I feel so betrayed.
I never knew there was something done to me down there. There were hints. Like when I went to a gblt friendly clinic for a yeast infection that seriously had me thinking of a fork to ease the itch when I had no insurance. The gym looked at me and gasped . I asked is it THAT bad? She asked if I had female genital surgery and I said I didn't think so,she dissapeared into a room came out with another doctor went in that room and was in there a good while. She came out said I had a yeast infection gave me meds and I left. My father made me swear never to get genetic testing And though my young years dresses were forced on me my mom and aunt forced me down to pluck my eyebrows my father would yell at me to "be a girl". All of this has made no sense until now. My mom was drugged up when I was born and I spent a month in a incubator sure I was premature but what else did they do. I'm a ftm transgender .I have been on testosterone now coming up on 6 years. I haven't grown down below. I have a nice goatee, a deeper voice I look masculine .but getting bottom surgery is not possible unless they can grow one from my own cells and attach it and hope it works
I think I was born intersex and they lopped off part of my clitoris because back in the sixties people were so godamn stupid when it comes to gender
I feel hopeless
= new reply since forum marked as read
That's ....wow. I wish I knew what to say to ease your burden right now, but I got nothing. But, if you've made it this far and this long as a transgender I'm guessing you're a pretty strong person. I'm betting that strength will get you through this too. Best wishes and positive vibes.
And a hug...
We are here for you, undergroundpanther
They were ignorant and didn't know any better what to do. Nor did most Drs way back when. By forgiving your parents, you can begin to rise above your feelings of betrayal. It's not like your parents one day decided to ruin your life on purpose. You can still live a happy, meaningful and productive life. You have so much to give the world. You have a good and loving heart, a good mind to make good decisions about how to shape your life. Fate dealt you a difficult hand of cards. I hope you can find some kind and loving people, an intelligent support group to help you find some peace of mind. Best wishes. 
The abuse that he inflicted on the world and those around him came out of his own suffering, hatred, and delusion. As a kid, I didn't much like my parents either. My parents grew up in abusive and neglectful families, and that's what and how they learned to treat their families. There was no one to teach them love, patience, tolerance, forgiveness. And I didn't learn it from them either. But I discovered, studied, and converted to Buddhism, where those qualities are advocated and practiced. The very first teaching of Buddha after his enlightenment was the truth of suffering. We are all of us suffering. And knowledge of suffering is supposed to help us feel compassion for all other sentient beings. My parents are dead, but I still pray for them if they were reincarnated as another sentient being somewhere. I pray that they were reborn into a loving family and have easy access to an authentic teacher of compassion and wisdom. Don't nurture negative emotions of hatred and resentment. Hatred makes us stupid and increases our own suffering. May you have happiness and the causes and conditions of happiness.
I'll just say that, if everyone you know has let you down, the last person who can be kind to you is yourself.
Good luck to you 
