Jeb!

I will say this and I mean it:

I have to hand it to Jeb!, for I could never have figured out how to piss away fifty million dollars of rich assholes' money... in a primary race... in an off-election year....

It's true that the reality show narcissist and the belief-driven brain surgeon have been saying the stupider things, but it is Jeb! who is doing the stupidest things. Jeb! Bush is trailing and losing ground in the worst Presidential field I've seen in over three decades of observation. That is a self-evident problem that speaks volumes about Jeb!'s competence.

But that's only the beginning because Jeb! is dealing from the bottom of his own stacked deck and STILL losing, and still losing ground. This was supposed to be a walkover for Jeb!, and these are just some of the advantages he brought with him, and promptly squandered:

Jeb! has the most money (Trump isn't dumb enough to spend his own) and has been spending it like his brother running up a no-bid Halliburton contract;

Jeb! had his pick of the best staff from three close-enough-to-steal-it Presidential campaigns, with a pre-existing ground game in every single state;

Jeb! has a brother who gets the most coveted political information in the world: a copy of the Presidential Daily Briefing. The legality and ethics of sharing that information of course plays no role in the matter, since we're talking about members of a crime family. But for whatever reason they're not making use of it--probably because President Obama took out the bullet points and now the Bush boys can't actually understand what the Briefing says. Jeb! should be the best-informed candidate, and maybe he is, but his target demographic is too dumb to know it;

Jeb! is perfectly positioned to run against all of those candidates. He's a former governor, and the GOP loves governors; he's running against FIVE Senators, four of whom are going to lose the election for themselves by their votes coming up in the next two weeks. Three of the other governors he had to run against have already dropped out. He doesn't even need to kiss Carly Fiorina's ass because he's got his own running mate, Pam Bondi, already picked out.

Jeb! has been planning this run for SIX YEARS, if not twice that, and this is his plan. This! The "lose to the racist circus conductor" plan.

My guess is that Jeb!'s problem is that he probably really is marginally smarter than his father and his brother--but he's still a fucking moron because a person can be smarter than W and still have a double-digit IQ. He's smart enough to know that he's smarter than they, but not smart enough to run his campaign by himself or even with minimal input from himself, because of that Bush reverse-Midas touch that we all know so well.

But don't count Jeb! out just yet. There are over 40 million emails from the Bush administration that were supposed to be turned over to the National Archives, a huge amount of them revolving around anthrax and 9/11 and two trillion dollars in missing American money, for which everyone from the former President on down is felony-liable (not for the crimes but for the missing emails, which is a violation of the NARA Act). It's an obvious criminal cover-up and if things don't start breaking Jeb!'s way, everyone involved except Dick Cheney will could down the tubes for it (Cheney is a dual citizen of an Arab nation now, so he could take all those bribes from Halliburton, and he never has to return to the US, especially not to testify or face trial.)

So with infinite money, multinational power, and the spur of criminal indictment digging into his fat arse, the economy just might crash, gas just might go back over four bucks a gallon, and other candidates' planes just might fall out of the sky. That's about the sort of thing Jeb is going to need to get close.

But he only needs to get close, doesn't he?