UPDATED: Old cats and breaking hearts

[hamsterjill]

Last edited Thu Jun 18, 2020, 12:10 PM - Edit history (1)

My old friend has passed, and I will miss him terribly.

Last night, he was less mobile and I sat with him for a long time. I asked him to leave so that his suffering would end and that he would be whole again. I asked him not to linger for my sake.

This morning, he ate only a small amount and I heard him cry out. I said a prayer that I’d be able to set a carrier near him and hope that he would go inside. He immediately did. We left for the vet’s office. He was calm and relaxed.

My vet is a great guy. He knew of the situation and the struggle I was having as we’ve been in contact about this guy for over a month. When I got there, they made some special arrangements to make the passing all the more peaceful, and I am grateful to have this vet and his staff on my team.

CJ is whole again. I am satisfied with my part in this. I loved him dearly and I will miss him very much. He will be met at the Bridge by the ones who have gone before, and who wait for me.

Momentarily, at least, there is a sense of peace. Blessings to all of you who love and care for these magical creatures. They steal our hearts and remind us every day of what is truly important and what unconditional love really is.






Full disclosure: this is a sad post. It may be that you don’t want to read it, and I would understand.

With all that’s going on in the world right now, I confess that I’m more emotional and sappy than I usually am, but I simply need to put some thoughts down in writing, and share with fellow animal lovers.

I’ve been doing cat rescue for about 30 years. Many have come and gone and left imprints on my heart, taking also pieces of my heart when they left.

I’ve been blessed in being able to take reasonably good care of the ones that I’ve rescued and weren’t suitable for adoption. They get good food and vet care and they live in a large enclosed area on my property - safe and climate comfortable. Because of the time that has passed, I have several really old guys in my care right now. I’ve lost many over the years and that has normally involved an illness with treatment until there was no further hope of quality of life, and then a final trip to the vet to make the suffering end. Tears and torment, acceptance, and then going on with life caring for the remaining.

But right now I have a situation that’s a bit different and it’s tearing my heart out. I have an old feral who is near death. I’ve had him since he was an older kitten, he’s lived a reasonably good life with me, but he has never become comfortable being touched. Some do because I’ve witnessed that, but some do not. This guy is one who did not.

Because of this, I opted to let him go naturally with the understanding that if he grew incapacitated or something, that I would take him for humane euthanasia. My vet knows the situation, and while I’m not sure he agrees with my decision, he has been supportive. The cat continues to eat, drink and move about, including moving away from me if I get too close. So he’s not incapacitated at this point. But I’ve got to say, watching him diminish has been one of the most painful things I’ve done in my lifetime. If I were to go out there and grab this kitty up, put him in a carrier and take him to the vet, it would traumatize him. I pray daily for a peaceful slipping away, and yet, he’s still here in the morning. I guess he’s not finished yet or else something keeps him here.

I argue constantly with myself over my decision, but I know the decision is the right one for this particular guy.

As I said, I just needed to get this out - off my chest so to speak - hopefully in a group that will understand. I promise that if I see him suffering (and yes I know cats can hide things, but I’ve been at this a long time and I know this cat) that I won’t ignore the suffering. I want to cuddle him and explain my decision to him, but he won’t allow that so I’m left with talking to him at a distance he’s comfortable with.

Fourteen years is a long time for a feral. I hope he’s had a decent life. I hope he understands. I hope he will slip away peacefully soon and I will Definitely cuddle him as I say goodbye.

Thanks for reading.

[tblue37]

1. K&R and thanks! nt

[irisblue]

2. 🕯️for your old boy.

He knows your voice, your scent, and your shared place. I agree with and respect your decision.

:

[hamsterjill]

7. Thank you very much.

n/t

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. I hear you.

I'm waiting for a call from the vet right now, to help me decide whether to say goodbye to my almost 17-year-old cat, the best cat in the world. He has cancer of the nasal cavity and over the weekend he really started to go downhill. He's still alert but I can tell he's not feeling very well - he barely eats (I don't think he can breathe very well while he tries to eat) and when he's not sleeping he's walking around anxiously, meowing as if he wanted me to do something other than feed him. Do I let him go farther downhill and gradually start to suffer more, or do I let him go now even if he could survive for another week or so? He's at the vet's office now, and unfortunately their COVID-19 procedures don't allow me to be there with him. I already said goodbye earlier in the car, waiting for them to take him in, and since he's friendly, loves people and isn't afraid of them he won't be scared without me there, but I'd like one more goodbye, for me if not for him.

I hope your feral guy passes peacefully, and I understand completely that you are reluctant to make his last hours frightening instead of peaceful.

It's so hard.

[hamsterjill]

8. I'm so sorry.

I’ve been there so many times and it never gets any easier. I’ve been there with the nasal cavity cancer, too, including doing the surgery. Each situation is unique and you know your cat.

I know...this COVID-19 issue makes it hard for vet visits.

I don’t presume to have answers, but if you have any questions about the cat that I had with the nasal cancer or the surgery, please PM me and I’ll be happy to tell you. Sounds like you’re going to have to make a decision soon, though, and you will make the right decision because you will make it with love.

Again, I am so sorry and I wish you and your kitty peace and comfort.

[Hav]

10. Yeah, I know that story too well. Cancer as well.

The decision between ending suffering and depriving the cat of the last relatively good days here and there on this earth. There is no good option that feels good. We weren't able to make that decision and were thankful when the vet decided it for us, calmly, without the need for any discussion.

Concerning the cat not eating enough, towards the end, I often fed mine by hand which made her eat more as she seemed to have problems with the usual dishes. At times, cats can feel sick when they have to lower their heads to eat or drink. That's why we bought one of those water fountains for cats.

[spinbaby]

4. Bless you for your care

End-of-life decisions are never easy, and your situation is doubly difficult.

[hamsterjill]

9. Thank you for understanding.

n/t

[mopinko]

5. be at peace w your path. it is right for you both.

his time will come.

you are a good person. you really are. i think that is why he is not in a hurry to leave.

[hamsterjill]

11. Thank you for your kind words.

Appreciate that.

[LiberalLoner]

6. K&R

Thank you for the care you provide to the kitties. 😍❤️🌹

[hamsterjill]

20. I get so much love back from them.

The ferals are the hardest because they see the others being loved and giving love and I think that deep down, they want to be the same. But they can’t allow themselves to trust. So, we provide a safe place for them and that has to be enough sometimes.

Thanks for your response.

[LiberalLoner]

26. You are a wonderful person doing a very hard job.

[hamsterjill]

27. Aw thank you, but admittedly,

I can be a real jerk sometimes. These kiddos help keep me grounded and help keep priorities straight.

[3catwoman3]

12. You have accepted him on his terms.

That must be difficult, as our instinct is to offer snuggling because we find it comforting.

Might the vet be willing to consider a hefty dose of a sedative that you could put in his food when you think the Rainbow Bridge crossing is imminent?

[hamsterjill]

13. The problem is that he's eating very small amounts at a time.

Something like acepromozine can have varying results.

Part of the reason that I wrote the post is because in all of the information available as to TNR and colony management, there is very little dedicated information to older ferals. As more people become involved in TNR, as it becomes more accepted, etc., ferals will have the opportunity to live longer, and end of life issues for them need to be a part of the discussion.

Appreciate your reply. Thank you.

[secondwind]

14. What a beautiful post!!

[hamsterjill]

21. Thank you.

n/t

[TygrBright]

15. I believe he understands. It's a tough loss for you both. n/t

[hamsterjill]

19. Thank you.

I appreciate your kind response.

[Karadeniz]

16. Your story is my story! We've led the same life! You're handling this correctly.❤

[hamsterjill]

17. Thank you.

I hope so. I question this decision every day but I think this is right for this particular situation.

Thank you for understanding.

[sinkingfeeling]

18. You are doing right. He understands. I had a little feral

that stayed within 10 feet of my house for almost 13 years. He was murdered by a roaming dog in 2015 when I was away from home. Someone else saw the dog kill him. It broke my heart that the only time I held him in my arms was to carry him to his grave.

[hamsterjill]

22. Oh, how awful.

I’m so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen.

I will take comfort in knowing that for 13 years, he was taken care of. In rescue, I see so many that have been tortured and abused. I’m always grateful when I know one has been cared for.

Hugs!

[applegrove]

23. Get some tranquilizer from your vet. Put it in his food. When he is out take him to

be euthenized. Cats, particularly wild ones, hide their pain. I had to put my cat Monster to sleep. He was hiding in pain as best he could but it was obvious he hurt. And steroids had not stopped him from losing weight so it was cancer we think. I could not afford exploratory efforts. I could not stand to see my great buddy in pain. He slept every night in my armpit. It was awful to let him go but more awful would have been days of suffering.

[bearssoapbox]

24. I think you are handling the situation the right way

My wife and I have been doing cat rescues since before we got married in 1983 and while the course you're taking isn't easy, in our experiences with the elderly or sick passing. Keep an eye on him and, from our experience, he'll let you know when it's time.

Just keep him as comfy as he'll let you and hopefully he'll let you touch or snuggle before he goes.

That's how we've done it and most of the time they have passed on our arms, on a lap, or on our bed as we laid with them.

To clarify, when they were in too much pain or the quality of life had greatly diminished, we did make the final trip to the vet. Look into seeing if the vet will give you a sedative to give him if you have to take him there.

I could go on and on but that's not what you need. Besides it's so hard to type on this phone with such small letters and looking through the tears.

A final thought.

Watch his eyes. I believe, of most of the animals I've ever had dealings with(humans included)a felines eyes, do allow to see who they are and how they feel. (Those Egyptians weren't stupid.)

Prayers and hugs to you both

[hamsterjill]

25. Thank you so much

First, thanks for your efforts to help these creatures.

I know what you mean about the eyes. I also watch how he sleeps. If he can sleep relaxed, I feel okay about him.

As I explained up post, he eats small amounts several times a day and he’s very finicky if I put anything in his food. I doubt I could get enough tranquilizer into him to be beneficial. I am doing some holistic things with him, including CBD oil.

I appreciate your insight.

[Boomer]

28. I look after some ferals, too

There's one feral in particular -- a dwarf cat that I've fed since he was a kitten -- who will let me get close, but absolutely won't let me touch him. He's in rough shape, but nothing that's fatal, and we continually weigh the trauma of capture against the benefit a vet visit could provide.

So far, we've always come down on the side of simply leaving him alone. He lounges in our back yard, comes up to the kitchen porch if he wants a special meal (he has full-time access to dry food), and will even sit peaceably next to us as long as we behave ourselves.

He's living the life he understands, on his own terms. The home life I want for him, the constant urge to pet him, the absurd fondness, well, those are my issues, not his.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

29. I'm so sorry, but it sounds like he passed peacefully.

The fact that he went into the carrier on his own tells me he knew you were going to take care of him. Thanks for all you do for these cats.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way."

[hamsterjill]

30. Thanks!

I love that quote. I’m saving it for future days. It speaks such truth. Who is the author?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

31. The author is Irving Townsend.

Here is the full quote:

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan. Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a wornout coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another."

I find it very comforting.

[hamsterjill]

32. Appreciate it.

It’s phenomenal!