My mom was a homophobe. I am a Dyke. Straights do not get this grief

[irisblue]

I am having trouble with expressing this.

Mom loved me but hated who I was for years, a dyke.

Straight people do not understand this

[Mister Ed]

1. No, we don't. No one who hasn't experienced such anguish themselves can fully understand.

I can see it and sympathize with it, but when my life is done I'll still never have felt it.

I can only wish you a life of abundance, a life filled with the love you've earlier lost.

[AllaN01Bear]

2. my late mom knew all along. but i did not dare tell my late right wing wacko dad this

. they divorced when he was caught doing some inpropriorty stuff.

[cate94]

3. True

I was disowned. Then when she needed me, allowed back in the family. It was years ago but it is still hurtful to think about. And as a recently recovering alcoholic, it pains me to not be able to talk about the impact of loved ones who voted for the fat orange blob. I started hitting the bottle hard because of my despair during that time. It isn’t an excuse, it would have become evident eventually but it did speed up the process exponentially.

[Laurelin]

4. No

I love my daughters, and son-in-law, and daughter-in-law. It grieves me that some people, through their own blindness, can't fully love and accept their children/siblings/ whatever. I have gay and lesbian friends who were rejected or disowned by their own families. Most of them find love and support from friends, and I hope very much you do as well.

Parents are human, and I'm sad to say that sometimes we are REALLY stupid.

[Midnight Writer]

5. A friend of mine was shunned by his mother when he came out as gay.

She didn't speak to him for years.

Now, she has Alzheimer's and he is caring for her.

And they get along great.

It took dementia to renew a mother's love.

[ggma]

6. My mother called me every thing in the book

But it wasn't because of anything I said; my sister outed me (more than once, to different people). I think she wanted to ease her own experience. Being the oldest, it was me; leading her astray. My stock answer to her became "prove it".

Twenty years later, she is in a nursing home and I brought her some of the lillies that grow around my house. She loved them. When I came back the next day, she was still enchanted, and told her they were called Naked Ladies. I leaned over and whispered in her ear " What else would a dyke have in her garden? "

She cried because that was her favorite taunt to me, and because it was the first time I had ever told her I was gay. Things were a little "softer" between until she passed away about a month later.

I received a LOT of family hatred in the eighties for quietly coming out; aunts, cousins and my own children.

I totally feel you, Iris.

gg

[The_REAL_Ecumenist]

8. Oh honey, your own babies?! What in the living hell? I am so sorry. I experienced many friends in during

the height of the AIDS pandemic being COMPLETELY rejected by families, often dying in the embraces of their "adopted" families made up of friends who truly loved them. How ANYONE could turn their backs on family, not to mention children rejecting their own mamas & dads due to their orientation is something I can't/ nor will ever understand. My Mom, SIL & my MIL are gone and trust me, if I could have just an hour to hug them, kiss them and tell them how much I love them... I don't get it. You have not only Allies here BUT family who'll be there for you whenever and however you need us to be.

[ggma]

9. Thank you so much - I didn't mean

to hijack Irisblue's thread. It kind of poured out.

I wanted her to know I understand. Trying to give the empathy that is so abundant here.

gg

[The_REAL_Ecumenist]

10. I didn't take it that way. Your children will live to regret shunning you, trust me, if they don't use a little

Last edited Fri Nov 10, 2023, 06:31 PM - Edit history (1)

common sense and understand that we only have 1 mama & if we're extra lucky, 1 dad. I've seen it time and time again. You've got friends here and a new patchwork of family, if you so desire. I just don't get it, especially when foks have parents who're honest & loving. I have a saying that goes like this:"What you do WILL be done to you..." and it's based on what I've seen be experienced by people in life. What goes around, DEFINITELY comes around, call it the LAW of the UNIVERSE. Hopefully they have children who do not judge and treat them the same way. Sometimes, we need a taste of our own medicine.

[irisblue]

12. Sweetie, you did not steal from me, you proved my point

🫂

I am sorry your egg donor was a rotter.

[SWBTATTReg]

7. This is why so many of us in the LGBT community do have our own 'families' and some of us (my other half did)

told off his family (by blood) after they have treated him so badly over the years that he didn't consider them his family and that his family was his extended LGBT family, of whom we have hundreds and hundreds of friends and members of. Make your own family. Celebrate your holidays w/ your LGBT family and live your life as you should. We've always have and it's been a joy.

[Dave Bowman]

11. The list of horror stories I've heard keeps getting longer.

Homophobia is a horrible thing...