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Maraya1969

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Member since: Tue Oct 12, 2004, 11:32 PM
Number of posts: 16,508

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Some shocking graphics about Tibet.

http://freetibet.org/get-involved/videos-graphics


I watched a youtube video of a Buddhist nun and she was talk about getting "bad" people

out of your life. Of course they are not bad, but being around them leads you to confusion and you stop your Darma practice, (well I do) and engage in non-virtuous behavior.

I say this because I feel like I need to divorce my family, (My mother, her boyfriend and my brother)

The boyfriend has never liked me and would make comments like, "I don't know how your mother stands you" He would get mad if my mother gave me food that she had made. Now since my mother had a stroke 4 months ago and cannot speak yet very well she has stopped defending me and even lies, (it seems like lies) by keeping his lies.

When my mother was in the hospital and he said that sentence, "I don't know how your mother stands you" I started to fight back. I said mean things that are against my practice. I would love to go into everything he did and said but that would be non-virtuous although I'm not sure how.

And I started calling my brother after my Mom got home and I he seriously believe to this day that I am a big part of the problem and I just need to learn how to get along with the boyfriend. I actually recorded him and some other people twice and sent the recordings to my brother. I asked him if he listened and he said that he started to but I was just baiting the boyfriend so he turned it off. This was all after the boyfriend said he was going to break up with my mother unless I just leave him and don't come down to their house anymore.
So I feel like I should just not talk to my brother anymore, (or for now I'll say) and obviously the boyfriend, (he says I am the reason he wants to leave my mother anyway) I don't even want to talk to my Mom.

After I made this decision I felt relieved. And I started looking for monasteries where I could go for a short time.

But there is a part of me that feels kind of guilty. I am fairly new to Buddhism so I'm not sure what prayer or mantra or meditation I should say to rid myself of these feelings. I've done plenty of "cherishing others and wishing the happiness" but maybe because I would have contact with them it would fly out the window.

Thank you so much for anyone who can give me some guidence.
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