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Putin Admits Taking SATs for Trump

MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—The firestorm of controversy swirling around the upcoming tell-all book by the President’s niece exploded on Tuesday, after Vladimir Putin revealed that he took the SATs for Donald J. Trump.

Putin said that he had hoped to keep his role in Trump’s college admission a secret, but, with the impending publication of Mary Trump’s book, “it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.”

The Russian President said that, when young Donald Trump was applying to college, in the nineteen-sixties, Putin was making “a few extra rubles” by offering his services as a test-taker to wealthy but academically hopeless American high-school students.

“I recall the day that I took Trump’s SATs as clearly as if it were yesterday,” Putin said. “I totally aced them.”

As the years rolled by, Putin followed with intense interest the career of the man whose SATs he took.

“I often asked myself, ‘How will Donald Trump ever repay me for putting him on the path to Wharton?’ ” Putin said, with a devilish smile. “As it turned out, I found a way.”

At the White House, the press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, refused to address the Putin bombshell and instead questioned the authenticity of Mary Trump’s memoir. “No one named Trump has ever actually written a book,” McEnany said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/putin-admits-taking-sats-for-trump



Photograph by Jorge Silva / AFP / Getty

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House rejects Trump cuts, proposes boost for environmental agencies

The Democratic-led House Appropriations Committee on Monday proposed a funding bump for the Interior Department and Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), soundly rejecting cuts proposed by President Trump.

The committee bill would increase funding for the EPA, Interior and related agencies by $771 million for fiscal 2021, including a $304 million increase for Interior and a $318 million increase for the EPA.

“With this bill, we reject the Trump administration’s pandering to the fossil fuel industry and disregard for the environment and public lands. Instead, we increase funding to preserve our landscapes, protect endangered species, and help prevent the worst impacts of climate change,” said House Appropriations Committee Chairwoman Nita Lowey (D-N.Y.) in a statement.

The $36.7 billion in funding is slightly smaller than the $37.2 billion the committee approved last year. The final budget approved for the agencies was reduced following a compromise with the Republican-led Senate.

Meanwhile, a separate appropriations bill would increase the Energy Department's budget by $2.3 billion over last year's budget.

In his budget wish-list unveiled earlier this year, President Trump proposed a 26 percent cut to the EPA’s budget and a 16 percent cut to the Interior Department budget.

He also proposed cutting the Energy Department's budget by 8 percent.


Read more: https://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/506020-house-proposes-boost-for-environmental-agencies-after-trump

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