Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Tucker08087

(621 posts)
Sun May 10, 2020, 07:57 PM May 2020

This is another, but this goes toward my poetry about violence toward women.

Again, it’s written as lyrics, but I can pull out the repetitive parts if I publish as a poem. If you don’t mind giving your opinion, I would be interested in which stanza should be eliminated to make it poetry. (I kind of have my own ideas, but I’m curious to see how others see it.)

I don’t have a title yet....

Trapped inside a dark room with one locked door
Broken and bleeding on the cold hard floor
Sucking air in hard with ragged, jagged gasps
All that once was good, slipping from my grasp

There were two of us caught up in that nightmare
Screams of terror hang like thick fog in the air
Spinning quickly into madness from sweet reality
A one way ticket into horror and
You paid my entrance fee

Dead man walking barefoot to my execution
Praying with each step for some kind of absolution
Your paranoia of nonexistent persecution
Left little time or choice when looking for solutions

There were two of us caught up in that nightmare
A lifetime of destruction far beyond repair
Spinning into madness from sweet reality
Delusions clouded judgement so you couldn’t see
A hostage with a ticket for a trip
That was anything but free.

A fractured mind of someone I don’t recognize
Insanity reflected through distorted lies
Obsession had become something pathological
Cat and mouse hunting, the plan was diabolical

There were two of us caught up in that nightmare
Screams of terror hang like thick fog in the air
Spinning into madness from sweet reality
A one-way ticket into horror
And you paid my entrance fee
To my own slaughter.
Because nothing’s ever free.

2 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
This is another, but this goes toward my poetry about violence toward women. (Original Post) Tucker08087 May 2020 OP
It's hard to mess with someone else's creation. AJT May 2020 #1
Thank you! Tucker08087 May 2020 #2

AJT

(5,240 posts)
1. It's hard to mess with someone else's creation.
Sun May 10, 2020, 11:06 PM
May 2020

Trapped inside a dark room with one locked door
Broken and bleeding on the cold hard floor
Sucking air in hard with ragged, jagged gasps
All that once was good, slipping from my grasp

Dead man walking barefoot to my execution
Praying with each step for some kind of absolution
Your paranoia of nonexistent persecution
Left little time or choice when looking for solutions

There were two of us caught up in that nightmare
A lifetime of destruction far beyond repair
Spinning into madness from sweet reality
Delusions clouded judgement so you couldn’t see
A hostage with a ticket for a trip
That was anything but free.

Latest Discussions»Culture Forums»Poetry»This is another, but this...