A good friend of mine sent me these Senior Words of Wisdom:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

>> • Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
>>
>> • Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong gas blast away from complete paralysis.
>>
>> Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers: If you do find one, what’s your plan?
>>
>> • The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
>>
>> • Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
>>
>> • You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.
>>
>> . How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years while the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives over 200 years? So, rest, chill, eat, drink, and enjoy life!
>>
>> • If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
>>
>> • When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
>>
>> • I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
>>
>> • Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
>>
>> • We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
>>
>> • The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
>>
>> • When a kid says, “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
>>
>> • It’s weird being the same age as old people.
>>
>> • Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.
>>
>> • Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
>>
>> • If Adam and Eve were Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
>>
>> • We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.
>>
>> • You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
>>
>> • Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
>>
>> • After watching how some people wore their masks, I understand why contraception fails.
>>
>> • So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
>>
>> • Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
>>
>> • For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.
>>
>> • I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad’, and I know darn well Dad has no idea what’s inside.
>>
>> • Now that Covid has everyone washing their hands correctly…next week…Turn Signals.
>>
>> • Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
>>
>> • The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails.
>>
>> • There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
>>
>> • Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.
>>
>> • I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
>
>> • My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
>>
>> • Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.

Enjoy!

[Wounded Bear]

1. Some of those are absolutely hilarious!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Yes! Some of them really hit the funny bone! Glad you enjoyed.

[FalloutShelter]

3. That's a riot.

Thanks Peggy. I needed that.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My pleasure, of course! There are several here that really got me!

I needed them too.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

5. I'd tell these to somebody if I could remember them. And was around somebody.

[2naSalit]

6. Thanks for the laughs!

[patphil]

7. That was really funny.

I have an observation about old age. As you get older, the floor gets farther away. It must be true, because it takes me a lot longer to get down there, and also to get back up again.

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

8. Thank you Peggy, I shared these with friends too... nt

[yorkster]

9. These are all good - many of them are

absolutely hysterical. I want to call my sister and read them to her, but it's 11:30 pm. ....

Thank you 😊

[Diamond_Dog]

10. Upstairs ibuprofen and downstairs ibuprofen....

TY Peggy for these gems! Made me laugh!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. Thanks to all of you for your great responses! It means a lot and we all need to laugh!

I wish I could answer each of you but my evening prevents that.

Love you all!

[littlemissmartypants]

12. Thanks for sharing these CP. My mom would have loved this.

My first thought was that I wish she was still here so we could laugh together. It was a daily event for us to share conversation and especially laughs. I miss her so much. ❤️

[FuzzyRabbit]

13. Thanks, Peggy!

I can always use a laugh or two. Or three.

[IndyPepper]

14. Well played!

Say hello to California for me, Peggy. I lived there (Los Angeles) for six years and miss it terribly. Even people in Indiana, who normally claim to hate everything to do with California, asked me why the hell I moved back. (I'm from here and had family obligations)

[PortTack]

15. Thx for sharing!

[KS Toronado]

16. Thanks for the giggles Peggy! Some really good ones.

...

[Easterncedar]

17. I'm stealing this

>> • I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.

I feel so validated!

[Delmette2.0]

21. I am stealing it, too.

I will put some out on my FB page because so many things are sad or depressing or rude. We need a laugh, a giggle or just a smile for the day.

THANK YOU California Peggy

[JohnnyRingo]

18. Made me think of my ex-wife.

She seemed to start every conversation with "You haven't head a word I said".

[SlimJimmy]

19. Good one, Peggy.

[MacKasey]

20. These were excellent!!

I bookmark them to share with friends

[JudyM]

22. Too true: We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won't be offended

[Wild blueberry]

23. Good laughs!

Thank you.
My favorite:
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

[megapuzzler]

24. Thanks for the laughs

Definitely laughter is the best medicine.

[BOSSHOG]

25. I have ibuprofen on the ground floor

And ibuprofen in the basement.

[cachukis]

26. Someone paid attention.

[Croney]

27. Ha! I wore one of these to Zumba today.

[multigraincracker]

28. I turn 74 next week and

I don’t feel a day over 72.

[Basic LA]

29. Those are great!

So nice to be suddenly laughing unexpectedly.

[trof]

30. Ah...Peg!

You never fail to entertain.
Those are hilarious and I needed a good laugh.
Thank you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

31. Ah, my dear trof! I'm glad they made you laugh! I feel the same. And you're welcome! ♥