The Definitive and Final Ranking of All 50 States
https://www.yahoo.com/travel/the-definitive-and-final-ranking-of-all-50-states-122796477147.htmlMy state was ranked 15th, not bad. Here are the top 10 and the bottom 10:
10. Colorado
Colorado has life figured out to a degree that is somewhat frustrating for outsiders. Gorgeous hiking in the summer and skiing in the winter that offsets the caloric excesses that accompany the state’s position as one of the foremost craft beer-loving, munchie-having states out there. Hurting its ranking? Fake-nice guys with distressingly in-shape calves who’ve been working as part-time ski instructors for the past decade while depleting their trust funds after failing out of Boulder.
9. California
You probably thought you’d be higher, didn’t you California? You just assumed because of all your formidable cities to eat/drink in, and your pretty highways jutting out over cliffs, and your hockey team named after a Disney movie about a hockey team that you’d just walk away with the ranking, right? You figured because you have world-famous celebrities like Ethan Embry, Tyler Posey, and Jake Busey that we would just succumb to the tidal wave of collective talent and throw you in the top spot? You think because we want to drink all your delicious craft beers and dip our fries in the burger spread from In-N-Out and eat Mission burritos while listening to claymation California Raisins sing Motown music that we’d just give it up so easily, like Julia Roberts does in that movie about your history where she drives a Lotus to a hotel room then doesn’t kiss Richard Gere JUST TO MAKE A POINT ABOUT LOVE?
Well, we’re sorry. Your expansive land mass coupled with your anger-inducing 2:30 p.m. traffic jams, weird subcultures of people vain on the outside (Hollywood) and on the inside (Silicon Valley), and potentially apocalyptic future have to be factored in. Now please tell us you’re not out of avocados.
8. Washington
Did you know there are temperate rainforests in the state most often confused with a district very far from it?!!? Or that it’s the largest producer of both hops and spearmint oil?!? Or that Seattle would be the greatest city in the U.S. if it didn’t rain for 10 straight months and Seahawks fans would occasionally just chill out and stop yelling, and you could just take those ferries Meredith Grey uses in that show about her body parts all the freaking time? Well it would. Also, according to that book Boys in the Boat, its crew team beat Hitler or something.
7. Minnesota
Lakes are easily top three in the “Types of Bodies of Water, Ranked” story that’ll probably be written in a week or so. Since Minnesota has 10,000 of them (or at least CLAIMS to), that’s a good place to start, even if Los Angeles jacked their on-theme NBA team. Its people are generally too busy trying to stay warm to be rude to anyone, its burgers are often stuffed with molten cheese, and its summers are as legendary as Gordon Bombay would have been if that jerk coach hadn’t been so mean to him in pee-wees.
6. Hawaii
Once you unpack the complicated racial tension caused by the U.S.’s unlawful annexation of the island and exposed by that one beach scene from the seminal Hawaii movie of our time (Blue Crush), you come to realize that most people wish they were the ones that grew up here. Of course there is that beauty, the nearly obscene mix of volcanoes and beaches, and beaches made out of old volcanoes. Then there’s the food, everything from saimin and malasadas (thanks Portugal!), to poke and plate lunches. And now, thanks to Israel Kaanaoi Kamakawiwo'ole, everyone has heard a much chiller version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” at a wedding. All told, Hawaii remains America’s version of that cooler cousin who knows how to surf, and teaches you complicated swear words.
5. Louisiana
My nephew is under the impression that all people from Louisiana are actually just alligators dressed in bayou-ready attire speaking with Cajun accents, but my nephew is also 3 and likely wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume RIGHT THIS MINUTE. In reality, very few alligators in Louisiana speak.
More to the point, we all know the high regard to which we hold the food and drink culture of New Orleans and the rest of Louisiana (thank you for Tabasco, po-boys, and cocktails), but aside from that, the wharves of New Orleans were where craps was invented in the early 19th century, and the term Uncle Sam allegedly started when Louisiana was a U.S. territory, and dockworkers would mark goods from the States with a “U.S.” and say they came from “Uncle Sam.” Also, there’s a 900-ton bronze statue of Shaq dunking on fools at LSU. I’d like to hear what the alligators have to say about that.
4. Wisconsin
Any state that loves beer enough to name its baseball team after it and loves sausage enough to make anthropomorphic versions of it race during said baseball team’s games has its priorities well established. Wisconsinites must chuckle at the notion that a bar focusing on fine ales, house-made charcuterie, and artisanal cheeses can endeavor to position itself as trendy – beer, cheese, and meat – really reinventing the wheel there, everybody! Milwaukee’s a sneaky, underrated big city and Madison’s properly rated as one of the finest college towns in the country. Step by Step was an underrated TGIF sitcom. On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin, indeed.
3. Kentucky
Things that are really important to Kentucky: making all the good bourbon, drinking all the good bourbon, drinking all of said good bourbon while wagering on horse races, eating open-faced sandwiches that are covered in an irresponsible amount of liquid cheese, making peace with sleazy basketball coaches you’d otherwise dislike because Ashley Judd needs something to root for, dammit. All things considered, Kentucky has it pretty figured out.
2. Maine
Maine is so hot right now. Both literally, because it’s the summer, and in a more metaphorical sense, because Portland has become the new Portland, and food journalism is entering its hipster/nostalgia phase, in which it has become recently very cool to rediscover old places that have been doing the same damn thing forever. And outside of Portland, that is Maine. Mainers don’t give a damn about your trend forecasts, they’re just going to keep naming their children “Wade,” selling L.L.Bean backpacks to middle schoolers, using the term “down East” to mean South, and hilariously calling ham subs with American cheese “Italians.”
And we haven’t even scratched the surface on its borderline monopoly on the high-end lobster supply, its delicious blueberries, or the fact that it has literally thousands of islands you don’t even know about where dudes named Wade are probably eating lobsters and drinking Moxie as we speak.
1. Michigan
Far too much of the Michigan narrative centers on Detroit and its many issues. The Motor City’s become a scrappily rising underdog you can’t help but root for, but Michigan’s greatest strengths lie in the state as a whole. Did you know Michigan has more coastline than any state other than Alaska? Did you know it has such an embarrassment of beer riches that you can easily hit Bell’s and Founders in the same afternoon? Did you know the UP is so remote and uniquely beautiful that it almost feels like a secret 51st state where they inexplicably love British meat pies? Did you know most residents are more than happy to apologize for Kid Rock? If you answered yes to at least three of these than you already understand Michigan’s charms. If you answered no to these questions, you should listen to the dulcet tones of Michigan tourism pitchman Tim Allen and get yourself there immediately.
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50. Florida
When putting together a list such as this, there can be some temptation to defy popular expectations, and go against the grain. However, Florida’s awfulness resume is so staggeringly impressive that it couldn’t go any other way. You were born for this. Embrace it.
49. Delaware
Dogfish Head, one of the most enduring jokes from Wayne’s World, and… that about covers it. Even people from Delaware don’t really fight back all that hard when you make fun of Delaware.
48. Ohio
Getting LeBron back only further cemented its position as the Florida of the North.
47. Arizona
The inevitable answer to any question that starts with, “Where do those nice retired people we met on that river cruise live?”, AZ is also home to golf pros playing the Web.com Tour, and college students whose parents don’t seem to mind paying down the credit card balance on tribal tattoos. Though the unmitigated beauty of its canyons and deserts is well known, the northern part of the state actually holds the largest number of ponderosa pine trees in the world, a fact that would hold more sway in the ranking if they weren’t completely useless as Christmas trees.
46. Utah
To this day Utah is still amazed it managed to host the Olympics.
45. Mississippi
The only state children actually use in counting games is like a John Grisham book, but Jake Brigance has to quit his lawyer job to work on a catfish aquaculture farm in Yazoo City.
44. Connecticut
Inventing the cheeseburger, the can opener, ESPN, and Rick Mahorn can only get you so far. Also, we’re subtracting points for John Mayer and warm lobster rolls.
43. North Dakota
Chuck Klosterman is currently preparing a 3,000-word essay detailing why playing the Queen song “Tenement Funster” off their Sheer Heart Attack album during the second season of the show Hang Time proves that the forthcoming statement is incorrect, but it’s true: North Dakota is the lesser Dakota.
42. Missouri
Let’s just say the rest of the country is REALLY enjoying the Cardinals being embroiled in a massive cheating scandal right now, which speaks to how sanctimonious they’ve become. Take note, Royals fans, even though the whole thing with most of Kansas City actually being in Missouri is frustratingly confusing for everyone else. Also, when you have a special type of cheese that is only made for your special variety of pizza and isn’t used anywhere else, that is a sign that it’s not very good cheese. Good ribs though!
41. Nevada
If a guy tells you he is from Vegas, he’s either a mediocre street magician or a budding baseball phenom. If a guy tells you he goes to Vegas all the time, you should probably think twice before trusting him. And if a guy tells you he goes to Reno all the time, you are either about to be murdered or given the hard sell on some discounted irrigation equipment. Great buffet values though!
40. Nebraska
Where your grandpa gets his mail-order steaks, and where the good citizens see a football coach and say “now THAT guy should be in Congress
= new reply since forum marked as read
It is too hard to rank exactly. I have positive feelings/memories/associations with all of these states.
on edit: They weren't in exact alphabetical order. I did that too quickly. But now they are.
From living in Maine. 
I have no idea how I stand it, since I hate the snow, especially when it comes to driving. They say you get used to it, but I still dread it.
As for Letterman, I'm a huge fan, too. I did make it there once (I'm in Northeastern NY, explains all the snow) to be in his studio audience, January 2008 and it was also very cold. I always liked Dave, but he was even better in person. We had great seats, fifth row, right in front of his desk. And he couldn't have been nicer, took questions from the audience beforehand and even came out after the show to thank us for coming. After 30+ years, he really didn't have to do that, but he did. His main guest was Dr. Phil, LOL, but that didn't matter, Dave was just the best. 
He makes fun of his own looks, but he's really quite slender. But the thing I really noticed, and several guests have commented on, is how cold it is in the studio. Granted, it was January when I was there, but it was pretty chilly inside, too. Dave must run hot, or something. When the cameras weren't on him, he took his jacket off, while the stage hands who were there inside working were actually wearing parkas! 
Another thing I really appreciated about Dave in his later years was that he was comfortable expressing how he really felt about things - and people. Unlike Jimmy Fallon, who seems to fawn over everybody, Dave had his favorites - and least favorites - and let us know. One memorable show was when he had President Clinton on shortly after 9/11. The former president explained calmly and with great insight exactly what he felt had happened, and why. Dave took it all in and said something about Clinton being the president we needed now - and the audience applauded wildly. 
He obviously has great admiration for President Obama and the affection and admiration he has for Michelle is noticeable. And he has referred to Rachel Maddow as "the smartest person in the world," LOL. There was one night he had Donald Trump as a guest and I was ready to turn him off, until Dave took him on, made it very clear how he felt Trump was dead wrong. Dave always says he doesn't know much, that he's just a comedian, but he has more political savvy than he's ever been given credit for.
Here in the Northeast, we have great summers, too short for me, LOL, but such nice weather that we get a lot of tourists. When I was still in school, I worked summers at an amusement park, outside all the time. There were certainly oppressive days, but nothing like it is now. I don't know how people stand it now. And the winters are worse, as well. We've always had a few snow days, but this last winter was the worst I can remember, numerous days that I finally just accepted the fact that I was snowed in for the duration. And, unlike my grandmother's community in Western NC, we have plows, when they finally get to us. The last one this year was in April... 
Not many redeeming qualities here unfortunately.
