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Mr. Scorpio
Mr. Scorpio's Journal
Mr. Scorpio's Journal
April 17, 2017
TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds. “I’m going to miss my transfer to the Green Portal—I was supposed to be in Osaka 2.2 seconds ago!” IT contractor Takashi Ikeda said, echoing other commuters who complained that the current portal system was over 30 years old and had become increasingly unreliable, at times incorrectly recombining two or more passengers. “It’s bad enough when the quantum matter compression runs 50 nanoseconds behind schedule, but this is totally unacceptable.” Although commuters were able to attempt alternate routes by taking wormholes back to before they had been delayed, many travelers told reporters that the inconvenience of having to kill and dispose of their past selves made the work-around unsustainable.
http://www.theonion.com/article/tokyo-portal-outage-delays-millions-japanese-warp--55764
Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters
TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds. “I’m going to miss my transfer to the Green Portal—I was supposed to be in Osaka 2.2 seconds ago!” IT contractor Takashi Ikeda said, echoing other commuters who complained that the current portal system was over 30 years old and had become increasingly unreliable, at times incorrectly recombining two or more passengers. “It’s bad enough when the quantum matter compression runs 50 nanoseconds behind schedule, but this is totally unacceptable.” Although commuters were able to attempt alternate routes by taking wormholes back to before they had been delayed, many travelers told reporters that the inconvenience of having to kill and dispose of their past selves made the work-around unsustainable.
http://www.theonion.com/article/tokyo-portal-outage-delays-millions-japanese-warp--55764
April 16, 2017
Truth
April 14, 2017
I've been hearing that you guys are still a little grumpy and not too terribly elated these days.
Why so glum?
Frankly, I have no idea why you're not happier people and have moved on to the fact that your boy, Trump, is sitting in the White House right now. I've got to tell you, you've got me concerned, brothers and sisters. This should be the greatest time of your lives: Trump is president and he's going to finally set everything straight, just like Limbaugh, Hannity and O'Reilly said he would. You should be focused on how wonderful things are going to be, rather than dwelling on the past.
YEAH! Trump won... Whoopee! Let's party.
Who cares about Obama these days? He's not your problem anymore. So what? He ran away to Tahiti? Have you ever been to Tahiti? It's a dump. I'm sure that he was having a terrible time there. Hey, he’ll be hanging out in Germany next month… Doesn’t he know that they have an extradition treaty with the US? Ooo, boy.
Besides, I'm sure that you're anticipating the fact that Trump will send in Seal Team Six to bring him back from wherever he is right now, so he can face justice for his many crimes and start sitting in federal prison, right next to where Bill and Hillary are right now. How's that for irony, eh?
Can I get a "LOCK HER UP?"
You should be jumping for joy at the fact that Trump has worked quite diligently, instead of hitting the golf course seventeen times during his first three months in office. His work ethic is tremendous, you can tell by how great of a shape he's in, even if that shape is round.
And he's kicking ass overseas, just like he said he would. Just look at the fact that he personally sent his own son-in-law to Iraq to teach the generals a thing or two. Or that he moved some Afghan sand around with a $17 million dollar bomb, or that he attacked a Syrian airfield with 59 cruise missiles and it was operational the very next day. ISIS should be done for in no time flat. His secret plan to defeat them is still a secret, right?
I hear that some of you are not too happy that Trump dropped those Tomahawk cruise missiles on Syria. I don’t blame you. But the others who were happy that Trump pulled the trigger on Syria, does that mean that you’re concerned for the plight of the Syrian people now? How ‘bout extending a Christian hand to Syrian refugees? That’s what Jesus would do.
Well, you better look out, North Koreans, you're next!
Aren't you happy that he's putting the finishing touches on that beautiful southern border wall that Mexico was all too happy the pay for? Don't you like the way that it sparkles in the sun? So nice and shiny. Hey though, if you've found that your own property was bisected and some of it has ended up in Mexico, that's alright. Just point that out to The Donald, I'm sure that he'll pay you way more than the fair market value... After all, he always makes great deals in real estate.
How about the fact that Trump should have all of the illegal aliens kicked out of the country by this time next week? Think about all of the jobs that they have taken away from hard working Americans that will be freed up soon, especially in construction, agriculture, domestic work, food services and landscaping.
Isn’t great that, because of Trump, there are fewer restrictions on the mentally ill to buy guns? I don’t know about you, but public spaces all have a brand new meaning to me now.
Speaking of jobs, isn't it great the coal miners are all back to work now? All Trump had to do was repeal Obama's clean air and clean water efforts and, voila, instant coal mining jobs. It's like magic.
Oh yeah, and how about Trump's wonderful Muslim travel ban? Almost forgot about that. Hey, it worked so great the first time that he signed it again. That's real dedication for you.
And what about his greatest accomplishment of repealing and replacing Obama care? Who needed all of that pesky socialist health insurance, right? After all, you've still got your Medicare card.
Aren’t you so elated that Trump just signed a Republican bill that allows YOUR internet service provider to SELL YOUR BROWSER HISTORY? When you pay your bill, I’m sure that THAT will. put a smile on your face.
Besides, how's he going to lose? The whole country is firmly being him, right? From his 40% favorability rating in the polls, that clearly shows what a great job he's doing so far. If you don't like the polls, who cares what 60% of the electorate thinks of his job performance? Besides, most of them were Hillary voters anyway.
Look at how he's bringing the country together by keeping all of his promises, so much so that, there's plenty of talk of amending The Constitution in order to let him serve more than two terms. (Consecutively, not concurrently.)
You all have got it made right now. Enjoy yourselves!
PS: Don't worry about all of that Russian business with Trump and his people, I'm sure that there's nothing to it. I mean, what do ALL of the US and European intelligence agencies know anyway?
This week's update of... Dear Trump Supporters: Is America Great Again Yet?
(Just some add-ons for the most recent events. Enjoy)I've been hearing that you guys are still a little grumpy and not too terribly elated these days.
Why so glum?
Frankly, I have no idea why you're not happier people and have moved on to the fact that your boy, Trump, is sitting in the White House right now. I've got to tell you, you've got me concerned, brothers and sisters. This should be the greatest time of your lives: Trump is president and he's going to finally set everything straight, just like Limbaugh, Hannity and O'Reilly said he would. You should be focused on how wonderful things are going to be, rather than dwelling on the past.
YEAH! Trump won... Whoopee! Let's party.
Who cares about Obama these days? He's not your problem anymore. So what? He ran away to Tahiti? Have you ever been to Tahiti? It's a dump. I'm sure that he was having a terrible time there. Hey, he’ll be hanging out in Germany next month… Doesn’t he know that they have an extradition treaty with the US? Ooo, boy.
Besides, I'm sure that you're anticipating the fact that Trump will send in Seal Team Six to bring him back from wherever he is right now, so he can face justice for his many crimes and start sitting in federal prison, right next to where Bill and Hillary are right now. How's that for irony, eh?
Can I get a "LOCK HER UP?"
You should be jumping for joy at the fact that Trump has worked quite diligently, instead of hitting the golf course seventeen times during his first three months in office. His work ethic is tremendous, you can tell by how great of a shape he's in, even if that shape is round.
And he's kicking ass overseas, just like he said he would. Just look at the fact that he personally sent his own son-in-law to Iraq to teach the generals a thing or two. Or that he moved some Afghan sand around with a $17 million dollar bomb, or that he attacked a Syrian airfield with 59 cruise missiles and it was operational the very next day. ISIS should be done for in no time flat. His secret plan to defeat them is still a secret, right?
I hear that some of you are not too happy that Trump dropped those Tomahawk cruise missiles on Syria. I don’t blame you. But the others who were happy that Trump pulled the trigger on Syria, does that mean that you’re concerned for the plight of the Syrian people now? How ‘bout extending a Christian hand to Syrian refugees? That’s what Jesus would do.
Well, you better look out, North Koreans, you're next!
Aren't you happy that he's putting the finishing touches on that beautiful southern border wall that Mexico was all too happy the pay for? Don't you like the way that it sparkles in the sun? So nice and shiny. Hey though, if you've found that your own property was bisected and some of it has ended up in Mexico, that's alright. Just point that out to The Donald, I'm sure that he'll pay you way more than the fair market value... After all, he always makes great deals in real estate.
How about the fact that Trump should have all of the illegal aliens kicked out of the country by this time next week? Think about all of the jobs that they have taken away from hard working Americans that will be freed up soon, especially in construction, agriculture, domestic work, food services and landscaping.
Isn’t great that, because of Trump, there are fewer restrictions on the mentally ill to buy guns? I don’t know about you, but public spaces all have a brand new meaning to me now.
Speaking of jobs, isn't it great the coal miners are all back to work now? All Trump had to do was repeal Obama's clean air and clean water efforts and, voila, instant coal mining jobs. It's like magic.
Oh yeah, and how about Trump's wonderful Muslim travel ban? Almost forgot about that. Hey, it worked so great the first time that he signed it again. That's real dedication for you.
And what about his greatest accomplishment of repealing and replacing Obama care? Who needed all of that pesky socialist health insurance, right? After all, you've still got your Medicare card.
Aren’t you so elated that Trump just signed a Republican bill that allows YOUR internet service provider to SELL YOUR BROWSER HISTORY? When you pay your bill, I’m sure that THAT will. put a smile on your face.
Besides, how's he going to lose? The whole country is firmly being him, right? From his 40% favorability rating in the polls, that clearly shows what a great job he's doing so far. If you don't like the polls, who cares what 60% of the electorate thinks of his job performance? Besides, most of them were Hillary voters anyway.
Look at how he's bringing the country together by keeping all of his promises, so much so that, there's plenty of talk of amending The Constitution in order to let him serve more than two terms. (Consecutively, not concurrently.)
You all have got it made right now. Enjoy yourselves!
PS: Don't worry about all of that Russian business with Trump and his people, I'm sure that there's nothing to it. I mean, what do ALL of the US and European intelligence agencies know anyway?
April 12, 2017
Don't fire Sean Spicer!!!
He's the gift that keeps on giving AND he's absolutely doing the job that his corrupt, mendacious and moronic boss wants him to do.
He's the best peek into Cheetolini's tiny mind.
Keep up the good work, Anger Spice.
FDT.
April 8, 2017
Now let's all say it together...
Because, why the fuck not, here's another reminder of what we're up against, everybody...
Now let's all say it together...
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