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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsDo you take your shoes off in other people's houses?
In another board I visit, every now and then this discussion starts.
One side says that it is "polite" and "good manners" to remove your shoes when visiting.
the other side (which includes me) finds taking your shoes off gross, disgusting and rude.
I've never, ever hear about taking shoes off anywhere else than that board. I've never,ever seen it.
I know that this is customary in Asian culture, and in Hawaii, but I'm talking about the western world.
I know this is not done in Latin America, and nowhere in the US that I have been, I've never met anyone who does it.
And this is not shown in movies or TV shows. I mean, characters would go into a home, remove their coats and then their shoes. I've never seen that.
I'm not talking about being barefoot in your own home, or in a relative or close friend's home. I'm talking about visits with acquaintances, like if your boss invited you to a dinner party, and then you'd walk in and remove your shoes
Does anyone her do that?
petronius
(26,608 posts)just in case...
arcane1
(38,613 posts)I take mine off immediately when I get home, but I don't ask or expect visitors to do that.
And when guests take their shoes off in my home, I do so as well.
Arkansas Granny
(31,537 posts)and I do the same. If they keep their shoes on, I will too, but if they shed theirs at the door, so do I. I even carry a pair of socks in my purse to slip on when I visit.
Wait Wut
(8,492 posts)She's Japanese. There's a sign as you enter asking you to remove your shoes with a notation that says, "Especially Mike" (my son).
PumpkinAle
(1,210 posts)and I have been asked by maybe two people in decades
uppityperson
(115,681 posts)party though. If they did, I would, but it is quite common in this part of the country. Visiting family in the flat lands, not so much but it depends on the time of year.
suffragette
(12,232 posts)I always check my socks before going to family gatherings since in some houses, shoes come off. Usually depends how far outside the city they live. Also whether they have carpet or hardwood flloors. hardwood only, they stay on. Otherwise, off.
There are usually doormats near the door or sometimes they all go in the covered porch. And as you note, it's about all the mud and gravel that cling to the shoes for the wet part of the year.
2theleft
(1,136 posts)with that said, if I was visiting someone who doesn't know that about me, I leave my shoes on if they do, if theirs come off, I am a happy person and do the same.
handmade34
(22,759 posts)or if seems appropriate ask the host if I should... I expect people to take their shoes off when in my house
MerryBlooms
(11,776 posts)I'm from the PNW and that's VERY common. I'm in NE IL now, it's less common, but still done. If you're a guest in someone's home, you should be all about courtesy.
pipi_k
(21,020 posts)It in their homes, then I do too
I hate wearing shoes anyway so it's no big deal
IrishEyes
(3,275 posts)The other people who lived there had a rule about no shoes on in the house. I had never worn shoes in my own house. I always take my shoes off immediately when I get home. I don't even think about it. If I'm visiting someone who is not in my family or a close friend, I just follow whatever the person I'm visiting does.
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)Last edited Tue Jun 24, 2014, 01:01 AM - Edit history (1)
As I said I've never (thankfully) been faced with that situation.
I'd die of embarrassment if I had to show my ugly feet!
And my mother, she's never without shoes, even at home. Her feet need the support, otherwise she'd be in pain
pipi_k
(21,020 posts)my feet are horrible ugly too. That's why I always wear socks...even in the summer.
But if you go to someone's house where they take off their shoes, you could bring a pair of slipper socks or something similar.
UTUSN
(70,772 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)Cairycat
(1,708 posts)So as not to track dirt in the house, which I understand. But I must say, it did seem somewhat rude to ask people to be in their stocking feet when it's the middle of an Iowa winter and the house is kept at 60 or so. The next time I visited her I brought my slippers.
Among the Bosnians who live around here, it's common to see lots of shoes on the porch.
But my feet are always cold and I need the support of shoes. If my friend of the first paragraph moved back here, I guess I'd look for some supportive slippers ....
3catwoman3
(24,085 posts)...northwest suburbs of Chicago. Almost everybody does it here, but it was new to me when we moved here. I grew up in western upstate NY. In our 20 years living here, I have learned to always ask if I am the first one in someone's door. If there is already a pile of shoes in the foyer, I just follow suit.
I do not ask people to do it in my house.
KamaAina
(78,249 posts)Unless the people involved are Hawai'i expats like me.
hunter
(38,339 posts)I'm a Barbarian. I can sleep in my boots, clothes, big jacket, on the hard ground, or in my car.
I only take my shoes off in true civilization.
OriginalGeek
(12,132 posts)MAYBE in a relative or close friend's home but specifically not the boss or a co-worker or some party at someone's house I only peripherally know.
When my son was in high school he'd sometimes have a friend over and they;d go to his room to play games and whatnot. We always knew when the friend took off his shoes - that boy's feet stank so bad it LITERALLY gagged us and made our eyes water. I'd have to go outside and smoke a cig just to get the stench out of my brain.
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)OriginalGeek
(12,132 posts)his feet stank on purpose and they used that to cover the smell of weed.
Which would piss me off to find they weren't sharing their weed with me.
lunamagica
(9,967 posts).
Still Blue in PDX
(1,999 posts)ailsagirl
(22,901 posts)Last edited Tue Jun 24, 2014, 03:12 AM - Edit history (2)
I felt like a gauche American when I first moved there and visited people-- I'd walk in and there'd be a tidy bunch of shoes next to the door. No one chided me but I felt embarrassed that I wasn't aware of this custom.
Just my experience.
2banon
(7,321 posts)It's not uncommon at all, frankly. At least here in California. In fact if I don't take off my shoes in a home where it's obvious that is the custom, (shoes on the front porch, at the front door/foyer etc.) I'd feel extremely uncomfortable. My daughter's home that is the custom, and they're caucasian.
Where do you live?
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)n
2banon
(7,321 posts)The diversity of our cultural customs within our own country. I was raised in the South for most of my childhood, (born in Atlanta) but for a brief time during High School I lived in Hawaii while my father was serving in Viet Nam. That experience was something of a "culture shock" as well as educational shock. (Public Schools were exceedingly more advanced in Hawaii as compared to the South at the time).
As a young adult I moved to California, and here I have remained ever since.
The custom of removing shoes here began quite a number of years ago, can't remember how long it's been. It isn't universal, but it is common, and is becoming even more so recently.
It serves a very practical purpose of cleanliness.
Apart from being filthy, shoes mar up the finish of wooden floors, and badly stains carpets requiring cleaning with chemicals that are harmful to the environment. Never ever had issues with "stinky" feet with anyone I know. Maybe it's the humidity in the southern climate that tends to cause that?
Godhumor
(6,437 posts)Populist_Prole
(5,364 posts)Makes me feel shorter and dumpy, sort of "down dressed". I ( mostly ) remove them in my own house if I'm the only one there, but never request any visitors to do so.
politicat
(9,808 posts)I follow my host's lead, but I really hate the shoes off custom. Being barefoot hurts me. (Post-tibial tendonitis and high, fragile arches. Shoes are my friend.)
I understand it -- shoes off keeps dirt, wet and grit mostly outside -- but it can be frustrating for people (like me) and in winter, when boots are semi-standard here.
Blue_In_AK
(46,436 posts)It's a necessity in the winter or your house would be a tracked-up mess. It just becomes a habit. I even wish I could make the dog take off her dirty little paws.
hedgehog
(36,286 posts)to realize it stops a lot of dirt at the door. I know my mother started insisting on it the last 10 years of her life (my Dad continues, mostly out of habit I think!)
I never picked up the habit - my poor husband is in and out all day when he's home, and it would drive him crazy. My soil is sandy loam over a layer of clay, so a lot of fine sand gets tracked into the house. As a result, I'm going to have to have myhardwood floors sanded and refinished. The original polyurethane is just about gone!
RadicalGeek
(344 posts)Many years ago, I went to a screening of Capitalism--A Love Story and the hostess for that mentioned it.
Also if I see a pile of shoes beside the door, or the other guests in socks, I'll remove mine.
clarice
(5,504 posts)kiva
(4,373 posts)where that was expected and I was warned about it ahead of time.
I've seen this topic pop up on an etiquette website and the threads always get locked - it's so strange, this is a community of people who joined to discuss etiquette and let the topic turn to shoes/no shoes and it gets nasty fast
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)into a flame war!
Really, I've never seen a discussion on politics or religion get as nasty as the shoes on, shoes of controversy
trof
(54,256 posts)You can't KEEP shoes on that gal.
Here at home, somebody else's home, anywhere.
If she's sitting down in a restaurant, I guarantee her shoes will be off under the table.
She'll put 'em on to go to the loo or whatever.
This lady HATES shoes.
I blame it on her Texas/Cajun upbringing.
When we lived up Nawth, folks with wall-to-wall seemed to de-shoe as did guests.
Of course Miz t. did, no matter what anybody else was doing.
Note: the oil from bare feet will soil carpets much worse than anything (outside of mud) that you might bring in shod.
Of course you wipe your feet good on the doormat, don't you?
WorseBeforeBetter
(11,441 posts)My stepsister and (now ex-) husband had a huge home with insanely expensive hardwood floors, and we weren't allowed to wear shoes, flip-flops or go barefoot. They actually handed out colorful socks to all of their guests!
3catwoman3
(24,085 posts)...remove their shoes, she also keeps a basket of slippers in assorted sizes in her entryway for people to put on so they will not mess up her carpeting with the above mentioned oils from the skin of bare feet.
Rhiannon12866
(206,470 posts)Unfortunately, I was wearing heels and stockings and my feet got cold. But apparently that's what was done, so I didn't rock the boat.
cali
(114,904 posts)I get it- particularly in mud season. I don't bother asking people to take their shoes off, but it is customary around here for folks to do so.
Demo_Chris
(6,234 posts)dr.strangelove
(4,851 posts)We live in a rural area and there is a great deal of dirt and mud about. I take off my shoes once I enter and ask everyone else to do so. If someone were to refuse, I would be surprised, but fine. No one ever has. I think its a little disusting and rude for someone to not take off their shoes in someone's home. If I lived in a city I might feel differently.
Chan790
(20,176 posts)mostly to prevent the tracking of mud, road-salt and sand into people's homes. I personally don't like it, but I accept it for what it is...up to the homeowner. My house...keep your shoes on please. My neighbor Constance...would likely shoot you if you wore your shoes onto her carpets or floors...she washes and vacuums them daily.
We also have something called mud-rooms; many or most houses are built with an unheated foyer with unfinished floors for the purpose of removing your shoes or at-least cleaning them off before you enter the house.
Zavulon
(5,639 posts)I'm actually more inclined to turn around and leave than take them off even if asked unless the host has no pets.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)I have a neighbor who always asks. When she comes to my house, I beg her to leave hers ON because I have teens and dogs and a spouse who tracks.
Nobody's floors are so precious they can't handle a little dirt. Now, when we go to Wisconsin in winter, they have drip pans for your shoes because we likely have wet shoes and someone could slip on a wet floor.
We had friend who put white carpet in their new house. They had a 4 year old AND a dog. So all guests had to remove shoes. Carpet IS FOR WALKING ON. They ended up with rugs and runners everywhere and what the hell was the point of white carpet?