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Mosby

(16,162 posts)
Sun Jun 14, 2020, 02:31 PM Jun 2020

Empathy Doesn't Come with Conditions

Last edited Sun Jun 14, 2020, 04:45 PM - Edit history (1)

Empathy Doesn’t Come with Conditions

A Jewish response to the murder of George Floyd


Rabbi Moshe Rosenberg

There is a Jewish law regarding visiting a house of mourning which requires the visitor to remain silent until the mourner begins the conversation. This ostensibly minor regulation encompasses so many basic principles in the Jewish view of mourning.

First, it emphasizes that the primary goal of the visit is not what you say to the mourner, but the mere fact that you are there. You are there to express empathy, not “to explain the ways of God to man.” Even if the mourner never says a word to you, and the two of you sit in silence for the duration of the visit, you have fulfilled the mitzvah of consoling the mourner. The Rabbinic warning, “Do not try to comfort a mourner at the time that his deceased relative (still) lies before him,” is relevant in a house of mourning too. By his or her silence, the mourner indicates that this is not the time for words, but simply for validation and solidarity.

Second, waiting for the mourner to speak reminds you that your job is to follow, not to lead. The mourner will take you into his or her world, as far as you are allowed to go. Once you see where the mourner is comfortable going, you may, if you are close enough, and empathetic enough, be able to steer the conversation to topics that would be therapeutic. But none of that can happen unless you allow the mourner to first reveal the edge of the landscape of grief. Unless you are admitted to that world, you cannot help. You must operate within the mourner’s world, accepting it as reality, and not try to impose your own world upon another.

All of this can be reduced to the single word: empathy. True empathy means being there for someone and experiencing that person’s struggles as he or she does, without trying to superimpose your own reality on theirs.

https://rabbirosenberg.substack.com/p/empathy-doesnt-come-with-conditions
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Empathy Doesn't Come with Conditions (Original Post) Mosby Jun 2020 OP
Very interesting, elleng Jun 2020 #1
This is beautifully, tenderly written. Thanks for posting it. JudyM Jun 2020 #2
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