absolutely great song & vocal & arrangement. i love this song. so did my mom. n/t

moms are good at stuff like that

when i had a c-section my mom sat beside me and kept blotting the tears from my eyes. (i was crying because i was so emotional--not in pain--and my arms were strapped down so i couldn't move, and i was so numb with the drugs that i either couldn't blink or the tears wouldn't fall from my eyes. thanks mom!)

hope your toe feels better soon.

one of the cutest videos i've ever seen. thanks for posting this! n/t

ask a mortician videos

are wonderful! they are funny & fascinating and, well, see for yourself...


http://www.youtube.com/user/OrderoftheGoodDeath/videos

episode one:

sending you warm thoughts, tea and sympathy

i'm very sorry for your loss.
it doesn't matter how old they are
or how old we are
what matters is how much love we have for them
we never lose it.
love is the thread that holds us together

i found this yesterday, posted it in the bereavement forum, and am hoping this can give you a bit of comfort:

"Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together
is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort,
without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting
when we meet again!"

--Henry Scott Holland (1910)

"Death is nothing at all"

"Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together
is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort,
without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting
when we meet again!"

--Henry Scott Holland (1910)

Holland was an English clergyman who, in 1910, wrote a sermon following the death of King Edward VII entitled "Death the King of Terrors" which he delivered at St. Paul's Cathedral while the body of King Edward was lying in state at Westminster. The above excerpt has become known as "Death is nothing at all."

i heard this last night while watching an episode of the tv show Ghost Whisperer and decided to look it up. the last sentence really hits me. i guess the whole piece hits me and i wanted to share it with everyone who comes here.

forty years ago yesterday, on the fourth of july, my nana died. it was a life-altering event for me; she was my "other" mom and it was my first major loss. i used to think of her death on the 4th as her own independence day--which it probably was.

three days ago there were five incidents that occurred that reminded me of each of my five canine companions i have loved and lost. the final occurrence was a post here about someone who had lost their border collie. i told my daughter about it and said that the picture that was posted of the border collie looked like the twin of our dog. my daughter was skeptical (she thinks i exaggerate and sometimes i do) and wanted to see the photo. i showed her and she was shocked--even got a bit teary-eyed.

i asked her why--why was i given reminders of all of them, all within a day? it's never happened before. and she said "maybe they all just wanted to say hi and let you know they were thinking of you."

maybe so.

i remember wanting to be on the stage--actually just wanting to perform

then, 7th grade i did a monologue i wrote for drama class.
i had a lot of them in tears, including the teacher--it was wonderful!

i knew then that i was not only a very good actor--i was also a very good writer.

what happened to the guy who did this?

maybe a police report is in order along with a restraining order?

if things are so hand to mouth you need to figure a way around the situation. is there a possibility this guy will be back? if yes get the restraining order. if not then keep that in mind when you go to work.

you said he tried to attack you--what stopped him, or who? do you have that backup in place? can you get a backup for the future? did you stop him? is he banned from returning or coming into the building?

how prevalent is such an occurrence? what are the odds of it happening again?

thinking these things through might help you get through some of this until you can figure out an alternative.

sometimes, even in the most difficult of situations, we have to continue through them. i had to be at work less than 24 hours after my mom died. it was terrible and i had someone to help me but the following day, and the day after that, i had to work on my own. and then i got a weekend break. it was horrible. i wasn't able to get time off for over six weeks!

if you were guiding someone through the exact same situation you are experiencing, what would you tell them? put your skills to work on yourself.

and when you do maybe you'll be able to hold up/keep it together long enough to find and apply for a different job.

i'd be handing out different advice if you had the luxury of a financial support system. unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to have that. you don't. neither do i.

don't let this experience break you. you're stronger than you think.

mine was a border collie mix and looked so much like your mike

they could have been twins.
mine was a girl, also a rescue and an absolute delight
everyone who met her loved her
and losing her was devastating (six weeks after i lost my mom)

a friend "surprised" me with another rescue dog six weeks after that. she was ten years old and i had her for three brief years. it's been a year now since i have been dogless -- it's been the longest time in my life since i was fifteen and acquired my first canine friend.

it's been a major adjustment (i'm still not over the loss of the last one--so i'm not in any emotional place to find another companion). her "nest" (crate) is still where it always was, and when i put the dishes away i find myself being careful not to step on an invisible water bowl from a place where it was over four years ago when we had our border collie.

much sympathy to both you and your parents. i'm glad mike was a part of your lives and family. i'm sure it was wonderful.

maybe a lot of this relationship was lost a long time ago?

"Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief

it seems you were/are angry with him (and resentful?) and that overrides and overshadows other feelings and emotions.

and because of his age i'm guessing there was some responsibility, stress, and pressure put on you to help him/watch over him/take care of him. ?

not everyone gets along, personalities clash, family dynamics get skewed. and we are all far from perfect. and i think that's when the idea of forgiveness comes into play--to forgive someone else for their indifference, inconsideration, imperfections, and unintentional cruelties. (and just because you forgive them doesn't make you instantly like them or care about them)

i suppose no one can grieve over someone when they do not consider their absence a loss.

i had a pretty good relationship with my dad but we would still get into some really stupid, loud fights. i remember him saying, in the middle of one of our fights, that i would miss him when he was gone. and i shouted back at him that of course i would miss him but i wouldn't miss these fucking fights!

and that turned out to be true. i never missed our fights/arguments. but i missed him and all the positive things he brought to my life. (unlike my mom where i continue to miss every aspect we shared--both good and bad, including the fights.)

i'm sorry you didn't have a better relationship with your father.
i'm sorry you missed out on having a positive relationship with him but plenty of people do not have positive relationships with their parents or other family members; you are certainly not alone when it comes to that.

in a way, you and i are in similar boats headed in the opposite direction.
while you said "It's just weird not to grieve when society on the whole expects you to do that" i could say about myself: "it's just weird not to get over it and move on when society on the whole expects you to do that."

and i think either way, whichever direction we're headed, it's okay.