2016 Postmortem
Related: About this forumTrump’s Jesus Advisor Will Resurrect Your Dead Relatives For Low, Low Price of $1,144!
(I WISH this was from the Onion!!)
don't stop believin'
Trumps Jesus Advisor Will Resurrect Your Dead Relatives For Low, Low Price of $1,144!
image:
Paula-White-Donald-Trump-800x430
Perhaps the strongest evidence that Donald Trump may be slightly more cynical about religion than he claims to be is the fact that the religious advisors he has chosen to surround himself with are the absolute most batshit kind out there. Hes not even just going with regular old Jesus Freaks, hes going with ones who say they can stop tsunamis with their minds. You know, the kinds of people you would probably only say were a good representation of Christians as a whole if you were making fun of Christians. Its pretty clear that his thing here is OH, these people are crazy, so I will pick the wackiest Christian advisors I can find, and then they will think I am the greatest.
ENTER PAULA WHITE!
Paula White is the lady what put together Trumps Evangelical Advisory Committee. Reportedly, she is also the one responsible for leading Trump to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. Which is not surprising, since they have a lot in common, in that they are both really into scamming people for lots of money! Naturally, she is a televangelist the kind of televangelist that is into the whole prosperity gospel thing. This means that she asks you for money and tells you that if you give her money, that God will be all like Good job, you! and then you will win the lottery or something. Which definitely is not any kind of scam at all! Also I have some land to sell you in Florida!
Shes gotten into some trouble for this before.
But what makes this lady special, in a sea full of Creflo Dollars and Joel Osteen? WELL, she has got a special and unique product! A RESURRECTION SEED. A magical bean of some kind, which will resurrect you or your dead relatives, or something! On Easter! Just like JESUS! And it only costs $1,144 dollars!
. . . . .
White then revealed to her audience that she didnt normally request a specific amount in monetary donations but said God was very specific about the amount required for the so-called resurrection seed.
Theres someone that God is speaking to, to click on that donation button by minimizing the screen. And when you do to sow $1,144. Its not often I ask very specifically but God has instructed me and I want you to hear. This isnt for everyone but this is for someone. When you sow that $1,144 based on John 11:44 I believe for resurrection life, said White.
. . . .
Read more at http://wonkette.com/603950/trump-christian-advisor-paula-white-ressurection-seed#5jY3eGVTSIvTXKVA.99
AnnieBW
(10,482 posts)Someone to make a zombie out of my mother. She'll come back to life and start nagging me again!
niyad
(113,992 posts)longship
(40,416 posts)Matthew 27:51-53:
51 Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, 52 and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; 53 and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.
And they ate people's brains, or something.
BRAINS!!!
longship
(40,416 posts)And I mean that literally.
He'll heel you right in the backside; right where it hurts the worst.
No more Preperation H needed for you.
She is a scammer. Just like any pastor who passes the collection plate. That means all of them.
eppur_se_muova
(36,317 posts)whistler162
(11,155 posts)MFM008
(19,837 posts)It always is.
Jesus would spit on these weirdos, and that includes Donny Dumpster fire.
MineralMan
(146,354 posts)Can I get an Amen?
KingFlorez
(12,689 posts)There are so many evangelists that have multiple houses, cars, expensive clothes and jewelry. It's a racket.
central scrutinizer
(11,670 posts)What if I sent in 1144 in some other currency like Zimbabwean dollars?
niyad
(113,992 posts)Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)At the mall you will pay at least twice as much.
niyad
(113,992 posts)niyad
(113,992 posts)rusty fender
(3,428 posts)Whatever the Rev. Wright did or said that was objectionable, this lady's bullshit surely tops him by a thousandfold
VOX
(22,976 posts)Times have changed.
niyad
(113,992 posts)tallahasseedem
(6,716 posts)I didn't even know this was a thing. WTF?
niyad
(113,992 posts)damn!!!! why didn't I think of this one!!