How do loners avoid isolation

[cilla4progress]

in old age?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. What if you kind of like it?

I'm old, I live alone, I have some activities and classes that get me out of the house, but otherwise I don't socialize a lot. I don't really feel isolated because I'm OK being alone most of the time.

[Skittles]

4. same

I always say, the only thing that bothers me about being alone is that it does not bother me

[enough]

19. You said it!

[ooky]

22. I like it.

After my divorce I decided I liked living alone better and just kept it that way. I live with my big fluffy 80 pound dog and we are joined at the hip, and for the most part that's all I need. I am lucky enough to have kids and grandkids in town that I can see when I want to, and that helps, plus a good liberal next door neighbor to have drinks with. But for the most part I'm very happy living by myself and would not want to change that.

[Joinfortmill]

24. You're not alone.😊

I'm retired and spend most of my time alone. Doesn't bother me a bit. I keep busy with writing and sketching. I've written and self-published 4 mystery novels I never would have written if I hadn't been alone. I have family nearby whom I see semi-regularly, and occasionally I have a chat with one of my neighbors.

[rzemanfl]

2. Why would they care? n/t

[ariadne0614]

28. You crack me up! n/t

[JenniferJuniper]

3. Strong introverts hardly ever feel

"isolated". Some can't even grasp the concept of loneliness.

With that said, I imagine that presents challenges when someone is old and ailing and needs assistance.

[Aristus]

5. I'll probably read a lot.

Kind of the way I do now.

Most of the time, the company of others interferes with my reading time...

[likesmountains 52]

6. Some days all I say to another person is " Double Iced Americano please, thank you."

And I am very, very happy with my life.

[procon]

7. But isn't that the point of choosing to be a loner?

Either you are or you aren't. People certainly change, and modifying the isolationist life to something that is just being a private person who accepts some social interactions is an option.

[backtoblue]

8. Depends if the isolation is welcome or if it's imposed, I think.

I am only 40, so I dont know yet if my preferred social independence will cause me "side effects" (?) when I get to my golden years.

If you live close to your neighbors, perhaps going for a short walk to interact with them could fill the isolation despair.

I find boredom to be my arch nemesis which precipitates feelings of loneliness and isolation. Reading, puzzle books, research, pets, art, etc are the keys to keeping my emotions healthy and mostly content.

Do you have family who visit or friends to check in with every so often?

[42bambi]

31. I think you're Q about family/friends is so important to those who do

live alone, maybe prefer it that way - however, each and every loner should have someone to check in on them once in awhile, for their own safety.

[yonder]

9. So far, I embrace it. I'm entering the upper side of my 7th decade and can still get around okay.

So, for me there's nothing like a nice hike up in the trees or out in the desert, alone, to settle ones soul. I call it going to church and my wife knows exactly what I'm up to.

I do make a point to hang out with core friends so as not to alienate them though.

[mahina]

10. That's a really great question

Isolation is as bad for us in age as heart disease.

There are some community co-Housing/home sharing kind of matchmaking groups help people someone they can share their homework and chores and get some income. Helps a lot. Some of us find a nice liberal church can give you enough togetherness.

Some people work part time just for the contactor to get out of the house. Book clubs and the Y can be great too.

What’s your community like?

[cilla4progress]

15. I've never gottten any real traction -

at least not authentic to me, of "community," where I've lived for 40 years.

It's conservative here, we live out in the country. We have sundry assorted friends - the way I like it; keeps it interesting. But not consistent friends/couples we can call on a weekend evening to meet for dinner or drinks. Getting more pronounced with age. Many of the families and extended community we had while raising our daughter have filtered away. Other have aged out of shared activities. I am no longer interested in attending the liberal Unitarian Fellowship I went to with our daughter. A good friend/neighbor died last year.

My husband and I enjoy our solitude on our small farm with our animals, and other outdoor activities all year round. I have a nagging feeling though this lifestyle is not sustainable into old age.

[mahina]

18. I read you. One thing about living in the islands

Is that friends who aren’t from here originally move away a lot. I miss them!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. Me at parties:

[Ron Obvious]

12. My wife and I were having this discussion this very minute

We've been together since college and were having the "what if something happens to one of us" discussion (again).

We've had a great relationship, but I can't imagine remarrying. She's the one thing that has stood in the way of me becoming a complete "old man yells at cloud" hermit, someone eventually to be found at the bottom of the stairs by neighbours wondering where the smell was coming from.

I think each of us secretly and selfishly hopes we'll be the first to go...

[catchnrelease]

13. Pursue my interests

Most of my time is spent doing things at home, which is my preference. But I also go to a couple of senior fitness/yoga classes a couple of times a week and to the Y as well. I am in a doll-making group that gets together twice a month to share what we've made, and there are a couple of other random things I do that put me in contact with other people.

But all of these situations are short lived and involve as much interaction as I decide to make. eg: when I go to the exercise classes it's usually just a little chit chat before and after the classes and at the Y I really don't talk to anyone at all. The doll group people I have known for many years now, so there are some actual friendships there.

One of my favorite outside the home things to do is to go to the dog park, which I do a couple times a week. I have a couple of acquaintances there that might involve a few minutes of small talk, other than one dog walker that has become an actual friend. He's just under 40 and is also an introvert, so I mainly interact with his dogs and we commiserate about Trump and the state of the country etc. I actually look forward to doing that.

I am 69 and married to someone that I would describe as an anti-social extrovert if there can be such a thing, lol. He is happy to stay at home most of the time, and is fine with my quirks and introvert personality. He gets most of his socializing on face book with his friends from high school, military, online games etc. Being isolated more than this would not bother me at all. I spend the majority of my time in my 'studio' room either online or working on some kind of art project.

[cilla4progress]

17. What a satisfying

scenario you paint, catch! Thank you for sharing it, I found much to relate to!

[I_UndergroundPanther]

14. I dunno

I just hope I don't die in a slow decline. I want death to take me fast as in one day I'm fine then poof I'm dead. I live alone and I will have no one in my old age. It scares the living fuck out of me as I am disabled.

[cilla4progress]

16. I feel your fears, Panther.

Stay connected here!

[I_UndergroundPanther]

20. Thanks for the compassion cilla4progress

It feels god to know people understand.

[Joinfortmill]

25. I hear you.

Hopefully there will be services available to assist you and all of us. Try not to worry too much.

[no_hypocrisy]

21. Can you both be a loner and be social?

I like my solitude but I have found a community that respects my choice to be alone at times.

I recommend The Ethical Culture Society or a Unitarian Church.

[Joinfortmill]

26. Absolutely

Introversion is a continuum. I am highly introverted. You may be less so. It's all good, however.

[cilla4progress]

35. Woah -

Just saw this! I grew up in the Ethical Culture Society. Barely anyone knows of it!

And yes, Unitarian later in life.

Nice.

[DumpTrump20202020]

23. Finding Like-Minded People

I live alone, and I like it. I have trouble sleeping, and for the last few years, I try to keep a routine.

Message boards are a great way to communicate with people who like the same things as you -- politics, movies, music, literature, etc.. And I guess after time if the bond is tight, they can engage more, maybe by phone, e-mail.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

27. I live in isolation most days

I have two good freinds who hang out with me sometimes. I don't have enough money to afford a car and I don't drive. The bus to go anywhere is an hours long trip.

I have accepted I will be alone most days.

Thankfully I have my wonderful cat freind Othello.

[nocoincidences]

29. I live with 2 people.

One is my best friend for 47 years, who is 3 years older than I am. I actually can't imagine life without her in it.

The other is a partner of 10 years, who is 15 years younger than I am, but seems to have a lot more health issues than I do.

I expect my last years to be alone, probably in a nursing home. I do NOT look forward to being there, with no companion animals. I have never lived without my cats. I can't imagine being somewhere without cats.

A nice quick aneurysm in my sleep would be most welcome. But humans plan, god laughs.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

32. Want you want to start looking at are places for independent and assisted living.

They are a far cry from what people think of as nursing homes. And many of them allow or encourage pets. Work on making those decisions while you still have control.

My son knows that if he has to place me somewhere, to make sure it's a place with cats, as I could never get so senile I wouldn't want to be around cats.

Oh, and someone here on DU has a mother who is in some kind of facility and has a robo cat, which apparently is working out quite well for the mom, who I believe has serious dementia.

[nocoincidences]

34. I do appreciate the advice.

I am 72, and in good health, knock on wood, so the nursing home scenario is not imminent, but I prefer to project the future, in a futile attempt to bend it to my liking.

I know assisted living is more my style, and would opt for that if some help becomes necessary.

I could probably accept a robo cat, if I get demented.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

36. I really, REALLY want you to stop thinking about nursing homes.

We're the same age. Okay, so I'm a youthful 71, but almost up with you.

But that means we remember when our parents or even our grandparents got old and were put into nursing homes. Independent and assisted living places weren't around then, not really. And so the image too many of us have simply isn't the way it is any more.

Even though you are probably some years from it, do visit an independent/assisted living place reasonably soon. Again, even though you aren't ready for it, I think you'll be pleased and reassured.

One huge impediment is the cost. I know that many of them say that the cost of living there can be less than living on your own, but they are clearly marketing to a somewhat more affluent demographic than I am. I sincerely hope you are in that more affluent demographic. One problem is that you can't go on-line and find out what an independent/assisted living place costs, unlike booking a hotel room or an airplane flight. You can get some general information on line, which is somewhat helpful, but to get true specifics you have to either visit or contact specific places.

In truth, I should be able to afford an independent/assisted living place. It will take a significant percentage of my current income, but I shouldn't have to start selling off investments or anything like that. Heck, once I sell the home I live in I should have the cash to pay for the living place.

But much more to the point, I've over and over seen people completely resistant to moving into one of those places, and when they finally do they are very happy. They make new friends. That get to take little trips. Go to a casino. A movie. A museum. They're transported to grocery stores and doctors offices. All that is extremely good once a person can no longer drive.

Hang in there.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

30. Loners like being alone.

That said, as anyone gets older, especially if they live alone, they really do want to make sure that someone will check up on them regularly, if only to avoid the "neighbors complaining about the smell" way of finding their body.

Personally, I expect I may move into an independent/assisted living facility at some point down the road. I'm not ready for one yet, as I'm only 71, but in a few more years I may start looking more seriously at them. Several years ago I looked at a couple in another city on behalf of someone else, and really liked one of the places I looked at.

[SamKnause]

33. I love being alone.

I prefer isolation.