It's been a year.
This time last year, I sat with my cat, Tony, as he journeyed on to the other side. It has been an interesting year for us, but there was a part that always seemed to be missing. When I got married, finally became legal in Oklahoma, in November, I was sad because Tony wasn't physically there. I did place his picture and ashes on the table of family photos representing those at the wedding who couldn't be there. Of course, had he been there, he probably would have jumped on the table and annoyed me by batting at the candles.
I cried everyday for at least two weeks, then it got better; I'd only cry every other day for another two weeks. I cry every now and again, but the pain isn't as bad. Of course, it didn't help for almost a month, Marigny, Tony's favorite pest, one of our chihuahuas, ran around the house looking for him, then crying when she couldn't find him. Sometimes, I could swear I heard his collar jingling. Each of our pets have a distinct 'jingle' from their collars, well, distinct to me, so I was hearing his jingle. A few times I swear I'd catch a glimpse of him; still do.
I just wanted to share my memories of the cat who came into my life when I met the love of life, and became a beloved friend, and whom I miss very much, even today. He was my "bad kitty; baddest of the bad!" That was the off key phrase I'd sing to him, while I held him like a baby. I think he hated both (my 'singing' and being cradled)! 
For those who have lost pets recently, it does get less painful, but the memories come back all the time...and sometimes, so do the tears.
My Tony, baddest of the bad:
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He was a very special kitty. Clumsy as hell!
What a handsome critter.
who always slept between my legs, I could "feel" her on me at nights for months; I would turn over very carefully not to disturb her. The crying of her sister while she looked for the missing one was even more heart wrenching than my own grief.
The gut-kick pain does get better with time, but we always have the memories: some make us smile again, some make us cry.
He was a very handsome boy. I love his markings.
Because like Tony, they just become a part of your life with their presence.
I went away one time for a job interview. I was gone for a week. When I came home, Tony wouldn't "talk" to me. He'd walk away from me when I tried to pet him or love on him. However, he also wouldn't let me out of his sight! I went to the bathroom and I see a little paw shoot under the door and hear him meowing. Soon as I opened the door, thinking the love embargo was over, he stood up and walked away! It was three days before he forgave me. LOL!
A song that I used to sing to Alex is in a commercial now, it affected me so that I wept in grief again, it has been 7 years. He is just past life waiting for me. 