My friend lost his son last Sunday

[SHRED]

19 years old. First year of college. Computer Science major.

My friend spoke to his son on the phone Sunday night and all was good. Then 2 hours later the boy succumbed to an aneurysm at the brain stem area. Out of nowhere with no warning.

I spoke with my buddy last night. That was a tough phone call. He's devastated and so is his wife and daughter. I didn't know what to say other than I'm here for him. He worries about 2 weeks from now when the "darkness" comes. I told him I'll check on him. He has lots of friends but I figure you can't have too many at a time like this.

I'm shook up and can't imagine what his family is going through right now.

Hug your family because you never know.

[kanda]

1. so sorry

a year and a half ago the county chaplain showed up at our door to tell us our 19 year old son had passed in his sleep. The autopsy showed a cardiac arrhythmia from unknown causes. He was very healthy. Had just completed 2-3 months of training with the Marines at Camp Pendleton (he was a Navy corpsman).

You're right--you never know. And you're also right about never having too many friends at a time like this. We were surrounded by LOTS of people for a few days, then a smaller, but closer set of friends/family to be with us. Life becomes segregated into two time frames--things that happened before he died and things that happened after he died.

I went to a bereavement class. My husband didn't. We all process it differently. There's a darkness in our lives that will never go away, but somehow we go on and try to find good things.

My heartfelt sympathy to your friend and his family. And blessings to you, too, as you help him pick up the pieces. A friend once said "I wish I could hug you hard enough to put your broken heart back together."

kanda

[SHRED]

2. Sorry for your loss

I have two beautiful daughters and four grandkids.
Life is so precious and fleeting.

All my best to you and your family.

[kanda]

6. thank you

thank you. Give them all an extra hug tonight.

[orleans]

4. i am so sorry to hear about your son.

what a tragedy.

years ago, after my dad died, i went to a bereavement group (once or twice a week for a couple months, offered through my dad's church) and i found it extremely comforting and helpful. my mom & i weren't members but it was offered to family members of parishioners -- she absolutely wouldn't go. but she held up extremely well whereas i was a mess.

i really needed something like that after i lost my mom a few years ago. i could still use it.

again, i'm very sorry about your loss.

[kanda]

7. thanks

thank you. And I'm sorry for your loss. There are some ongoing bereavement groups that meet up in our area, like The Compassionate Friends. Maybe there are some close to you, too. I don't do much talking in group situations, but listening to others and realizing we're all in the same boat is somewhat comforting.

blessings to you.

[orleans]

3. sorry to hear about your friend's son.

yes, do check in with him. go for a walk with him, take him out for coffee. let him know that if he ever wants to talk or just hang out he can give you a call.

i'm not exactly sure what you meant when you said he worries about two weeks from now when the darkness comes. that sounds rather grim.

[SHRED]

5. he meant...

...when this initial shock wears off and it all sinks in.

I'm there for him for sure.

[KMOD]

8. He's going to need you and your friendship

for many months to come. How painful. So young and tragic. I'm so very sorry.