ron, i'm so sorry for what you're going through

when i look at pictures of when i was younger, and my little family--my parents and my grandmother, there is a part of me that wishes--with all my heart--i could go back and have it all again; i would gladly go through it all--even the bad times--just to have that security, and joy that was such a part of my life. i miss it so.

my grandma died when i was a teenager, my dad over twenty years ago, but my mom--who stuck with me through it all--she died nearly three years ago and i still cry for missing her. and the heartache has often made me wonder "what's it all about then?" as well.

i suspect there is a reason for it though (my mom always said "there's a reason for everything&quot . and i think the reason is love. it's the most important thing, it's what we remember, and what we take with us when we go.

i hope you have someone around you that you can talk to about how you feel, about your sister, and the rest of your family (older children? nieces? nephews? etc.). my daughter was twenty-one when my mom passed and she was a tremendous emotional support for me, as was a friend of mine--as they still are.

what the other poster, kickysnana, was saying rings true to me as well. i think we make a difference in all the lives we cross paths with--which effects the lives they cross paths with. and we make that difference in ways we don't even realize--just as the people who have touched our lives might not have realized the impact they were making on us. it's pretty amazing how interconnected we all are.

i know someone who recently passed on who, as she was dying, told her family that she was seeing her sister who had died in childhood. she was also seeing several figures that were all in white that she didn't recognize. i don't think we ever permanently lose those we love--it's only a temporary good-bye, but that can be the most difficult thing we ever experience.

just go slow--take it easy.