If there's anything I hate, it's a smart-ass machine

[First Speaker]

OK. I have a new microwave. My old one would just do what the hell you told it to do. If I wanted to defrost a burger from the freezer, say, I'd just set it for "defrost", hit five minutes, and it would damned well defrost. Now, if I hit defrost--after, of course, hitting "time setting", or whatever the hell it is--I have to use a different button for each weight, and halfway thru it beeps. "Turn", the lettering on the screen says, and it keeps damned well beeping until I *do* turn it. Even if I'm perfectly happy with the position it's in, I have to "turn". I don't tell it what to do--it tells *me* what to do. And when it's done at the end, another beep--"end". It doesn't just goddam stop and shut up. It orders me to open the door, and keeps beeping until I do. No one can tell me that the damned thing isn't sentient--and malevolent...

[BlueJazz]

1. I welcome our new Republican Microwave Oven Overlords....built by Koch industries.

You think the microwave is annoying. The clock I bought from them also says (at 3:00 AM) "Turn Over..NOW!"
I share your grief.

[pinboy3niner]

2. Now all you need is a watch that periodically tells you to call your mother

[BlueJazz]

3. She doesn't speak to me now that I've bought something from the Koch brothers.

"You're not my Son, you traitor"

[patricia92243]

15. As a mother, I think that is a wonderful idea :)

[Jokerman]

4. "Please open and close door"

That one annoys the hell out of me. If I put something in the microwave and wait more than a minute to hit "Start", the damn thing makes me open and close the door again before it will work.

I guess that's to make sure I didn't leave the baby in the microwave or something like that.

I also like the message at the end, "Your food is ready". Short of a temperature probe, it couldn't possibly know if that was accurate.

[Populist_Prole]

5. I know what you mean

My microwave looks good and works like a champ, but like yours, is a royal pain in the ass to properly use the defrost feature to its intended effectiveness. Way too much button pushing and trying to figure out weight etc.

To defrost, I just run it at 30 percent power for say, 5 minutes, re-check, repeat as required.

[hunter]

6. Overly complicated automobiles, televisions, "touch screen" anything...

... I have a long list of technology I hate.

The radio in my wife's car is the worst. It's got a dozen buttons, but only one knob that does multiple duty as a volume control, tone control, left-right-fade, front-back fade, and tuner. Then you can set it up to match each driver's preference based on the rfid chip unique to each driver's key, or by manual selection using the station preset buttons, and so on and so on and so on...



There's no way in hell I'll ever bother with any of that crap just to listen to the radio.

[Yavin4]

7. "Open the pod bay doors, please HAL"

[underahedgerow]

8. Ilike NOBS on the microwave. In fact, I like ONE effing nob.

I've spent days trying to get those button, touch screen things to work.

Gimme a nob dammit.

Kill the machine!!!!!!

or at least take it back and get a different one.......

[Taitertots]

9. Two knobs. Power and time.

No more than Four power settings.

It's just so much easier. I don't have to tell my stove what I'm trying to cook to make it work.

[csziggy]

10. That's why I bought the cheapest microwave on the shelf

It's very basic - doesn't even have a "Popcorn" button - and does only what I want. No matter what I tell it to do it beeps three times when it's done. That's it, three beeps only.

It was listed at $50 and was on clearance for $35. My criteria were that it have a door handle (no button or lever to press to open the door with some curved piece of plastic that's hard to grab), and a keypad arranged like a telephone pad. This one, the cheapest one there, was the ONLY one that fit my requirements!

[pinboy3niner]

11. GREAT point about a door handle!

Definitely better than a push button!

[csziggy]

12. Well, I went through years when my hands didn't work right

Even after having both hands operated on, there are still days they hurt and don't want to work. So everything in my house is designed as if I will someday become unable to grab properly - leaver door handles, faucets, etc.

For similar reasons the entire downstairs is wheelchair accessible and the house could easily be adapted if I were permanently wheelchair bound. It made it a lot easier to deal with recovering from knee replacements!

Since I plan to die in this house, I want to be able to stay here no matter how decrepit I get!

[Cheese Sandwich]

13. Better than a smart ass-machine though

[pinboy3niner]

14. Thankyou for not posting a photo

[denbot]

16. That Microwave is looking to get "Office Spaced".

Just saying..

[The Second Stone]

17. Smart ass machines aren't as bad as Illinois nazis

I hate Illinois nazis.

[Initech]

18. Have our microwaves become self aware?

[astral]

19. Yes.

The Internet Of Things (IOT). Smart meters. Smart homes.

Why are we supposed to want all this? Drones that can make a decision when someone has to be killed. Google cars that drive themselves, and only crash when they run into other humanpronetoerror drivers. (Poor humans!)

There is so much more planned and already in place than we even know.

I know, this topic is about a not so dumb microwave.

[Califonz]

20. I feel like I'm stuck in the Dark Ages...

My microwave can't automatically take a photo of what I'm cooking and upload it to Facebook!