orleans
orleans's Journal"you can heal your heart"
"finding peace after a breakup, divorce, or death" by louise l. hay & david kessler
"grieving is challenging, but it is our thoughts that often add suffering to our pain. we hope that this book will expand your awareness and thinking around loss to include love and understanding. our intention is for you to feel your grief fully without getting stuck in the sorrow and suffering." (pp ix)
"grief is not a condition to be cured but a natural part of life. spirit does not know loss; it knows that every story begins and every story ends, yet love is eternal. our hope is that the words on these pages offer you comfort and peace throughout your journey." (pp ix)
"a broken heart is also an open heart. whatever the circumstances, when you love someone and your time together ends, you will naturally feel pain. the pain of losing a person you love is part of life, part of this journey, but suffering doesn't have to be. although it's natural to forget your power after you lose a loved one, the truth is that after a breakup, divorce, or death, there remains an ability within you to create a new reality." (pp. xvii)
"even when life ends, there is a rhythm. it is sad, of course, because you want more time with your loved one--that's only natural. but there are only two requirements for a complete life: a birth day and a death day. that's it. we all arrive in the middle of the movie, and we leave in the middle of it. we want to hold on to the connection of our loved one who died; we want to keep our memories...and we can eventually release the pain." (pp xxi/xxii)
~~~~~~~~~~
i began reading this book today don't want to put it down. i skipped a divorce chapter but read about relationship loss, death, and other types of loss. there is also a chapter on the loss of a pet.
i feel as if i have already been pulling out of the pain of my grief--it has taken so long! i am not sure how i would have responded to this while in my darkest hours or if it would have helped or not. it might have. in a sense it is giving me the opportunity to see various types of loss from a different perspective--a less painful perspective.
i just checked on worldcat dot org and i see there are not a lot of libraries that have this book yet (it was published on feb. 4th). but you could always request they purchase it like i did. i was told since my library has a number of books by louise hay there shouldn't be a problem getting this one for the collection.
i also just noticed a few reviews people wrote about it (put up on worldcat but from goodreads dot com so here is the link)
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18051508-you-can-heal-your-heart
i just wanted to share this with all of you. maybe it will be of some help.
also, just to let you know
du has a bereavement group
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
which i first discovered after i lost my mom. it has been a real comfort for me to be able to go there, read, and post. i've posted there about my dog as well as my mom.
everyone is different
my furbaby (dog) passed over 7 months ago and i don't foresee getting another (but there are several other factors at play in my personal situation).
it sounds like your daughter is ready to pick up the pieces and begin moving on.
several years ago i lost a beloved dog and six weeks later, without asking me, a friend brought over a ten year old dog from a shelter. i was in no state of mind to make a decision about keeping her (my mom had passed just three months prior) and this ten year old resembled a dog my mom and i had years ago so...i let her stay). i was still grieving over the loss of my other dog, and my mom, and it took a number of months before i warmed up emotionally to this new ten year old. but i did.
my other friends questioned the practically of me keeping the ten year old, knowing she wouldn't be with me that long. but she stayed and i loved her so. she became a comfort, a joy, a companion. i was devastated over losing her. i haven't moved on and am still heartbroken by her absence. she was only with me for three and a half years. yet i am so grateful to have had her that long. i still love her so.
it might take time to warm up to a new addition but eventually you will.
in answer to your question of "how long" -- it sounds like your daughter is answering it for you; it's been long enough and now is the right time for her.
best wishes for whatever you decide.
"weep if you must
parting is hell
but life goes on
so sing as well."
--joyce grenfell
(i just recently found this poem--this is the last part of it -- and i could do well remembering these words myself.)
(raises hand) i am still grieving
i lost my furgirl in june.
still not over it tho i am adjusting to her absence
it's been extremely difficult to be without her.
i don't burst into tears the moment i wake up in the morning anymore
and some days i don't even cry
but sometimes--not often-- i still hear her scratching on the kitchen door frame to get food or go out
her bed is still in my bedroom (she didn't like to sleep on the bed with me--she was a shelter dog with ten years of previous training that i couldn't completely overcome)
and her "nest" is still under the dining room table.
i sleep with her little winter coat every night.
i talk out loud to her at least once every day.
sometimes i start crying when i get out the ice cubes (she loved ice cubes)
the simple routines in the day to day can be glaring reminders of her absence.
it's a sad & strange feeling to think, as i'm driving home, there is no reason to hurry to get there. no longer an incentive. no longer a need to rush. sometimes i still feel that sense of happy anticipation as i head home and then i remember...she is gone.
it is simply amazing to me how much we are able to love, our capacity to love. how wonderful it is that our little furfriends and babies are so cherished and treasured.
i, too, have no plans on finding/getting another. not yet.
take care. sending a warm hug right back at you for all of your heartache. in memory of lance. 
my daughter gave "mouth to mouse" resuscitation
it bought my daughter some time to rush her to the vet, get the dire prognosis, bring her home, keep her comfortable until she died five or six hours later.
we had her in a little cage in the bathroom with a humidifier going (i ran out and bought one along with some pediolite or whatever the vet told her we should get). my daughter kept checking on her--she was so sick. we had to keep the steam going and the bathroom door closed.
at one point my daughter and i were sitting on the couch. my daughter looks down the hallway and says she just saw a shadow pass along the bottom of the closed bathroom door. "she's out of her cage" my daughter said. which was absurd because she had never gotten out of the cage in good health. and now she could barely move.
i said, "oh my god--go check on her." and she was gone. although her body remained in the cage. i heard the cry go up--my daughter, on her knees, holding this dear little mouse in her hands, wailing, sobbing.....
we are convinced it was the spirit of this little mouse, running free at last, that was the shadow under the door.
(sorry to bring this thread down, but when you mentioned your hamster it just reminded me. i had forgotten how intense and dramatic that night was--and i'm leaving out the worst part before the necessary resuscitation and trip to the vet.)
...a spirit mouse. imagine that...
deepest sympathy for you in this difficult time
i'm glad you found each other in this lifetime and had the opportunity to love each other so much.
spirit doesn't go far from those who are loved.
a big hug for you
i'm sorry you lost your girl
i lost my little girl back in june and i'm still not over it.
every now and then i hear her scratching on the kitchen door frame (which is what she did in order to direct me to feed her or let her outside) and one time as i sat on the couch i felt the couch getting bumped into like she'd do when she would rub her face along the bottom part of the couch.
i think our love keeps us together (whether we still feel them, hear them, or not)
my heart goes out to you
"I Stood by Your Bed Last Night
"I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying...you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.
"It's me, I haven't left you...I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I am not lying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said, "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning
And say, "Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side-by-side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.
-Author Unknown
and
Pawprints Left By You
You no longer greet me,
As I walk through the door.
You're not there to make me smile,
To make me laugh anymore.
Life seems quiet without you,
You were far more than a pet.
You were a family member, a friend
. . . a loving soul I'll never forget.
It will take time to heal -
For the silence to go away.
I still listen for you,
And miss you every day.
You were such a great companion,
Constant, loyal and true.
My heart will always wear,
the pawprints left by you.
-Teri Harrison
both poems at:
http://dogsympathycards.blogspot.com/p/dog-poems-and-quotes.html
here's to mini
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Gender: FemaleMember since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 05:56 AM
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