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Mon May 15, 2017, 03:18 PM

I'm something

Not sure what. But I am.

I recently... Came out? To my wife about it.

She totally supports me and that's a relief. But, I seek a better understanding of me. And I thought I'd talk with DU's LGBT group about it.

I'm a male. I'm attracted only to my wife, a female BUT...

I feel an immense confidence and pleasure in thinking of myself as female.

I don't want to wear women's clothes... Or do I?

I don't want to put on make up. Maybe?

But I feel EMPOWERED when I think of myself as a female. I first noticed it on DU in fact. When a user referred to me as a she. I didn't care to correct them because I thought, "damn right I am." And I smiled and felt good about myself. It went on from there. I haven't lied and told anyone I'm female online though. I don't want to cause trouble.

Today though, I find myself obsessed with being pretty. Like, I am really really interested in hygiene and beauty right now. Excited about it even. I want to do my hair and clean my face.

So... What do you think of this? I'm not gay, I'm not interested in men. But I even like thinking of myself as a woman when I'm with my wife.

So there it is. It's... Out there. :/

12 replies, 2421 views

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Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
Reply I'm something (Original post)
retrowire May 2017 OP
unblock May 2017 #1
retrowire May 2017 #2
LOL Lib May 2017 #11
unblock May 2017 #12
irisblue May 2017 #3
retrowire May 2017 #4
irisblue May 2017 #5
irisblue May 2017 #7
TygrBright May 2017 #6
retrowire May 2017 #8
LostOne4Ever May 2017 #9
uriel1972 May 2017 #10

Response to retrowire (Original post)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:26 PM

1. there's a name for what you are:

awesome.

don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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Response to unblock (Reply #1)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:29 PM

2. :) nt

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Response to unblock (Reply #1)

Mon May 22, 2017, 11:25 AM

11. You Rock!

This was a truly inspiring response. Thank you!


I'm a struggling female, so I am very encouraged when I see a response to an OP like yours. I hope to get the courage to do a thread about my search for who I am.

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Response to LOL Lib (Reply #11)

Mon May 22, 2017, 11:27 AM

12. i look forward to that

i'm sure you're also awesome!

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:31 PM

3. It is very okay to be nonbinary.

You are an intelligent soul, enjoy the ride.

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Response to irisblue (Reply #3)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:32 PM

4. Irisblue! :) Thank you.

Non binary is it called?

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Response to retrowire (Reply #4)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:41 PM

5. One of many names/terms. I honestly know sexuality&intimacy exists on a continuum

(Spelling on continium? ) Binary, like computer code, 0 or 1, implies only 2 choices/existences are available. Humans are more complicated and interesting. How & what you feel ~this day~ is not what you felt 5 yrs ago & may not be what you feel 5 yrs from now.
Keep your communication with your wife honest, clear & loving. Learn about yourself too.



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Response to irisblue (Reply #5)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:49 PM

7. Genderqueer might be a term for you to learn about as well. NT

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:42 PM

6. What you are, is cool. So is your partner.

Enjoy yourselves, be who you are, what you are, explore what you want to be. Be playful, try things out.

It's a whole 'nother world of love, once you're out of the binary box.

Recognizing you're not in that box anymore, stretching, looking around and saying, 'huh, cool... let's explore' with a partner who loves you and is cool on the exploring...

...that's about as lucky as you can get, I think.

So... enjoy.

Labels don't matter, although there are now many that describe various ways of not being in the binary box. If you want a label to help build your ideas about yourself around, pick the one that suits YOU, not the one that other people want to tack onto you.

There is a woman inside most men, and a man inside most women. We don't always get to be them.

encouragingly,
Bright

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Response to TygrBright (Reply #6)

Mon May 15, 2017, 03:57 PM

8. "we don't always get to be them"

What a poignant statement. I get to be more powerful, more beautiful and confident.

Thank you.

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 18, 2017, 01:11 AM

9. I experience the same exact thing

Last edited Thu May 18, 2017, 04:07 AM - Edit history (1)

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=#009999]It has many terms for it but I prefer to call it "CrossDreaming." It has also been called "female/male embodiment fantasies" by the author and transactivist Dr. Julia Serano.

It is usually called "autogynephilia" by the pyschological community, but I ENCOURAGE YOU NOT TO USE this term as it is a part of a transphobic theory.

Cross-dreaming can be considered a type of transgenderism under the most inclusive definition of the term transgender. Crossdreamers can be any sexual orientation and it is not uncommon for a MTF crossdreamer to be attracted to women. A REALLY GOOD SITE for more information about what you and I go through can be found here:[/font]

http://www.crossdreamers.com/

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=#009999]It also has a forum there in which I post under the name of Lost247365 called Crossdream life if you would like to check it out. It is pretty new and small but a good place to meet other crossdreamers like us: [/font]

http://crossdreamlife.lefora.com/

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 18, 2017, 02:44 AM

10. I'm in a similar boat...

Not interested in makeup or the "feminine" clothes, but very much feel a woman on the inside... screaming to get out of the wrong body.

Genderfluid... is one term I've heard that possibly comes close. eh YMMV.
Cheers
Uriel

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