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IronLionZion
IronLionZion's Journal
IronLionZion's Journal
July 20, 2015
What do you think DU ???
What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism
As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. Its her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, shell come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I wont explode with anger or seethe with resentment. Ill tell her its a hot story and Im glad she had fun. Its hot because shes excited, and Im glad because Im a feminist.
Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract. When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level. I am an economically dependent househusband coping with the withering drudgery of child-rearing. Now that I understand the reality of that situation, I dont blame women for demanding more for themselves than the life of the housewife.
Still, as a man, I could, if I wanted to, portray what Im doing as work, and thus claim for myself the prestige men traditionally derive from work. Whenever I tell someone I stay home with the kids, they invariably say, Hardest work in the world. They say this because the only way to account for a man at home with the kids is to say what hes doing is hard work. But theres a subtext in the compliment that makes it backhanded: We both know no one ever says it to a woman. Mothers care; fathers provide care. The difference is crucial. Despite my total withdrawal from the economy and the traditional sources of masculine identity, I can still argue I am a provider. I provide care.
In this way, my masculine self-image was stretched but not broken. Diaper bag notwithstanding, I was still a Man. It wasnt until my wife mentioned one evening that shed kissed another man and liked it and wanted to do more than kiss next time that I realized how my status as a Man depended on a single fact: that my wife fucked only me.
Read the rest here: http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/what-open-marriage-taught-one-man-about-feminism.html
Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract. When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level. I am an economically dependent househusband coping with the withering drudgery of child-rearing. Now that I understand the reality of that situation, I dont blame women for demanding more for themselves than the life of the housewife.
Still, as a man, I could, if I wanted to, portray what Im doing as work, and thus claim for myself the prestige men traditionally derive from work. Whenever I tell someone I stay home with the kids, they invariably say, Hardest work in the world. They say this because the only way to account for a man at home with the kids is to say what hes doing is hard work. But theres a subtext in the compliment that makes it backhanded: We both know no one ever says it to a woman. Mothers care; fathers provide care. The difference is crucial. Despite my total withdrawal from the economy and the traditional sources of masculine identity, I can still argue I am a provider. I provide care.
In this way, my masculine self-image was stretched but not broken. Diaper bag notwithstanding, I was still a Man. It wasnt until my wife mentioned one evening that shed kissed another man and liked it and wanted to do more than kiss next time that I realized how my status as a Man depended on a single fact: that my wife fucked only me.
Read the rest here: http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/what-open-marriage-taught-one-man-about-feminism.html
What do you think DU ???
Profile Information
Gender: MaleHometown: Southwestern PA
Home country: USA
Current location: Washington, DC
Member since: Mon Nov 10, 2003, 07:36 PM
Number of posts: 45,405