My trans nephew has absolute shit parents.

[Not Heidi]

Myles is 17 and lives in Missouri with his parents, Myndi (my sister) and Travis. He's worked at McDonald's since the day after his 16th birthday. His parents take over half his income as "their right." They do not honor who he is. They dead-name him. They never supported him in school. They bitched about cheerleading being just another financial drain, never went to his concerts or games, didn't care when he graduated early and with excellent grades. It's clear to me that Myles was to them a later-in-life "mistake" (Myndi was 38 when he was born), and Christ, do they ever treat him like it.

Last night, after work (after midnight), Myles was driving a co-worker's car and wrecked it. After he called 911, he called his parents multiple times, but neither of them answered. He called continually from the ER for 90 minutes, and neither of them ever answered. The police were sympathetic and drove him home.

At around 4:00 am, Myles woke Travis to talk about what had happened. Du miracle, Travis was reasonable, and "actually said he was sorry and he wishes he could have done something." Piss-poor weak, but at least he didn't strike the young man. As they spoke, Myndi awoke and began screaming. (Myles didn't elaborate on the screaming, but I imagine she was pissed at being awakened and then pissed at the reason.)

This kid has been discounted, mistreated, used, beaten, and ignored by his shit parents all his life. He and I text daily, often marathons. I do everything I can for him from 1,800 miles away, but it's inadequate. He needs the presence of an adult who cares about him.

I've been trying to talk him into taking a trip out here for a week or two, but he is afraid to ask for time off from work. Also, his quasi-boyfriend, Michael, is afraid Myles will get hurt if he comes out here. I don't know what Michael is talking about.

He's moving out of the parents' house on his 18th birthday next February. It can't come soon enough.

Myles weighs heavy on my heart every waking minute - and sometimes I dream about him, his loathsome parents, and his impossible situation.

Thank you for listening.

[CountAllVotes]

1. My father charged me $50/week to live at home

I made $500/month.

It was cheaper to rent an apartment in The City!

So, I moved out as it was plain stupid to pay him rent and commute to San Francisco to live in the family home so I left!

[Not Heidi]

5. Jesus, what a jerk. What was his reasoning? n/t

[CountAllVotes]

14. He was an alcoholic for one thing

He needed that money to feed his jones.

It was not a great situation to say the very least!

[lapfog_1]

2. same sort of situation for my grand-niece.

parents were either shit or absent... trapped in her rural home with no friends and no future. She isn't trans... but is somewhere on the autistic scale so she needs a little understanding and attention.

I got her dad to send her to me to raise from 15 on... finished high school, lots of friends, off to college and doing better.

Her horrible step-mom divorced her dad and moved to Canada... and accused me of being a pedophile (with absolutely no evidence, just a MAGA thing to throw at a California based liberal).

At least her Dad doesn't believe the step-mom.

[Meadowoak]

3. Sadly, there are a lot of trans youth with very similar life experiences.

[Quakerfriend]

4. Breaks my heart to hear of kids treated like

this. - So glad he has you- no matter the distance.

Perhaps, he should apply to a college near you??

[LakeArenal]

6. Can he come live with you? Maybe his parents would rather be rid of him.

Petition the court for emancipation?

There are MacDonalds everywhere.

The young man needs some TLC.

[Not Heidi]

8. We've considered it -

we being my wife and sister (with whom we share a home) and I. It's problematic for a number of reasons.

But it's also my dream.

[LakeArenal]

9. 🙏🏻 🍀

[niyad]

7. Sending hugs and vibes for best possible outcome. Your DU family is here for

you and your nephew.

Please do whatever you can to have him come to you. I know you are anxious as it is, but please. Michael is afraid he will lose Myles, and is just freaking out. I am worried for you and fir Myles.

[Not Heidi]

44. Don't worry, niyad

That hurts you. Just think best thoughts for him, for us. We'll be aware.

[Timewas]

10. Maybe

He could look into becoming emancipated before he turns 18.

[Not Heidi]

43. He's studied that for the last two years.

I don't think he has the emotional stamina for it. He hasn't taken even the first step.

No matter. He knows he can depend on me for the duration.

[MLAA]

11. Sending you both good vibes and hugs.

[Not Heidi]

42. Thank you, MLAA. n/t

[Chainfire]

12. That is a heartbreaking story.

As a parent I can't imagine such cruelty. My "kids" are in their 40s now, and if either needed to come home they could live for free in a loving environment as long as they needed it. They know it. The interesting thing is that they have never asked us for anything after leaving home. My wife and I would give anything, up to and including our lives for our kids and would do so without a second thought or remorse.

[Not Heidi]

41. I wish his parents were like you, Chainfire

Best I can do is be like that to the farthest extent possible.

[Lonestarblue]

13. I will never understand parents who do not love and support their children.

It breaks my heart to see any child mistreated. I’m wishing Myles all the best.

[Not Heidi]

40. Thank you, Lonestarblue. n/t

[Katinfl]

15. Heartbreaking.

It is so great that he has you as a positive influence on his life. Many kids don’t have that so he is indeed fortunate. However, that does not excuse his parents. Honestly, they sound like trash. i feel for you and for him but continue what you are doing……it makes a difference. I certainly hope there is a way out for this young person down the road. He sounds like a wonderful person. God bless you both.

[Not Heidi]

39. Thank you, Katinfl. n/t

[Skittles]

16. he is almost an adult and will be free to leave

many of us have survived chaotic childhoods and it always helps to know someone is on your side....

[yardwork]

24. I agree with this post. Myles sounds like he's mature and handling things.

I would count on Myles being ok. Just my gut sense.

[Not Heidi]

38. I agree with your gut sense.

I think he'll be ok.

[yardwork]

45. I had meant to add - he's so fortunate to have you for an aunt!

I think you are giving him a bridge into a stable life, just by being there as a supportive, loving person in his life.

[Not Heidi]

46. Oh, god

You are so kind. Your words give me comfort. I do so hope I'm doing right by him. Thank you.

[Not Heidi]

37. And I and my entire family here in So Cal are completely on his side.

I can't wait until he can feel it in person.

[crud]

17. I was a family counselor for at-risk youth in a past life and...

99% of the at-risk youth had shitty parents, and/or shitty situations.

[Not Heidi]

36. Well, shit.

Sucks to hear that, but I'm not surprised.

[NullTuples]

18. So long as he can hang on for 11 more months, it will get better.

Given the horrendous anti-trans climate in MO & the likelihood that it will get much worse between now and the run up to election campaign season 2024, I'd strongly advise them to move out of state if at all possible when he turns 18. I'm sure they know the closest safe states.

I'd love to be able to say I'm shocked by what you told us (thank you, btw; it's never easy) but it's far too common among young queer kids. Myles is a strong young man to make it this far. Good for you, for helping him know he is loved.

[Not Heidi]

35. He is SO very loved

and he has told me he knows it. He once told me that he wishes he'd known me when he was younger; that I have helped him so much these last couple of years. He made me weep at that. He's a special young man.

[SpamWyzer]

19. The value

of aunts and uncles becomes extra clear in such situations. I thank you for your humanity and for being supportive of Myles. Into each life, a little rain must fall. But you are the sunshine that comes afterwards. Myles needs that light and warmth. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong and keep on.

[Not Heidi]

34. Such kind words, SpamWyzer

Thank you.

[Warpy]

20. Not much you can do while he's a minor

and even bringing him out to where life is a little saner is risky, although it would be enlightening for the kid to find out some of the rest of the country aint Missouri. The risk is that he might not want to go home and you'd be in hot water because he's a minor.

This time next year, when he's sprung from growing up jail, you can make the offer again.

[Not Heidi]

33. I plan to.

I do hope to see him before then, but I'm not optimistic.

[papa3times]

21. I didn't read anything about if the parents

were religious nuts. It didn't sound like it so if that is true at least he doesn't have to deal with that religious anachronistic worldview. Either way, he'll be out soon and that will be a good thing.

[Not Heidi]

32. His mother is a religious nut

(who smokes/smokes and drinks, but hey, who am I to judge?). I say she's a nut because she's all the time telling him he's going to hell. Mofo.

[Initech]

22. More minds destroyed by right wing propaganda.

Hope he gets the help he needs!

[Not Heidi]

31. I don't know his parents' politics

but it's clear they're non-thinkers, at the very least.

[3catwoman3]

23. There are parents, and then there...

…are irresponsible egg and sperm donors.

[Not Heidi]

30. That's Myndi and Travis to a T. n/t

[dickthegrouch]

25. Have him get in touch with PFLAG or the Trevor Project for additional support

Resource links are pinned to the top of this forum

[Not Heidi]

29. Great idea.

Thank you. I should've thought of that.

[SupportOurTruths]

26. A great new book

I am a long-time DU lurker. Though I haven't posted until now, DU helps keep me sane, and I'm truly grateful to all of you thoughtful people for that!

What prompts me to post now is that I want to recommend a book that was written by a trans individual who wants to help other trans-gendered people know that they are not alone. Perhaps more importantly, she also hopes to help others to understand the difficulties and challenges of being trans.....and hopefully become more accepting. She's also a friend of mine and a wonderful person.

IMHO, Bobbie Scopa gives a brave and honest personal account of knowing from a very early age that she was born in a body that was not her true gender. The book also documents amazing stories from her firefighting career.

The link:

https://www.amazon.com/Both-Sides-Fire-Line-Transgender/dp/1641608064/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1CJWZKT2L6EGV&keywords=both+sides+of+the+fire+line&qid=1680793058&sprefix=both+sides+of+the+f%2Caps%2C155&sr=8-1

[FakeNoose]

27. Welcome to DU

[SupportOurTruths]

28. Thank you so much, FakeNoose!

Maybe I'll start posting more!