When Moishe Met Yahweh...

[MineralMan]

There are many fun stories in the Old Testament. Sadly, many people only know parts of most of them, since they hear those stories read in church and don't pursue what wasn't read. Everyone knows about Moses (Moishe) going up on the mountain for the stone tablets on which were inscribed the 10 Commandments. Some even know that he had to make two trips up the mountain, since he broke the first set, but that's another story...

However, not so many people know the conversation Moishe had with Yahweh up on that mountain the second time he went up for the replacement tablets. Not so many know that he actually saw his God up there, or at least God's "back parts." Now, "back parts" are a 17th Century English euphemism for "buttocks." God mooned Moishe because any human who saw his front side would die of shock and awe, apparently.

And there's more, too, to the story, but it's rarely read from the pulpit. The two of them had a chat, and God offered up some other rules, sage advice and made some cool promises to Moishe. You should read it.

I'm not one to provide spoilers, though, so you'll have to read all this for yourself. I recommend the 17th Century English King James Version for this, due to its picturesque language and poetry-like diction. Here's a link, where you can get the whole story of this unlikely meeting. It'll only take a few minutes. It's just two short chapters from Exodus:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+33-34&version=KJV

[MattP]

1. You know the tribe went to war and split over the name Adoni or Yahweh

Adoni means no name because Abraham said to name him to cause conflict

[MineralMan]

2. I'm not a member of that tribe, though. That was a long, long time ago...

Apparently gods have multiple names. I use the one that comes to mind.

[MattP]

5. I'm not religious but do have a Hebrew name Ha Moisha, drawn from water or gift from water

Moisha means water

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Don't forget about El, the Canaanite god.

El was the original "god," who seems to predate and might not have been the same as Yahweh. Some scholars think Yahweh evolved from El; others think Yahweh took over as a specifically Israelite god, but initially didn't claim to be the only god.

The OP did make me wonder what The Buttocks Of Yahweh looked like.

[MineralMan]

4. Massive, I'd guess, but well-formed, no doubt.

Here's an artist's rendition, painted by Michelangelo:

[Igel]

6. It's nice that "back parts" meant "buttocks."

On the other hand, as is often pointed out, the Bible wasn't written in archaizing 17th-century English.

'Akhor can mean "backside" but it can also just mean "back." Along with all kinds of prepositional uses, just like "behind" and "back" in English. "Get behind me" doesn't necessarily mean "get buttocks me." When Obama was "leading from behind," he wasn't "leading from the ass." Even if the donkey is the (D) logo.


I actually rather assumed that this incident was routine knowledge. Then again, I keep forgetting that a lot of Xians don't ever read the OT (or the NT for that matter). One study looked at the Bible texts cited in thousands of sermons and found that Paul was often cited, verses quoting Jesus cited a bit less often, and when it came to the OT there were a limited number of texts cited. Most of those, not all that strangely, were actually cited in the NT.

(As for why Jesus-texts were cited less often than Pauline texts, the researchers helpfully and neutrally pointed out that many of the sayings quoted were found in the synoptic gospels ... Why quote the same bit 3 different times when you could satisfy the rhetorical requirements by picking either Mark, Luke, or Matthew's version?)

[MineralMan]

7. Did you see the Michelangelo painting upthread?

There is humor in all of this.