Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

The_jackalope

(1,660 posts)
Tue Oct 31, 2017, 09:17 PM Oct 2017

A Samhain experience

My soulmate and wife died just over seven weeks ago. It was a conscious, medically assisted death to end the suffering of ovarian cancer. Through that we managed to achieve complete closure.

Tonight I went to the restaurant that prepared her final meal. I had the same meal she did - grilled scallops with rosemary, and a creme brulee. Opposite me on the table was the urn with her ashes, adorned with the amethyst pendant that was our love totem.

Tonight, when the veil was at its thinnest, I said my final earthly goodbye and surrendered the soul of my beloved to the Beloved. I pledged that tonight would be the beginning of my own healing.

No black cats, no witches, no candy.

Here's what happened:

I'm home. It was perfect. The restaurant staff all knew the score. The service was an impeccable combination of warm and respectful - and when I ordered creme brulee for dessert, they brought two, with two spoons.

I spent two hours meditating on the small altar I set up opposite me at the table - her urn (actually just a very plain discreet black box), the amethyst pendant, a feather for the wings that were a constant theme in her art, and a transparent green stone carved in the shape of two hearts, that one of her LA friends gave us as a reunion gift.

For two hours we reviewed the highlight reels of 45 years of ourstory - the transcendent, the good, the mundane and the ugly. I asked her how she felt, and she said she felt bigger than it's possible for us to imagine. She said the moment of death was a contraction to a singularity, and then an instant expansion out into an entire universe, but as the universe itself, not just a participant. It sounded very bigbangy.

She reminded me that it's not that I'm "here" and she's "there". She's here too, and I'm there too, as are all of us, as is everything. There is only this. She affirmed that even though her body died, nobody "went" anywhere - it's just our perspectives that shifted. Oh, and there is no need for me to "wait" to be with her again - I am with her always, as are all of us, as she is with us.

She says that you won't believe what it feels like to be a universe. It's a whole lot better than "taking off a tight shoe" as it has been described.

So, all in all it was a very pleasant dinner...

8 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
A Samhain experience (Original Post) The_jackalope Oct 2017 OP
Sending you love & hugs. StrictlyRockers Oct 2017 #1
Thank you! We amplify them and send them on. The_jackalope Oct 2017 #3
Peace and love, my friend. Take care. n/t DonaldsRump Oct 2017 #2
Thank you. The same to you, and everyone. nt The_jackalope Oct 2017 #4
Oh, jack.. cilla4progress Oct 2017 #5
Thank you, cilla. Perfect poem. The_jackalope Oct 2017 #6
Love you, cilla4progress Oct 2017 #7
I'm honoured. nt The_jackalope Oct 2017 #8

cilla4progress

(24,585 posts)
5. Oh, jack..
Tue Oct 31, 2017, 09:58 PM
Oct 2017

I should have known you were a Pagan referent.

I stopped part way through reading your post to go get a drink (alcoholic), because I wanted to linger over it, and get a little fuzzy.

Your post reminds me of a poem I just read the other day, posted here on a thread by someone who had to put down one of their furry friends:

Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you -

I loved you so -
'twas Heaven here with you

~Isla Paschal Richardson


Thank you for sharing truth with us tonight. Happy Samhain to you and Mrs. Jackalope.

The_jackalope

(1,660 posts)
6. Thank you, cilla. Perfect poem.
Tue Oct 31, 2017, 10:19 PM
Oct 2017

In a previous incarnation I was named GliderGuider, and we knew each other then too.

It's funny, before this I'd have marked myself "undecided" on Paganism, as for every other spiritual category. Now? I don't mark myself as undecided on anything. I mark myself as "It means something true to me."

Latest Discussions»Alliance Forums»Ancient Wisdom and Pagan Spirituality»A Samhain experience