As a straight person trying to educate myself

[Marthe48]

Does every person who is transgender have the feeling that having surgery to transistion is the primary goal? Can people be content with any steps they take to live in their identity?

I don't want to offend anyone. I have friends who are LGBTQ, in relationships or single. I want to be a better friend. I've always thought education was a good start

Thank you.

[unblock]

1. As a parent of a trans-daughter who is still figuring herself out,

It's mix and match on an individual basis.

Some don't want any medical intervention, some top only, etc.

Some want to alter their voice, some don't.

Some want are into all sorts of gender-specific clothing, makeup, activities, etc., while others are pick and choose or gravitate to neutral/ambiguous things.


At the end of the day, people are individual people, not representatives of certain categories.

[Marthe48]

4. Thank you for sharing your experience

I was traveling yesterday, just got to my tablet. My personal goal is to stop using any descriptions of anyone I know. I dropped indications of color, orientation, religion, age. Everyone is just people. I'm hoping I'll live to see a day when the news reports that a person was elected (hopefully the Democrat!) or a person was appointed, just appreciate that we are all people.

I wish you and your family good luck. I love all the teenagers I know, love watching them becoming people we admire and enjoy.

[unblock]

7. thank you very much and i agree, i'd love for everyone to get past the superficial differences.

well, race is a superficial difference; lgbt+ is more consequential, but in most cases actually is superficial in the sense that being lgbt+ is not the be all and end all of anyone's existence. most of my interactions with other people have absolutely nothing to do with anything lgbt+-related.

that is, i expect the restaurant staff to serve me a good meal, i don't need to know or care about their sex, gender identity, preference, etc. similarly for virtually everyone i encounter. it's none of my business unless they care to talk about it, and especially if i'm not considering an intimate relationship with them (and i'm now married over 21 years).

but, being treated as an individual is a privilege i have as a cis-het white male. until the learn i'm jewish, at least then i become a representative of judaism....

[gay texan]

2. I'm very glad you asked this question

This is how we come to understanding!

In my own personal experience:

My gender incongruity comes and goes and at times its background noise in my thoughts or it's full on alarm bells.

You could say that I've learned to live with it. Wearing clothes of the gender I feel deep down, calms the storm to a degree.

There are times that I would rather have female parts if I knew it would calm the storm down permanently, but it's a hell of a gamble.

I've read that some of us can "microdose" hormones to keep things under control.

My biggest fear I suppose of transitioning is acceptance from the outside world: that's my biggest personal hurdle.

This is not to say I'm miserable, I'm rather far from it. Once I learned that it was completely ok to be gay and ride the gender spectrum, I learned to love myself.

I dont know what the future holds, as the alarms get stronger over time. I hope this helps!

[Marthe48]

5. Thank you

I hesitate to ask people I know, because I don't want to be intrusive, or say something insensitive. I read a long time ago, that we all have male and female traits. Maybe some of us have more permeable access to our complete nature.

Thank you for sharing your personal feelings. It sounds to me like you understand yourself pretty well, and that is a big part of living a good life

[ga_girl]

3. For me - surgery would be nice, but for reasons that train has left the station

There are three major categories of potential surgical intervention. For transgender women, First would be a breast augmentation, Second would be facial feminization surgery, Third would be Gender Reassignment. No order is implied in this listing.,

None are >required< in order to transition.

With proper Hormone Replacement Therapy, most trans girls develop some about of breast growth. Whether or not they want a BA is individual preference. Breast are a major indicator of female status, so are highly desired by some. Facial Feminization Surgery helps to correct male bone structures to attain a more female presentation. Think of the typical heavy brow bone that men have, and compare to lack of same in women. The SRS (or whatever acronym you prefer) is not necessary, because how many people are truly aware of what is between someone's legs.

Cost is an issue. BA is probably $6,000 or more. FFS is on the order of $20,000 to $40,000. SRS is surprisingly inexpensive, $15,000 or so. (American pricing, medical tourism can be cheaper).

All this is individual preference, and to some extent luck of the genetic draw. It's a lot easier for someone who's 5'-4" to transition compared to someone who's 6'-0".

Age can be a major factor. It seems that as we age, we become less concerned about what others think of us.

Many of these issues can be addressed with early intervention. Puberty blockers to affect height and bone structures. HRT to develop female characteristics, which is more effective the younger one is.

Nitty Gritty time - I have not had any surgical interventions, although I live my life as female. I had a consult with a famous FFS surgeon and his proposal was in the range of $40,000. I had a consult with a famous SRS surgeon, and after discussion, he agreed that SRS recovery would be problematic due to my short arms. Since I'm 5'-4", size 9-10 shoe, women's petite clothing I pass very easily. Virtually no Adams apple, and was vocally gendered female from my early 20's.

ETA - I can't speak for transgender men, not fully knowing their issues. But I do know that Testosterone HRT can have a major impact on a biological female body.

[Marthe48]

6. Thank you for so much information

I'm going to bookmark this post for reference.


After I had a complete hysterecomy, in my 40's losing my hormones was horrific. I got a dr. who added a low dose of testosterone to the HRT I had. It made such a huge difference to how I felt. That's been many years ago and I don't remember why it was short term, but I wished at the time I could stay on it permanantly. The goal was different for me, but I had the experience of adding hormones to my body because I needed somethngm my body couldn't do.

[unblock]

8. we went through years of growth hormone for mini-unblock, she was hardly producing any

then she came out as a girl. sigh. we would have stopped much sooner, or might not have done it at all, had we known.

oh well, all you can do is what think best at the time.

fortunately, she's a happy kid overall. and not tooo much taller than the average young woman....

[Marthe48]

9. I am tall

From the Swedish genes in our family. When our daughters were very young, someone asked me if I wanted them to be tall. I said. "Sure. They'll be able to see the parades better!"

But seriously, taller people are supposedly more successful.

[Pete Ross Junior]

10. Gay man here, cis and also rather old.

This is a good thread and I wondered about this myself.

Thanks to all.