So there is this man who goes to my Buddhist group who has been expelled

[Maraya1969]

from at least one Christian church and spoken to at at least one other about his behavior toward women.

He is one of those types that quarters off a woman from the heard and then talks her ear off and follows closely and would have sex with her if he could ever get her to have sex with him but he can't. He is a 40 year old virgin.

He also has Traumatic brain injury. He can speak fine and some of the other things that he used to do, (like write obsessively in his journal) he has stopped because I have gotten on his case about

The issue is when I found out he was kicked out of this other church yesterday because, (according to him) "some of the women have had bad experiences with men and I saw with them when I wasn't supposed to"

I kind of blew a mini fuse. Others seem to think he does not know what he is doing and they give him a big pass and I think he damn well should know what he is doing and he should cut it the fuck out.

Of course I am one who he cornered when I first came around. I am also a survivor or sexual abuse.

How do you find out how much of a person's behavior, 'he can't help" and how much is just serious self centered-ness or even using his disability as a means to get away with what other people would not get away with?

[Tobin S.]

1. He knows what he's doing and he's probably not a virgin.

Keep your distance.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. If I were you I'd just avoid him as much as possible.

Maybe some of his behavior is due to his injury; or maybe he's just a jerk. Either way it's not up to you to determine what's wrong with a guy who creeps you out. Trust your instincts and stay away; if other people want to cope with his behavior let them do it.

[marylandblue]

3. There is really no way to tell what he is fully conscious of

And it doesn't matter. Just like with a child. The group leader or other authority figure needs to make clear to him what the behavioral expectations are and what the consequences of misbehaving are, such as being suspended for a day for first offense, for a week on a second offense and finally expulsion. If you don't want to expel him, then the final consequence could be that he will be chaperoned at all times.

[Laffy Kat]

4. He can have a brain injury and also be a jerk.

People with BI's can still learn and he needs to know that his behavior is unacceptable.

[Maraya1969]

5. This is what I am thinking, as opposed to others. He has learned not to

constantly pull out his journal and write in it after I got on his case just for a couple weeks. He has learned other things too.

But if I hadn't said anything he would still be doing this things because others just don't confront him. It is beyond frustrating that I feel like I am the one left holding the bag when it comes to reigning this man in

[Laffy Kat]

6. I had a BIL that had a TBI and would say extremely inappropriate things.

His mother, my MIL, would just laugh nervously every time he did it. I finally took her aside and told her that if she didn't re-teach him what is socially accepted again, that I would correct him in public.

[Maraya1969]

10. Did he get better?

[Laffy Kat]

11. If he did I never saw it.

But actually, we saw less and less of that side of the family and I finally divorced my husband. I never got along with any of them. It was ex-hubby's father, step-mother and step-brother. They were also extremely involved with the Colorado Republican Party and all around assholes.

On edit: Ex's step-mother and Mrs. Tom Tancredo were close personal friends. Need I say more?

[marylandblue]

7. What about the other women he has harrassed?

[Maraya1969]

9. I don't know them. I just know that in at least 2 churches, (he goes to various religious

organizations which is not bad in itself). I was told one of them had to talk with him about his behavior and the other he chose to tell about on Sunday. And that was he was expelled from the church because, as he put it, "some women are damaged from past abuse and I sat next to them when I wasn't supposed to"

Well I think that is a bag of shit. You don't get kicked out of a church because you sit in the wrong place. He must have been doing the same type of stalking thing he did with me where his whole intent was to get to talk to you away from the group and then he would just talk on incessantly about his writing. (Yes he did not talk about sex but his behavior was predatory even so and, at least with me it turned into his wanting to go out with me and me having to firmly say, "NO" because he was not getting any social hints)

[Dave Starsky]

8. Maybe you should just stay away from him. N/t