Coming out as Bi soon?

[Kath1]

Never thought I would be here, but here I am. Had a little party with some friends tonight. Wonderful time. Everyone seemed to have had a good time. My one friend, a pediatric oncology RN that I have been friends with for a long time, stayed after everyone else had left. I'm 57 and she is 52. We're both divorced with children. We were sitting on my back porch talking about our lives and problems and we hugged each other. Then she kissed me, not a little peck on the cheek but a passionate kiss, and I responded with a passionate kiss with her. I have to admit, we were a little tipsy and stoned. We went back inside and caressed and kissed and listened to music. We partied a little bit more, laughed, had fun, and continued to kiss and caress. She is in my bed right now.

Jesus Christ! This is all I need. I'm facing losing my job right now and staying employed has been my focus. I had the get-together to take my mind off of that stress.

This goes all against my Catholic upbringing, but I am going upstairs to bed with a woman. Didn't realize it, but I must be bi.

[Half-Century Man]

1. It means rigid sexual roles are unnatural.

Welcome to the Monkey House.

[Smarmie Doofus]

3. +1

Talk about "getting to the heart of the matter".

[TygrBright]

12. Direct from the nutshell, yep. n/t

[marym625]

2. what are you doing on du?

Go have fun. It's not a marriage, it's sex. Nothing to worry about. Don't over think it

[Kath1]

10. Thank you.

TMI, I know, but I was partying pretty hard, excited and confused.

I have been extremely depressed and lonely since my daughter left and moved in with her BF. And my employment situation absolutely sucks! And I have come to face the facts - no man in his right mind is interested in 57 year old, physically and emotionally damaged goods like me. I wouldn't be, either. I've been close friends with this woman for over 20 years. Registered nurse, works with children who have cancer, very politically engaged. And she is also openly lesbian. I always admired her self-confidence, which is something I do not have. Last night was beautiful. We're shaking off the grogginess now and will be going to a fall music festival this afternoon. I love your advice. I am not going to over-think this. This is a beautiful Autumn day I will be spending it with a dear friend. I would love to have a "significant other" in my life right now. Just going to go with the flow and do what feels right.

[marym625]

11. good for you!

I know how hard it is to realize that sexuality is fluid. But it's a beautiful thing. Just enjoy. If it does become serious, it's still not something to flip out about anymore than any other relationship.

Don't do that about putting yourself down and elevating men above women. If you think you're worthy of a same sex relationship, which, of course you are, you're worthy of any relationship.

[Kath1]

16. Thank you for the kind words, patience and understanding.

Broke two of my own rules last night - don't post when you are wasted and don't post when you're freaking out. I was both. I thought about self-deleting this morning but didn't. Way too much personal information but I thought F it, I put it out there so I'll own it and take the consequences. Last night was a beautiful thing and I did enjoy. Closest I have been to someone in an awful long time. We went to a Fall festival today. Talked about last night, danced and enjoyed the art on display. Very nice and very cool. Feeling better than I have in a long time but this is totally foreign territory to me. Never thought I would be in a same-sex relationship, but here I am.

[marym625]

17. Very cool

And not tmi imho. Only thing that bothered me was saying you wouldn't blame a man for not wanting you. Fuck that noise!

Good luck!

[Kath1]

19. Thank you so much, marym625!

"Fuck that noise." I appreciate your reply and advice. I've often seen you post on women's issues and those posts are right on. Your support means a lot.

Thanks! Peace!

[Fearless]

4. Just be you and act how you feel is right

Don't worry about labels or what others think.

Be true to yourself and you will be happy, not just in love or sex, but in life in general.

[world wide wally]

5. We're not watching

Be you

[Spitfire of ATJ]

6. Americans have a notion that there is only the extremes. 100% gay or 100% straight....

It's NEVER been that way. Most people lie somewhere in between, favoring one or the other but for some it's equally both. I've known a few Bis back in the hedonistic 80s and they told me I was missing out on half of the population.

[LostOne4Ever]

32. ^This

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]And to add to that, there are some of us who aren't even on the gay/straight line at all.

Sexuality X representin' yo~!

[FormerRepublicanNow]

7. Did we really have to know?

What you do in the bedroom is your business, not ours. Nor the government's. Enjoy yourself, but make it a private affair.

[TygrBright]

13. ::ahem:: You DO know this is the "LGBT Group," right?

Sexuality and (frequently) its expression, its effect on our lives, the effects of its expression on our lives, and support for one another is sort of a big part of this group.

You never have to click on a post topic in this group, if that makes you uncomfortable.

Welcome to DU, enjoy your stay.

helpfully,
Bright

[FormerRepublicanNow]

15. This was on the front page when I replied

I believe it was trending. But I still don't know why people parade around their sexuality, it should be private between two people.

[LostOne4Ever]

30. It should be private and it should just between a person and their partner(s)

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]But that is not the way the world works.

As much as we wish otherwise, people go and make it their business. In most states it is perfectly legal to fire someone for being LGBTQ+ as well as to evict them. Two gay men holding hands and minding their own business can and do get assaulted. Others suffer "corrective" rape. Until this year, same-sex couples could not get married.

Not that long ago, people who weren't cis-heterosexuals were classified mentally ill. Some of us belong to sexualities/genders that are still not well known, and often dismissed as not being real or the result of abuse/illness.

Yet, recently a lot of that has changed and one of the biggest drivers of this change has been people coming out.

Coming out it raises awareness and shows people that sexual and gender minorities are not mentally ill or degenerates, but rather that LGBTQ people are just like everyone else. It removes the stigma which makes it harder to hate and commit violence against people minding their own business. It humanizes us and reduces violence against us.

It is important. And that is why we celebrate it. Especially yesterday, as it was Coming Out Day.

Maybe one day, our society will become enlightened enough to where our private business can remain that. But till then, there will be a need to parade one's sexuality as a way to fight ignorance and hate.

Since you are a former republican I hope this gives you a new perspective on LGBTQ people and the coming out process.

Anyway, welcome to DU. The threads on the front page lead to many different groups so try and make sure you check out the group you are in before replying if you are navigating from there. Otherwise you risk getting off on the wrong foot and possibly mistaken for a troll and either blocked from the group or zapped by MIRT (Malicious Intruder Removal Team).



PS: And as an Asexual, I would just like to add I wish Heterosexuals would quit parading their sexuality around me...but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon [/font]

[Kath1]

22. I never posted much in this group but I visited often.

Always impressed with the unity, love and thoughtfulness. Knew this would be the right place to go for good feedback. Thank you.

[marym625]

23. +10000

Some people will never understand what we go through. Lucky for them.

[Iggo]

38. Forget it. Not my place. (n/t)

[Lunabell]

8. TMI

Good luck with your confusion.

[Kath1]

9. TMI

Yes, I know.

[LostOne4Ever]

33. That seems a rather mean thing to say

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]What is she confused about? If anything, it seems like she found herself.

Maybe I am not understanding...[/font]

[TygrBright]

14. Enjoy!

Acknowledging and living truths is usually going to disrupt the tissue of "shoulds" we fold over our souls.

But in the long run, they breath deeper and we grow closer to the Divine when we clear away the "shoulds" and the beliefs and assumptions we've integrated based on others' expectations.

encouragingly,
Bright

[Kath1]

18. Thank you for your kind words.

The "shoulds" and religion and teaching and everything else drilled into my head from day one went out the window last night. Wish I hadn't been in a stoned and drunken state, but it would never have happened if I hadn't been partying. This feels right to me now. Don't know how old you are, but aging and alone can be a very scary place. I like having a "significant other." If that person is of the same sex, so be it.

Thank you for the encouragement, Bright! Way TMI, I know.

[TygrBright]

20. I'm no spring chicken.

I can tell ya where I was when JFK was assassinated-- that and the Cuban missile crisis were some of the first "important" things I remember about being an American. Oh, and "duck and cover" and lining up for my polio vaccine...

And I pretty much always knew I was abnormal and deviant when it came to sex, because all the stuff I was told made NO fucking sense to me, at all. I was smart enough not to say so until I was a lot older, though. But my first sexual experience was with another girl. I had nothing against boys, though, caught up with them later.

I never, ever 'got' the whole "whether you think someone's sexy and you'd like to get jiggy with them depends on what shape their naughty bits are" deal. Seemed to me everyone had all the basics they need to love anyone/everyone else, so what was the big deal about which particular equipment any particular individual had?

Back then, that made me pretty "sick," though. I sure as hell wasn't straight, and the lesbians of the era wrote me off as 'not one of us,' and I just had to muddle through on my own, figuring out that something- some kind of switch, or hook, or whatever- got left out of me, somehow.

Wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I realized I was the lucky one.

I've made up for lost time, though.

So can you!

happily,
Bright

[Kath1]

21. Very cool, TygrBright!

We must be about the same age. I remember JFK. I was 5 years old. One of my first memories. Polio vaccine, too.

Perhaps, at age 57, I'm starting to make up for lost time. The very real prospect of going into old age all alone scares the shit out of me. I love sex, but that is secondary to companionship and having someone to love and care about. My parents are elderly, my daughter has moved out and I just want a little love in my life.

[marym625]

25. don't confuse love and sex

Just be true to your feelings

[marym625]

24. I'm just a tad younger than you

I was 5 months old when JFK was assassinated.

I couldn't accept the feelings I had for other women. I would just bury it deep and thought to myself, "everyone thinks these things and just doesn't talk about it." I was in my late 30s before I heard a voice screaming in my head "YOU'RE GAY!" and it wasn't until I was in my very early 40s I did anything about it. But, like you, I made up for lost time

I went from thinking I was 100% straight, to thinking I was a died in the wool lesbian, to finally realizing I'm bisexual.

I've also been told I'm a liar, I just can't accept myself, I can't be a lesbian because I'm too pretty, blah blah blah blah.

That Irish, Catholic, suburban upbringing sure fucks with your mind.

[TygrBright]

26. Irish & Catholic is one of the Patriarchy's most powerful combos, I think.

I got that on one side of the family, too. It's partly because the Irish strain of Catholicism had a lot of Janesenist influences in it, and developed a strong bunker mentality with political overtones as a response to English occupation and persecution. Very tribal, Irish Catholicism. Very controlling and dualistic-- there were two approaches to everything, the (Irish) Catholic way, and the WRONG way.

But pretty much all the religions that had any real influence in North America (except Native American spiritual practice, and that had a pretty narrow influence, and operated 'underground' even there) were essentially tools of the patriarchy. As such, it was necessary for them to control women by defining us, our roles, and our sexuality, very rigidly.

In the 60s and 70s when lesbians began to find their voices, they were only marginally welcome in both the feminist movement and the gay pride movement, so there was a strong element of "identity enforcement" needed for empowerment and cohesion. I couldn't go there, either, though some women I love very much did.

I *understand* the role of gender, sex, and identity in politics, it just never was much of a fit for me. I'm very, very grateful to those who fought the hard fights that made it possible for me to be more open about myself now, though. Those were important fights undertaken by brilliant and passionate and powerful people, and I honor them.

appreciatively,
Bright

[Kath1]

28. Excellent and intelligent analysis!

I honer them also, my sister!

Irish & Catholic is one of the Patriarchy's most powerful combos, I think. Yes, and so damaging to us. The Patriarchy need to end for the good of us all.

[marym625]

35. +1000

Well said! Thank you for this. Something everyone should read

[Kath1]

27. Right on, sister!

I heard that same voice screaming in my head last night - "She's telling you she loves you! Do this!" And I am so glad I did.

"That Irish, Catholic, suburban upbringing sure fucks with your mind." - Right on. It certainly fucked me up. All that fucking guilt. Ugh. Got to get rid of it. Now and forever.

Peace, marym625! And my utmost thanks!

[Kath1]

29. I wanted to self-delete my original post.

"Too much information, way too personal." I just said fuck it. Let the shitstorm begin.

I came here to the LGBT Group for some advice and support and I got it! Thank you! I'm happy. I love it.

PEACE AND LOVE!!!

LOVE = LOVE!!!

[LostOne4Ever]

34. I didn't think it was TMI in the least :) (nt)

[marym625]

36. yeah, some people don't get it. Don't worry about it

I'm glad we could help, if only a little.

Rock on!

[Kath1]

42. I've had a few days to think about this and talk with my partner.

I never thought I was 100% straight. I had attractions both ways but went the heterosexual route. And I don't regret that. My life is changing so much right now as far as my insecure employment and taking care of elderly parents that my head is spinning. This person has been a great friend, someone I love, for over 20 years. We are just adding the lovemaking. Everything else is the same. Makes us closer. Relaxes me. The only thing different is the physical part. And that is no big deal to me at this point. I like sex, but at 57, friendship, loyalty and love come first.

[marym625]

44. the sex part is just as important in a loving relationship

Imho anyway

Glad you two found each other.

[Kath1]

45. Thank you for the kind words and support.

I always thought sex was important in a love relationship, also. Same-sex sex is new to me but feels very natural. I love it.

We sort of "found" each other after 20-some years of friendship. Just a much deeper and physical relationship that I am hoping lasts a long time.

Again, thank you for your support and understanding.

[LostOne4Ever]

31. It is my understanding that most people are Bi

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Regardless, I hope all goes well and congratulations on discovering a new part of yourself and coming out to us!



Interestingly enough, yesterday was National Coming Out Day.[/font]

[marym625]

37. oh phooey! I forgot

[Kath1]

39. Wow!

I did not know that!

"Interestingly enough, yesterday was National Coming Out Day."

That blows my mind! I'll take it as a good omen!

[Kath1]

40. Thank you.

I've thought about this seriously the last few days.

I'm going with it. Just felt/feels right to me now. I'm nervous, happy and a more than a little excited!

[Zorra]

41. Congratulations! Your chances for a date just doubled.

Have fun!

[Kath1]

43. LOL! Love it!

Thank you so much, Zorra!

My chances for a date just doubled but I have a "significant other" already! And I could have a few more tomorrow if I wanted, bur I don't.

Damn! Oh, well, 57 is way too old for the nightclub and web dating scene.

I will have fun! Peace!

I love your posts! Seen you here for a long time and I appreciate your support.