GaYellowDawg
GaYellowDawg's JournalBill Maher and fat shaming.
This is edited from a reply in another thread. I wanted to share this to the board at large.
I used to weigh 365 pounds. I weighed 300+ pounds for about 25 years, after getting there about 5 years out of college. The looks and comments that I got about my weight didn't do me a damn bit of good, and didn't make me want to lose weight any worse than I already did. They just hurt. That's all. They didn't go any good, and they hurt.
After decades of trying, and after having 2 stents put in my coronary arteries, I finally came up with a diet plan that worked. I lost 150 pounds in 3 years. I made the mistake of not exercising, and actually developed type 2 diabetes when I lost a lot of muscle mass. I started working out this summer in a pit of despair over an ex-girlfriend, and have gotten my fat/lean mass into normal range for the first time in probably 30 years. Yesterday, I put on a suit that I wore as a best man when I was 23 and in good shape, and it fit well. Yes, for some reason, I carried it around for 30+ years. Anyhow, I'm down to 211 and that includes about 10 pounds of new muscle. So I'm not overweight now. I'm still trying to get another 20-25 pounds of fat off, but I'm in better shape, I think, than most men my age. I'm even having trouble getting my insulin dosing right because the diabetes really seems to be waning. It may go away entirely with more exercise and weight loss. I'm hoping so. I consider myself to be really lucky to find something that worked, and to have a body that was able to respond to diet modification and to exercise. That's not the case for a lot of people.
Every time I see someone who's really overweight, I ache for them. I wish that they could find their own method of weight loss, if that's what they want. I know how they feel. I know the looks, I know the comments, I know the rude jokes. I know how so many people give themselves permission to treat overweight people horribly. I know how any time someone overweight eats anything in public, they're going to get looks and comments. I know the awful physical feeling in my back and knees. I know the self-loathing every time I saw my reflection, or folded my clothes, or had to buy a 3XL shirt or pants with over a 50 waistline. I know how much it hurts, physically and emotionally, every day.
And fat shaming just makes it hurt more. It does no good. It does not serve as motivation. I remember being a shirt and tie guy at a department store and approaching a customer looking at the extra long ties. I asked about her husband's measurements and said, "it sounds like he has the same issue I have looking for ties" which I intended to say was a long torso. She looked at me and said, "a fat gut?" with an incredible amount of contempt. Later on, she expected me to ring her up with a smile. I refused to ring her up and got someone else to do so. She complained to the manager and he started to dress me down in front of her - until she called him a "little f**" for not firing me on the spot. Only then, he tossed her from the store. That was over 20 years ago and it still pisses me off, and hurts.
You might call say Maher's spiel is "tough love" and it was pulled out of context. I say that anyone who advocates fat shaming is a piece of crap. And all too often, "tough love" is just an excuse for someone to be an asshole and feel virtuous instead of ashamed. There is no rationale for fat shaming. PERIOD.
I just wanted to say thank you to the board.
A couple of months ago, I posted about how torn up I was about an ex-girlfriend getting married. Things have slowly gotten better, just as so many of you said they would. I have thrown myself into working out and into my job. Really bad days have become the exception rather than the rule. I made the decision that I was going to get over her without resenting her or having anything bad to say about her, and I think it's made it harder in the short term, but will be much better for me in the long term. In the meantime, I have lost more than 10% of my body fat in the last 6 weeks, have had to change out my work wardrobe completely because all the shirts and pants got too big, have gotten a lot of productive work done for my job, and I feel a lot better about myself. Turns out finding things I could improve about myself and attacking them as hard as I can has been great for my self-esteem. Not so much about the results (although I like them), but knowing that I care enough about myself to take action, and having the discipline to keep it up.
Anyhow, when I posted that, there were a lot of replies to me that were really nice to a complete stranger, and I really appreciated them. Thank you.
Here's a story I found heartwarming.
[link:https://tenderly.medium.com/soothing-victimized-dogs-with-bach-and-beethoven-6f92eeb0e51a|
Rescue dogs from the South going to Maine...
I thought this was, overall, an uplifting article.
[link:https://downeast.com/rescue-dogs-in-maine/
Anyone know how to get over a broken heart?
So... I tried to get back together with an ex I loved very much. She started talking to me, then drifted away. Just a couple of months later, she was engaged, and then a month after that, married. I think of her every day, know she doesn’t even think of me, and hurt like hell. I feel stupid and pathetic for not moving on. The dating well here resembles the Gobi and dating sites are an absolute nightmare. I just want to stop hurting.
I'm going to say something good about Democratic candidates other than my choice.
Bernie Sanders: I think he's pushed the Democratic Party back towards the left. "Centrist" is not a bad word for me, but I think we needed liberal Democratic candidates, and I think Sanders has brought a lot of candidates out who are not afraid to declare themselves as liberal.
Pete Buttigieg: So many positives. Very strong speaker. Very charismatic. He's very able to anticipate attacks, and stand them on their heads. Witness what he's done to Mike Pence. The first candidate whom I'm sure is as intelligent as President Obama. I'm sure he will be very, very capable in debates.
Amy Klobuchar: Tough. Speaking in the snow doesn't particularly impress me, but her demeanor during the Kavanaugh hearings sure as hell did.
Joe Biden: Genuine. Compassionate. Is known and respected internationally.
Beto O’Rourke: Charismatic. Passionate. Able to inspire others.
Cory Booker: Compassionate and charismatic. A strong speaker who would have been very standout in any other years.
Elizabeth Warren: Highly intellectual. Has changed her views from conservative to liberal based on experiences and data, not ideology. Pragmatic yet ambitious in her economic plans.
Eric Swalwell: A very strong legislator. I like his stances on healthcare and gun control.
I don't know the other candidates well enough to comment. No offense intended.
Harris supporter here... but damn, Buttigieg's doing a hell of a job.
He’s really impressive.
I'm turning this shit off and watching DiY or NatGeo or something
I don't want to hear that orange fucker gloating.
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Member since: Tue Nov 9, 2004, 03:21 PMNumber of posts: 4,446
