. Can we roll that?

I love how it's not just the history of beards in baseball, but the history of beards going back to the dawn of civilization. By the way I did not get express written permission from Major League Baseball to show that, I only got implied oral consent. Now don’t be sad. OK I’ll just sign here, here and here. So this week – Bill Maher shows us some of the lesser known Donald Trump endorsements:

So where do we begin this week? The top 4 slots this week are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about how his tax return from 1995 was released this week. Can you believe that was 21 years ago? But we’ll talk about the implications that it has now. In the second slot, we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s insane 3:00 AM Twitter binge rampage, and create our own fake Donald Trump rampage Tweet. In the third slot we’re going to talk about how Donald Trump has a poll problem – he thinks online polls are real. Shh!! Nobody tell him! In the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP declaring themselves the winner prematurely in the vice presidential debates. Taking the fifth slot is Wikileaks (5) and Alex Jones. Turns out the Wikileaks “October Surprise” was a dud, and Alex Jones went off the rails, proving once again that lack of sleep is bad for you, folks! Taking the number 6 seed, the GOP Anti-Women Brigade (6) is going to great lengths to prove their misogyny and anti-abortion views. At number 7, we have to talk about the alternative candidates – mainly Gary Johnson. Disgusted by the notion that Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton could be our next president? Well got news for ya, the alternatives are, um, almost as batshit crazy as Donald Trump. Taking the 8th slot once again are returning champions – The Bathroom Police (8). Seems North Carolina is feeling the heat from HB-2 and we will tell you about it. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) there’s lots of crazy stories coming from Florida and we’re going to recap some of them for you. There's everything from creepy clowns to attorneys backstabbing each other, to things being shoved up people's nether regions to of course some of that sweet sweet Florida incest. And that’s not the weirdest news story this week. Finally this week – we’re going to do our very best impression of a 1930s newsreel announcer man and tell you about the exciting World Of Tomorrow (10)! Yes there’s everything from the possibility of a supercomputer in your pocket, to space travel, to self driving cars. Did you know these things have the possibility to be enslaved by Skynet and kill us all? Yes we’re all going to die tonight! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Plus we got some live music for you at the end – this time it’s from the Claypool Lennon Delirium. Yes Les Claypool of Primus teamed up with Ghost Of A Sabertooth Tiger’s Sean Lennon for an amazing album called “Monolith Of Phobos”. And they will be stopping by our show! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we start into the world of all things possible future president Donald J. Trump has been up to this week, I have to introduce you to their number one fans - the Trumpettes!

http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/10/3/1577282/-Oh-No-They-Didn-t-Trumpettes-We-finally-have-a-God-that-s-gonna-come-down-and-help-us-all

In this 43-second video clip, two Trump supporters talk to an NBC reporter, and well, the ignorance and sexism and lookism by these two women is mind-boggling. Here is the short conversation in full followed by the audio/video. It’s presumed at the beginning of the interview they are talking about former Miss Universe of Venezuela, Alicia whom Trump called “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeper.”...

Sandy: I think Hillary is just looking for something because she can’t seem to find anything on him. He needs to not play into that. Don’t play into her stuff. You, know, let her say — let her try to get you ruffled, but don’t let her ruffle ya. Just keep on point about what you’re gonna do because we love it. We all feel the same way. We always have — for years. So, we finally have this god that’s gonna come down and help us all.

NBC Reporter You just referred to Trump as a god.

Donald Trump is god folks! I mean just look at his portrait!

I mean if that doesn't scream "almighty", then what does? Oh by the way - Trumpettes, worst opening act for Alvin & The Chipmunks, ever!

So Donald Trump’s tax returns were finally released. From 1995. Yay? I don’t think the kids love this one because those tax returns show just what a tax cheat possible future president Donald J. Trump really is. Let’s explain more before we dive head first into what could be the biggest bombshell of the Donald Trump campaign so far:

Without his tax returns, there is no way to determine if the campaign's assertion about Trump's taxes and charitable contributions is true. But in the past, Trump has frequently decried other Americans for not paying taxes.

On July 18, 2011, Trump appeared on Fox News and was asked about President Barack Obama's comments that well-to-do Americans should make a sacrifice for the country by paying more in taxes. He replied:

Well, I don’t mind sacrificing for the country to be honest with you. But you know, you do have a problem because half of the people don't pay any tax. And when he's talking about that he's talking about people that aren't also working, that are not contributing to this society. And it's a problem. But we have 50 percent. It just hit the 50 percent mark. Fifty percent of the people are paying no tax.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/10/donald-trump-taxes-50-percent-Americans-dont-pay

What sacrifices has Donald Trump made? The guy rides around on a private 757 with his name in gold letters, eating KFC with a knife and fork like he’s a James Bond villain!

So with that in mind, you know Donald Trump’s tax returns were released this week. Not from 2016 mind you – he’s probably trying to find ways to hide those Russian kickbacks from Vladimir Putin, donations to David Duke’s senate campaign, and annual membership in the Bronzer Club For Men. After all, he’s not just the president, he’s also a member! But Donald Trump may have “brillianty” skirted around the IRS laws in order to get out of a $915 million hole.

PUEBLO, Colo. (Reuters) - Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said on Monday he “brilliantly used” U.S. tax rules to his advantage in trying to limit the amount he paid in taxes, arguing it helped him survive a difficult period in the real estate market.

“I was able to use the tax laws of this country and my business acumen to dig out of the real estate mess ... when few others were able to do what I did,” Trump told a crowd in Pueblo, Colorado.

It was Trump’s first extended comments since a New York Times report said he had claimed a $916 million loss on his 1995 tax returns, which experts said might have allowed him to avoid paying federal income taxes for 18 years.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-tax-laws-brilliantly_us_57f2dc58e4b0d0e1a9a94ec6

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? Think about that number for a minute - $915 million. $915 million. That’s almost a billion dollar loss. What was Donald Trump going to do with that money? Start his own space program???

I don’t know if we can fix this one, Lewis. Because thanks to years of tax breaks for the upper 1% Donald Trump has been able to get away with this shit. But the craziest part about this entire thing? Donald has resorted to his usual bullshit of calling the kettle black.

This was a Republican talking point—and a misleading one. It was true that close to 50 percent of Americans did not pay federal income tax, but that was because they did not earn enough money to be hit by this tax. Many of these people were working for low wages, or were seniors or young people not earning wages, and they paid other taxes, including Social Security and property taxes. Yet here was Trump brandishing a favorite club of the GOP—makers vs. takers—to denigrate half of the nation.

Perhaps it was a brilliant financial move. But how odious would it be if Trump was castigating low-income, working Americans for not paying federal income taxes while enjoying a billionaire's lifestyle and stiffing Uncle Sam. There is, of course, only one way for Trump to clear up this matter: release his tax returns. They might indeed show how he was a genius at avoiding taxation—but also a hypocrite.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/10/donald-trump-taxes-50-percent-Americans-dont-pay

But of course Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie says that Trumpenfuror is a genius if he “paid no taxes”. Evil? Yes. Stupid? Definitely!

Two of Donald Trump's senior advisers say allegations that the Republican candidate for US president avoided paying income tax for 18 years highlight his "genius" at using tax laws to his advantage.

Chris Christie, a New Jersey Governor and head of Trump's presidential transition team, told Fox News on Sunday that the Republican candidate was good at figuring out how to circumvent tax laws.

"There's no one who has shown more genius in their way to manoeuvre about the tax code as he rightfully used the laws to do that," Christie told Fox News.

"This was actually a very, very good story for him."
http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/10/donald-trump-genius-paid-taxes-advisors-161003035445579.html

It was? Really????

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So Donald Trump went on an angry, rage fueled, and might I add, batshit fucking crazy 3:00 AM Twitter rampage. Not only did he practically break Twitter over a feud with a former Miss Universe contestant, he also broke Twitter again over his insensitive comments toward our veterans with PTSD. But we got to talk about 3:00 AM Tweeting for a minute. Don’t do it folks. And especially don’t do it if you’re, um, RUNNING TO BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE LARGEST COUNTRY IN THE FREE WORLD!!!!

Days after the first general election presidential debate, it is perfectly clear that Donald Trump took the bait left by rival Hillary Clinton hook, line and sinker.

On Monday, the Democratic presidential nominee mentioned former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who has claimed that she was fat shamed by Trump after winning her title. In the days since, the GOP presidential nominee has refused to stop his continued attacks on the Venezuelan beauty, who recently became a U.S. citizen to vote against him.

On Thursday, Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway claimed that she reprimanded Trump for his attacks that risk further alienating women voters and Latino voters.
http://www.salon.com/2016/09/30/trump-goes-on-3am-tweetstorm-to-attack-former-miss-universe-check-out-her-sex-tape/

Can we throw that Tweet up there?

?w=600&q=65&dpi=1&h=390

Holy shit! Trump is angry folks! Now you would think Trump would have calmed down after that episode of narcissistic rage-a-holism, but no! He not only doubled down, but quadrupled down!

What does the Republican nominee for president do when he can't sleep?
Awake at 3 a.m. ET, Donald Trump picked up his phone and began tweeting about "made up lies" in the media.

Just two hours later, he opened up Twitter again and quickly went from venting to slandering a former beauty queen -- shaming her for a sex tape for which the campaign has not provided evidence.
Trump's conduct since the first debate has been astonishing for a major party nominee just 39 days away from the election. Instead of zeroing in on his strongest points from Monday night on jobs and trade, he's cited fake polls, resurfaced Bill Clinton's marital scandals from the 1990s, floated a conspiracy theory about Google searches and attacked 1996's Miss Universe
http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/30/politics/trump-overnight-media-tweets/

So with that in mind we’re making our own series of angry Trump Tweets.

I love the Fake Trump Tweet generator. But getting back to the story at hand – so of course it inspired lots and lots of memes. And even Hillary herself got in on the action:

How technology has changed politics.

Eight years ago, the true test of a president was how to respond to a 3 a.m. call.

These days it's more about tweeting in the middle of the night.

In the early hours of Friday, the man who may soon be occupying Air Force One emitted a tweet storm that was Gale Force Ten.

Donald Trump regaled the world with his feelings about former Miss Universe Alicia Machado.

Sample: "Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?"
https://www.cnet.com/news/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-tweets-tweetstorm-3am-miss-universe-alicia-machado/

And while on the campaign trail – batshit crazy conspiracy theory nutball and Infowars contributer Roger Stone called Alicia Machado a “Ho Bag”. The Ho Bags by the way – great bluegrass band!

http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/10/03/trump-adviser-roger-stone-alicia-machado-ho-bag/213492

ROGER STONE: I would have handled that debate somewhat differently. I thought he scored some points on trade and jobs particularly. He had his moments. I would have not gotten into a fight with this ho bag from Venezuela who is according to the records, filed with the county of Miami-Dade --

FERNAND AMANDI (HOST): Wait a minute, Roger, Roger, Roger, Roger. Ho bag? Why ho bag? You have no issue when it comes to consensual sexual behavior.

STONE: Well I’ve seen the porno film. I’ve seen the porno film, that’s why. You can go online and see it yourself.

But my favorite part of this whole thing was when Donald Trump said he had a “winning temperament”. Really? You could have said just about anything there like “I’m wearing spanx!”, or “I am Tom Cruise” and these things would have made just about equally as much sense!

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump battled it out Monday night at Long Island's Hofstra University in the first of three debates as they race to become the next US president. The candidates sparred over "America's direction," "achieving prosperity" and "securing America" -- basically anything -- in a face-off that was expected to draw more than 100 million viewers, an audience on par with that of the Super Bowl.

During the spirited, 95-minute debate, Trump, 70, said he has the "winning temperament" to be president and claimed his Democratic rival doesn't have the "stamina" for the position after being asked to clarify his comments that she didn't have a "presidential look." Clinton fired back, saying the Republican candidate could challenge her on stamina after he completed the hectic traveling schedule she followed as secretary of state, and she countered that he wasn't prepared to debate or to be commander in chief.
https://www.cnet.com/news/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-presidential-debates-president-isis-fact-check/

Is he winning in the Charlie Sheen sense?

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Folks, before we go any further down the wormhole on all things Trump this week, I must give props to the Top 10 *cue reverb* CITIZEN OF THE DAY!!!! We go to Washington for this one. And I have to say this is a rather genius idea, until you get caught, then you’re a dumbass. But there is a fine line between genius and dumbass on this one, folks!

SEATTLE -- A cardboard cutout of a head in a passenger seat definitely caught the attention of a Washington State Patrol trooper Tuesday morning.

That’s because it wasn’t just any old cardboard head, but that of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

A trooper stopped the motorist who was driving with the cardboard likeness in a carpool lane south of Seattle on Highway 167. The stunt netted the driver a $136 ticket.

Another trooper tweeted a photo of the cardboard Trump head affixed to the passenger seat headrest.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-cardboard-head-used-washington-state-carpool-lane/

You, good sir or madam, are our Top 10 *cue reverb* CITIZEN OF THE DAY!!!! Back to our regularly scheduled programming. Polls. There’s lots of different varieties of poles out there. The South Pole, the North Pole, stripper poles, that creepy guy at the gym who constantly refers to his penis as a “pole”… OK maybe that’s not a good poll. But Donald Trump has a poll problem – he thinks online polls have scientific merit! Um… they don’t. Let’s explain.

Two major news organizations were quick to say their online polls conducted after the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are not scientific. But both surveys found that Donald Trump was perceived as the winner by respondents.

“The presidential debate is over and both candidates have made their case to the American voter. We heard their positions on homeland security, the economy and the future direction of the country. Now it’s your turn to tell us who the big winner was,” CNBC asked in their poll.

A current total of 960,300 people voted. The results: 67 percent said Mr. Trump won the bout, 33 percent voted for Mrs. Clinton.

Mmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm… sure, Donald, keep telling yourself that! “Online polls are the best! Nobody wins more than I do! I have a winning temperament! I know Charlie Sheen, he wins all the time! I surround myself with winning people!”. Oh wait – here’s what really happened:

4chan, the notorious message board, has a long history of botting online competitions. In 2009, users flooded the Time 100 poll to ensure that the site’s founder, Christopher “moot” Poole, made the cut. In 2012, the pranksters employed JavaScript to vote for North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in Time’s annual Person of the Year poll and followed suit the next year with Miley Cyrus and Edward Snowden. 4chan also ensured a school for the deaf won a Taylor Swift concert. Likewise, a Twitter prankster helped send Pitbull to Kodiak, Alaska, as part of an online challenge by Walmart in 2012.

These types of efforts aren’t always successful, but given the tight turn of online polls during debates, they’re highly susceptible to such pranks.

In this latest incarnation, multiple Reddit users enlisted the Trump-supporting masses on r/The_Donald, which has over 200,000 subscribers, by posting dozens of online polls that are vulnerable to vote brigading, bots, and other forms of manipulation that make these non-scientific surveys notoriously unreliable.
http://www.dailydot.com/layer8/trump-clinton-debate-online-polls-4chan-the-donald/

Yeah that’s what really happened. 4chan and Reddit may have done some serious damage here, folks! NOT!!!

That was the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter this morning following last night’s presidential debate, in which Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton faced off for the first time at Hofstra University. The 90-minute discussion was the first of three contests between the CEO and former first lady, one in which the candidates sparred over national security, the North American Free Trade Agreement and Clinton’s use of a private email server during her tenure as secretary of state.

Online polls suggest that Trump claimed a decisive victory over his Democratic rival. Nearly every single survey shows that the billionaire businessman not only beat Clinton but also destroyed her. Trump overwhelmingly came out on top in polls conducted by a vast litany of outlets — including the Time, NBC, The Right Scoop, CNBC, Wired, Buffalo News, ABC, Las Vegas Sun, The Telegraph, Fortune, Roanoke Times and CBS New York. It’s shockingly difficult to find a single online survey in which Clinton, who went into the debate in a virtual tie with Trump, emerges the winner.
http://www.salon.com/2016/09/27/trumpwon-is-bogus-a-reminder-that-online-polls-are-mostly-meaningless/

But here’s how useless the online polls really are – Vox explains:

The difference between unscientific and scientific polls

The polls that Trump is relying on let anyone vote with absolutely zero checks. If you’re online at the time and find the poll, you can vote. You don’t have to live in America or be a US citizen. And you can vote multiple times — by reopening a browser tab, going behind an internet proxy, or logging on to a different account.

As an example, you could right now log on to different Twitter accounts to spam down the results of USA Today’s poll for whichever candidate you prefer:

This can lead to some very skewed results. For example, if an active online community — like r/The_Donald, the Reddit community that supports Trump — gets a bunch of people to vote on a poll (as they did), this can lead to Trump supporters overwhelming the results with a higher percent of Trump supporters than would otherwise be present in a typical sample of American voters. With such a skewed sample, it’s impossible to take the results seriously — it turns into a contest over which online community is most enthusiastic about winning unscientific polls, not how US voters feel about who won the debate.
http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/9/27/13072668/debate-trump-clinton-polls

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

I love this next analogy – in regards to Donald Trump and his taxes which we’ve already covered here ad nauseum, the GOP is so bad at comedy they can’t even come up with analogies that make sense or can relate! But they may actually be right for once!

The worst week of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign began with a widely criticized debate performance and ended with a bombshell report that he could have avoided paying federal income taxes for 18 years.

In between, the blustery Republican lashed out at a Latina beauty queen in a series of 5 a.m. tweets, faced opposition from conservative editorial boards, went after Bill Clinton’s history of infidelity while refusing to discuss his own, was found to have appeared in a Playboy soft-core porn film, mocked Hillary Clinton’s recent battle with pneumonia, and told a crowd she “could actually be crazy.”

“This could be the worst week in presidential history for any candidate,” said Rick Tyler, a Republican strategist and former communications director for Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign. “I certainly wouldn't know how to top it.” Many Republicans were left wondering whether Trump could recover or if he had effectively lost the race in the past seven days.

“The hole that Trump has dug for himself is very deep,” said Joe Watkins, a former aide to President George W. Bush. “Given the large viewing audience for the first debate and week of big missteps by Trump, it's possible that it could be too late to turn it around.”
http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2016-10-03/trump-worst-week-ever

/revision/latest?cb=20160601234954

The toothpaste is out of the tube, people! We’re gonna need a bigger tube to hold all of Donald Trump’s madness. But we got to talk about the Vice Presidential debates for a minute. I love how the GOP already declared themselves the winners of the debate before it even began:

The RNC declared Gov. Mike Pence the winner of the vice presidential debate — two hours before it even happened.

https://politicalwire.com/2016/10/04/rnc-says-pence-already-won-the-debate/

And then on the vice presidential debate – Mike Pence had some “style”. Did he now?

Again and again during the vice-presidential debate, Republican nominee Mike Pence prevaricated about the statements and policies of his Donald Trump, his own previous remarks, and sundry other topics.

His dogged refusal to defend any of Trump’s outrageous statements — indeed, his determination to distance himself from his presidential running mate — led Pence to make claims that will be easily disproved by journalists who know how to locate videotape of what he and Trump have said only weeks or months ago.

Within minutes after the debate concluded, many commentators proclaimed that Pence had “won” the debate — because Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine had violated their sense of decorum with repeated interruptions. And Kaine might well have interrupted less, not so much to display good manners as to let viewers hear his opponent talk. But often and audibly enough, Pence simply attempted to deny that Trump had said the very things that Trump undeniably said, often after shaking his head vigorously. “He didn’t say that!” the Indiana governor blurted, knowing full well that he did say it. And Pence lied about his own statements, too. Perhaps the most glaring example came during a heated exchange between Kaine and Pence about Vladimir Putin — whom the Republican disparaged, in an effort to pivot away from Trump’s embarrassing embrace of the Russian authoritarian, as “small and bullying,” and vowed to confront with “strength.”
http://www.nationalmemo.com/whatever-mike-pence-won-on-style-he-lost-by-lying/

There’s some great fact checking of Pence’s lies going on here from Slate as well:

The vice presidential debate does not move votes, and will not move votes. People commit to parties, and then they commit to the top of the ticket. Almost no one backs a ticket (or switches sides) because of the running mate. This fact—that these debates, in a real sense, don’t matter—makes it tempting to treat them as pure political theater, judged on style and poise.

By that standard, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence won the vice presidential debate with Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine, full stop. Pence, who worked in conservative talk radio before moving to electoral politics, was calm, smooth, and steady. He was an effective advocate for conservative ideology, a polished voice for lower taxes, less redistribution, a more aggressive posture on the global stage (against Russia especially), and new restrictions on abortion. Against Kaine—who interrupted, cross-talked, and spoke in a rapid, hurried clip—Pence looked commanding, almost presidential. And on Twitter, pundits and observers began immediate speculation about the vice presidential nominee’s prospects for 2020, should Donald Trump lose the election for president.
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2016/10/mike_pence_won_because_he_was_shameless_about_denying_reality.html

[font size="8"]Wikileaks and Alex Jones[/font]

So real life Casper the Friendly Ghost, Julian Assange surfaced this week to tell everyone that he had an anti-Hillary Clinton “October Surprise”. Well guess what that surprise turned out to be? Anyone? Well I have the answer! Wait for it……………………………………………

And the answer is……………………………….. still waiting, let’s put on some intermission music for a minute.

OK enough stalling! Here’s the answer!

That’s right! Nothing! You get nothing! There was nothing in Julian Assange’s October surprise box! You so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!

The founder of WikiLeaks promised Tuesday that it would release significant secret information related to the presidential election before Nov. 8.

Julian Assange made the comments via video link from London to Berlin as part of a news conference to mark WikiLeaks' 10th anniversary.

He said WikiLeaks intends to start "publishing every week for the next 10 weeks" material on weapons, war, Google, the election and other topics, but did not otherwise elaborate on the timing or the subject matter of the documents.

There had been intense speculation that WikiLeaks would release documents related to Hillary Clinton on Tuesday, but that did not happen. Assange did not say if any of the releases would be about Donald Trump.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/wikileaks-founder-promises-big-information-before-election/article_2bccc297-8e2e-5f49-9f4d-2adc63a4fe0e.html

http://images.memes.com/meme/1063337

Except they didn’t, and in fact they got buptkiss. Ha ha! So here’s more – and in fact Donald Trump supporters are starting to wake up and see that they were played:

For weeks, backers of Republican nominee Donald Trump have hyped the tantalizing possibility that the anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks was on the verge of publishing a set of documents that would doom Hillary Clinton’s chances in November.

“@HillaryClinton is done,” longtime Trump associate Roger Stone tweeted Saturday. “#Wikileaks.”

The group’s founder, Julian Assange, did nothing to dampen the enthusiasm, suggesting to Fox News hosts that his scoops could upend the race with documents “associated with the election campaign, some quite unexpected angles, some quite interesting.”

The announcement by WikiLeaks that it would host a major news conference Tuesday only seemed to confirm that the bombshell was ready to burst. The pro-Trump, anti-Clinton media world rippled with fevered speculation.

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-backers-realize-they%E2%80%99ve-been-played-as-wikileaks-fails-to-deliver-october-surprise/ar-BBwYvPI?li=BBnb7Kz

Well one Wikileaks supporter in particular has lost his faith to the point where he was questioning his support for the whistle-blowing site. Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him, did you? And you think you’re so smart! We might need some Sad Hulk music for this one:

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange officially failed to deliver on the “October surprise” (or #OctoberSurprise) that anti-Hillary Clinton voters were promised by superstar right-wing conspiracy theorists Alex Jones and Roger Stone.

Assange alongside other WikiLeaks bigwigs hosted a highly anticipated press conference on Tuesday that many believed would upend the current presidential race. Stone — a Trump adviser — tweeted the following on Saturday.

http://www.salon.com/2016/10/04/alex-jones-loses-faith-in-wikileaks-after-underwhelming-octobersurprise-julian-assange-probably-out-of-documents/

But that didn’t stop Alex Jones from going off on one of his famous tangents and calling Julian Assange a “Hillary Butt Plug”. Hillary’s Butt Plugs – saw them at the Troubadour last week, amazing band.

On Sunday night, right-wing crony Roger Stone tweeted that an upcoming info-dump from Wikileaks would be the end of Hillary Clinton’s campaign for president. Assange was to make a bombshell announcement from his balcony in London on Monday, but canceled at the last minute due to unidentified “security concerns.” A rescheduled event in Berlin, where Assange was to appear via live video at 3 a.m. EST, kept Trump supporters up all night thirsty for the news that would derail Clinton for good, but in the end, all they got was a plug for Assange’s new book.

“I’ve seen the internet and I understand there is enormous expectation in the United States,” said Assange. “Some of that expectation will be addressed… But you should understand that if we’re going to make a major publication in relation to the United States at a particular hour, we don’t do it at 3 AM”

It was either a massive disappointment or a masterful troll, depending on how excited you are to preorder Assange’s latest tome. Alex Jones, who hosted a special live broadcast of InfoWars to react to what he had hoped would be damning revelations about the Democratic nominee, was left holding his dick in his hand. And he was not happy about it.
http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/305529/alex-jones-julian-assange-hillary-butt-plug-wikileaks/

Can we roll the tape on that?

And that also didn’t stop Alex Jones from imitating the famous picture of shirtless dressage champion Vladimir Putin’s famous photo of him riding a horse without a shirt on. You’re welcome for this image by the way!

Some things are best left to the imagination — although if you’ve ever imagined a topless Alex Jones riding on a horse, you have big issues already.

The infamous InfoWars conspiracy theorist thought it would be a good idea to do his best Vladimir Putin impersonation this week by posting a photo of himself riding around on a horse without a shirt on.
https://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/alex-jones-posts-a-topless-picture-of-himself-riding-a-horse-and-the-internet-cant-stop-laughing/

Ah! Can’t unsee! Cant unsee!!!!

[font size="8"]The GOP Anti Women Brigade[/font]

Donald Trump’s insane 3:00 AM Twitter rampage aside, the GOP anti women brigade has been out in full force this week. We won’t get to cover everything but there’s a lot of shit out there. And to start with – when my hometown is in the news, we have to cover it, damn it! So who’s the bigger loser here – the Buddhist Monks or United Airlines?

A United Airlines passenger has complained of discrimination after she was moved to make way for two "Pakistani monks" who did not want to sit next to a woman.

Mary Campos was leaving California on a plane bound for Houston when a member of the gate staff reportedly informed her that her pre-booked seat had been changed.

"I don’t know how to tell you this," he said.

He then explained that due to the two passengers’ "cultural beliefs", they could not sit next to or talk to a woman. The men were described as Pakistani monks by Ms Campos, and were reportedly wearing long orange shirts. No other information was available on the men's ethnicity or religion.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/mary-campos-united-airines-pakistani-monks-california-houston-cultural-religious-beliefs-a7340796.html

We don’t really do interviews on this show but this would definitely be an interesting one.

I like that one! Next – we go to Florida. Remember when possible future vice president Mike Pence passed one of the harshest anti-abortion laws in the country? Well it looks like, where else but Florida (obviously) might eclipse that and make abortions punishable by death! Wait, what? That’s nothing to get excited about!

Florida anti-choice activists have launched a campaign to amend the state’s constitution to ban abortion care and classify the procedure as first-degree murder, which under state law is punishable by the death penalty.

The measure would not only make a pregnant person seeking an abortion and the physician performing the procedure eligible for the death penalty, but people who use any number of birth control methods would conceivably be subject to execution by the state.

“Any person who performs or procures an abortion shall be guilty of premeditated murder in the first degree, and any person who attempts to perform or procure an abortion shall be guilty of felony attempted murder,” reads the ballot initiative summary.
https://rewire.news/article/2016/09/29/florida-ballot-initiative-would-make-abortion-birth-control-punishable-death/

Next up in the GOP anti-women brigade – Oregon. Your beard must be this long to enter:

You know that state where batshit crazy anti-government gun nuts took over a wildlife refuge and literally turned it into a steaming pile of shit. Well it seems the Oregon GOP is on their side because well, they hate them some educated weemens, don’t they?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/oregon-governor-debate-female-susceptible-abuse-bud-pierce-185931098.html

An Oregon gubernatorial candidate issued a lengthy apology over the weekend after suggesting educated women are not “susceptible” to sexual or domestic abuse.

At a debate in Portland on Friday night, Bud Pierce, a Republican who is challenging Oregon Gov. Kate Brown, the Democratic incumbent, said, “A woman that has great education and training and a great job is not susceptible to this kind of abuse by men, women, or anyone.”

Next in the anti-women brigade – these statistics should scare the living shit out of you. No matter what gender you are. This is beyond frightening.

http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/female-genital-mutilation-the-numbers-keep-rising

More than half a million females in the United States have either undergone F.G.M./C. or are at serious risk; that’s double or triple earlier estimates, according to an analysis by the Population Research Bureau and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The majority of at-risk females live in eight states: California, New York, Minnesota, Texas, Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey, and Washington. More than sixty-five thousand live in the metropolitan area of New York City and Newark, according to a 2013 study. Most girls who have suffered genital mutilation—which affects sex, childbirth, and mental and physical health—are from immigrant families, the C.D.C. reported.

Finally in the GOP anti-women brigade – ugh, Rudy Giuliani. Seriously, fuck this guy. I thought we were done with him when he failed to secure the ’08 presidential nomination. But like a bad weed no matter how much weed killer we apply, he continues to sprout back up:

Donald Trump surrogate Rudy Giuliani on Sunday suggested that a man such as Donald Trump would be a better president "than a woman."

"Don’t you think a man who has this kind of economic genius is a lot better for the United States than a woman, and the only thing she’s ever produced is a lot of work for the FBI checking out her emails," the former New York City mayor said on ABC's "This Week".

Giuliani's statements come on the heels of a week during which the Republican nominee has been criticized by Hillary Clinton's campaign for comments he has made about women. At Monday's debate, Clinton said Trump had insulted former Miss Universe Alicia Machado by calling her "Miss Piggy." Trump and Giuliani both criticized Machado and tried to justify Trump's comments about how much weight Machado had gained.
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/10/rudy-giuliani-donald-trump-woman-229026#ixzz4Lysh1swv

[font size="8"]Gary Johnson[/font]

OK so you might be one of those people who's been fed up with Hillary Clinton (Bernie Bros?), and Donald Trump. What other options are there out there for you? Have you considered libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson or Green Party candidate Jill Stein? Well I got news for you, Jack, there's no way that either of these two can be considered presidential. I always talk about my love for the TV show 30 Rock, and one episode in particular - Governor Dunston. Well, Gary Johnson might very well be a real life Governor Dunston!

Johnson, who is currently the favored third-party candidate in national polls (hovering just over 7% according to the RCP average), spoke to CNN’s Fredricka Whitfield on NewsRoom Sunday. Whitfield gamely offered Johnson an opportunity to redeem himself following a series of gaffes in which the candidate blanked on the meaning of “Aleppo,” the war-torn Syrian city, and was unable to name a single foreign leader he admired. But when quizzed on subjects of global affairs and the most pressing recent news in the presidential election, the former governor seemed not to have been fully briefed.

When Whitfield asked Johnson to weigh in on the Times scoop about Trump’s 1995 tax returns, he went off on a long digression about his own tax policy. The CNN host clarified: “Did you read the article? Do you have an understanding of it fully… like… the rest of us?

Johnson admitted, “No. No, I did not read the article in The New York Times. No, I did not.”
http://www.mediaite.com/online/gary-johnson-still-cant-name-a-foreign-leader-and-apparently-doesnt-read-the-news/

But Gary Johnson might very well be a kid! Not only does he not know who any world leaders are, he doesn't know who Harriet Tubman is!

One reporter asked him about the lack of diversity in the Libertarian Party, which, as some people remember from college dorm-room discussions, tends to attract a disproportionate number of young white males. Johnson said that there was no diversity problem, and that the Party would do better in nonwhite communities as he became better known. A few minutes later, an aide directed him to a room in the convention center that was named for Harriet Tubman. “Who’s Harriet Tubman?” Johnson asked. (After the aide reminded him who Tubman was, Johnson recalled that she will appear on a new twenty-dollar bill.)

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/gary-johnson-the-third-party-candidate

And the Chicago Tribune endorses this guy! Seriously, what the serious fuck????

And this is where I think Gary Johnson might very well be a kid. He can't stop giving interviews with his tongue sticking out. Unless you're auditioning for Kiss, put that thing away!

Libertarian Nominee Gary Johnson Answers Serious Question With Tongue Sticking Out (Video)

Presidential candidate confuses NBC News reporter with strange response

Brian Flood | September 23, 2016

In a recent interview with NBC News that was examined in depth on Friday’s installment of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” Libertarian party presidential nominee Gary Johnson inexplicably stuck out his tongue during a serious conversation about the election.

The bizarre action wasn’t a simple gesture. Johnson literally stuck out his tongue, kept it out and attempted to answer Kasie Hunt’s query about whether he could pull even with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton if he were allowed to participate in Monday’s debate.

“I’m not gonna stand up there for the whole debate and not say anything, and (inaudible),” Johnson said with his tongue hanging out.

http://www.thewrap.com/gary-johnson-libertarian-answers-serious-question-tongue-sticking-out-video/

?1384968217

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

Well you would think the Bathroom Police would go away right now especially with the King Of The Bathroom Police – Pat McCrory (R – Batshit) being in hot water after police in Raliegh killed yet another black guy, but nope. Even Donald Trump is weighing in on the issue.

Donald Trump complained about what he called the “political correct military” when asked about the service of women and transgender people during a campaign stop today in Herndon, Virginia.

“We’re going to get away from political correctness,” Trump answered to applause. “We’re gonna have to do that.”

“We have a politically correct military, and it’s getting more and more politically correct every day, and a lot of the great people in this room don’t even understand how it’s possible to do that. And that’s through intelligence not ignorance, believe me, because some of the things they’re asking you to do and be politically correct about are ridiculous.”

He went on to say that he would defer to “the generals, the admirals, the people on top” as it concerns particular policies regarding women and transgender soldiers.

Read more: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/10/trump-speaks-transgender-female-soldiers-pc-military/?utm_source=LGBTQ+Nation+Subscribers&utm_campaign=05410f259c-20161004_LGBTQ_Nation_Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c4eab596bd-05410f259c-429478065#.V_QNzlq

And in further Bathroom Police news, the Pope – the freakin’ Pope has weighed in on the issues, and I know people kind of like Pope Francis, but still… this is 2016. Not 1516.

Pope Francis warned on Saturday of a "global war" against traditional marriage and the family, saying both were under attack from gender theory and divorce.

Francis made his comments in an impromptu response to a question at a meeting of the small Catholic community in the ex-Soviet republic of Georgia.

"You mentioned a great enemy of marriage: gender theory," the pope said in response to a woman who had asked about it being taught in schools.
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-pope-georgia-gender-idUSKCN1213KH

War on marriage? Is Jerry Falwell channeling the Pope from beyond the grave?

And probably our favorite deplorable organization here - One Million Moms - is back and this time they're pissed at H&M, and not even know who they're angry at or why they're angry.

One Million Moms — a hypersensitive and perpetually aggrieved Christian activist group that doesn’t have anywhere close to one million members — has once again fallen flat on its face trying to wage a culture war against LGBT people.

Pink News reports that One Million Moms is encouraging its members to boycott H&M because one of its new ads allegedly features a transgender woman who will seduce America’s impressionable youth into believing in the fluidity of gender identities.

“H&M’s newest ‘She’s A Lady’ commercial includes what appears to be a man dressed as a woman in one segment, another woman wearing skimpy lingerie, and ends with two teenage girls kissing while underwater,” the group thundered on its statement urging a boycott of H&M. “H&M Marketing Team may have thought this type of advertising was politically correct, but not only is it disgusting and confusing for children, it is pushing the LBGT agenda.”

As JoeMyGod points out, however, the “transgender” woman in question is actually a woman named Fatima Pinto, who is a championship Muay Thai fighter. As you can imagine, being a Muay Thai fighter requires you to be in exceptional shape, which explains why Pinto’s arms are absolutely ripped, as you can see in the ad below.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/christian-group-falls-on-its-face-raging-against-a-transgender-hm-model-who-isnt-even-trans/

Here's the ad:

But this might be the most inane comparison I’ve ever heard about gay marriage – a judge in Louisiana compared gay marriage to jumbo shrimp. Wait – what? Either he eats a lot of gumbo, or has been watching too much Forrest Gump.

A Family Court judge who routinely presides over gay adoptions said that gay marriage is an “oxymoron” like “jumbo shrimp” or a “magnificent Chihuahua.”

Appearing before a religious group, Fayette Circuit Court Judge Tim Philpot said he loves homosexuals but their relationships are “sterile” and “just entertainment.”

Addressing the Francis Asbury Society in Wilmore, Ky., on Sept. 8, Philpot called the Supreme Court’s decision last year legalizing gay marriage “pretty close to insane” and warned that “there is no question that polygamy is on the way.”
http://www.courier-journal.com/story/news/local/2016/09/21/family-judge-gay-marriage-like-jumbo-shrimp/90729048/

This next story though about a trans teen in San Diego who was denied mental health care and committed suicide as a result should make you angry. If it doesn’t you have no conscious.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/10/mother-sues-hospital-calling-suicidal-trans-son-girl-repeatedly/

The mother of a transgender boy is suing the hospital that treated him for “suicidal ideation,” just weeks before he took his life, alleging staff repeatedly called him a girl.

Katharine Prescott took her son, Kyler, 14, to the emergency room at Rady Children’s Hospital-San Diego, which has a Gender Management Clinic to treat children with gender dysphoria and related issues. He was placed in the hospital’s youth psychiatry unit for a 72-hour suicide hold....

She says hospital staff kept referring to Kyler as a girl, sending him “into a spiral.”

“He was frantic. They were making him worse. They were completely traumatizing him,” she said.

And for that we come to the part of the bathroom police entry where I post about sex offenders but instead since there wasn’t anything too crazy to report this week, I’m instead going to repost the entry from #6 about female genital mutilation. Again – fuck anyone who would do something this horrifying.

[font size="8"]Florida Man[/font]

Ah, Florida, as a great man – Tracy Jordan once called it – “The penis of America”. Or America’s wang as Homer Simpson called it. So here’s what could quite possibly be the most Florida story ever and I’m not counting the guy who threw the alligator in the Wendy’s Drive Thru (see Idiots #15). So what could Florida man have done to top this?

Newlyweds have vowed to stay together – despite the bride discovering her new husband is actually her granddad.

The couple made the shocking discovery three months after tying the knot while flicking through a photo album when they realised the man’s estranged son was also the bride’s father.

But the 68-year-old millionaire has said he has no plans to divorce his 24-year-old wife because he already has two failed marriages behind him.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/10/03/florida-groom-reportedly-learns-married-his-granddaughter-no-plans-for-divorce.html

Is he his own grandfather?

And then I love this story out of the Sunshine State, or America’s penis – apparently a couple of attorneys got caught in a web of blackmail and intrigue:

Two Southwest Florida attorneys were among the 22 recently disciplined by the Florida Supreme Court.

Allen Montgomery Blake, who lists his office as 4411 Bee Ridge Road #161 in Sarasota, was suspended for three years, effective immediately, following an Aug. 26 court order, the court said Friday.

Blake, who had been admitted to practice in 1969, was found in contempt for failing to comply with the terms of an April 11 court order, suspending him for one year.
http://www.heraldtribune.com/news/20161001/two-local-attorneys-disciplined-by-florida-supreme-court

And guess what? Our favorite creepy clowns are back and have resurfaced in Florida!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Kelly Reynolds was walking her pit bull at dusk Sunday when her dog began to growl in the direction of the railroad tracks. She turned toward a wooded area and looked, but what she saw startled her.

“I saw them…two clowns just sitting there staring at me,” said the 41-year-old Palm Bay resident who was out for her nightly walk near Victoria Park around 7:30 p.m.

“I never run but I turned and ran back to my home as fast as I can. These clowns have to go away,” said Reynolds, who called Palm Bay police after the incident.
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/weird/police-creepy-clowns-spotted-in-palm-bay/326805265

And then there’s this – we honestly have no words for this so we’ll just let the story do the talking:

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - A Miami woman was arrested over the weekend in Hollywood after she was riding in a vehicle that was pulled over in connection with a hit-and-run.

According to an arrest report, police discovered that a passenger in the driver's vehicle, Taccara Nauden, 28, had an active warrant out of the Broward Sheriff's Office for operating a vehicle without a valid driver's license.
More Weird News Headlines

Robert Hardister was found passed out behind the wheel of a stolen pickup truck in Jupiter, police say. Man found passed out behind wheel of stolen truck in Jupiter, police say

Nauden was arrested Saturday and taken to the BSO main jail for processing.

Police said Nauden told medical staff at the jail that she had shoved her Nebraska ID card up her vagina during the traffic stop.
http://www.local10.com/news/weird-news/woman-with-active-warrant-shoves-id-up-vagina-during-traffic-stop-police-say

[font size="8"]World Of Tomorrow[/font]

OK folks for this entry we’re going back to the 1930s for this one. Get out some piano soundtrack music and let’s delve into the world of tomorrow!

Welcome welcome welcome to the world of tomorrow! You know last week we discussed a super computer that can fit in your pocket and give you access to a network of information anywhere you are, any time you want! Well this super computer has the potential to explode and has been banned from aeroplanes by the governing body the federal aviation administration for faulty batteries! These batteries are known to explode and burn people alive! Well the manufacturing conglomerate that manufactures these devices has landed in some hot water!

Samsung's Galaxy mobile device brand is as well-known as any. We've seen countless smartphones and tablets released under the Galaxy umbrella in recent years, including some of the company's most successful exports. As you'll probably have seen, though, the recent Galaxy Note 7 roll-out didn't quite go to plan, and Samsung's reputation in general has taken a considerable hit. Still, as the recall / relaunch of its latest top-end phablet continues globally, Samsung Galaxy has managed to retain pole position as South Korea's most valuable brand.

The news is good for Samsung amid a period that has been awash with negative press, and will certainly help the company as it looks to move forward from recent events. As we learned over the weekend, the device is now back for sale in Korea, and there are plans to have the Note 7 ready for several other markets over the coming weeks.
http://www.phonearena.com/news/Samsung-Galaxy-is-still-Koreas-strongest-brand-despite-Note-7-saga_id86074

So the manufacturer of these mobile devices is going to remain in the number one sales department despite that their phones can explode or melt when under pressure!

Next up in the futuristic world of tomorrow – your mattress. Yes, you know that magical supercomputer we just talked about? It will be able to communicate with you while you sleep! But wait – people are not using that technology for good!

A NEW mattress can prove your partner is cheating by detecting how many people are in bed and what activity is going on.

It then informs the owner via a mobile phone app.

The ‘Smartress’ was designed by Spanish mattress maker Durmet after figures revealed that Spaniards are the most unfaithful people in Europe.

The hi-tech bed features a Lover Detection System with 24 ultrasonic sensors that create a 3D map of the mattress to show where there is greater pressure and what movement is taking place in real time.

Durmet spokesman Jose Antonio Muinos said: “We came up with the idea after we saw the figures on infidelity that said Spaniards were the most unfaithful in Europe.
http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/this-is-the-worlds-first-ever-mattress-that-can-tell-if-your-partners-cheating-on-you/news-story/7724e6c4e9976dc8d5771adb116afb61

In fact this super technology was brought to our attention because popular stars of stage, screen and music are putting this super technology to use!

Is Sharon Osbourne using a “smart mattress” to tell if Ozzy Osbourne is cheating?! That’s the crazy claim in one of this week’s tabloids. Gossip Cop looked into the outrageous allegation.

The story can be found in the pages of the National Enquirer, with the headline blaring, “If Ozzy’s Mattress Twitches, Sharon Busts Horny Bitches!” In ridiculously unnatural language, the supermarket tabloid warns the rocker that Sharon is “about to high-tech your cheatin’ ass with a state-of-the-art computerized techno-mattress equipped with incredibly sensitive sensors that’ll detect ALL beneath-the-sheets-hanky-panky.”
http://www.gossipcop.com/sharon-osbourne-smart-mattress-ozzy-cheats/

Next up in the world of tomorrow – space travel! You might remember this movie from several years ago:

Oh wait – space travel is nothing like that. In fact it still has a long way to go. In fact I think elementary school students by the time Starfleet is established will be laughing at us:

Does SpaceX suspect that rival United Launch Alliance (ULA) had something to do with the explosion of a Falcon 9 rocket on September 1 during routine testing at a Cape Canaveral launchpad? That's the idea behind a new report from the Washington Post over the weekend. The Post's report has even led some to take the speculative leap that perhaps, just maybe, SpaceX suspects that someone on the rooftop of a nearby ULA building shot the rocket with a rifle.

Here's what we know: SpaceX officials investigating the September 1 incident requested access to the rooftop of a building owned by ULA that sits near the explosion site at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, according to an anonymous report provided to the Washington Post. United Launch Alliance is a joint venture between Boeing and Lockheed Martin that competes with SpaceX to provides spacecraft launch services to NASA and the Department of Defense.

Industry officials with knowledge of the incident told the Washington Post that "SpaceX had still images from video that appeared to show an odd shadow, then a white spot on the roof of a nearby building belonging to ULA."
http://www.popularmechanics.com/space/rockets/a23183/spacex-sniped-rocket/

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Although one only hopes they were playing this song when it was happening.

Next up in the world of tomorrow – electronic cigarettes! Yes even the way you inhale intoxicants will be done by a machine! But those machines can turn on you! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

http://www.fox2detroit.com/news/us-and-world-news/209314157-story

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Police say a teenage girl riding a Universal Orlando amusement park ride suffered burns when an electronic cigarette belonging to another rider exploded and shot a fireball at her.

Police told the Orlando Sentinel the 14-year-old from Tennessee was riding the Hogwarts Express train Saturday with her family when an e-cigarette belonging to a rider in another group blew up in his pocket and the fireball hit her in the face and elsewhere.

Finally in the world of tomorrow – self driving automobile carriages! Electric self driving automobile carriages, and that is if young billionaire entrepenuer Elon Musk has his way, all automobile carriages will be self driving! But that’s not met with controversy! First there was the curious case of the man in Northern Florida!

http://money.cnn.com/2016/07/28/technology/elon-musk-tesla-autopilot/index.html

Those building autopilot were acutely aware that any shortcoming or unforeseen flaw could lead to injury or death -- whether it be blind spots with the car's sensors or drivers misusing the technology.

But Tesla founder and CEO Elon Musk believes that autopilot has the potential to save lives by reducing human error -- and has pushed hard to get the feature to market.

Yes that is how you cause a deadly highway pileup folks! But that was just the beginning. There was an accident caused in Florida:

CEO Elon Musk on Sunday announced a software update for its vehicles that significantly changes how autopilot works, without changing any of the hardware involved. Until now, the autopilot feature—which can self-pilot the car for stretches of highway driving—has relied primarily on a video camera and image-processing software to see the road ahead. A radar system and ultrasonic sensors provided additional data, but the system was programmed not to act on radar data alone due to some fundamental limitations of the technology.
http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/future_tense/2016/09/how_tesla_s_software_update_fixed_a_deadly_flaw_in_autopilot.html

And China:

Tesla Motors came under renewed questioning about the safety of its Autopilot technology after news emerged on Wednesday of a fatal crash in China that may have occurred while the automated driver-assist system was operating.

The crash took place on Jan. 20 and killed Gao Yaning, 23, when the Tesla Model S he was driving slammed into a road sweeper on a highway near Handan, a city about 300 miles south of Beijing, according to a report broadcast on Wednesday by the Chinese government news channel CCTV.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/15/business/fatal-tesla-crash-in-china-involved-autopilot-government-tv-says.html

Well that one to be fair it is China, he probably couldn’t see because of how dirty the air is.

A Tesla vehicle operating under Autopilot collided with a bus in northern Germany, but the electric carmaker said a collision was unavoidable because the bus swerved into the vehicle's lane.

The incident occurred on Wednesday in the town of Ratzeburg, German police said.
www.trtworld.com/business/tesla-says-autopilot-not-to-blame-for-bus-crash-in-germany-197309

But is Tesla telling us the truth about its’ self driving automobile carriages? The answer might surprise you good sir / madam!

An increasingly bitter fight between Tesla and its former autopilot partner Mobileye is raising questions over the electric car company's honesty.

Elon Musk's corporation is notoriously prickly. When it does come under criticism – whether on safety issues, the practicality of long-distance drives, or its autopilot feature – its first response is to lash out.

In the latest exchange between Mobileye and Tesla, however, the chip company has accused Tesla of lying. "The allegations recently attributed to a spokesperson for Tesla ... are incorrect and can be refuted by the facts," Mobileye said in a statement.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/09/19/tesla_autopilot_spat/

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]The Claypool Lennon Delirium[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “Bubbles Burst” from their new album “Monolith Of Phobos”, I give you the Claypool Lennon Delirium!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

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